


A Rogue's Band of Misfits

by LadyVelvetCPeterson



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2017-05-21
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:23:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 107
Words: 162,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6062011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyVelvetCPeterson/pseuds/LadyVelvetCPeterson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My Warden’s Diary of thoughts about the Blight and finding love. Zevran romance with Elissa. Extra characters added as I love the mods. I own nothing but the computer I write on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting Zevran

Dear Diary,  
Today was an eventful day. We were headed to Redcliff Castle and came upon a traveler begging for help. It seemed that bandits had accosted them. I sighed to myself, when she came up blubbering and found myself being dragged willy nilly by the hand to the site. I didn't particularly want to help or bring attention to myself as Loghain had put a bounty on all Grey Wardens. Alistair just snickered a bit under his breath, and followed as I was being pulled away.

Morrigan sneers, "If this woman can't protect herself she has no business traveling."

Leliana’s eyes flash as she holds her retort and just simply says, "We have to help them."

Suddenly the blubbering wretch drops my hand and runs into the circle of wagons. I hear something crack and tree is falling towards our group. The four of us scatter to dodge the falling tree and regroup to assess our attackers. The "traveler" was actually smirking at our stupidity as she worked her way to the back of the group of "bandits" and grabbed weapons.

We killed all of them except the leader. I dropped that little blond charlatan myself. I have to say although I have little like for killing. However, as it’s becoming an everyday occurrence since Ostagar and sometimes it has to be done. Honestly, I took a bit pleasure in shutting her up. As she kept going on about our stupidity following her into a trap and ranting about how they were going to kill us.

Alistair tied up the unconscious leader of the group. As we waited for him to regain consciousness, I assessed the assassin. A handsome elf, with striking tattoos, he is quite muscled but lithe. I've never seen him before in my life and, I wonder who this person is and why the hell he is trying to kill me.  
I remember his words, "The warden dies here!"

He is rather glib as he wakes and says, "I thought I would wake up dead or rather not wake up all as the case may be."

"That could be easily rectified," I retort quickly.

"Of that I have no doubt, you are quite skilled," he states.

"Since I am not dead, I assume you have questions? Let me save you some time then. My name is Zevran (Zev to my friends). I am a member of the Antivan Crows brought here for the sole purpose of killing any surviving Grey Wardens, which I have failed at, sadly."

"I am rather happy you failed," Alistair counters smiling.

"So would I be in your shoes. For me however, it sets a rather poor precedent doesn't it getting captured by a target seems a tad bit detrimental to one's budding assassin career," Zevran counters casually.

"Too bad for you," I reply smugly.

"Yes, it's true too bad for me," Zevran replies lightly.

"What are the Antivan Crows?" asks Alistair.

"I can answer that," Leliana replies, walking over to Alistair." They are an order of assassins out of Antiva. Very powerful and renown for always getting the job done…so to speak. Someone went to great expense to hire this man."

"Quite right, I'm surprised you never heard of the crows out here. Back where I come from we are rather infamous," Zevran points out.

"Not for being good assassins," I joke. Alistair snickers behind me.

"Oh fine, is that what you Fereldans do? Mock your prisoners? Ha...Such cruelty," says Zevran mock pouting.

"Does this mean you're loyal to Loghain?" I ask frowning.

"I have no idea what his issues are with you. The usual, I imagine. You threaten his power, yes? Beyond that, no I am not loyal to him. I was contracted to perform a service," Zevran states calmly.

"And now that you have failed that service?" Alistair inquires.

Zevran snickers," Well now that is between Loghain and the Crows. And the crows and myself."

"And between you and me," I state happily.

"Isn't that what we are establishing now?" Zevran asks.

"When were you to see him next?" I ask.

"I wasn't," Zevran replies, “If I had succeeded, I would return home and the crows would have informed your Loghain of the results…if he didn't already know. If I had failed, I would be dead… or should be at least as far as the Crows are concerned. No need to see Loghain then."

"If you had failed?" I look at him raising an eyebrow.

"What can I say, I am an eternal optimist," Zevran jokes. "Although the chances of succeeding at this point seem a bit slim don't they," He laughs, "No, I don't suppose you'd find that funny would you?"

(Wow both a blabbermouth and a charmer, how does that even work?)

Alistair looks at Zevran with astonishment and asks, "Why are you telling us this?"

"Why not? I wasn't paid for silence, although I never offered it for sale, precisely," Zevran glibly replies.

"How much were you paid?” I ask eyeing the restraints just in case.

"I wasn't paid anything, however the crows were paid quite handsomely or so I understand. Which does make me about as poor as a chantry mouse, come to think of it. Being an Antivan Crow isn't for the ambitious to be perfectly honest," he muses.

"Then why are you one?" I ask looking at him directly.

"Well, aside from a distinct lack of ambition. I suppose it's because I was never given much of choice. The crows bought me young. I was a bargain too, or so I'm led to believe," Zevran states very matter of fact. However, I notice a glimmer of sadness in his features, which almost instantly disappears."But don't let my sad story influence you," Zevran jests, "The crows aren't so bad. They keep one supplied with wine, women, or men, whatever you fancy. Although the whole severance package is garbage, let me tell you. If you were considering joining, I'd really think twice about it."

"I'll take that under advisement," I say dryly shaking my head.

"You seem like a bright girl. I'm sure you have other options," Zevran replies wryly.

"Aren't you a least loyal to your employers?" asks Morrigan as she crosses her arms, "It does seem incredibly stupid to bite the hand that feeds you."

"Loyalty is an interesting concept. If you wish and if you are done interrogating me, we can discuss it further," Zevran says humbly.

"I'm listening, make it quick," I demand.

"Well, here's the thing. I failed to kill you, so my life is forfeit. If you don't kill me, the crows will. Thing is, I like living," Zevran half-jokes.  
"And you are the sort to give the crows pause. So let me serve you, instead," He adds more seriously.

"Can I expect the same type of loyalty from you?" I counter.

"I happen to be a very loyal person," Zevran explains, "Up until the point where someone expects me to die for failing."  
"That's not really a fault is it?” He asks, "I mean unless you are the sort who would do the same thing. In which case I don't come really well recommended …..I suppose."

"And what is to stop you from finishing the job later?" Alistair asks.

"To be honest, I wasn't given much of a choice regarding joining the crows. They bought me on the slave market as a child. I think I paid my worth back to them, plus tenfold. The only way out, however, is to sign up with someone they can't touch," Zevran explains, "Even if I kill you now they might kill me just out of principle for failing the first time. Honestly, I'd rather take my chances with you." 

"Won't they come after you?" Leliana probes.

"Possibly," answers Zevran, "I happen to know their wily ways, however. I can protect myself and you….not that you need much help."  
"And if not ...It's not like I had many options to start with, is it?" he adds.

"You must think I'm royally stupid," I say hotly.

"I think your royally tough to kill, and utterly gorgeous," Zevran quips.

Everyone just looks at him blankly for a moment.

"Not that I think you will respond to simple flattery," he adds earnestly."But there are worse things in life than serving the whims of a deadly sex goddess," He smirks.

(I blush angrily "Did he just seriously say…the nerve!")

Pulling myself together and cursing my blush, I ask angrily, "What would you want in return?"

"Well… let's see. Being allowed to live would be nice, and make me marginally more useful to you," He jests. "And somewhere down the line should you no longer have need of me, I go on my way. Until then, I'm yours. Is that fair?" He says imploring with his eyes.

"Why would she want your service?" Alistair smirks kicking a stone at Zevran.

Zevran replies, "Because I am skilled at many things from fighting to stealth to picking locks, I could also warn you should the Antivan crows try something more …sophisticated, now that my attempts have failed. I could also stand around and look pretty if you prefer. Warm your bed, he adds licentiously dropping his voice; fend off unwanted suitors, no?"

Ignoring my damn returning blush I reply smartly, "Is this before or after, you stab me in the back?"

Zevran smiles wickedly, "tsk, tsk… these things you say….they must drive the men wild back home."

"So what shall it be?" He asks briskly, "I'll even shine armor. You won't find a better deal I promise."

"Very well, I accept your offer," I say thinking; although the man is bit of menace he may be useful.

Alistair is incredulous. "What? Are you serious about bringing the assassin with us?"

"He will be useful," I offer.

"You're probably right, but if there was a sign that we are desperate I think it just knocked on the door and said hello," He says dryly.

"A fine plan but I would watch my food and drink more carefully from now on," Morrigan cautions.

Zev replies cheekily, "That's good advice for anyone."

Leliana quiet for most of the conversation declares, "Welcome Zevran, I think having an Antivan crow along is a great idea."

Zevran grins at her roguishly. "Oh you're another companion to be then, I wasn't aware that such loveliness existed amongst adventurers, surely."

Leliana's face twists in disgust, "Or maybe not."

I lean over cutting Zevran's ties and offering him my hand to stand up.

He proclaims. "I hereby pledge my oath of loyalty to you until such a time as you chose to release me from it. I am your man without reservation. This I swear."

After hearing his oath, I really think he might honestly mean it. I thought this was rather strange after all the innuendo and joking from Zevran. Perhaps there is more to him than meets the eye. Although, I still expect him to try to kill us or run from us ….I guess we will just have to see what he decides to do.  
 


	2. Sleeping Arrangements

Dear Diary,  
Amazingly enough Zevran hasn't tried to kill us again. I offered to share my tent as long as he didn't mind sharing with me and the dog. At least until we get to another place to buy a tent. I know my faithful Wrex wouldn't let anything happen to me.

However, as soon as I offer Alistair blushes and stammers, "It wouldn't be appropriate Zevran can bunk with me."

I snicker looking at his red face, "Aww, you worried about Zev warming my bed?" Gosh, I love making that man blush and it's so damn easy.

Zev snickers at Alistair’s obvious embarrassment. Leliana giggles and looks at Alistair expectantly. I see Morrigan smiling evilly. I looked over at Sten and his face is passive but even he has a twinkle in his eye.

"Well, excuse me for being gentleman!" Alistair states hotly.

"Alright then," I replied cheekily "and you can have the dog sleep with you to protect you from Zev."

"All the smell will be in one place then," Wynne wryly adds.

Everyone starts to laugh, even Morrigan actually titters and Sten cracks a smile. The first from him I'd ever seen. I would really like to see that Qunari smile more.


	3. Bad Cooking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair's terrible cooking is causing a bit of revolt....and causing a bit of bonding moment between Alistair and Morrigan

Dear Diary,  
10 days and no assassination attempts from Zev, I truly do hope he meant his oath. I would say I'm slightly skeptical. However, Alistair and Morrigan are almost hateful in their skepticism. It was interesting to observe a bonding moment between these 2 brought about by their dislike of Zevran.

It was Alistair's turn to cook tonight (not that anyone wanted to eat it his cooking). Blessed Andraste, the sacrifices we make.

"Alistair," Leliana asks "what was the stew you made the other night? I couldn't quite place it."

"It's a traditional Ferelden lamb and pea stew," answers Alistair.

"I've never associated that taste or texture with lamb," Leliana dryly replies.

"Oh, that must be because the last time you had lamb it was cooked Orlesian style. Food shouldn't be silly and pretentious. Here in Ferelden we cook things differently," Alistair explains, "We do things right. We take our ingredients, throw everything into the largest pot we can find and cook it as long as possible until everything is a uniform grey color. As soon as it looks completely bland and unappetizing, that's when I know it's done."

"You're having me on," jokes Leliana.

"You need to eat in more Ferelden inns," laughs Alistair.

After hearing this Zevran pipes up, "I can cook." He obviously decided he did not want to be subjected to Alistair's cooking again (Not that any of us would have blamed him).

Alistair jumps in alarm. "ABSOLUTELEY NOT!" he states.  
"For once I and the Dim-witted one agree," Morrigan adds wryly crossing her arms.

Morrigan and Alistair exchange glances with an understanding.

"Why not?" I ask the two.

"Well," Alistair says condescendingly," It's not like he hasn't tried to kill us."

"He could easily poison the food," notes Morrigan.

"We trust him to have our backs and he hasn't stabbed us yet," I counter.

"Tis true," concedes Morrigan, "however I don't wish to push my luck just yet."

"I won't eat anything he cooks," Alistair adds stubbornly.

"Very well, however at some point I wouldn't mind trying some Antivan cuisine," I relent, "it has be better than whatever Alistair cooks."

"Perhaps Morrigan should do more cooking," throws in Leliana, "Her cooking is tastier than Alistair's."

"Hey….it isn't that bad is it," whines Alistair. 

We all just stop. Leliana looks at him with a raised eyebrow. Morrigan is rolling her eyes. Zevran mimes praying and I'm sure my expression is conveying the "are you kidding me" vibe.

"Okay," Alistair sighs.

Sten has been silent. However, He nods and says, "That would be preferable."

"Sten are you saying you like Morrigan's cooking?" I ask. I'm suddenly very curious as the big guy never says much.

"She makes these little things crumbly like cake but smaller," He says stoically.

"Cookies?" I inquire.

"Yes, we have no such thing our lands, this should be rectified," Sten answers and turns toward his tent.

"Andraste's Flaming Ass!" I mouth to Leliana as she giggles.

"Sten, I would have never thought you had a sweet tooth but I'll see what I can do," I offer.

"My thanks," replies Sten as he enters his tent.

"He's a softie," giggles Leliana.

"I wouldn't say that to his face," cautions Alistair.

"I'll take that under advisement," Leliana titters.

"So we are decided then?" I ask, "Morrigan will take over Alistair's cooking duties and Alistair will get the wood for Morrigan's fire." I add this because I know Morrigan likes her own fire and tent away from the rest of us. Alistair and Morrigan glance at each other uneasily.

Finally, Alistair concedes, "Yes, I will get the crazy witch's firewood, so long as I don't have to cook." 

"I don't mind cooking for the drooling dimwit, so long as, I don't have to take time to get firewood and I'll make cookies," she smiles tentatively.

I think that is progress but only time will tell.


	4. Alistair's Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair tells the truth about his linage.

Dear Diary,  
It's been a crazy few days. We made it to Redcliff. Just as we were approaching it Alistair asked to speak with me. He had a confession to make.  
"I need to tell you something…" he states awkwardly, "I …um…probably should have told you earlier."

"I'm not going to like this am I?" I ask guardedly.

"I don't know. I doubt it. I never liked it…that's for sure," Alistair answers.

"Well let's see. How do I tell you this? We're almost at Redcliff. Did I say how I know the Arl Eamon exactly?" he flounders.

"I think you said he raised you. What of it?" I reply.

"I'm a bastard," he quickly states “my mother was a serving girl at Redcliff Castle and she died when I was born. Arl Eamon took me in and raised me before I was sent to the chantry. The reason he did that," Alistair continues, "was because….well because my father was King Maric…which made Cailan my half-brother…I suppose."

"What you don't think you might have told me this before?" I ask incredulously.

Alistair sighs, "How? When would I say that? Oh by the way, King Maric had sex with servant and she produced a bastard son, that's me." He steps back awkwardly. "I would have told you…but it never really meant anything to me. I was inconvenient, a possible threat to Cailan's rule and so they kept me a secret. I've never talked about it to anyone," Alistair explains, "Everyone who knew either resented me for it or coddled me….even Duncan kept me out of the fighting because of it. I didn't want you to know for as long as possible. I'm sorry."

"So you're not just a bastard but a royal bastard," I quip.

Alistair chuckles, "I may have to try that line."

"I think I understand," I add more seriously.

Alistair sighs with relief, "Good, I'm glad it's not like I got special treatment for it anyhow. The Arl eventually married a young woman from Orlais, despite all the problems it caused with the King so soon after the war. He loved her a great deal. Anyway the new Arlessa resented the rumors that pegged me as the Arl's bastard. They weren't true, but they existed. The Arl didn't care but she did. So off I was packed to the nearest monastery at age 10. Just as well, the Arlessa made sure the castle wasn't home to me by that point. She despised me."

"Did she know the truth about you?" I ask.

"She may have, but I figured she feared the rumors might be true. I can't blame her for that. I remember I had an amulet with Andraste's holy symbol on it. The only thing I had of my mother's. I was furious at being sent away. I tore it off and threw it at the wall and it shattered. Stupid, stupid thing to do" he said shaking his head, "the Arl came to the monastery a few times to see how I was, but I was stubborn. I hated it there and blamed him for everything…and eventually he just stopped coming," He says sadly.

"So why keep it a secret now?" I asked.

"My blood has never been important to me. I've spent my whole life trying to forget about it and being told I would never sit on the throne." Alistair explains, "And that's fine by me. If there is an heir to be found, it's Arl Eamon himself. He's not of royal blood but he is Cailan's uncle and more importantly, very popular with the people. Though if he is really as sick as we've heard…..I don't want to think about that…I really don't. So there you have it. Now can we move on and I'll just pretend you still think I'm some…..nobody who was too lucky to die with the rest of the grey wardens." Alistair pleads.

"As you command … my prince," I tease.

Alistair looks at me in horror, "oh lovely, I'm going to regret this …somehow I just know it."

Turns out as we drew closer to Redcliff, they were really having problems of their own. A panicked villager told us about creatures attacking from the castle. We set out to meet with Bann Teagan.The Bann is a delightful person concentrating on protecting the village. I remember him from his visits to Highever. He appeals to us to help him in this endeavor. I had to say yes much to the dismay of Morrigan and Zevran. Smooth flirtatious man too. Maybe under different circumstances ...but I digress.

We get the village as ready as we can: finding oil in the store, Getting the bar owner to help out, rooting out the sneaky elf sent by Loghain to spy on the castle. I think I scare him. I promised the blacksmith we would look for his daughter as soon as we got into the castle, cajoled the dwarf into helping out with battle and persuading the revered mother to offer amulets to the Redcliff Knights. In addition we help Kaitlyn find her brother and buy a nice sword for Alistair to use. That helps them and us at the same time to the chagrin of Morrigan who thinks I paid too much for it. On top of that I got Bella to give away ale at the tavern to boost the militia's moral. We are as ready as we can be for the coming battle. A battle that no one could even explain what it was attacking them. So strange…

As sundown comes the creatures start marching from the castle. It is a fearsome sight. They appear to be undead and their numbers are just staggering. As they came down into the village the oil sets them on fire and they just keep coming. Just as we cut the last one down….a messenger appears from the village tell us they were also attacking from the docks. We race down to the village. I try to get to Lloyd in time but I was too late the barkeep was taken down. It’s my fault for forcing him to fight. However I have to say the militia themselves are holding their own pretty well. We worked together to prevent any more deaths to the town. Finally we cut down all the undead and burn them in a pyre. Sunrise finally comes and Bann Teagan insists on celebrating the victory before I can even suggest we talk about getting into the Castle. When I finally do suggest it, Teagan deflects.

“I know you want to see what is going on as much as I do,” He says with smile, “but everyone is tired and been awake for days now. Lady Cousland, when was the last time you slept?” He asks concerned.

I sigh, “3 days. Bann Teagan I’m no longer Lady Cousland…I’m just a warden we have to drop titles. Just call me Elly.”

He smiles understanding, “I heard what happened at Highever, I’m just thankful that someone survived. You all need to rest. We will make room for you at the chantry.”

“My thanks, Bann Teagan,” I say graciously, “but that won’t be necessary as I have sent the others set up camp. The chantry is crowded enough right now without us adding to it.”

“Very well,” He says agreeably, “Meet me tomorrow morning at the windmill and we discuss our strategy for getting into the castle. And Elly," he adds turning to smile at me as he walks away, " you can just call me Teagan.”


	5. Back at Camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morrigan has a hissy fit. Zevran and Elly have their first in depth conversation.

Dear Diary,  
We no sooner make it back to camp when Morrigan starts on me about my helpful nature.  
"Are you going to give away all our coin?" she asks haughtily referring to my helping Kaitlyn and Bevin.

Zevran looks at me sideways.

"For your information, I used my personal coin to help Kaitlyn and Bevin. You will find that our party coin is untouched," I tell her.

She presses her lips together and walks away.

"So," Zevran begins as soon as Morrigan is out of earshot, "you were quite flirtatious with the Bann."

"Why Zev," I tease "are you jealous?"

"Not at all," he says flashing his wicked smile, "I enjoyed watching you flirt. You are quite proficient at it."

"Oooo high praise from the master flirt," I quip.

"Well of course, as I am the master flirt," he returns saucily.

"I wish to ask you serious question my dear warden," He adds.

"Oh ask away …I will answer," I replied cheekily.

"You help out every person who crosses our path…I've seen you turn no one away even the lowest peasant. You take me in, a person who tried to end you. This is unheard of where I am from and I'm curious as to why you do this?" He says with an almost childlike wonder.

"Well Zev," I begin, "I am actually from a noble family….but my family was different than most nobles. We care about our people and do our best to make them happy and keep them safe. We were careful stewards of what had been given us and took care of our people so we could all make our lands a better place together. I guess I bring that philosophy to whatever I need to do. People have faults and they make mistakes. Not to say we don't play the game because all nobles do. I was taught however to treat our vassals with respect and consideration. My father would expect nothing less of me. I will give my family that respect. It's the least I can do."

"So you use your personal coin to help the needy and take in assassins who were paid to kill you," Zev says smiling.

"I notice my dear warden that you speak of your family in the past tense….I hope I'm not opening old wounds but why?" he asks cautiously.

I walk over to the camp kitchen area and pour a flagon of ale…offering Zev one as well. He nods in acquiescence. We settle in front of the fire. "I suppose I can tell you it's not like it's a big secret," I say slowly taking a big draught of the ale. "I didn't plan on becoming a grey warden it was forced upon me," I start. Zev takes a sip of his ale leaning forward in interest. "Arl Rendon Howe had come to march with my father to Ostagar. However his forces were delayed and many of our soldiers left with my brother that evening. I was to stay at the castle and keep things running smoothly while seeing to our guest Duncan of the Grey Wardens. "

"You were to oversee the entire castle and the lands" …Zev remarks astonished.

"Yes, my father thought it would prepare me for running a castle of my own someday. They were trying to find a suitor for me that I wouldn't scare off with my daggers," I joke.

"Well I wouldn't be put off by that at all, if anything it makes you more enticing," flirts Zevran.

I snicker, "those stuffy nobles don't think that way Zev."

"Continue please," Zev says interestedly.

I nod and continue. "My mother had her friend Lady Landra visit for a few days and her son Dairren. She was planning on leaving to visit with the Lady thinking her presence might undermined me at the castle as father wanted me to be left in charge. Mother and Lady Landra were constantly trying to get Dairren and I to marry. We enjoyed each other's company but were not ready to think about marriage yet. That however didn't keep us from getting to know each other better."

"Oh so you do have a sordid past," teases Zevran.

"Perhaps not as sordid as you think Zev but that story is for another time," I reply blushing slightly.

"The family said our goodbyes to my brother Fergus and Father sent me to bed. Of course my older brother teased me about being sent to bed," I joke dreamily remembering."I remember teasing him back telling him I didn't mind as I would have company," I chuckle at the memory, "Then, Fergus went all big brother on me, telling me that the guy better be worth my time or he would have words with him."

Zev smiles at that and pours me some more ale.

"I was woke up by Wrex's angry barking and growling. I heard someone scream. Looking out the door I saw Howe's men trying to get into mother's room. I quickly put on my leathers and grabbed my daggers. Wrex and I killed those men. Then mother came out dressed in her leathers we scavenged a sword and shield for her and went to check on Oriana and little Oren (my sister-in-law and nephew), both were dead already, killed by Howe's men. They had killed Lady Landra and Dairren as well," I add sadly."Mother insisted we go to the vault and get the Cousland family blade we fought our way to vault getting the family sword and went to find father. We found Ser Gilmore first he had the sense to close the gates once he realized what was going on and pointed us in the direction of father. He held the gates to enable us to escape…"

I wonder where he is now or if he made it out," I muse. "Mother and I finally found father by the secret exit in the kitchen. Father, he was badly wounded. He feared he would not survive our escape and would only slow us down…" tears started slipping from my eyes but I take no notice of them and continue, "… Duncan came in and offered to help Mother and I escape but only if I became a grey warden. My father hadn't wanted me to join the wardens before but spoke highly of them so he agreed to the request to save mother and I."

Zev is looking at me with a bit of astonishment as he sets down his flagon.

"Mother decided to stay with father and give us more time to escape knowing she would be killed…she always said her place was with father," I finish slowly trying not to sob.

Zev didn't say a word …he moves to sit closer and wraps an arm around me wiping my tears with the other as they fall down my face. We stay like that for some time until I regained my composure.

"I'm sorry," I apologize feeling a bit embarrassed, "I didn't think that I would get so emotional. I haven't spoken about what happen to anyone except in the broadest of terms."

"My dear warden," Zev offers, "with what you went through so recently, I would be concerned if you didn't get emotional. Another flagon then?"

"Maker yes," I answer relieved.

We drink until it was late….until we are drunk … Zev listening and chuckling as I tell funny childhood stories and adding a few of his own.


	6. The Windmill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting Teagan and Isolde at the windmill.

Dear Diary,  
This morning we head to the windmill to meet Bann Teagan as promised. Zev hasn’t mentioned anything about my breakdown last night. I think he wants to keep that between the two of us.Teagan is waiting for us at the windmill and informs us that there is a secret way into the castle using his signet ring. He is thinking we should all take that route together.Then the Arlessa comes walking up to us as if nothing odd has happened. She demands that Teagan go with her to the castle. I remember the Arlessa. She didn't recognize me at first; her distain for Alistair is quite obvious. Quite frankly I dislike the woman immediately (last I had met her I was a child and didn't take much notice of her but the fact she was Orlesian)…in her annoying shrill voice she demands again Teagan go with her alone without offering explanation. I make it clear that I don’t trust it and we need more explanation.

"Who is this woman, Teagan?" she asks haughtily.

"This is Lady Cousland and you remember Alistair, they are both grey wardens and without their help I would not be standing here," Teagan explains patiently.

"Pardon me, I would exchange pleasantries but …considering the circumstances," Isolde replies meekly realizing she does not have the upper hand here.

"Please Lady Isolde…we had no idea anyone was even alive within the castle. We must have some answers," pleads Alistair.

"I know you need more of an explanation …but I don't know what is safe to tell" replies Isolde looking at Teagan, "Teagan there is a terrible evil within the castle. The dead waken and hunt the living. The mage responsible was caught but it still continues….and I think Connor is going mad. We have survived but he will not flee the castle. He as seem so much death. You must help him Teagan. You are his Uncle you could reason with him. I do not know what else to do," she whines.

"Is the Arl still alive?" I ask.

"He is. He is being kept alive so far, thank the maker," replies Isolde.

"Kept alive, kept alive by what?" questions Teagan.

"Something the mage unleashed. So far it allows Eamon, Connor and myself to live," Isolde answers softly."The others were not quite so fortunate," she continues, "it's killed so many, and turned their bodies into walking nightmares. Once it was done with the castle, it struck the village. It wants us to live, but I do not know why. It allowed me to come for you Teagan because I begged, because I said Conner needed help."

Do you think this evil could be some kind of "demon?" I question.

"I...I do not know," stutters Isolde," Makers mercy! Could it truly be a demon?"

She knows more but isn’t telling.

"I can't let it hurt my Connor," she screeches, "You must come back with me. Teagan Please!"

"What about this mage you mentioned?" Morrigan asks.

Isolde calms herself, "he is an infiltrator…I think ...one of the castle staff. We discovered he was poisoning my husband. That is why the Arl fell ill."

Now I know she is leaving something out…but what? A lady of the castle should know who everyone is in the service of the castle interior.

"Eamon was poisoned?" Teagan asks astonished.

"He claims an agent of Teyrn Loghain hired him. He may be lying, However, I cannot say," Isolde says dryly.

"So why must Teagan go alone?" I ask.

"For Connor's sake," says Isolde in her bleating tone," I promised I would return quickly and only with Teagan."

Teagan steps back from Isolde his face a mixture of concern and distrust.

"Teagan," she continues whining, "I know you can order your men to follow me, when I return to the castle. I beg you not to, for Connor's sake."

"Why do I get the feeling you are not telling us everything?" I ask pointedly.The look I get from her is daggers but she knows, I know. I'm just getting it out into the open I will not put the Bann and the rest of the group at risk not knowing.

"I ...I beg your pardon. That's a rather impertinent accusation," Isolde huffs.

"Not if it's true," I counter, "be honest Lady Isolde I know and you know that you know every person that works under you down to the lowest chamber maid as a lady of the castle should."

"An evil I cannot fathom holds my son and husband hostage! I came for help!" She screeches shrilly, "what more do you want from me?"

"The entire truth would be nice for starters," I reply. Teagan nods in agreement.

"Teagan, I do not have much time! What if it thinks I am betraying it? It could kill Conner! Please come back with me….must I beg?" She cries.

Teagan looks at Isolde then me and says, "Tell me about the Mage…the Arl didn't have a mage in his employ when I left for Rainesfere."

Isolde sighs knowing it isn’t a battle she is going to win. "Connor started showing signs of being a mage. I found an apostate to train Conner in secret to hide his abilities in secret. Eamon had no idea. He would have done the right thing and sent Connor to the circle I couldn't allow that to happen," she pleads.  
"I didn't know the mage was hired by Loghain to poison Eamon. Please help Conner," she begs.

I understand mages cannot hold titles or lands and Eamon would have no heir or have to name someone else. Not that I agree with what she did but I do understand it. She is still a bleating sheep playing at the game.

"The king is dead, and we need my brother now more than ever. I will return to the castle with you Isolde," Teagan decides.

"Oh thank the Maker…bless you Teagan, bless you," Isolde babbles with relief.

"This is a mistake it could get you killed," I warn Teagan. Aside from the fact I like this reasonable man, I wouldn't want to see his pretty face a corpse.

"I cannot let Isolde return alone. Perhaps I can help Conner or Eamon. Perhaps this is really a trap, but this is my family I must try. I have no illusions about dealing with this evil alone. You, on the other hand have proved quite formidable," Teagan says smiling.

For a moment I think about my family, "I understand."

"Isolde, can you excuse us for a moment? We must confer in private before I return to the castle with you," Teagan politely requests.

"Please to not take too long. I will be by the bridge," replies Isolde before walking off.

Teagan turns to me, "here's what I propose, I go in with Isolde and you enter the castle using the secret passage. My signet ring unlocks the door. Perhaps I will distract whatever evil is inside and increase your chances of getting unnoticed. What do you say?"

"And what exactly am I supposed to do in there?" I question.

"I wish I knew. I don't know any more about this "evil force" than Isolde seems too," Teagan replies wryly."I don't think we can afford to strip the village of the few defenders it has left, just in case," he adds, "Here is my signet ring it will open the lock on the door in the mill. Whatever you do Eamon is the priority here. If you need to just get him out of there. Isolde, me, and anyone else… we're expendable," explains Teagan.

I don't believe the Bann is expendable and I hate the idea of leaving a child for dead…Isolde not so much."I don't believe that. I will get you all out," I say softly thinking of my mother's sacrifice for me.

"You are brave, as well as beautiful it seems. The Maker smiled on me indeed, when he sent you to Redcliff. If only this had been…" Teagan trails off.

"So we are just going to send him with that woman. It seems so dangerous," states Leliana.

"But I can delay no longer …allow me to bid you farewell …and good luck," says Teagan.

This man has such honor for his family… I did something without thinking for once."Teagan wait!" I call out. Teagan stops and turns around as I walk toward him. I wrap my arms around him pulling him into a hug and standing on tiptoe I plant a kiss right on his lips. He is startled for a mere moment and kisses me returning the hug. I pull away. "For luck," I say breathlessly smiling. He smiles at me and nods. 

The rest of group is stunned into silence. For the most part, Alistair turns an amazing shade of red, Zev is grinning from ear to ear. I think Leliana just mouthed the word "wow." Morrigan looks just slightly surprised and disgusted. I didn't know such a look was even possible. I smirk at her even as I blush.  
Not wanting to make big deal about it, I turn on my heel and say, "let's head to the mill."


	7. Redcliffe Castle

Dear Diary,  
We enter the castles lower levels easily enough and run into the Mage, Isolde mentioned. His name is Jowan and he is blood mage. He readily admits this to us.  
"Why did you poison the Arl?" I ask.

"I was told that Arl Eamon was a threat to Ferelden. That if I took dealt with him Loghain would settle matters with the circle. I thought this was the chance to redeem myself," Jowan answers honestly.

I look at Alistair, Zev and Morrigan, "Another poor sap taken in by Loghain's lies," I sigh.

"You a blood mage? Truly? I would have never guessed," says Morrigan in amazement.

"I just wanted to leave the circle and marry the woman I loved," replies Jowan, "they would have never agreed to let us be together. But I made a mess of things and now the Arl is sick and everything is out of control and Loghain just left me here to rot. I never meant for it to end like this," continues Jowan, "I swear. Let me help you fix this."

"I say this boy can still be of use to us. But if not let him go, why keep him prisoner here?" Morrigan offers.

"Hey, hey let's not forget he's a blood mage. You can't just set a blood mage free!" exclaims Alistair.

"Better to slay him? Better to punish him for his choices? Is this Alistair who speaks or the Templar?" retorts Morrigan.

"I'd say its common sense," replies Alistair, "we don't even know the whole story yet."

"He wishes to redeem himself…doesn't everyone deserve that chance?" asks Leliana.

"Like yourself you mean?" snorts Morrigan.

"Everyone deserves to redeem themselves in the Maker's eyes. This man no less than any," Leliana replies patiently.

"I don't know," answers Alistair" but these are strange circumstances."

"Give me chance. Please," pleads Jowan.

"Are you responsible for the creatures and killings in the castle and the attacks on the village?" I ask.

"No, I poisoned Arl Eamon but that is all I did. I know it looks suspicious but I'm not responsible for the creatures and killings in the castle I was already imprisoned when that began. I knew nothing about what was going on until the Arlessa showed up demanding I undo what I had done. I thought she meant the poisoning of the Arl. That's the first I heard of the walking corpses. She thought I summoned a demon to torture her family and destroy Redcliff. She had me tortured…There was nothing I could say or do to appease her so they left me to rot," Jowan answers.

"Why would Lady Isolde hire an apostate?" I ask (I know the answer I'm just checking to be sure Jowan is being truthful with us).

"Connor had started showing signs…Lady Isolde was terrified that the circle would take him away for training," Jowan answers.

"Connor, a mage? I can't believe it," Alistair interrupts.

Well played, Alistair, I think (I need to thank him later).

"She sought an apostate…a mage outside the circle, to teach her son in secret, so he could learn to hide his talent. Her husband had no idea," continues Jowan.  
"Perhaps her son is responsible then," I offer.

"I thought that too," Jowan replied, "Connor has little knowledge of magic but he might have done something to tear open the veil. With the veil to the fade torn, spirits and demons could infiltrate the castle; powerful ones could kill and create those walking corpses."

"Why would Isolde be frightened of her son's being a mage?" Morrigan asks curiously.

I had forgotten Morrigan probably wouldn't know such things. 

"Because he would be taken away forever," Jowan replies, "a mage cannot hold a title even the son of a powerful Arl. She's also a pious woman…her son having magic was …humiliating."

"Typical chantry rubbish," sneers Morrigan.

"And the Arl had no idea of his son's abilities?" Alistair queries.

"No," answers Jowan, "She was adamant, he never find out. She said he'd do the right thing even if it meant losing their son and that infuriated her."

"How much magic did you teach him?" I question.

"Some," admits Jowan, "but he is still very young he can barely cast a minor spell, never mind something more powerful...at least not intentionally. Like I said he may have torn the veil accidently. If he is involved in this at all…I really don't know."

"So how would you make things right?" I ask.

"I would try to save anyone who still out there. There must be something I can do," pleads Jowan.

"Isn't it a little late for that," Alistair remarks.

"I can't undo what I did," says Jowan, "but it doesn't mean I shouldn't try."

"And after that what happens?" I ask.

"Afterwards I assume I will be arrested or executed or whatever people like me get." Jowan replies matter of factly, "I'm tired of running from the circle. I need to account for what I've done."

"That's commendable if it's true," I say softly.

"I'm glad you think so," says Jowan, "so what now?"

"I'll unlock the cage. However, I think you should stay put for the moment. It's safe here. We may need to call on you later be ready," I offer. I don't think he will run as he's made it clear but one last test to see if he does. I realize I'm taking a huge risk here. However I for some reason I trust what Jowan says. We leave Jowan and make our way to the upper levels. I find the smith's daughter and tell her about the passage. She's frightened but I told her the path was clear and to run to the village. We continue on there are a slew of demons and undead in the courtyard and it takes a good while to dispatch all of them. I open the gate the let the Redcliff Knights in and together we enter the castle. When we enter the main hall we find Teagan dancing around to the amusement of Connor. It's obvious he is not in control of himself the sight of it sickens me.

Connor speaks but his voice is not the one of a child, "So these are our visitors? The ones you told me about, Mother?" 

"Yes Connor," Isolde says sadly.

"And this is the one who defeated my soldiers? The ones I sent to reclaim my village?" asks Connor. His voice is just damn creepy I decide.

"Yes," answers Isolde.

"And now it's staring at me. What is it mother? I can't see it well enough," says Connor.

"This is a woman Connor. Just as I am," Isolde replies.

"You lie!" spits Connor, "this woman is nothing like you. Why just look at her, half your age and pretty too. I'm surprised you don't order her executed in a fit of jealousy!"

"Connor I beg please don't hurt anyone," pleads Isolde.

Then his voice changes "M-mother. What's happening? Where am I?"

"Oh thank the Maker," Isolde sighs in relief, "Connor, Connor can you hear me?"

"Get away from me fool woman!" Connor yells (the crazy voice is back), "You are beginning to bore me."

"Makers breathe! What has happened here?" exclaims Ser Perth, in confusion.

I think I understand what is going on here and quickly formulate my thoughts.

"Grey warden," Isolde begs, "don't hurt my son he's not responsible for what he does."

"So he is the evil force you spoke of," I reply confirming my suspicions.

"Don't say that!" Isolde cries, "Connor didn't mean to do this it was that mage, the one who poisoned Eamon. He started all this. He summoned the demon. Connor was just trying to help his father."

"It was a fair deal," Connor announces, "Father is alive. Just as I wanted, now it is my turn to sit on the throne and send out armies to conquer the world. Nobody tells me what to do anymore."

Yea, he made a deal with a demon. I school my face and cover my astonishment at the age of such a child to do such a thing. Maker, he just a bit older than Oren.

"Nobody tells him what to do…nobody," yells crazy Teagan.

"Quiet uncle!" demands Connor, "I warned you what would happen if you kept shouting didn't I. Yes I did."

"But let's keep things civil;" he says in a lower tone, "this woman will have the audience she seeks. Tell me woman …what have you come here for?"

"I came here to help if I could," I answer the abomination.

"To help me? To help father? To help yourself? Which?" Connor asks.

"To help the Arl of course," I reply.

"So you're a concerned well-wisher. Why didn't you say that in the first place? All this sneaking around and killing is unnecessary. But father is so very ill we really shouldn't disturb him isn't that right mother?" Connor rants.

"I…don't think…" Isolde begins.

"Of course you don't!" Connor interrupts, "ever since you sent the knights away you do nothing but deprive me of my fun. Frankly it's getting dull. I crave excitement! And action! This woman spoiled my sport by saving that stupid village, and now she'll repay me." As Connor runs off the solders left in the castle start attacking our party and the knights. I go for Teagan hoping to knock him unconscious before he gets himself skewered. After I knock him out we dispatch the rest of the soldiers trying not to kill anyone. However as with all battles some died.

"Teagan," Isolde runs to him he has regain consciousness and Isolde helps him to his feet, "Teagan are you alright?"

"I am better now I think…"Teagan says, "My mind is my own again."

"Blessed Andraste," Isolde breathes again, "I would have never forgiven myself if you had died. Not after I brought you here, what a fool I am. I am thankful that Lady Cousland thought to knock you unconscious."

Teagan looks at me thoughtfully.

"Please! Connor is not responsible for this there must be a way to save him," pleads Isolde.

"You knew about this all along," I accuse.

"Connor is no longer a child…he is an abomination," Jowan says sadly.

"You, you did this to Conner!" screams Isolde.

"I didn't summon any demon. I told you please if you'll let me help…" pleads Jowan.

"Help!" Isolde screams again "you betrayed me I brought you in to help my son and in return you poison my husband!"

"This is the mage you spoke of? Didn't you say he was in the dungeon?" asks Teagan.

"He was … I assumed the creatures had killed him by now. Someone must have set him free," Isolde spits.

"That's right and I stand by my decision. Teagan you don't know whole story. We should speak in private," I reply.

Isolde glares at me.

"I know what you must think of me my lady. I took advantage of your fear. I am sorry…I never knew it would come to this…"Jowan says humbly.

Teagan gestures to a side room and Jowan and I follow him. "Teagan" I begin quickly explaining what I had put together, "I think you should know that Loghain took advantage of Jowan's fear of the circle. He also promised to make things right for him with the circle if he took care of the Arl for him. He also made it clear to Jowan that the Arl was a danger to Ferelden. Jowan thought he was doing something for the good of Ferelden thanks to Loghain's lies. Loghain also somehow knew that Isolde was looking for an apostate mage. He took advantage of her fear as well. I do believe that Jowan did what he thought was best and he is truly sorry for poisoning the Arl. He set things in motion by poisoning the Arl causing a young child to make a deal with a demon to save his father. He wants to make it right and I think we should let him try. Loghain also stationed an elf in the village to oversee that the job was done. I took care of the elf already."

Teagan and Jowan both look shocked.

Teagan takes a moment to digest this and says to Jowan, "If you truly want to help I will not turn your help away. If Connor is truly an abomination I would want a mage here to help. This does not mean there will not be consequences for poisoning the Arl but that can wait until the immediate danger is past." He dismisses Jowan. Teagan turns to me. "I need to thank you, my lady, for knocking me unconscious and not killing me," he smirks. More seriously he adds, "Loghain will need to be dealt with when my brother recovers however both Jowan and Isolde are responsible to a degree as well. If she hadn't decided to keep this secret from my brother Jowan would have never been here. I suspect she went to Loghain for help finding an apostate to teach Connor secretly. I don't know what Jowan did to get the ire of the circle but is his mistake to bear."

"From what I gathered he became a blood mage for love of a woman…."I offer dryly.

"Oh! So he's a romantic too then," laughs Teagan.

We head back to the main hall were Isolde and Jowan wait. "Isolde," Teagan asks, "how did Loghain know you needed an apostate mage to teach Connor secretly?"  
"I asked him for help," she replied, "I never thought...oh no…This is Loghain's fault!" she screams dropping dramatically to the floor."My son isn't always the demon you saw sometimes Connor breaks through. I just want to protect him," she sobs.

"Isolde," scolds Teagan, "pull yourself together and take responsibility for your role in this. You wanted to protect him this is how we got into this mess. You hired a mage to teach Connor in secret to protect him."

I'm starting to feel a bit for Isolde now. Once again remembering what my mother did for me. However the theatrics, Maker, how does the Arl stand it.

"If they discovered Connor had magic, then they'd take him away…I thought if he learned enough to hide it, then…" Isolde's words die.

"There is no way any of us could have known what would happen. Loghain did orchestrate this but everyone involved was a victim. Loghain takes the largest part of the blame for this but you both did play a part," I reason.

Both Isolde and Jowan look at me gratefully.

I look at the group and ask, "What are our options?"

"I wouldn't normally suggest slaying a child…" says Alistair sadly, "... But if he is an abomination…I'm not sure if there is any choice."

"We cannot kill a young boy demon or no demon," Leliana says firmly.

Morrigan adds, "there is another option…there is a connection between the child and the demon one that can be followed to the demons true form in the fade. Where the demon can be battled directly and killed without harming the child. It requires lyrium and a group of mages neither of which we have and had we these things it would still fall on one mage to defeat the demon not an easy task."

"Jowan do you have any ideas?" I ask.

"There is another option," Jowan says, "but I loathe offering it. Morrigan is correct you can go into the fade and slay the demon. I can do such a ritual but it would take blood magic. Blood can provide the power instead of lyrium. Takes a lot of blood, in fact it takes all of it."

"So someone must die? Someone must be sacrificed?" asks Teagan.

"Yes then I can enable another mage to enter the fade. I can't do it because I will be performing the ritual. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything it's not really much of an option," says Jowan regretfully.

"Is there no other method?" I ask.

"The power has to come from somewhere and that means lyrium or blood," Jowan explains.

"Then let it be my blood. I will be the sacrifice," Isolde states.

"What? Isolde, are you mad!" Teagan says astonished, "Eamon would never allow this."

"Either someone kills my son to destroy that thing inside him or I give my life for my son to live. To me the answer is clear," says Isolde.

"Blood magic, how can more evil be any good here. Two wrongs don't make a right," Alistair points out.

"It does seem a sensible choice with a willing participant," states Morrigan.

"Connor is blameless in this he should not have to pay the price," Isolde states.

"On that we are agreed," I say to Isolde.

"Opinions?" I ask the group.

"The circle isn't far from here," Alistair offers," we can find lyrium and more mages there."

"We have the treaty for the mages anyway I say two birds one stone?" I question.

"Very pragmatic," says Morrigan.

"I would prefer to not kill a child or his mother," states Leliana.

"Ok, so we head to the circle tower," I affirm.

"Please hurry back. Connor will not remain passive for long," Isolde pleads.


	8. The Circle Docks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a bit of fun at the spoiled princess

Dear Diary,  
I feel a bit apprehensive as we get closer to the circle tower. I'm no mage why do I feel this way. I feel bit silly but I can’t shake the feeling. I think Zev took notice because as we finally hike into the dock area he looks at me, and says, "Let's stay at the tavern tonight we can go to the tower in the morning. We will negotiate better well rested with full stomachs, no?"

Alistair speaks first, "Yes that is an excellent idea."

Morrigan murmurs her approval.

Leliana beams.

"We should hurry… but it's already late and dark so perhaps you're right," I finally say knowing I was outnumbered.

So we wearily clomp into the Inn and find a table. Thankfully there are 2 rooms available much to Morrigan's delight. I pay for the two rooms and return to the table to enjoy a fairly decent stew and ale. Sten sups with us and excuses himself as is his usual custom. Wynne excuses herself as well saying she wanted to catch up on some reading.

"Anyone up for a game of wicked grace?" Zev asks his eyes twinkling.

"I'm in," Alistair says.

"You'd better deal me," Leliana teases.

Morrigan shakes her head in refusal and the other three look at me.

"Ok I'm in," I concur…I make a note of perhaps Morrigan didn't know how to play. I should go to her privately and offer to teach her. She would bluff well.  
Morrigan leaves and takes the table next to us to observe. Zev seats himself next to me. Alistair shuffles and deals the cards while Leliana gets a fresh tankard of ale for everyone.

Once everyone is seated the trash talk begins. "Say chantry boy," starts Leliana sweetly in a sing-song manner, after bids are set, "are you always so cheap."

"We never had much at the chantry so I learned to be frugal," Alistair stutters turning a nice shade of red.

Leliana does not let up, "Alistair, you said you were in the chantry from the time you were 10 does that mean you never…"

"Never, never what," he jokes, "had a good pair of shoes?"

I lean over to Zev, "good comeback," I whisper to him, "she adores shoes." I try to sneak a peek at his cards.

Leliana giggles, "You know what I mean…"

"I'm not sure I do," Alistair responds teasingly, "Have I never seen a basilisk? Ate jellied ham? Have I never licked a lamppost in the winter?"

I turn to Zev again and mouth, "By the maker!" trying to stifle my laughter.

"Now you're just making fun of me," Leliana pouts.

"Make fun of you, dear lady? Perish the thought. Well tell me, have you ever licked a lamppost in the winter?" Alistair asks sweetly.

Leliana blushes and states, "why yes I have licked a lamppost in winter."

I can’t help but to giggle turning to look a Zev I see an amused smile gracing his features. "You know, I think we need to get chantry boy ale more often."  
Zev snickers in approval. Morrigan is even amused by this display, she is actually smiling. And not in the evil I will turn you into a frog way.

"I, myself," Alistair states, "have never had the pleasure. Not that I hadn't thought about it of course but you know…" he fades off.

"Oh that is cute!" gushes Leliana, "you're a virgin."

"Cute!...Well hearing that from a beautiful woman does make me feel much luckier. I'll say that," He says flirtatiously.

It seems Zev, Morrigan, and I can't stifle our laughter. Leliana and Alistair both glare at us, which causes full blown laughter from us until finally they join in as well.  
I win the round partially from looking at Zev's hand and from the distraction the other 2 caused each other. Zev goes to get another round of ales as I deal.

"You think I'm beautiful?" Leliana says continuing the banter.

"Of course you are, and you know it. Your ravishing and resourceful and all those other things you'd probably hurt me for not saying," replies Alistair flinching.

"You flatter me," says Leliana smiling.

"That's what I'm here for. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it," He jokes lightly, "let's get back to the game lest your risqué talk makes us lose every hand."  
Alistair won the next round and Leliana the next. Morrigan excused herself and left for our room. After several more rounds, Leliana is tipsy and pleads she needs some air. Alistair ever the gentleman offers to walk with her. They head outside with Leliana heavily leaning on Alistair leaving Zev and I at the table.

Zev looks at me jokes, "Well it's just the two of us shall we play so I can have some of my dignity back."

"You think you can beat me, Darling Zev," I sweetly smile back.

"I think I can do many things to you," he whispers in my ear while running his hand up my back.

I shiver slightly at his touch. Pulling myself together I say, "Very well a game then. If I win you tell me an assassin adventure. If you win I will tell you how I bested King Cailan."

I move to other side of the table for my own safety and so there will be no peeking of cards. His eyes twinkle as I move, "Afraid of a little elf, dear warden," he snickers.

"I'm not afraid of a little elf," I retort sweetly.

"Oh! You wound me!" Zev dramatically holds his hand over his heart, "I set myself up for that one didn't I," he says chuckling.

"Yeah…you sure did," I agree laughing.

Zevran wins the hand. After gloating a moment about his victory, he moves to sit by me and says, "I think you owe me a story."

He is so close I can feel his breathe on my neck. I shiver again. I turn toward him and grab my ale taking a long draught. When I pull my mug away his eyes are twinkling with mischief.

"I was about 7 and King Maric came to Cousland Castle to speak with father, he had brought Cailan with him(I think Cailan is about 3 years older than me), I was in the courtyard practicing my daggers of course they only gave me wooden ones so I wouldn't hurt myself. My mother threw fits that I would not be a good little girl and just learning etiquette and dressing up. However Father said I should have some training to defend myself and I was allowed these lessons. So as a compromise I learned about being a lady and swordplay," I start.

Zev looks at me with wonder; "it seems your parents understood you and each other very well."

I smiled painfully remembering for a moment.

"I apologize; I didn't mean to bring up any bad feelings," He quickly says.

"No harm done, I was remembering the good things," I said smiling at him. "Anyway," I continue, "my lesson was over and I was in the armory putting my things away and Cailan came running in. He asked what I was doing when I told him he looked me up and down and said "girls can't fight they do needle point and wear dresses. At which point I kicked him in shin and knocked him down, by the time our parents found us I had my wooden daggers crossed at his throat."

Zev's laughter rang out across the almost empty room.

"The king didn't have you executed on the spot," he laughs.

"Well the King thought it was funny and that Cailan deserved what he got for acting like an obnoxious prat, thankfully. However my father was not amused and grounded me from my swordplay lessons for a month while my mother taught me how to deal with difficult people," I continue. "Funny when I saw Cailan at Ostagar he mentioned that I taught him a good lesson that day," I smile, "He was pained when he heard what happened at Cousland Castle. You know he offered to turn his troops on Howe after he heard what happened to my family once we were finished at Ostagar so I know he held no grudge."

Zevran nods smiling.

"It's funny at one point my parents were vying for a marriage between Cailan and I. I rejected the offer. So Cailan married Anora instead, it was better I am told he loved her dearly," I say smiling.

"You had the chance to become the queen and you didn't take it," Zev's mouth hung open.

"Could you really picture me hanging around with ladies in waiting discussing needlepoint?" I ask.I notice Leliana and Alistair walking back in actually Alistair is almost carrying a drunk Leliana at this point. He tries to quietly get her up to the women's shared room.

"Good point," he concedes, "but don't you wonder?"

"Back then I didn't but I do wonder now who got the better end of the deal? Anora is on the throne or her father is and he is now trying to kill me. If I had married Cailan I might have spared my family Howe's treachery" I think out loud for a moment. "No," I decide, "it is better this way I would not have been able to stop the blight. Could you imagine Alistair trying to do all this on his own?"

"My dear warden, you definitely make a valid point," Zevran agrees.

"And on that note I will bid you goodnight Ser, before you try to make any more points," I tease getting up and heading to the women's shared room, "Good night Zev."

I walk to our shared room and Alistair is standing there holding a drunk and drowsy Leliana. He looks at me, "I didn't want to incur Morrigan's wrath," he whispers desperately.

I open the door and grab Leliana's limp body. "No worries, Alistair. I'll get her tucked in," I say quietly smiling. I lay my friend on her bed and take to mine for a good night's sleep.


	9. The Circle Tower

Dear Diary,

We have easy access to the circle as we had been here before to ask for the mages help but decided to give them a bit of time to recover after the disaster here. Wynne seems to be looking forward to a visit home.

“Wynne you’ve returned,” Irving says smiling.

“I wish it was under better circumstances but we need to ask for the circle’s help,” Wynne says nodding at me. 

"After all you done to help the circle I’ll do what I can," Irving says gratefully.

“Well 2 things actually,” I explain to kindly looking man. “First and foremost now that things have calmed down here would the mages be able and willing to hold up their end of the Grey Warden Treaties?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t ask earlier Warden,” Irving replies.

“To be honest, with everything that happened I wanted to give you some time to recover,” I offer compassionately. 

“We do appreciate that, but we have been preparing for your request,” Irving says kindly, “so what other request do you come with?”

"Can the circle go to Redcliff to save a possessed child?" I ask.

"The child is possessed?" asks Irving, "But… killing the demon would mean killing the… Unless you intend to enter the fade… Yes, yes it can be done with a group of mages. I shall gather the mages, I can, and we shall leave promptly a life is at stake."

With that he leaves to prepare and I am approached by a Templar.” The knight commander wishes to have a word Warden,” he says.

“Take me to him then,” I offer smiling. 

Letting the rest of the group trade with the quartermaster, I follow the Templar to Greagior’s office. As I walk into the room and the Templar shuts the door, Greagior looks at me and says, "You were very thorough, I'm impressed."

“I’m just glad we could help,” I say honestly.

Greagior gets straight to the point, "I have an unusual request for you warden."

"What can I do for you Knight Commander?" I ask cautiously.

"I think it would be best for Cullen to take a break from the circle. Anyone can see he is distraught. I think killing darkspawn may be therapeutic," He explains.

"You realize some wardens are apostates?" I ask not wanting to explain Morrigan.

"I know, the wardens do what they must, taking people from all walks of life," He replies.

"And what if he gets the sickness from the darkspawn?" I ask, "He is no warden so he is not immune."

"I believe he is not worse danger than he would be here right now given his state of mind," replies the Knight Commander crisply.

"And what of his lyrium?" I ask.

Greagior has the decency to look shocked. "You know of this?" He asks.

"I am privy to such things," I say lightly.

"Do you have any merchants that can deliver such goods to you?" he asks.

"Yes," I reply, "we have a lovely dwarven merchant named Bodhan Feddic he travels with us. If you have shipments sent to him we can make sure to get it to Cullen."

"Good, I will inform Cullen of his new orders and send him with supply of lyrium as well as setting up with your merchant," Greagior says.

"And warden, Thank you for your understanding in the matter, you have been quite sympathetic to both the mages and templars when you didn't need to be," with that the night commander leaves to attend to his duties.

I head back to meet up with the rest of the group and we leave the circle tower for the Spoiled Princess. With exception of Wynne who plans to join us at Redcliffe.

Cullen says little as we take the boat back across the lake. We meet with Morrigan (who refuses to go the circle tower) and as we have a new party member. We get larger rooms. Over dinner we discuss going to back to Redcliff to save Connor. Right after the meal Cullen and Sten excuse themselves to retire.

Morrigan begins on me immediately as they disappear, "why would you bring that Templar of all people to join us?" she sneers.

“Cullen has been through a lot and the Knight Commander asked that I bring him. He is a damn good fighter physically (if Alistair is anything to judge by) and strong enough mentally to not let demons take over his mind." I say firmly.

"So he is here to strike me down should I become possessed," she says spitefully.

"No he is here to fight darkspawn, and deal with what just happened to him Greagior thought getting him away from the tower would be good for him and I agree," I state emphatically.

"Then at least tell me what happened to him," She demands as she didn’t go to the tower with us the first time.

"I will tell you what I saw and heard but I only know bits and pieces only he knows the whole truth of the matter," I offer.

"When I first saw Cullen, he was in a cage made of energy no bars just like a field of energy being contained. I think Uldred created it," I begin.

"The stupid dim-witted idiot mage who was using blood magic, summoning demons, and making mages abominations?" she asks snidely.

"Yes," I answer."When we first came upon him," I continued, "he thought we were creations that Uldred had manifested to confuse and break him…He spoke of woman he loved…I think she was a mage by what he was babbling, he tried to "will us away"…saying we weren't real… and when that didn't work he began praying."

Morrigan is fascinated now she sits very still listening to my story.

"Finally he accepted that we were real, and said that Uldred had been turning his thoughts against him using blood magic, he begged us to kill all the mages, his hate is so strong right now seeing his fellow Templars die or become abominations, and all the while being in cage unable to do nothing but fight with his mind. He was very upset with me that I didn't kill all the mages. I expect he will say nothing nice to me for some time. It also seems that mages are not the only ones who can be possessed," I finish.

Morrigan spoke, "it would be a mercy to kill him then, nobody deserves that not even a Templar. When Templars chased us through the wilds they might have died at our hands but they had their minds. Mind you, I don't find blood magic evil it's magic like any other but all magic, blood or not, can be used maliciously."

I am completely stunned…compassion for a Templar from Morrigan? Well a sort of compassion anyway.

Morrigan then excuses herself to retire. Leliana had gone as well, leaving Alistair, Zevran and I.

"Well that was unexpected," says Alistair finally.

"I hope she isn't too hard on him," I add.

"I think she likes him," Zevran joked.

"Oh Andraste's mercy that would be bad, don't even joke about it," I say pinching the bridge of my nose.

"So Alistair," Zev says changing the subject with a twinkle in his eye, "you and Leliana?"

I drink the rest of my flagon listening to Zevran tease Alistair as he blushes some remarkable shades of red. I say my good nights and head to my shared room.


	10. Return to Redcliffe

Dear Diary,  
I decided to leave Cullen and Sten back at camp as I feel they need to rest while Alistair, Zevran, Leliana, Morrigan and I hurry to the Castle.When we arrive it seems the First enchanter has already arrived with mages and lyrium for the ritual.

Irving greets me, "ah there you are. We have brought lyrium and began preparations for the ritual. We can start anytime."

"Do you have any last minute advice?" I ask Irving.

"It truly depends on the manner of demon," Irving explains patiently, "I realize as you aren't a mage, so I will explain further. This particular demon seems to be one of greed and desire, a more powerful type in the hierarchy. Whomever, goes into the fade must know it will engage you in dialog and tempt you with an offer. Avoid it making deals with demons, never ends well," He states calmly.

"So only one person can go thru?" I ask clarifying.

"Yes," answers Irving slowly, "we haven't the supplies of lyrium to send more than one mage a present."

Damn, I was hoping to send Jowan and Morrigan, as I want to give Jowan a chance but have Morrigan there in case he fails. "Let's do this then," I say calmer than I feel.

"I'm glad we decided to take this route," Alistair breathes relieved, "this is really the best option."

"Very well," replies Irving, "who will go into the fade?"

I feel everyone staring at me. I was dreading this decision."Jowan will go into the Fade," I answer. Everyone got real quiet and then the objections started.

"What me?" Jowan asks, "Are you sure?"

"Loose a blood mage into the fade to meet a demon? What if he takes control of it?" Irving asks disapprovingly.

"This is Jowan's chance to redeem himself," I state standing by my decision.

"You trust too much too quickly," Irving states hotly, a disgusted look crosses his face, "but I shall do as you ask."

Leliana looks pleased with the outcome. Alistair is shifting from one foot to the other, not looking at me.

Morrigan takes a long look a Jowan and looks at me, "it is dangerous game you play," she says lightly, "but I care not."

Zevran shrugs his shoulders.

"I'll do my best. I promise," Jowan says earnestly.

We step away to let the mages do their job and Jowan is lying on the floor as if asleep. Strangely enough, Morrigan offered to help the mages so we head to the kitchens to get a snack knowing the knights will alert us if anything is wrong. Alistair speaks up as soon as he has cheese in hand. "I wasn't sure about you choosing Jowan but he really seems to be sorry for his choices and the chaos that was set in motion."

Leliana drinks deeply from her flagon, "I am glad you gave him a second chance," she smiles.

"You know," Zevran smiles wickedly leaning back in his chair, "I could get used to this" he waves his tankard around the room, " hot food , warm fireplace, a chair, and the pretty women," his voice drops suggestively.

Leliana just looks at him blankly.

Alistair clears his throat, nervously.

"Really," I say saucily, "you would miss trying to peep on us as we bathe though."

"He doesn't!" Leliana says hotly.

I grin at her. "He only did it only once, because I took his clothes while he was bathing as payback."

She laughs heartily. "Well I guess that will teach him to peep at us. That explains why he entered camp wearing leaves the one day."

Zev grins "You can't blame a guy for trying."

"And on that note" Alistair starts red-faced, "maybe we should get back to the main hall and check on everyone."

We all tromp into the main hall to find Jowan just waking up looking rather pale and weak. "The demon is gone," he says, and passes out.

I and Irving go to check on Connor who is sleeping. "It seems your trust was not misplaced," he says gruffly, "but how did you know he would not cross you?"  
"I didn't," I answer honestly, "I wanted to send another mage in with him but the circumstances wouldn't allow us too. I trusted my gut. I don't think Jowan is unredeemable he has some good qualities. He made some bad choices."

Irving looks at me. "Yes, falling in love with a chantry initiate was the first of his downfall. He thought we were to make him tranquil. Then he broke into basement where we kept the phylacteries and destroyed his. That is how he was able to get away from the Templars who were hunting him."

"He wanted to run away with his love?" I asked softly.

Irving nods his assent.

"I wonder though, how would Teyrn Loghain know about such an insignificant circle matter," I press cunningly, I know the answer but I want the first enchanter to see it.

"The Teyrn would normally not even know of such a thing…unless Uldred made a deal with him. He was at Ostagar, and mentioned, he spoke to Loghain. He was so proud of it; he made everyone hear it several times," Irving put together quickly.

"Yes, you might find these documents I found on some abominations interesting," I add, revealing the charred papers.

"Loghain promised the mages freedom from the circle," He growls.

"I hope that you don't go too hard on Jowan, Loghain made promises to him too," I add.

"You know I saw Uldred speaking to Jowan a few days before the break-in at the phylactery chamber. I wonder if Uldred told Jowan the circle planned to make him tranquil. I wonder if Uldred knew about Lily," speculates Irving.

"Would you have made him tranquil?" I narrow my eyes suspiciously.

"Goodness no!" exclaims Irving, "he just needed more training, before he completed his harrowing. He was almost ready. I think he got impatient because his friends completed theirs," he states thoughtfully."The circle won't have him back; if he does come back the Templars will be ordered to kill him." Irving sighs looking at me.

"Maybe there is another option," I suggest with a cunning look.

"I don't know what that option could be but I am interested in seeing what you come up with," Irving offers earnestly."The boy is rid of the demon," He states finishing his examination, "he will need to come to the circle for training."

"I suspect there may be a lot of handwringing and crying, and that will be just Alistair," I joke, "Lady Isolde's reaction will be much worse."

Irving snickers at my humor attempt as we head back into the main hall. Teagan and Isolde take us to the Arl's bedside.

"So, it is over," Teagan breathes in relief, "Connor is his old self, he does not seem to remember anything, which is blessing. I suppose we shall have to send him to the circle of magi for training. It's so odd to think of the boy as a mage. Eamon has much to morn and rebuild should he recover," He says sadly, "but at least he can be thankful that both his son and wife are safe."

"I owe you my deepest thanks," began Isolde, "I nearly…I can scarcely believe Connor is the boy he once was."

"There is still the matter of Jowan," inquires Teagan, "You trusted him and he saved Connors life. I am unsure what to make of that. We will hold him for Eamon to decide his fate. If he doesn't recover Jowan's fate is sealed. What do you think?" Teagan asks me.

"I think he should remain here until the Arl's recovery," I state sweetly.

"Then it will be for Eamon to decide what happens to him," Teagan says sadly.

"But our work isn't done yet," notes Teagan running his hand down his face tiredly, "Whatever the demon did, has spared Eamon's life but he remains comatose. We cannot wake him."

"The Urn!" Isolde says quickly turning to look at her husband, "the urn of sacred ashes will save Eamon."

"What about magic?" I ask hopefully.

"It has been tried and we will keep on trying," Teagan says pinching the bridge of his nose, "maybe with the demon gone it will make a difference. However the relic is another option."

"My husband funded the research of a scholar in Denerim," Explains Isolde, "a Brother Genitivi; he has been studying inscriptions on Andraste's birthrock, when Eamon fell ill I sent the knights to find Brother Genitivi. I had hoped that, he may have discovered the location of the Urn of sacred ashes itself," She continued piously, "they were unable to locate Genitivi, and in desperation I sent more knights in search of the brother or some clue of its location."

"I will see if I can find this relic," I offer….does this urn even exist? Might as well charge me with looking for needle in a haystack it would be more achievable.

"No one else can," remarked Teagan breaking into my thoughts, "Even if I wished to do myself I cannot abandon Redcliff to its own devices. Perhaps you could seek out the brother's home in Denerim and see if any clues remain on his whereabouts; it is the only place to begin the search I think. I must go to the hall and begin rebuilding. You will stay the night and rest here. Warden when you have a minute, I would like to speak with you."

I stop in and visit Conner for a moment.

"Were you the one who saved me?" He asks.

(Oh so you do remember some of it.)

"No, child that was Jowan," I say to him.

"I should thank him for saving me, Jowan was always nice to me… even though he poisoned father," He says openly.

"The demon told you what Jowan did?" I ask surprised.

"I was really angry at first but I'm not angry at Jowan anymore," Connor states, "nobles always promise things to people to get them to do stuff."

I once again am surprised this child, is wiser than his years, he obviously listens much and says little.

"And how do you feel about that?" I ask Connor kneeling down to his level.

"I'm glad I'm a mage and don't have to play the game …mother so enjoys her game." He states, "If it makes her happy fine but I don't care for it."

"You," I state smiling, "are terrific. Like the little brother I never had."

"Would you play a game with me?" Connor asks, "Jowan would always play games with me."

After three hands of Old Dowager, Isolde came in to tuck him in bed. I waved goodnight and headed past my companions rooms to my room. A bath had been drawn for me. Getting out of my armor, I bathed quickly as the water was already cool. I put on a tunic and leggings and realize I'm starving.


	11. Dinner for Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a bit of sexy times and fluff with Bann Teagan and Elly

Dear Diary,  
Feeling refreshed I thought I'd head to the kitchen for a snack. I had missed dinner while speaking with Teagan and Isolde. After getting my plate, it hit me Teagan had asked me to speak with him in the main hall. I head down toward the main hall. He wasn't there, probably went to bed, I think, so I turn to head back upstairs with my plate when a light from the arl’s study catches my eye.

I head over to the study door and knocked lightly, "come in" says Teagan, sounding tired.

He is sitting behind the desk looking through papers. Ink pen in one hand paper in another. "So do you ever sleep?" I ask him joking.

"Sleep is for the weak, I'll sleep when I'm dead," he quips back.

I realize I'm standing at the door holding a plate of food. He must realize it too. He rises from the chair and gestures to the settee.

"You asked to see me," I say, "I apologize for making you wait."

"No need, you were playing old dowager with my nephew," Teagan grins mischievously, "sent Alistair to find you; he didn't want to disturb your game. After what happened to your family, we wanted you to just enjoy Connor's company for a time."

"I do appreciate that," I reply slowly trying keeping my feelings under control, "I used to play the game with my nephew Oren."

If Teagan notices my struggle, he says nothing and gives me a moment by pouring some wine for us.

"Did you eat?" I offer as I take the goblet.

"No quite frankly I forgot to," He admits.

Just them both of our stomachs growled. We both laugh.

"There is not enough there for two of us anyway, wait one moment," Teagan hurries out of the room.

I look around the study. I come to the Arl's desk; I've always been a nosy little rogue. I look through it briefly taking note of the Arl's affairs as only a good noble rogue would and then…I found it. A secret compartment in the desk, I quickly get it open. I see a repaired amulet; I wonder if this is the one Alistair had mentioned was his mothers. I pocket the amulet discreetly, closing and locking the drawer. I put everything back in place and sit back down on the settee grabbing the wine. As I take a large sip Teagan comes back into the room with stand and tray. He sets the stand down and puts the tray on top of the stand.

"That's enough to feed an army!" I banter.

"I've heard about grey wardens' appetites," he teases, "You can't leave here saying we didn't feed you."

He sits down and we enjoy a meal together. Joking and laughing as we had more wine."I wanted to thank you personally," He says suddenly. "You didn't have to put yourself so far out for our family but I'm grateful that you did."

I raise my eyebrow at him. "No need to thank me for doing what is right," I start to say.

"You don't understand. I know Isolde is a pain in the ass," He continues.

I snicker softly.

Teagan smiles. "Ok, she can be a downright bitch, but my brother loves her dearly and she despite the appearance of being a noble hunter, gold digger, truly loves him. And quite frankly, the demons ranting wasn't too far off, about her jealousies," He says seriously pouring another goblet of wine for each of us.

"Well I guess, I should be grateful she didn't have me executed for being younger than her then after we saved Connor," I joke feeling the wine get to me.  
"I do feel bad for Alistair though, from what he told me he isn't angry with her but she did treat him badly," I state.

"Yea she couldn't get past the rumor, nothing Eamon or I told her would make her believe, that Alistair is Maric's son," Teagan said guiltily, "I should have taken him with me to Rainesfere. Instead I let Eamon send him to the chantry and then get recruited by the wardens."

"Alistair thinks the wardens are the best thing that ever happened to him," I state.

Teagan has an odd look on his face. "Oh Teagan, you can't mean the Arl would put him forward as king," I gasp.

"We may not have much choice he is the last of the Theirin bloodline," He states pragmatically.

I know he's right but I also know this is not something Alistair even wants. "You know as well as I do, the nobles would tear him apart just one day in court," I state, "He has not been groomed for this."

"That is another reason for asking you to visit," He says earnestly," I want you to start grooming him just in case."

"That is something, that could have been done, with him secretly, had Isolde believed her own husband," I say harshly, knowing it would have never happened.  
"I will do it though, as I realize Thedas is at risk, but please try to find other options. Alistair has spoken to me about this and is dead set against it," I add more gently.

"Thank you. You are more gracious than you need to be. You are many things smart, beautiful, cunning, strong, and deadly," Teagan sighs dreamily, "I thank the Maker I was able to meet you."

"Oh flattery is it?" I jest lightly, trying to cover for my blushing. Andraste's ass I hope he thinks it's the wine. I take another large sip.I turn to set the goblet down on the table.

As I turn back around, Teagan is has leaned over and says, "It's not flattery if it's true."I feel his breath on my neck and shiver. He leans in and kisses me. I debate for a moment how to respond. I decide kissing him back is not a bad idea as I did kiss him once already. He runs his hand down my back giving my bottom a squeeze and runs the other through my air dried hair, deepening the kiss.

I pull away guiltily; I don't want to lead him on. "Teagan," I say breathlessly, "I really like you. I really do but I can't offer you what you deserve."

He pulls back looking into my eyes, "What do you mean?"

"You deserve a noble wife who can be with you and give you children," I ramble on, "I had to give that up as a Warden. I will never be able to settle down and Wardens can't have children the taint prevents such things. You are nobleman who needs an heir. I would not be able to provide that for you. I have about 20 years to live as warden or so I'm told." I take another sip of wine, hoping he's not angry.

"You are way better than I deserve," He finally states softly eyes shining, "You tell me these things to protect me even after all you have already done for me and my family."

I look at him questioning.

"If that is the way of it, so be it," he says simply.

I look at him even more confused.

It must have been evident. So he explains, "I propose this we enjoy each other's company this evening. No strings, no commitments, no expectations."

I blush hotly, "I have never…" remembering that Dairren was killed before, we ever even…tears prick in my eyes and I shut my eyes to will them away.

This obviously surprises Teagan even more…"you really are a marvel," he states thoughtfully.

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do," he says softly gathering me in his arms.

I lay my head on his shoulder and kiss his neck. Grateful he didn't ask me anymore questions. We must have cuddled on the settee for some time, exchanging kisses, and soft murmurs and drinking wine. I decide to explore under his shirt and he leans back to grant my better access, becoming a bit bolder. I kiss his chest. He growls quietly. I gently to run my hands over his chest and stomach following with kisses. He seems to enjoy this so I continue. At one point his hands tugged on my tunic, he looks at me asking permission. I nod leaning in to kiss him again. His hands slip up my tunic ghosting over my skin. I shiver underneath his touch.

"So responsive," he says breathlessly. Kissing me again he grazes my nipple, I forget to kiss and gasp into his mouth.Gently taking his thumb going over my nipples raising them to points, I am just trying to maintain the kiss with whatever is left of my mind.He drops one hand running it over my legs, then placing his thumb over my leggings on my most sensitive part. The pressure alone is enough to make me gasp as my hips buck toward him automatically. He smiles a bit smugly at this.

Oh I don't think so; my slightly wounded pride/wine makes me braver. I move my hand from where it's caressing his chest and decide to caress something a bit lower. His eyes widen in surprise as a gasp leaves his chest. Now who can’t form a cohesive sentence? I smirk and continue my ministrations for a moment and realize I want/need to see. I quickly undo the bindings of his pants.

He nods in understanding continues his plundering of my mouth, then dropping down to take a rosy nipple in his mouth, as I jump going from a rougher hand to a smooth wet tongue.

I wrap my fingers around his length exploring, watching his reaction to what I'm doing. I finally decide he likes a pumping action the best and go with that.  
"You will have me undone …if you keep that up much longer," he gasps.

I offer him a sweet smirk and say, "so be it then." With that Teagan's control melted he was bucking against my hand, "makers breath" he gasps and suddenly he shudders. Teagan grabs a wet cloth from the basin we were using to wash our hands as we ate earlier and I clean my hand off.

"I have to say you are quick learner," He teases.

"That's what my sparring trainer used to say," I joke back.

"You are beautiful," he says leaning over to kiss me deeply."I didn't expect that reaction but I must repay the favor," he says moving his mouth down to my breasts and swirling them his tongue.

I gasped in pleasure as he moved his mouth from breast to breast. He moved his hands to my waistband. Looking up at me I nodded giving him permission to remove my leggings. He ran his hands up my legs drawing swirling designs following that with his tongue. Maker's mercy.He reaches up kissing me deeply again working his way down to my neck to my breasts. Using his thumb the way he did earlier he just put pressure on the nub. I jolted. He tries different motions and pressures gauging my reaction much like I did to him previously. Smirking again he decides to run his thumb in circles over that nub make me buck again. I could care less about the smirk this time. Suddenly he lowers he head and I feel his tongue teasing me. I feel my body tensing, it feels really good, like pleasure on top of pleasure is building.

Teagan looks up from his ministrations and says, "Its ok, go with it." He adds a bit more pressure to his thumb circles and dives his tongue deeply into me. I come undone bucking my hips keening loudly. He circles his thumb a few more times, and licks me clean as I shudder with aftershocks.

He finally stands handing me my leggings tunic. Then walks over to the basin rinsing the cloth and wipes his face. Pulling on his shirt he sits beside me pulling me into a kiss. I can taste myself and the wine on his mouth. It is not unpleasant.

"That was…." I start to say but I can't get the words out.

"Yes it was," Teagan answers understandingly.

We dress and cuddle on the settee for some time. Just holding each other, each of us knowing this would never happen again.  
I wake up finding myself my room in my bed still clothed. I must have fallen asleep and Teagan carried me up here.


	12. On the Way to Denerim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leliana's assassination attempt.

Dear Diary,  
We left Redcliff the morning. Isolde even hugged me goodbye much to my surprise. Teagan gave me a hug as well as a chaste kiss on the forehead. Connor hugged me like I was the big sister he always wanted. I must be sure to visit him at the tower.As we head down the road towards Denerim. I suddenly stop walking, something is wrong. Alistair lost in his own thoughts practically knocks me over not noticing I had stopped. Zev looks at me. I put my finger across my mouth giving the quiet sign. Everyone grabs their weapons, and stands ready.

Suddenly an arrow flies out and hits Leliana in the shoulder. Zev and I immediately throw daggers in the direction of the arrow a body falls. The rest of the mercenaries come running out to attack. Leliana puts herself in the middle of our circle while we cut these fighters down. She is unable to draw her bow and is about useless anyway. Just as I was about to slit the last mercenaries throat Leliana steps forward holding her shoulder.

"Stop! Don't kill him!" She cries.

"Why?" I ask her confused.

"He is no common bandit. None of them were. Their weapons and armor are of fine make and these men were highly trained, you know what I am talking about. Don't you? Who are you?" she asks looks at the man thoughtfully.

The prone man coughs and painfully gets to his feet. "Someone who regrets taking you on, was told it would be an easy job. Kill the little red-headed girl; deal with the others as we pleased. It would have been nice to know which redhead," he sighs.

"Kill the…you came to kill me?" Leliana exclaims surprised.

"Who is trying to kill Leliana?" I ask concerned looking from the man back to Leliana.

The man coughs again obviously we did some damage, "It don't pay to ask someone why someone wants someone else dead. I just need to know what to do and where to get my money. Ha money, I'll be lucky to get away with my life it seems. Maybe we can work something out. You'll like the idea," he wheedles.

I defer to Leliana as this was her assassination attempt.

"Speak quickly," she commands coldly.

"I've no real quarrel with you. Wasn't me who wanted you dead, but I know how you can find the one who does," He pleads sadly.

I see disgust cross Leliana's face.

"Your life for the information then," I offer sneering.

The man reaches into a pocket pulling out a folded parchment.

"I have some directions written down on how to get to the house. It's in Denerim. Here," he hands it to me, "it's the best I can do."

"Thank you," says Leliana softly, "now leave I don't ever want to see you again."

"Yes go, and be grateful for Leliana's compassion," I add.

The man turns to leave, "don't worry; I'll not trouble you again."

We walk a bit further and decide to make camp. So Leliana can be treated for her shoulder.


	13. Wynne and Morrigan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two mages work together to help Leliana and embarrass Alistair. Alistair picks a fight with Elissa.

Dear Diary,  
We made camp as soon as possible with Leliana being in the shape she was. Everyone works to set up camp except for Wynne and Morrigan, who are tending to Leliana.  
"Alistair, we need you," Wynne calls out.

"Well it's nice to be needed," He says happily, walking toward the trio.

He stops suddenly and I see his ears turn bright red.

I turn my gaze to where he is staring. Wynn and Morrigan have removed Leliana's tunic and she is clad only in her breast band from the waist up. I snicker at quietly at his discomfort.

"Ummm, are you sure that you need me, couldn't Elly do it?" he asks uncomfortably looking at the ground.

"Alistair, you must do this you're the only one strong enough to hold her but not damage her any more than she is," Wynne explains patiently, although I am detecting a slight smirk at the corners of her mouth. "Morrigan is going to pull out the arrow, as I try to ease the pain, but if she moves too much she may lose use of her arm, so you need to hold her still."

"Can't Sten or Cullen do it?" he asks hopefully.

"They could," states Morrigan practically, openly smirking now, "if they weren’t out gathering firewood."

"I could offer my services," drawls Zevran seductively letting his eyes linger on Leliana's upper torso.

"No! No!" Alistair says quickly, "Its ok I'll do it."

"Elissa, could you bring the liquor?" Wynne calls out.

"Sure thing," I call back walking toward the food packs. I pass Zev who is getting food out for our dinner.

"You did that on purpose," I accuse laughing.

He smiles widely back at me, chuckling slightly.

I bring the brandy over to the group and offer Leliana the bottle. She takes a large swallow and then a second one.

"I'm ready," she states.

"Alistair you need to hold her other shoulders here and here," Wynne instructs briskly.

"Morrigan, can you provide some healing while Elissa pulls out the arrow? I noticed that the arrow is really close to a major artery and I want you to close it if necessary. I'm not sure if the arrow cut through or not. I will provide as much pain relief as I can." Wynne asks calmly.

Morrigan nods in acknowledgement shifting to let me move besides Leliana's injured shoulder.

"It's slanted," states Wynne drily, "you will have to pull out the same direction it went in."

I nod at her. Everyone readies their positons. I look at Leliana and she nods. I grasp the arrow and start pulling making sure it takes the same track it did going in. Leliana screams in pain, Alistair is startled but maintains his hold on her as she struggles. I continue pulling I hear a sucking sound coming from the wound and see Morrigan's yellow type energy with Wynn's trademark blue energy working. Maker this arrow is deep. I keep pulling. Leliana is still now, she passed out. Suddenly I realize I've hit the arrowhead and keep the same pull, it pops out with a sickening sound. The wound track fills with blood. I step away quickly to let the healers do their work. Alistair is in shock. I take his arm and walk him away from the healers.

"Are you ok?" I ask him.

"Yes, I've been around field medicine before but…" he trails off.

"You really care for her," I say simply.

He nods.

"She will be fine," I say trying to comfort him.

"I know I just don't like seeing her in that much pain," Alistair says sadly.

"It's harder when it someone you really care about," I smile understandingly.

"Speaking of people you care about," Alistair begins looking at me cunningly, "I couldn't help but notice you were with Teagan in the Arl's study. I went down to the kitchen to get some cheese and I noticed the light on in the study. I went to the kitchen and there is Teagan building a platter large enough to feed a warden."  
"So were you with Teagan last night?" He asks pointedly, blushing to his ears.

I'm feeling a bit defensive by his attitude.

"And what if I was," I say protectively.

He looks at me incredulously, "you know it will never work! You are a grey warden now! He needs a wife who will be home for him every night! He needs an heir!" he is almost shouting.

"You don't think I know that!" I flare back, "you are assuming things you don't know about. I suggest you mind your own business in the matter."

I look over and see Wynne and Morrigan have moved Leliana to a bedroll, both looking at us. Zev stops cutting the dried meat he was making for dinner and is just watching us. Sten had re-entered camp and was briskly making the fire trying to ignore us. Cullen walked to outskirts of camp to get away from us.

"You will tell me your intentions toward him, you shameless hussy!" he retorts hotly.

The silence after that statement was broken by the sound of my fist connecting with Alistair's face. I turned and stalked away from him heading toward the stream we found earlier.I find a nice spot by the stream and sit there fuming. How dare he assume! It's none of his business anyway I don't owe him any explanations.  
I must have been gone for quite some time because Cullen came looking for me.

"Hey Elissa!" He called, "where are you?"

"Over here Cullen," I answer tiredly.

He sits down beside me with a wry smirk on his face, "would it make you feel better to know you broke Alistair's jaw and neither Wynne nor Morrigan would heal it for him."

I snicker dryly, "not really, but in a way yea, I shouldn't have hit him no matter what he said."

"I will remember to never get on your bad side for petite woman you sure have a mean left hook," He jokes half-seriously.

We sit quietly for a few minutes."Well I know this will work itself out Alistair and you are like brother and sister, sometimes siblings fight," He states, “I know I used to argue and fight with mine.”

I notice the frogs by the stream stop croaking briefly, "That is true. I will need to apologize though I'm just still a bit too angry."

"Well dinner is ready, I just wanted to let you know," he offers smiling, "and for the record I would have clocked him too."

I give him a small smile.

"Do you want to head back to camp with me?" Cullen asks as he stands.

"No, you go ahead I need a few more minutes," I tell him. He walks away heading back to camp. "Ok Zev you can come out now," I state to the darkness.

Zev steps out of the shadows. "I guess I need to work on my stealth," he jokes.

"So who taught you how to punch?" he asks his eyes shining with mirth.

I chuckle, "my brother Fergus."

"He taught you well," Zev smirks.

We continue talking punching techniques until we both hear my stomach growl. Zev immediately stands up eyes teasing, "My dear warden we can't have you fainting from hunger, your banquet waits."

I laugh at him as I get to my feet. "Well maybe a good looking elf should chaperon me to dinner, lest people get the wrong idea," I say factiously.

This draws a snicker from Zev. "We wouldn't want that now would we, dear warden," he says offering his arm.

I chuckle again taking his arm we walk back to camp.We get back to camp and Alistair has gone to bed. I eat my dinner while talking with Zev and Cullen. I check on Leliana. She seems to be sleeping peacefully so I head to my tent and try to get some rest.


	14. Honnleath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen returns to Honnleath and we find Shale

Dear Diary,  
I do feel really bad about clocking Alistair, however I decided not to say anything to him this morning has I can tell by his demeanor he is still angry with me. I decide since Leliana needs to recoup to just have him stay with her. I take Zevran, Morrigan and Cullen to check out Honnleath, for the golem, that a weird random merchant (we met on the way to Redcliff) gave me a control rod for.

We make it to Honnleath in record time. I guess this is like coming home for Cullen but the village seems deserted except for the influx of darkspawn running rampant. Cullen looks worried. I’m sure he concerned for his family. My darkspawn sense I going crazy. We find groups of them efficiently cutting them down working our way to the center of village, and there it is… A massive stone …person?

Someone put a basket of birdseed nearby; I guess the villagers thought having the birds perch on the golem was quaint. However, the smell was more obnoxious than Alistair's feet and the dog together. I set looking about and find a bucket and rag in one of the houses and head to well to fill the bucket.

"You are going to wash this…thing?" says Morrigan haughtily. Zev's eyes are twinkling mischievously. Cullen has a smirk on his face.

"It's better than the smell going with us," I state shortly.

She walks off to investigate the town.Zev and Cullen decide to check Cullen’s family home. I peel off my armor and start washing the golem in my tunic and cloth pants. I'm scrubbing away however the golem is much taller than I.

 

"Cullen, do you think you could give me a boost to I can finish this?" I call out.

"Sure thing I'll be there in a minute," He calls. I can't see where they have gotten too but he appears in moment. "So where…how…" he sputters looking at me.

What is wrong with him? Why is he blushing like Alistair? I see Zev grinning from ear to ear. I look down at myself. I was so busy scrubbing I had gotten myself soaked. My white tunic was now basically see-thru. Ok, then… decision time…should I be embarrassed or go with it...I grin cheekily and grab the other bucket of water I have on hand pouring it over my head. Sputtering and laughing as the cold water pours over me, I see Zevran chuckling and the Templar relaxes and starts laughing.

“Ok now I think I can ask you were you able to find any sign of your family?” I ask concerned.

“Well the house has been cleared out by the look of the crates still there my family packed up and left before the darkspawn got here,” Cullen says relieved, “I think they may have moved to a safer area.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” I say hopefully. Before asking another question “what do you know about our stone friend here?”

“Not much,” Cullen admits, “it’s been here as long as I can remember as a child.”

“Well, back to my original reason for asking you over here, before you got so flustered,” I grin at Cullen, "if you can lift me to the Golem's shoulder I can climb up and finish cleaning it." I turn to Zev. "Could you grab another bucket of water…it's seems I ran out," I deadpan.

Zevran chuckles grabbing the bucket and heading to well. While Cullen clasps his hands together making a foothold for me. He boosts me up to the golems shoulder and puts his hands on my backside, to ensure I don’t fall off the slippery stone. I swear to the Maker he quickly grabs my arse, as I clamber up on to the golems shoulder. I turn to look at him and he smirks at me. Now I know he did, payback I suppose. I shake my head snickering and get back to scrubbing the golem.

Once the golem is clean…I rinse off again to remove any bird mess that got on me. Morrigan is back now curiously eyeing the golem. I try using the rod. It doesn’t work…I sigh…

Morrigan speaks up, "while you were cleaning this thing," she wrinkles her nose distastefully, "I noticed there are magic wards being used in this direction."

I pull my armor over my still damp clothing. "Aright let's go," I state.

We find a basement, wine cellar (where I grab some booze for us), and some strange crystals. I grab those too perhaps we can analyze them later. There are darkspawn in here too. We fight our way into a large room and I see some of the villagers behind what looks to be a magical barrier. After clearing the room of darkspawn, I speak to the villagers and most of them leave save for Matthias, the son of Wilhelm the mage, who used to own the golem.  
He pleads for us to find his little girl who ran further into the depths of this cellar/laboratory. He reluctantly promises to give us the correct activation word if we find his daughter.

We head down into the depths of this crazy place. Finding more of those strange crystals and an a few shades. We find Wilhelm's diary the mage was silly enough to summon a demon and was running tests on the golem. I have to wonder if that might be the cause of his demise as opposed to just blaming it on the golem. We walk into a room and hear the young girl conversing with a cat, there is a puzzle behind the two of them.  
I turn to question Morrigan, catching sight of Cullen who has turned ashen.

"It's a demon isn't it," I whisper, Morrigan nods.

The demon speaks of being trapped here without contact for years and demands to be released. We all know she wishes to possess the girl and leave. I smirk inwardly lying to the demon offering to set her free, the puzzle is pretty easily solved. I hate to put Cullen in a situation where he's fighting a demon again but it can't be helped if we are to save Amalia. I look over at Cullen he catches my glance and nods imperceptibly. So I start the task of finishing the puzzle. Before I move the last tile, I glance at my companions, I know they are ready to fight although not a weapon has been unsheathed. I move the last tile. The demon starts ranting about freedom which terrifies Amalia. I step between the demon and the child.

"Run Amalia!" I call, as I pull my daggers.

I don't bother to look to see if she ran. I just attack. The demon came at me twisting into grotesque thing with tentacles and grabbed both my arms. I look for Morrigan her face is focused on the spell she is casting, Zev is dealing with shade, and Cullen is frozen. The demon takes my hand holding the dagger and brings it up to my throat.

"If I cannot have Amalia, you will pay for your treachery," it sneers.

Suddenly I see a sword cutting down through the tentacles and the demon screams and releases me. I see Cullen working on cutting the abominable creature down. I flip and roll to the back of the demon and start striking from behind. A moment later Zev joins me, he grins at me and we work together cutting the creature down. Once it is dead, Zev and Morrigan search the room.

"Cullen are you ok?" I ask. He still looks pretty pale, "I'm so sorry if I had known what was here…." I start to apologize.

"Elly, its ok," He states clearly, "I needed to do this, besides you couldn't let the demon take that girl and I…couldn't let it kill you."

Zev and Morrigan have finished searching the room and head out the door, Cullen follows them.

"Cullen," I call after him, "wait a minute." I walk over to him. "Thank you," I stand on tiptoe and kiss his cheek. He blushes for a moment and nods.

I follow him back up to find Matthias and Amalia. Matthias is grateful that Amalia is unharmed. I give him the diary I found in the lower levels telling him he may need to rethink that the golem killed his father. He gives us the correct activation word and we leave that dreary basement.

Once back in the village we head right to where the golem is …using the correct activation phrase, the golem came to life. I have to say that was amazing to watch.  
It spoke "I knew that the day would come when someone would find the control rod, and it's not even another mage."

"Well hello to you too?" I retort cheekily.

"I stood here in this spot and watched those wretched little villagers scurry around me for, ah, I have no idea how long, many, many years," the golem said.

"Oh so you were a voyeur," quips Zevran.

"Then one wonders that you wouldn't be more grateful to the one who allowed you to stretch your legs golem" states Morrigan coldly.

"Hmm a mage, charming," the golem states snidely.

The golem sighs, "I was just getting used to the quiet; tell me are all the villagers dead?"

"Not all of them," I reply.

"Some got away then, how unfortunate," the golem replies sadly.

"Do you have a name?" I ask.

"Perhaps I might have forgotten it after all these years of being called golem" it says sneering. "Golem, fetch me that chair, do be a good golem and squash that insipid bandit, and let's not forget, golem pick me up, I tire of walking."

It's been treated like tool but obviously is much more than that.

"It does have the control rod, doesn't it…I am awake so it must," the golem asks suddenly.

"Is something wrong?" I ask.

"I see the control rod…yet I feel…go on order me to do something," the golem states.

"Dump that bucket of water on Morrigan," I order jokingly.

"You wouldn't dare…" Morrigan gasps.

"And eh…nothing… I feel nothing," it says with wonder, "I feel no compulsion to carry out it command. I suppose this means the rod is…broken."

"Shouldn't you be happy about that?" I ask.

"Hmm, I suppose if I can't be commanded this means…I have free will. Yes?" the golem asks almost scared."It is simply…what should I do I have no memories beyond watching this village for so long, I have no purpose, I find myself at a bit of a loss," It muses."What about it? It must have awoken me for some reason no? What did you intend to do with me?" the golem asks.

"My original purpose was to have you help fight darkspawn," I answer honestly, "However, since you are of sound mind and have free will, I don't intend to do anything with you."

"I can decide?" it asks thoughtfully."I see it seems I have 2 options, do I not? Go with it or go elsewhere. I do not even know what lies beyond this village."

"You're welcome to come with me," I offer.

"Are you certain you want to bring this thing with us?" Cullen asks, "It could be dangerous and large."

"Think of it as a portable battering ram," I tease him.

"Good point," concedes Cullen smiling, "better it than me anyhow."

"I will follow it about, for now. I am called Shale by the way," The golem says helpfully.

"I am Elissa, pleased to meet you Shale," I offer graciously.

"This should be interesting," Shale states as we turn to leave the village.


	15. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair and Elly apologize to each other. Leliana comes clean about her past.

Dear Diary,

We got back to camp late. Wynne was on watch and told us to just get some rest so after grabbing a bite to eat I went straight to my tent.  
When I wake I realize it is almost noon. I dress quickly and make my way to find some food. Grabbing some cheese, bread and dried meat I head over to see how Leliana is doing. She's propped up on her bedroll sipping some sort of toddy that Wynne probably made her.

"How are you feeling?" I ask smiling.

She grins. "Like I took an arrow to the shoulder."

"I know I need to explain some things to you but you should really speak to Alistair," she says more seriously.

"Is he even willing at this point?" I ask her pointedly.

"I think so," She sighs, "I hate to see you both angry with each other."

"I don't like it either," I agree, "I'll try."

I check on Shale to see how she is settling in, it seems Sten and Shale are having an intense discussion. I leave without interrupting. Wynne has her nose buried in a book. Cullen and Zev are having a discussion on proper sharpening of blades, and Morrigan is nowhere to be seen. Probably in animal form somewhere. I find Alistair sparring with a dummy.

"Need a partner?" I ask after watching for a few minutes.

"Sure," he says slowly.

"I could use more practice against someone who carries a shield," I offer hopefully.

"I could use more practice, not saying the wrong thing so my jaw doesn't get broke," He banters smiling.

"I'm sorry," we both say at the same time.We laugh at each other."I was being an ass…I shouldn't have ever said that to you," Alistair says sadly.  
"I threw you into leading us around and basically just follow and complain," He continues, "you have been wonderful and I would be happy if you and Teagan are happy together, Maker knows you both deserve it. I was just afraid that he would get hurt not realizing I was hurting someone else… I've come to care about as my sister."

"Alistair," I hug him, "its ok Teagan and I are not a together… I care about him …but I care about him enough not to put him through dealing with the life of warden. I told him so…" my voice drops off sadly.

Alistair looks at me stunned for moment. "You told him?"

I nod at him.

"I feel like worse ass now than I did before," he states shakily.

"Well maybe next time you will ask first?" I half-tease him smiling.

"I do feel bad about your jaw though, I should have never punched you," I add more seriously.

"Well, taking all that you just told me into account I really did deserve it, but Andraste's ass Elly, you, for a tiny woman, do have a mean left hook," He says smiling grimly at himself rubbing his still swollen jaw.

"Just make sure you tell Fergus that, when you meet him, he says I hit like girl," I joke.

"Come on," I grab his hand pulling him, "let's see if I can talk Wynne into healing it up for you."

"Ok, I'm coming you don't need to pull," He chuckles.

We walk back to the camp. I find Wynne in the same place she was when I left."Wynne, would you be willing to heal Alistair's jaw?" I ask.

"Is Alistair finished acting like a horses behind?" She asks both of us.

We grin and nod like two kids in cahoots."Okay then," she smiles, "Elissa, would you grab my bag of components?"

I gather the bag for Wynne and leave her and Alistair to it.I head back over to where Leliana is grabbing a couple bottle of wine and two goblets. We really are bunch of lushes. I pull up a seat and pour us each a goblet of wine and hand her one. She stares at it for a long moment before she speaks.

"I need to apologize to you as well," She finally says.

"Whatever for?" I ask her questioningly.

"I lied to you, you know, about why I left Orlais..." she slowly.

"Lel, we all have a past, I figured you would tell me when you were ready," I offer.

"I didn't feel like talking about it then. What happened to me…" she drifts off again staring at the wine.

I wait patiently for her continue.

"Maybe it will affect us, maybe not, but you should know. I came to Ferelden and the Chantry because I was being hunted, in Orlais," She admits.

"Hunted? What for?" I ask fascinated.

"I was framed, betrayed by someone I thought I knew and could trust. Marjoliane…she was my mentor and …my friend. She taught me the bardic arts…"Leliana continues, "how to enchant with words and song, how to carry myself like a high-borne lady, how to blend in as a servant. The skills I learned, I used to serve her, my bard-master, because I loved her and because I enjoyed what I did."

"How did she betray you?" I ask curiously.

She takes a long sip of her goblet draining the glass. I wordlessly refill it."You could say it was my fault. There was a man I was sent to kill. I was to bring Marjoliane everything he carried," She states remembering dreamily."I don't know who this man was," she says shaking her head, "she gave me name and description, and I hunted him down. I found documents on his body…sealed documents," she says softly.

"Important documents?" I ask quietly.

"It turns out that they were…" she states taking another drink. "My curiosity got the better of me. Something told me I needed to know what was in those letters," She takes a breath and another sip of her wine."Marjoliane…had been selling all different kinds of information about Orlais to other countries…Nevarra and Antiva among others. It was treason," She says sorrowfully.

"Isn't that what bards do?" I ask taking a sip of my wine.

"Some," Leliana admits fidgeting, "but I had always assumed Marjoliane only operated within Orlais. This was an unhappy surprise for me. My life as bard," she forges on, "taught me that my loyalties should be kept fluid. My concern was not that she a traitor, but that her life would be in danger if she were caught."  
"Orlais has been at war with so many countries. It takes a harsh view of such things…as I later discovered," She trails off draining her goblet again.

"Most countries don't appreciate treason, you cared for her,” I state lightly while refilling her goblet.

"I should have left it alone, but I didn't. I had to tell Marjoliane that I feared for her life," She adds unhappily, "She brushed aside my concerns. She admitted her guilt, but said it was in the past. That was why the documents had to be destroyed, she said. I believed her," she says angrily taking another quick deep sip of wine. "I kept believing, until the moment they showed me the documents, altered by her hand to make me look, the traitor," She adds with a look of sadness and regret.

"Who's they?" I asked curiously.

Leliana takes another long drink draining her goblet. I hold out the bottle. She takes it and drinks again."The Orlesian guards, they captured me…did terrible things to me to make me confess and reveal my conspirators," She raises the bottle again grimacing, "it was a traitor's punishment, I endured and at the end of it, and at the end of it, all that awaited me was an eternity in an unmarked grave."

I am stunned, "how did you get out?" I manage to ask.

"The skills Marjoliane taught me were good for something, at least," she replies dryly, "I broke free when I first saw the opportunity. I did not seek Marjoliane out. If she thought I was coming for her she would have me caught again," she pulls the bottle to her lips again and then hands it to me.

I drink the last and pull the other bottle out. She grins at me wryly.

"And so you came to Ferelden, to Lothering," I state taking a drink and handing the bottle to her.

"I was tempted to confront her," she says angrily, "I was furious, betrayed, but what could I do against her?" She drinks again and hands me the bottle, "and so I fled, to Ferelden, to the Chantry, and to the Maker. Ferelden protected my person and the Maker saved my soul."

I drink again looking at her thoughtfully. I offer her the bottle back she nods and takes another large sip."And that is why I am here," she states calmly "the real reason, no more lies between us, at least in this."

"Thank you for trusting me with this," I say to her.

"It feels good to have this off my chest, thank you for listening and understanding," she says gratefully.

We sit in silence passing the bottle back and forth a few more times. I look over at her and she has fallen fast asleep. I grab the bottle and another one and head over to see Cullen (he may need a drink I reason). I want to be sure he is alright after having to face that demon. I take another swig from the bottle and walk over to him.

"I was hoping you, would come to talk," He says joking weakly, "Saves me from having to come find you."

"I wanted to be sure you were ok after yesterday," I admit.

"I need to apologize, Elissa, for freezing on you yesterday. You could have been killed!" He says angrily more to himself than me.

I hand him the bottle knowingly. He eyes it up for moment and takes it and takes a large gulp."Cullen, I saw you save me from that demon," I state warmly.

"You saw me freeze as well …" he accuses again more to himself than me.

He hand me back the bottle. I take a drink and hand it back."You froze for a moment; I don't hold that against you. You need to forgive yourself; this self-flagellating behavior does none of us any good," I state softly."Forgive yourself for not being able to more at the tower and for freezing yesterday…and remember you did what needed to be done when it needed to be done," I coax gently.

He looks at me thoughtfully as I hand the bottle back to him. We sit in silence for a while just sharing the more of the bottle. Finally he says, "I may not be ready to talk about what happened at the tower yet, but I feel comfortable talking to you. Thank you for helping me. I will need to think on this more."  
He goes to hand me back the bottle I wave him off.

"Keep it," I offer pulling out the other bottle to show him.

I get up and head toward the lake we are camped by. I quickly survey everyone. Alistair is sitting by Leliana half- asleep, Wynne has her book, Sten is sharpening his blade, as Shale is regales him of the many unusual ways she can think of to kill birds, Cullen has gone to his tent, and Zevran is coating his treating his leathers with nug grease, Morrigan is at her fire on the other side of camp. I stop by my tent and grab a towel and clean clothes, deciding to head to the lake, thinking some cool water might clear my head. I head to the lake set my stuff down and sit…grabbing the bottle of wine I uncork it and take a deep drink.  
I hear rustling behind me and Zev pops out of the shadows.

"Mind if I join you, Warden?" Zev drawls.

"Zevran, I swear if you are coming to apologize to me for something, I will throw you in the lake," I threaten.

He chuckles at my threat, "No worries, I haven't done anything to be sorry for…unless you want me to apologize for trying to assassinate you."

"Zevran..." I warn threatening.

He holds up his hands in surrender, chuckling."How about we just share that bottle your hording?" He jokes.

"Deal!" I state a bit loudly, taking another sip and handing it to him as he sits next to me.

"However, I wasn't expecting company," I say teasing.

"You weren't?" he says eyes twinkling.

"Well, I was planning on bathing," I gesture to the toiletries and clothing.He hands me the bottle back and I take a swig.

"Warden, if you don't mind me asking how many bottles of wine did you go through today?" he asks laughing again.

I think hard for a minute, "We meaning Cullen, Leliana and I went through 3. This is the third." I answer honestly. He grins at me. "Are you saying I'm drunk?" I ask scandalously.

"I would never accuse you of such a thing," He banters facetiously.

"hmph," I fake pout taking another drink, "I think I need swim."

I get up grabbing my soaps and head to edge of the lake. I really do feel grubby after cleaning Shale yesterday.I quickly strip to my smalls and dive into the water. Not caring what Zevran or anyone else thinks. The sun is receding anyway I tell myself. I grab my soaps and start washing my body down. I look over to the shore but Zev is nowhere to be found.

"Zev," I call out quietly.

No answer he must have gone back to camp I surmise.Suddenly I feel a pull on my leg and am pulled under the water and then it lets go. I hit the surface of the water gasping and hear Zev laugh."Oh so that's how you want it," I joke playfully seeing the mischievous gleam in his eyes. We spend the next hour or so dunking and splashing each other like children. I finally begin to get tired. I look at Zev and say, "I really need to wash my hair before I get out."

Zev looks at me and says, "Allow me," I nod as he grabs the soap and washes my hair for me.

As he works the soap through my hair, I say dreamily, "I remember my mother doing this for me as a child. I never thought I would miss it."

"Tell me about your mother," he says quietly.

I tell him about my gentle very ladylike, proper mother, who was tough enough to still fight but still lady enough to do beautiful needlepoint. When I finish telling him everything I remember about her. He looks at me and says gently, "don't ever forget…I have no memories of my mother."

I look up at him curiously.

"She died giving birth to me …"his voice hardens, "my first victim as it were."

"Oh Zev, I'm so sorry. Here I am going on about my mother and you never even had the opportunity to meet yours," I gush apologetically.

"Ah no need," he states simply, "you don't miss what you never had, but the sentiment is appreciated."

"I think you just apologized," he teases "you may need to throw yourself in the lake."

"Well my hair needs one last rinse anyway," I banter dunking myself.

He heads to the shore where our belongings are and pulls himself out of the water. I realize he had gone swimming in his pants and that he is very lithe and muscular topless. it's dark now but in the moonlight I can see his shape. I blush and pull my gaze away thankful that he can't see it. I pull myself out of the quickly cooling water. Zev respectfully stands with his back to me as I dry myself and dress. I grab the wine and sit down and he joins me.

"Aren't you still wet?" I ask.

"Almost dry just damp," He says cheerfully.

We sit and talk of little things passing the bottle back and forth until it is gone. I lay back on the ground comfortable and drowsy enjoying the bright starlight and moon against the stark ebony sky.


	16. A Warden's Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly has a request will the group agree?

Dear Diary,  
I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing. I'm unsure, but after talking to Leliana and Cullen about how their pasts haunt them. I'm really feeling the need to go back to Cousland Castle and right some wrongs. I feel that I need to do this to move forward. I will do the same for each of them so they can fight the darkspawn with a clear head.

While in Lothering I met a chantry sister who is related to our Mother Mallol. She was convinced that her sister was still alive and although I didn't always agree with our chantry Mother I respected her and loved her just like my "nan." I have to go back and find out and free anyone left if I can. How do I broach this with the group? Will they agree to it? I will bring it up after dinner tonight as we are going to break camp tomorrow now that Leliana is fit enough to travel again.

"If everyone would please stay after dinner, I would like to discuss something." I say cautiously.

Everyone in the group looks at me as I grab flagons and pour some of wine we got from Wilhelm's basement into the flagons.  
"You look very serious, Elly" Zevran states looking at me curiously.  
I hand out the flagons and we all sit around the fire.

"I'm unsure how to bring up this subject… so here goes," I say uneasily. "As I'm sure most of you already know, Arl Howe, took over Castle Cousland. He killed my father and mother, but I found there may be survivors…and since the King is unable to send any help, as he promised at Ostagar, I wish to go and see for myself," I say trying to keep my voice steady. "I doubt Logan even cares for what Howe did to my family or the people of Cousland Castle. I want to save anyone left," "I realize that this not a warden task and I will not order anyone to go with me. The choice is yours," I state quietly taking a gulp and staring at the ground.

There is silence for a few moments and then Zevran speaks, "if it is important to you Elly it's important to me I will remain at your side."

"I'm with you," Alistair says softly.

"As am I," Cullen states strongly.

"This has nothing to do with warden's tasks, so I will not go," states Sten, "but I do understand," he adds in a softer tone with shining eyes.

"I don't see the point of this," growls Morrigan, "I will await you at camp if it's all the same."

I know Leliana is unable to fight yet. She smiles and offers, "I will pray for you to come back safely and for any survivors."

Wynne debates for a moment more and then gently adds, "You may need a healer, if there are survivors. I will go."

"I will go too, you may need a "battering ram"" Shale quips, "besides I wish to see more the world."

I look up at them my eyes glittering as I try to hold back my grateful tears… "Thank you all so much." I manage to say.

Not much is said after that Morrigan goes back to her fire immediately. Wynne pleads needing sleep and heads for her tent. Shale heads to the outskirts of the camp. One by one the group dissipates until it is just Alistair, Leliana, Zevran, Cullen, and I. Leliana looks at me says, "We all have different demons I suppose. The wonderful thing is that we have each other to help."

"Here, here," Zev toasts raising his flagon. Everyone drinks to his toast.

"Whatever you need Elly, you helped my family, well the bit of family that I have. The least I can do is help you find some closure," Alistair says thoughtfully.

"You have been wonderful friend," Cullen states a bit tipsy, "you've been here for each one of us and asked nothing until now, I'm happy to help. And I think I should head to bed before I do or say something I shouldn't…I'm not used to the drink," he jokes, getting up.

I notice Leliana is drowsily leaning on Alistair. "Alistair, maybe you should take Leliana to her tent." I say playfully.

He blushes, "ah yes… then I will head to mine." He adds.

"Such a gentleman," I tease.

After they leave Zev looks at me pointedly and asks "are you ok?"

"Ask me again after we go to the Castle," I quip weakly.

"I don't know how I feel or if this is the right thing to do…I just have to know," I explain feebly.

Zev looks at me intensely for a moment, and states "I am here for you for anything you need Elly." With that he leans over and cups my face with both hands raising my head and kisses my forehead, before rising to refill our flagons. I don't know what to say…Thank you seems so inadequate for what he just offered what they all offered to do.

"Zev…" I start to say.

He shakes his head, "No thanks are necessary." He grins cheekily, "after all, you didn't kill me."

"Well that is true," I agree snickering.


	17. Return to Highever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly revisits her childhood home

Dear Diary,  
Returning to Cousland Castle is the mess I thought it would be. We entered the gates and were immediately attacked by Howe's guards. I guess Howe didn't really care enough about the place to be here himself. We fought our way through the castle to my parent's bedroom where one of Howe's higher lackeys had positioned himself. I really enjoyed cutting that bastard down. He just wouldn't shut up about killing my parents. I honestly thought there would be more resistance. At least the bastard had the dungeon key on him.

So we head to the dungeon in the hopes of finding survivors. In the upper levels, I found many of our servants and castle staff. Those who didn't wish to stay I offered travel money told them to head to Redcliff and speak to Bann Teagan. I know he will make sure they are looked after.  
We enter the lower level and I find Mother Mallol.

"My dear child you are still live, thank the maker!" she says joyously.

"Yes, mother and father stayed and fought so I could escape with Duncan," I explain quickly.

"Then you must put Cousland Castle back in proper order," she states in her motherly manner.

"That will be impossible for me to do now, Mother Mallol," I state earnestly looking her in the eye.

"You have known me for years child, call me Mallol," she says quietly."Why can you not return and take your rightful place?" she asks pointedly.

"Mallol," I explain softly, "I am grey warden now and the wardens are needed because of the blight."

She nods in understanding and sighs sadly, "I'm so sorry love; no one deserves this to happen to them."

I sidestep her sympathy, look at her calmly.

"Many of the staff have decided to stay you may as well if you like. However, your sister worries for you and will be waiting for you in Gwaren. It may make you feel better to know that Fergus, last I knew is still alive. He was out of Howe's reach although I don't know where he is at the moment. If anyone is going to come back here and make the lands and Castle right again it will be him," I say offering her some hope.

She smiles at the thought, "Maker be praised, I will visit with my sister and then come back as soon as Teyrn Cousland returns." She turns to leave, "my prayers will be with you child, Maker help us all."

"Thanks Mallol," I smile and head to the lowest levels of the dungeon.

We fight off the last of jailors down here and I open the cells. A bunch of our soldiers are shocked to see me and decide they wish to stay until Fergus returns. There is one cell that hadn't opened. I walk over to cell and realize Ser Gilmore is in it unconscious.

"Wynne come quickly!" I yell, while picking the lock. I get the door open and Alistair gently picks up Ser Gilmore and lays him down one of the cots the jailors used. He's lost a lot of weight and is pale. I'm shaking as I watch Wynne work on him.

"Alistair, I need you turn him over," Wynne requests.She strips off the dirty tunic he's wearing and we see a terrible wound infected, and deep going from his shoulder to his waist along with whip marks.I gasp in horror at the amount of swelling and pus coming from those wounds. It's horrible.

"Maker's breathe," I sob uncontrollably. I feel my knees go wobbly. Cullen and Zev are right there on either side of me grabbing my elbows to keep me upright. As I watch Wynne heal him. Tears streaming down my face, I don't even notice them. She cleans the wounds and heals up what she can. She turns to me seeing my distraught face and says, "Elly I need you to find him clean clothes. Can you do that?"

I mentally shake myself and my mind comes back, "Yes I know where there should be some."

I head to Fergus's room and find a clean tunic and pants along with some smallclothes for Ser Gilmore. Thankfully no one had taken up residence in there; however I had to step over the decomposing bodies of Oren and Oriana to find them. Stifling back a sob I did as Wynne asked.I walk back down to the dungeon with the clothes. Wynne and the Alistair get him dressed.

"We need to get him out of here," Wynne states practically.

"My old room is untouched and comfortable we can take him there," I state my emotions under control for the moment. "We akis need to make a pyre in the front courtyard. That's the only area large enough that's close; many of the bodies were left to rot," I say mechanically.

Zev and Cullen look at each other and nod. Alistair gently picks up Ser Gilmore nodding at Wynne as I lead the way to my old room.  
Wynne offers to stay with Ser Gilmore while Alistair and I head out to join Zevran and Cullen. We work our way systematically through the castle finding bodies and adding them to the pyre. When we get to Fergus's room, I take a deep breath and grab little Oren's body gently bringing it to the pyre.

Alistair is shocked "they even killed the children?" he whispers to Zev. Zev just nods in reply saying nothing. "I don't even think she realizes, she is crying," He whispers worried.

Cullen looks at him sharply and states quietly, "She can hear you."

Finally we get to the kitchen, and I see my father prone on the floor and my mother with sword in hand protecting him even in death. I'm torn on how to react. I'm angry, angry at Howe, angry with my mother for not coming with me, angry at myself for not being able to save them. I'm distraught beyond belief.  
I just shut down. I mechanically pick up my mother and Cullen gently picks up my father and we take them to pyre together. I feel better now that I shut it down. Yes quiet calm, better. I stand by the pyre for a bit afterwards and watch the bodies' burn. Shale offers to watch the fire as she doesn't sleep anyway. I ask a few of the men to get messages to nobles to meet tomorrow. I'm tired. I tell the guys to find clean beds in the barracks. Once they are gone, I head to my parent's room and climb into their bed like I used to do when I had bad dreams as a child. I let the weariness overtake me and I sleep.


	18. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time to clean house in Highever

Dear Diary,  
I don't want to wake up this morning. If I do it will mean it that everything from yesterday is real. How is Ser Gilmore doing?  
I bolt upright with that thought. Well no need to get dressed as I am still in clothes. I note I walk over to the mirror and see tear tracks in the dirt running down my face. I head to the well and get some water and clean my face. The pyre is just smoldering now and I realize its early afternoon. My eyes still burn and are swollen, I can’t find it in myself to care.

I head over to my old room and see Wynne clucking around her patient. I smile weakly at the sight and realize Ser Gilmore is awake and sitting up in the bed.  
"Elly," He says a faint smile crossing his face, "Wynne explained everything to me. I wanted to wake you up but she insisted I let you sleep."

"Yesterday was trying," I state mechanically not wanting to think about it.

"Well now you're back and things can become a new normal again," he says hopefully.

"No they can't!" I bite out angrily losing the tenuous control I have on my emotions for a moment.

Seeing the shock on his face, I soften, "Rory, Wynne didn't tell you everything. I'm warden now and the blight takes higher precedence."

He weighs my words for a moment, many emotions crossing his face, shock, disbelief, anger, sadness, and hope. "What of Fergus?" He asks finally.

"I still don't know where Fergus is, he was not at Ostagar when I got there. He was on a scouting mission," I explain, "at least he was out of Howe's reach."

His face lights up at the thought."Then I will join you," he says decisively.

"Rory, I would not ask this of you," I plead, remembering him trying to hold the gates against Howe's men.

"I don't recall you asking me," He teases lightly. "In fact I'm demanding you take me with you. Duncan came here to recruit me if I recall properly," He states firmly.

I nod that was true to a point. "Ok Rory, as soon as Wynne says, you are fit to travel," I say relenting.

"He needs to rest for a few days, I think he will be fine if he doesn't do anything but walking for the next week or so after," Wynne replies to the unspoken question. "Elly have you eaten? You look pale," she says looking at me pointedly.

"I'm fine, Wynne," I say mechanically. Food is the last thing on my mind right now.

I see that Rory is drowsy. "I'll be back later, Wynne, thanks for taking care of him," I say gratefully as I take my leave.

I leave and check on the soldiers and staff that have decided to stay. I run into Alistair and the others are doing basic cleanup around the Castle and Shale is doing much of the heavy lifting. It seems that Howe cleaned out the coffers the bastard. Thankfully our vassals have been bringing food and wood to the keep as word traveled quickly that I was back at the Castle. They showed up in droves pledging their loyalty to me and Cousland Castle. I knew I would have to make an announcement.

I sit on my Father's throne as I waited for everyone to arrive. I knew it was expected, but it felt strange to be sitting there. Father wanted me to take over the Highever should anything happen to Fergus when he decided to step down but this was just wrong, it should not have happened this way. Once everyone had assembled and quieted.  
"Everyone here knows of the treachery of Howe, and what happened here," I started quietly. "Your Teyrn and Teyrna were killed in cold blood by Arl Howe and his men, along with most of the other members of my family," I continue louder standing up. "I would take my place in my father's stead as Teyrna of Highever, However I cannot," I stop for dramatic effect as everyone gasps. "I am now a grey warden and I cannot sit here, while darkspawn destroy Ferelden," I state calmly.  
I wait a moment as another collective gasp from the crowd ensues.

"However do not despair, Teyrn Fergus Cousland is still alive and I will bring him back to you," I annunciate the "Teyrn" in the sentence to get the point across.  
Everyone looks at me expectantly. "In the meantime Bann Gilmore will see to the running of the Teyrnir of Highever, all of you will treat him with the same loyalty and respect you would have my parents," I finish grandly.

Everyone turns to look at the Bann. The Bann looks a bit shocked but recovers quickly. "I accept the Teyrna's gracious offer," He says gracefully.

Many people come forward with questions and disputes; I settle the matters as best I can. Finally the nobles filter out to the dining hall. The Bann comes to speak with me. "This is quite a mess isn't it," the Bann chuckles wryly.

"It is," I answer him smiling dryly.

"Walk with me; I don't think you had the chance to see Rory yet and I wish to check on him. I wanted to speak with you anyway," I say gesturing to the door.

"Why would you pick me?" The Bann asks curiously.

"I've known you to be a good honest man, my father trusted you explicitly and I trust his judgment. I would have put Rory in charge but he insisted on coming with me," I explained honestly.

"However there is a chance that I won't find Fergus or he may be dead in that case you will take over Highever in my stead as a warden I'm not allowed to play in politics," I tell him seriously. He looks at me with mixture of pride and wonderment.

"You are as perceptive as your father and just as brave," He says thoughtfully, "You don't pussyfoot around and do what is needed. I will do as you ask. I think you have done your father and mother proud."

"I will make Howe pay for what he did to Rory and the others," I add savagely. The man looks at me a bit shocked. "You will understand my anger when you see Rory," I explain softly, "prepare yourself this will not be easy to see."

We enter the room just as Wynne is redressing the wounds. Maker has an ironic sense of timing. Rory has his back to us. The Bann looks shocked and then angry at the sight. I reach over and grab his hand to comfort him. I nod at him. He nods back in understanding and leans down to my ear and says, "Make Howe pay" in a low growling whisper. 

"I will, you have my promise," I whisper back. Wynne helps Rory back into the tunic.

"Rory, my boy it's so good to see you!" The Bann greets loudly.

"Father!" Rory exclaims, "So good to see you," He makes to rise from the bed but his father stops him.

"Let me come to you son," He says smiling. The Bann hugs Rory gingerly as not to hurt him.

I look at Wynne and say, "Wynne, I'm sure you could use a break. We will sit with Rory for a while."

"Yes, I would love the chance to check out Castle Cousland," She smiles understandingly as she takes her leave.

The Bann and I pull up chairs by the bed, so we can chat. I explain what happened in the Great Hall.

"So Elly put you in charge?" Rory smiles at his father gleefully.

"Well she would have put you in charge Rory," the Bann teased.

"But you have the crazy idea of running off and joining the wardens," He adds more seriously.

"Dad," Rory begins.

"It's okay, son," the Bann interrupts, "I understand I can see that this important to you."

"I'm just a father who worries about his son," the Bann adds smiling wryly. "I'm just thankful that Teyrna Cousland came, reclaimed the castle and found you alive," the Bann says looking at me gratefully.

"Please call me Elissa or Elly, Teyrna Cousland was my mother's title," I say with my voice shaking a bit.

The Bann reaches over and hugs my shoulders, "Ok Elly, but in front of the nobility you are Teyrna Cousland. You may call me Roland." We continue talking until Rory tires and we leave him to rest.

"I don't know how to thank you… for everything," Roland says to me when we leave the room.

I smile at him understandingly. "No thanks is necessary…Rory has been my friend since you sent him here. I care for him. I'm just happy I found him," I say softly,  
"We will be leaving in a few days as soon as Rory can travel."

He nods in understanding, "I see your friends are looking for you." He smiles and gestures down the hall where Alistair is heading toward us. "The resemblance between that boy and Maric is eerie," he notes to himself.

I smirk quickly at the remark and school my face walking to meet Alistair.


	19. On the Road Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meeting Tamlen and Adela

Dear Diary,  
We are finally on the road again. It’s time to head to Orzammar and take the treaty to the dwarves, both Leliana and Rory have recovered from their wounds, well at least the physical ones, the emotional ones are much harder to deal with.  
As we walk, I once again feel my darkspawn sense go off. I stop short. Luckily this time people are paying attention and I don’t get trampled. I point to the right and Leliana sends an arrow in the direction I pointed. A darkspawn angrily growls running toward us with an arrow sticking out its arm. Then they all descend. I feel another presence, like Alistair but not Alistair. I look beyond where we are fighting and see a dwarf fighting darkspawn as well.  
When the fight is over she comes over and introduces herself as Adela, an Orlesian grey warden. She states there is another darkspawn in the area and we need to go kill it and she will await our return. I look at her sharply because I don’t know this woman and she thinks to order me about. However, she is right I feel a something nearby.

We head toward the creature and it speaks to us. It’s not a darkspawn but a tainted elf. He is turning into ghoul. 

“Don’t come near me! Stay away!” the elf warns. He runs. I follow him curiously as any darkspawn would have tried to attack. “Don’t...look at me! I am…sick,” He pleads.

“We can help you…don’t be afraid,” I say kindly.

“No help no…help for me,” he says sadly.

“The song… in my head. It…calls to me. He sings to me. I can’t stop it,” He continues trying to explain. “Don’t want to hurt you, please stop me!” he begs.

“I have to try and do something,” I plead with him.

“Then you leave me no choice…I don’t want to do this,” he says taking a fighting stance.

“Wait, I’m a grey warden, I may be able to stop the singing,” I offer hopefully.

“Yes, stop the singing,” he agrees.

“Join me then,” I say firmly.

“You can call…me Tamlen,” the elf says. 

We head back to Adela together. “You should have just killed it,” she sneers, “it’s not a pet.”

“I didn’t ask your opinion,” I smirk back, “and his name is Tamlen.”

We continue on and finally set up camp Adela complaining the whole way.

Alistair speaks up, “This is what happens when the taint is left unchecked.” He looks at Tamlen, “I am so sorry.”

“There has got to be something we can do. So many people have already died,” I plead looking at him.

“Perhaps if he takes the joining, I’ve heard of them doing that it keeps the taint in check,” Alistair says thoughtfully.

“Absolutely not!” Adela shouts angrily looking at me.

“Again I don’t remember asking you,” I sneer at her. This woman is getting on my last nerve, but I feel she is just testing my resolve.

“I am your superior officer and you will obey me,” she shouts.

“Not likely,” I say softly so she has to lean in to hear me, “These are my friends not soldiers they have offered to help with the blight.” 

I step back and turn to walk away to let her think she has the upper hand. She pulls her daggers and heads toward me. Before she can think of another move everyone has pulled their weapons and all are trained on her. I turn to look at her. She looks around to Zev, I’m sure she can feel his daggers pressed into her back, Wrex is growling and ready to pounce, Leliana has an arrow aimed at her heart, Alistair, Cullen, Sten, and Rory ready with swords, Morrigan and Wynne a hairs breathe away from casting and Shale has picked up a huge boulder if the rest should fail.

“You see Adela, I lead by example,” I explain “you can fall in line and join us or you can leave. It’s as simple as that. You need to understand only Alistair and I, are the only wardens, the rest are not and my people, my friends are not expendable.”

She laughs heartily, “Well played recruit, Duncan said you had spunk when he recruited you. He failed to mention your charisma though. Sodding hell, you were able to charm the blighted elf into joining you,” she says in wonder chuckling.

“His name is Tamlen,” I remind her.

“Okay, I might not agree with you about recruiting Tamlen but there is way to help him,” she adds cheerfully. I’m a bit confused about the sudden change in demeanor but I go with it as she has put her weapons away. “We will need to find an old friend of mine he can help,” She adds.

“How about we talk it over a flagon?” I offer.

“Now there’s an idea!” she agrees chuckling.

“Alistair, could you see that Tamlen is comfortable please?” I ask.

“Sure thing, Elly,” he cheekily grins.

I pour ale into the flagons and hand her one. She accepts gratefully. “So what brought about the change in attitude?” I ask pointedly.

“Quite frankly, I was testing you,” she admits, “I knew Duncan had recruited a noble’s kid. I wanted to be sure you weren’t some spoiled prat.”

“Well this spoiled prat, noble’s kid is now an orphan,” I said coldly.

Adela had the decency to look ashamed. “I apologize, I shouldn’t have assumed,” she says regretfully.

“We will need to meet with my friend “Ox,” she says changing the subject.

“Thank you Adela, I know you don’t agree, but I’m glad you respect me enough to try to help him,” I say graciously. “Now I think proper introductions are in order. Hey everyone, gather around for minute!” I call out. One everyone settles with flagon. I make the introductions.

“This is Alistair another one of Duncan’s recruits and bastard child of King Maric,” I say grinning cheekily. Alistair nods cheeks flaming.  
“Next to him is Leliana bard of Orlais and chantry sister,” Leliana giggles at the irony and leans into Alistair. “Next to her, is Wynne our wise healer and a great mage,” I smile at Wynne.

“A pleasure to meet you Adela,” Wynne says gracefully.

“The rather stoic man next to her is Cullen a templar from the Ferelden circle,” I flash him a cheeky grin. He nods in greeting to Adela watching her wary.  
“Next to Cullen is our resident Qunari Sten, serious but a real softy,” I joke. He glares at me. “The gorgeous woman next to Sten is our witch of the wilds Morrigan,” I tease. She smirks at me. “The strapping young man next to her is my childhood friend, and soldier from Highever, Ser Gilmore, also known as Rory,” I tease. Rory looks at me shaking his head and chuckles. “Our statuesque friend next to him is Shale. She really hates birds,” I banter on.“Next Shale is my faithful most favorite mabari Wrex; he will probably watch you carefully for a bit because you pulled weapons on me,” I explain cheerfully. Wrex growls low and stares at Adela. “Last but not least is my favorite assassin Zevran, he tried to kill me and I recruited him for his trouble,” I snicker.

Zevran grins impudently at me and laughs.

Adela looks at my friends and back at me, “You know I really think you can do this. I honestly don’t think the wardens could recruit better,” she says in wonder.   
We spend the evening chatting and finally everyone heads back to their tents one by one. I’m just sitting with Zev by the fire.

“Do you think you can trust her?” he asks concerned. 

“After the display today, I think she will be just fine,” I say confidently, “she offered help for Tamlen although she disagrees with me. I knew she was testing me, if I had pulled my weapons, my point wouldn’t have been made.”

“You all made my point for me. Sometimes a “show” of force is needed. I however needed you, all of you,” I continued gesturing to the tents, “to make the point, which you all did and I am ever so grateful. My father showed me that sometimes letting the people decide was best rather than a show of force on his part.”

“Well, I will still be watching her,” says Zev seriously. “I can’t let anyone “assassinate” my favorite warden,” He jokes.

“Thanks Zev,” I smile at him gratefully.  
“It’s been a long day I think I will head to bed; I have watch in a few hours.” I say looking a Shale who is watching from the outside the firelight.

“G’night dear warden,” Zev mumbles sleepily heading to his tent.

I didn’t really sleep. I laid in my tent on the bedroll and thought with the events in Highever plaguing my mind until it was my shift.


	20. Tamlen's Cure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we meet Ox and start the process of healing Tamlen

Dear Diary,

We decide that Tamlen’s situation is dire and we are seeking out the “friend” Adela told us about. Tamlen, Adela, Morrigan, and I set out to find Ox. Tamlen explains that he touched a mirror and was transported to an abandoned Thaig. The mirror must have been tainted. He got sick after he touched it and was approached by something he calls the “dark thing.” I asked if it was a darkspawn he first said yes and then shook his head and said it was something more. He described it as grey with cold curious eyes. It was not human but not darkspawn it was something else. It had a calm but eerie voice. I notice Adela listening intently at this point. It told him he had come through something called an eluvian.

Morrigan perks up at this point and explains that an eluvian was an ancient elven magic mirror that allowed people to transport long distances and communicate. There were many of them when the elves had an empire at the peak of their strength before the Tevinter imperium.

I prompt Tamlen to continue and he explains the dark thing offered to help him with his pain from the taint. It had offered him release. The pain was unbearable so he had accepted. It turns out the dark thing hastened the taint within him He started hearing the song ever more loudly. He said he would take it back if he could. There was no pain, no hunger, or thirst (which explains his refusal of food and water), just the song, it was maddening.

Finally, I asked Tamlen what the dark thing wanted. In exchange for releasing him from his pain he was the dark thing’s experiment. The dark thing wanted to end the singing for good. The dark thing is aware that wardens can’t hear the singing. Now I understand why Tamlen agreed to go with us he believes we can stop the singing.

I pity this poor man and want to help. I hope that this “Ox” can help him. We find Ox in his home near an ancient temple. Ox as it turns out is a Qunari mage. He sends us to find another flower similar to the one I found for the mabari keeper at Ostagar. I find the flower and he makes a potion that slows the taint down. After Tamlen has taken the potion he informs Tamlen and I that we must enter the fade.

“Enter the fade?” I ask him after all, Tamlen and I aren’t mages we can’t enter the fade. The only experience I have with this is the ritual that was done at Redcliff. So the confusion was evident.

“I am somniari,” he explains. I notice Morrigan sit up quickly and intently listening to him. “I can enable both you and your friend to enter the fade but you will need to be asleep.”

“What about demons?” I ask.

“I will be there with you there is one who can help but you must be willing to pay the price,” He says sadly.

“What price will that be?” I ask.

“I don’t know what she will ask of you,” He explains.

“Who is she?” I wonder out loud.

“You will see soon enough come,” Ox says firmly, “come, let’s save your friend.”

He leads us away from the warded circle he created and has both Tamlen and I lay down.I doubt I will be able to sleep as sleep has eluded since Highever but I will try for Tamlen’s sake. Morrigan seeing my difficulty asks Ox if she can cast a sleep spell on me. He agrees but tells her to make it light one. I fall into a slumber. I wake up (at least I feel like I am awake) and this place is very strange and beautiful, both Ox and Tamlen are with me.

“You must first fight with Tamlen’s demons,” he explains gesturing to the rocky path. The path seems to be shifting however our footsteps are sure, such an odd place, it has a strange green glowing sky there is no sun moon or stars. This is what it must look like mages all the time. Where does the light come from I wonder. I see pretty bits of light they almost look like stars, as I am staring at them one sends out a bolt of light and it hits me.

“Ouch, that hurt! Seems we have to fight these pretty things,” I say to Tamlen, He nods. We make quick work cutting the fade creatures down.

We continue down the path and see what I would normally call a rage demon. But this one was different he was trying to hurt Tamlen with words as he fought. Telling him that she was dead because of him, flaunting it, at one point it turned into a beautiful Dalish girl and taunted him in elven. I didn’t understand what it was saying but I could see it was hurting Tamlen. I slipped behind it and stabbed with both daggers turning it back into its original form before it disintegrated into ash. Tamlen looks shocked and shaky I wonder if he’s going to faint.

I take Tamlen’s arm and pull him over to a rock to sit. “Tell me everything,” I say. The elf looks at me still in a daze and begins to speak. “Lethallan and I were hunting in the forest and we came upon some Shems,” He starts pausing shakily. “We found out they were hunting for treasure in the some abandoned ruins they found.” His voice and thoughts are normal in the fade. It took him such an effort to speak before I think the singing is less invasive for him here allowing him to think coherently.

“I wanted to find the ruins and see for myself, hoping if I could find something for the keeper there she would agree to let Lethallan and I join,” He says sadly.

“Is Lethallan her name?” I ask softly.

He smiles, “No, Lethallan is a term reserved for family and clan, Lethallan for women and lethallin for men. Her name was Neria.”

“And the two of you wished to be joined, like a wedding?” I ask.

He nods and smiles sadly.

“What happened then?” I prompt him.

“I talked Neria into going to the ruins the shems had mentioned. We found tainted creatures (although we didn’t know it at the time) and a mirror,” He continues almost emotionlessly.

“I touched the mirror and was transported when I looked back through it, I could see Neria on the ground not moving, she had a huge wound on her head. I tried to go to her but I couldn’t. The mirror wouldn’t let me back through. I yelled and shouted to her to wake up. I didn’t know if she could hear me or not,” He says almost in a panic. Getting control of himself, he continues, “I stayed by the mirror for I don’t know how long, trying to figure out how to get back. I saw a man come in and tried to yell to him but he couldn’t hear me. He raised his sword and shattered the mirror.”

I look at him and nod, prompting him to continue.

“There was no way for me to get back with the mirror shattered so I wandered about the ruins looking for a way out. That was when the dark one found me,” he finishes shaking again.

I look over at the elf. He is obviously distraught. “It’s my fault she died!” He shouts angrily at himself. “Ma sa lath, Ma vhenan, emma abelas,” he adds sobbing.  
I didn’t need a translator to understand what the poor man was saying. I pulled him over setting his head on my shoulder comforting him. He was cold, his head bald, parts of skin falling off, it was a bit creepy, but he was still person in need of comfort and forgiveness. He didn’t resist like I thought he might (after all I am a shem) he just sobbed until the torrent had passed.

Once he quieted, I hugged him and said, “Tamlen, I forgive you. You couldn’t have known what would happen.”

“Thank you, Falon” he says his voice gravelly from the torrent that just passed.

“So what does “Falon” mean?” I ask him curiously.

He gives me a small smile. “It means friend,” He says warily.

“Tamlen, I am grateful and blessed that you would think of me as such and I would like say the same of you,” I offer smiling back at him.

He smiles a bit bigger this time.

“You think we can take on the rest of your demons now, Falon?” I ask trying out the new word.

He nods resolutely.

“Let’s do this, then,” I say firmly.

We fight two more demons who try to break him down with their words. We ignore the cruel banter and take to stabbing the damn things until they disintegrate and head back to where Ox is waiting for us.

“You have done well; you have healed the mind now we will heal the body. I will take you to her now,” He states sadly. I wonder why he is so sad, but he is already walking so I just fall in line keeping my thoughts to myself.

“She,” looks similar to the demon I fought in Wilhelm’s laboratory. However her demeanor is different. A bit haughty but kind, she offers to help Tamlen but I must pay the price for him.

Tamlen looks at me, “Falon, you don’t have to do this.”

“I want to Tamlen. I will be fine,” I assure him.

I step forward offering my strength to the spirit/demon. I really don’t know what “she” is. I feel my strength weaken as she pulls it from me. I sink to the ground weakened. The next thing I remember is Ox gently waking me up. I get up shakily and walk over to Tamlen. He is awake as well and looks …he looks like…really good looking elf with blond hair, blue eyes and the most beautiful ochre tattoos on his face.

“Tamlen,” I breathe, “you’re beautiful.”

“I look different?” He asks confused.

“Yea, ya crazy elf!” exclaims Adela, pulling out a mirror.

He peers into the mirror. “By Mythal! I look like myself again, no taint!” he exclaims happily.

I can still feel the taint within him but it’s not affecting his appearance. “I can still feel the taint within you but for now your body is healed,” I tell him honestly.

“We must do the joining as soon as possible,” Adela adds. We look at her nodding in agreement. “Does anyone know where we can find some archdemon blood?” Adela asks.

I look at her confused “We have plenty of darkspawn blood wouldn’t that be sufficient?”

“I see,” she says slowly, “Duncan didn’t have time tell you before …he died.”

“Tell me what?” I ask.

“Darkspawn blood is part of the potion you drank but there is also a drop of archdemon blood added to the mix.” She explains wryly.

“The dark one’s laboratory,” Tamlen interrupts. Adela and I both turn and look at him. “I think I remember where it is I can take you there,” Tamlen adds excitedly. I feel weak my knees give out and I drop to the ground beside Tamlen.

“She asked for Elly’s strength didn’t she?” Adela accuses Ox lightly.

“That was her price, yes,” Ox says firmly.

“Actually she gave me choice strength or intelligence,” I joke weakly.

“Well at least you were smart enough to keep your wits about you,” Adela banters.

“You will need to rest once back at your camp for at least a week or two to regain your strength,” he explains patiently. “And I have one request..."

“I’m listening,” I say warily.

“I wish to join you. If the blight isn’t stopped we are all in danger,” He states practically.

I’ve learned enough about Qunari to know they don’t like mages to be free and I think about Sten for a moment. “I would be delighted to have you along,” I say choosing my words carefully, “I feel I should let you know that I have varied group including a Sten.”

“So long as he doesn’t try to bind me, which isn’t his job anyway, I think we will be just fine,” Ox states with firmness.

“We need to get back to the others quickly,” Adela says.

I feel tiredness overtaking me. I’m having trouble keeping my eyes open. “I’ll carry her,” says Ox.

“No, she did this for me. I should be the one to carry, falon,” Tamlen says rising. He picks me up easily. Adela calls for Morrigan who has spent her time studying the runes in the area.

I wrap my arms around his neck like small child. “You’re really strong for a skinny elf,” I say drowsily.

Tamlen chuckles looking at me mischievously, “you’re cute when you’re tired, falon, go to sleep.”

“Thanks for carrying me, Tamlen,” I say dropping my head against his shoulder.

I immediately fall asleep.

 

Translations-  
Ma sa lath, Ma vhenan, Emma abelas- my one love, my heart, I am sorry  
 


	21. Ox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly gets to know Ox a bit better.

Dear Diary,  
I wake up in my tent back at camp; the nightmare I experienced had me in a cold sweat. Highever again, at least it’s not blightmares. I console myself. I don’t bother changing as a dip in nearby pond seems a good idea. We always seem to camp near water, I note wryly. Good thing too because smelly fighter is not my perfume of choice.

“She finally rejoins us,” Adela teases.

I’m still feeling a bit weak and shaky after my jaunt into the fade. I smile weakly at her and head over to the makeshift kitchen area for some water and bread.  
I sit down by the fire with and eat listening to everyone talk. I suddenly realize that everyone is looking at me.

“Elly you’re rather quiet you ok?” Alistair asks.

“Just drained,” I joke. “I’m really tired; Ox says it will take me some time to recover. I will need some of you to trek about for me for about the next two weeks.” 

“Elly we are concerned what happened? Adela wouldn’t tell us and Tamlen said we needed to hear it from you,” Alistair says concerned.  
Everyone took a place around the fire waiting for me to speak. “Well, I’m guessing since Tamlen got his good looks back,” I tease “and we have a new companion. I need to explain.”

Everyone just looks at me waiting. “I’m taking it you made your introductions to Ox or do I have to do it again,” I jest. Everyone nods, and I give the same speech to Ox introducing everyone.

No one says anything except Sten who looks at Ox distastefully and says, “Saarebas.” 

“Sten,” I admonish, “all the mages here are Saarebas to you. He is here to help just like Wynne or Morrigan. Be polite or be silent please.”

He weighs it for a moment, “As you wish, Kadan.” 

I look at him questioning for a moment, as he had never called me that before. I keep the question for later and move on. “Ox helped us, he helped Tamlen get back to his good looking self. He requested to come with us to help with the darkspawn. Adela and I trust him,” I explain to the group.

Everyone nods in understanding.

“I was weakened by the fights we had to endure to get Tamlen back to himself,” I explain not wanting to get into it further. I unroll our map. “I will need Adela, Morrigan, Alistair and Tamlen to head to the laboratory here on the map,” I point to the spot on the map that Tamlen marked. “We need to find archdemon blood to perform the joining on Tamlen. He is plagued with the taint we managed to reverse it to a point but the joining must happen quickly. As we only have three wardens right now it seems a good idea to do so,” I explain quickly.

The four of them look at me nodding in agreement.

“Adela, please explain to Alistair about the archdemon blood on the way. I’m fairly certain he wasn’t told either,” I instruct politely. “Leliana, Cullen, Sten and Wynne can head to Redcliff Village and restock our food and supplies. Ask Bodhan if he would like to join you, I’m sure he has wares he can trade.”

“Maybe I can find new shoes, oh how love shoes,” Leliana gushes.

I see Sten roll his eyes, and I snicker. “The rest of us will stay here hold down the fort,” I grin. "That's all." Everyone who is leaving scurries around me preparing for their trips. Ox sits down next to me.

“You lead well and create well-formed groups comprised of all skills,” He notes.

“I find that a well-rounded group can be more prepared for anything that might arise,” I explain to the grizzled mage.

“You show wisdom beyond your years.” he states respectfully. “You also stood up for me when you didn’t have too.” He says gratefully.

“Flatterer,” I tease. “I believe people are people, mage or no, Qunari, elf, dwarf or human. They are still people worthy of respect. The color of their skin, whether they have magic or not, horns or no horns, tall or short, it doesn’t matter to me. I wasn’t taught to have preconceived notions about them,” I explain.  
“Until I have reason not to, I treat them the way I would want to be treated,” I add quietly.

“So what is your story Ox, what is the real reason you wanted to come with us? I know there is more to it than killing darkspawn,” I ask pointedly.

“My mother left Par Vollen with me when she realized I was mage. She knew I would be bound if they found out. I don’t really know if she was my natural mother. I just know she was the Tamassran that was expected to raise me,” he explains.

“A Tamassran is like a mother?” I ask curiously.

“Well from the way she explained it Tamassrans have many jobs. Some are to take care of and teach children. Some of them are breeders to breed the strongest and smartest Qunari. Some are basically prostitutes their job is to make sure the men can …well release tension,” He says practically.

I blush hotly.

“Women are usually farmers, merchants or Tamassrans, men are fighters of varying sorts and mage handlers,” He continues. “Tamassran spent her life working hard to provide and protect me. She found mages to teach me in private until I surpassed them. I want to do something good for her and the world she tried to create for me before I die,” He explained.

“Well that explains a lot about Sten,” I say giggling uncontrollably.

“Do tell,” Ox asks politely as I collect myself.

“He couldn’t understand how Leliana and I could be women and fight, he thought we were either men or couldn’t fight,” I say going into in uncontainable laughter.

Ox chuckles, “Yes, it probably would confuse a Qunari new to these lands.”

“Oh, we went in circles on that one. It’s still up for debate,” I snicker gleefully.

Now Ox goes into a full belly laugh as he pictures the conversation. “Why is he with you?” He finally asks once he collects himself.

“All I know is that, he was imprisoned for killing a family of farmers, I basically conscripted him,” I explain. “He admitted to it, and said he might find atonement fighting the darkspawn. I asked him before and he said he imprisoned himself something about a weak mind. That was all he would say about it. I didn’t press further because I felt he wanted to keep it to himself,” I finish gently.

“Ask him again,” Ox advises, “he called you Kadan. You may find he is willing to talk about it now. And he might have resolved his women and fighting issue,” Ox smiles knowingly.

“I was wondering about that, what does Kadan mean exactly? He never used the term before today,” I ask curiously.

“It means literally where the heart lies, it is a Qunari term of endearment, meaning a person someone cares about,” Ox explains.  
“Just talk to him when he returns, I think he may be willing to talk to you now,” he advises rising from his perch.


	22. Shale and Rory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A heart to heart with Shale and Rory.

Dear Diary,  
Not long after Ox left me to the fire, Shale decided to stop over for a chat. I'm not sure if I should call Shale a "he" or "she", but "it" just feels so impersonal. And I'm getting the distinct idea that our resident golem has an affinity for Sten. I remember it quietly mentioning his rippling muscles at one point after a sparring match so I will go with "she" as it seems something a woman would say. Although she might want make sure Sten doesn't hear it.

"Warden, I have a request of you," Shale states in her firm manner.

"What can I do for you Shale?" I ask curiously, Shale never asks for much it's not like she can eat or drink. She seemed to appreciate the crystals I found, as they are to her what our armor, weapons and clothes are to us.

"The last time we talked about my memories, I wasn't quite honest with you," she states guiltily.

"How so?" I ask looking up at her.

"I remember a place although I don't know why. Perhaps when we go to Orzammar you could bring me along. It might help me remember," she asks.

"Of course, Shale I would be glad to bring you along, perhaps the shaperate might have information for you as well," I offer hopefully.

"You know about the shaperate?" she asks surprised.

"Noble children are taught about all the races and their protocols along with the important places. Humans have been trading with the dwarves for years." I explain, "The only thing I have little knowledge about politics and trade wise are the Dalish. They stay away from us humans."

"Well…thank you…for bringing me along," Shale says awkwardly before walking away.

I'm really still very tired so I head to my tent deciding against the bath I thought about earlier.I toss and turn in a fitful sleep Highever is ever present on my mind. After another hour and half has passed I give up get my shaky arse up out my tent, grabbing my fresh clothes and my toiletries. Rory stops me on my way to the pond, "Elly, I want to talk to you. I know you are having Tamlen do the joining. I want to do it too."

I take a deep breathe, I knew this conversation was coming I had been trying to avoid it. "Rory, you don't understand what you're asking," I say sadly remembering Daveth. It was horrible how he died. I can't bear the thought of same happening to Rory especially after Highever.

"Well then explain it to me!" He demands harshly. I start at the tone of his words. "I'm sorry," He apologizes immediately upon seeing me jump.  
"It's just I want to help," He continues, "you and Alistair have been on your own for so long, Duncan had come to recruit me, this is something I really want, something I can be proud of."

I remember Duncan's words "I will not lie; we grey wardens pay a heavy price to become what we are. Fate may decree you pay your price now rather than later."  
I must have looked like was daydreaming.

"Well?" He says impatiently.

"Rory, I am bound by rules I can't tell you everything about the grey wardens unless you are one," I say gently.

He crosses his arms at me. I consider the options Rory is the only child of the Bann I have running my castle. If Fergus is….dead, the Bann will permanently run the lands …if there is no heir to the Bann there will be fighting amongst the houses for power. I really don't wish to see my friend die a grey warden after what he's already been through with Howe. I can tell it haunts him still. However I cannot decide for him. I will let him make an informed decision.

"I will break this one rule if you promise to tell no one," I add seriously, "and you promise to think on it after I tell you."

"Is it really that bad, Elly," He looks a bit taken back.

"Yes it is," I assure him.  
I sink to the ground because I'm tired of standing and lay my bathing stuff on the ground. I pat the ground next to me for him to sit. He complies.  
"Rory, the joining itself can kill you. Some of the recruits I was with didn't make it," my voice drifts off. "They died a horrible painful death. It was awful to watch," I add sorrowfully."You will never be able to have normal life. No wife or children. The taint causes sterility. You will have nightmares of darkspawn and even the archdemon; it tries to talk to us," I explain with a shudder.

He nods as he tries to take in all the bad news.

"And in addition to all that there is one other thing," I explain mechanically.

"What else could there be?" he asks curiously.

"You have about 20 years to live give or take. When your time is near you will hear the calling/the song as Tamlen described it, and be compelled to fight darkspawn in the deep roads until you die," I explain softly. "Although to be honest after seeing what happened to Tamlen I think many become ghouls first and then die.

I can see the shock on his face. He says nothing just looking at like I kicked him in the stomach. That look slowly transforms to astonishment.

"They don't tell you all of this before the joining; I'm breaking the rules telling you. The only thing I knew before the joining was that it could kill me. I understand the need for the secrecy if everyone knew no one would join," I explain cautiously. "You are one of my dearest friends; I want you to be able to make an informed decision. You are also the only child of your dear father and I want you make sure you consider him in your decision." 

He looks at me flabbergasted for a moment and then pulls me into a hug. "You have sacrificed so much Elly, I'm sorry," He says his voice is gritty. "Here I am thinking that it's all heroes and griffins." He pulls away and stands up; I gather my clothing and items and stand as well. "You've given me a lot to think about you are right I do need to consider this further," He starts to walk away. "And Elly," he says looking over his shoulder, "thank you for telling me and giving me the chance to think about it."  
 


	23. Tamlen's Joining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tamlen does the joining.

Dear Diary,  
Sleep is still elusive. My strength has almost fully returned as Ox has promised. In a few more days we should be heading to Orzammar. Alistair and his group have returned from the laboratory. They found all sorts of interesting things there in addition to archdemon blood. We have planned Tamlen’s joining tonight. Leliana and her group should be back tomorrow or the next day.

We are all sitting by the fire waiting for Ox and Adela to tell us they are ready to begin the joining for Tamlen. I guess Ox is creating the joining juice as I call it. I can tell Tamlen's nervous; I try to smile confidently at him. He gives me small smile back. He is aware the joining can kill him and that he will never be able to go back to the clan. I think Adela and Alistair explained things to him. I walk over to Tamlen and sit next to him.

“I know you’re feeling a bit nervous, Falon” I say gently, hoping the use of his word would put him more at ease. “But it’s not like you’re getting re-tainted after all you are already tainted,” I tease lightly.

He smiles at the jest, “It’s not the joining I am worried about. I just wonder if I should ever see my clan again and explain what happened. I would also like to know what happened to Neria.”

“If you wish to return to explain, I will be happy to go with you, Falon,” I offer softly.

He smiles gratefully, “I would like that.”

Adela calls to us at this point and Tamlen, Alistair and I walk over to the secluded area we chose for the ritual.

“Are you ready Tamlen?” Adela asks.

He nods his agreement

“Alistair will you speak the joining ritual words?” I ask him.

He nods “Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand, vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn and should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten and that one day we shall join you.”

Adela walks up Tamlen with a chalice. “Tamlen step forward, you are called upon to submit yourself to the taint for the greater good,” She says reverently.  
Tamlen step forward taking the chalice from her and drinks. Alistair and I know what to expect we stand on each side of Tamlen ready to catch him when he falls.  
“From this moment forth you are a grey warden,” Adela says to him.

His eyes roll back in his head, he cries out in pain. We catch him as he drops and lay him gently on the ground. Ox looks a little shocked at that scene but says nothing for a few minutes. I sit down by Tamlen watching him breathe.

Finally Ox speaks, “that was unsettling,” he says. “You all did this?”

We all nod. “You have never seen a joining then?” I ask curiously.

“No,” Ox explains, “Adela asked for my help with creating the potion I have never made it before.”

“Well, it looks like Tamlen will live,” Adela says seriously.

I look at her surprised because she would usually be making some sort of joke and she didn’t call him the elf like she usually does; she called him by name. I note it’s probably a gesture of respect on her part.

“I can be serious when I want to be;” she says defensively, “besides I’m glad he survived the joining, I would have hated to go through all that for him to die.”  
“I disagreed with your decision but I’m glad you stuck to it we need more wardens to help with the archdemon,” She adds gently.

Everyone is standing around uneasily shifting from foot to foot.

“I’ll stay with him; you can go if you want,” I offer helpfully. Not like I’ll be able to sleep anyway. I haven’t slept without a potion or spell since Highever. They filter out one by one leaving me sitting beside Tamlen in the torchlight. I pull his head into my lap and just sit with him as he deals with the blightmares. Stroking his hair and calming him when he cries out. I doze a few minutes here and there during the night. Tamlen doesn’t wake until just before dawn.

“Lethallan, ma vhenan,” he breathes when he opens his eyes drowsily.

“Falon, how are you feeling?” I ask him.

He starts becoming fully awake and realizing where he is, he tries to sit up.

“Rest Falon, It’s ok. Give yourself a few minutes the joining is hard on the body,” I calm him.

“Ma Serannas, Falon,” he replies as he relaxes again. “I feel achy and like I jarred my entire body but I am whole,” he answers honestly. We sit in silence for a few minutes.“Did you stay with me all night?” he asks.

“Of course, that is what friends do right?” I grin at him and help him sit up.

He turns to sit facing me. Returning my grin he says, “I could not ask for better friend within my clan or outside my clan Lethallan. You will always have my loyalty and my trust,” He adds more seriously.

I know this is a big deal the Dalish rarely trust outsiders. “I know you will have dreams of the archdemon, if you haven’t already. I call them blightmares. Alistair says they will be stronger because this is a real blight,” I explain gently.

“The singing is completely gone,” he says happily, “I can deal with a few “blightmares” if that is the price for it.”

“There is one more thing, Tamlen,” I say seriously, “not everyone makes it through the joining, two died when I took mine. We make a pendent and fill it with a portion of the blood to remind of those who didn’t make it. I added a few drops of my blood to the pendant. Remember we will always be joined as brother and sister.”

I place the pendant in his palm, and he puts it around his neck immediately, “this is an amazing gift you give me, Falon. Besides,” he adds says his look darkening, “if the blight isn’t stopped my clan is in danger. Even if I can’t ever go back, I can still help them. I am grateful that you will be here to help me.”

“You think you can make it back to camp?” I ask him rising to my feet and offering him a hand.

“Perhaps you can carry me this time, after all I am a skinny elf,” he snickers rising to his feet. I’m so short for a human he easily puts his arm around my shoulder for support leaning on me heavily.

“I did say a strong, skinny elf, if I remember correctly,” I banter smiling at him.

“That you did, Falon,” he chuckles as we start the short walk back to camp.

**Translation:**  
Ma Serannas, Falon – my thanks, friend  
Lethallan,– term of endearment in this case, Lethallan refers usually to female clan member or cousin but can also be used for one who is familiar.

Ma vhenan – my heart….I like to think in this case Tamlen is waking up and thinking that Elly might be Neria in his sleepy state.


	24. The Aftermath of Highever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly hasn't really dealt with the events at Highever what happens when she does? Is Sten's therapy really therapeutic?

Dear Diary,  
Everyone is assembled by the main fire when I leave my tent. This is odd. I head over to the kitchen area and grab some hot tea. I sit down between Tamlen and Zev at the fire. Looking at everyone, they seem rather serious.

“Did someone die and not tell me?” I joke weakly looking at them. No one even cracked a smile. Wow this must be serious.

“Elly,” Wynne starts, “We are worried about you.”

“Why? What’s going on?” I ask worriedly.

“You have been taking a large amount of sleeping draughts lately.” Morrigan notes lightly.

“You come to each of us separately hoping we wouldn’t notice,” Ox adds.

“Ok so I have trouble sleeping, blightmares remember?” I say defensively.

“It seems to be worse since Highever,” Alistair says.

“Alistair that is really none of your business,” I say quietly seething.

“You never asked for sleeping spells or draughts before Highever,” states Wynne firmly.  
I glare at her.

“I saw the devastation at Highever, you cannot come out of the unscathed,” Cullen says kindly looking at me with sympathy.

“You aren’t the same Elly,” Leliana says gently, “Please talk to us.”

“You are getting pale and thin, my dear warden, you hardly eat anymore” Zev adds with concern.

“You avoid me now,” says Rory worriedly, “you won’t talk to me about it. You have been so worried about everyone else that you haven’t taken the time to take care of yourself.”

“If your most trusted companions say this is not you, I believe them,” Adela adds seriously, “I have not been here as long as the rest, but even I can see you are not yourself.”

I’m getting angrier by the second it seems.

“You are changed,” notes with distain Sten, “and if you cannot lead I cannot follow.”

“I’ve seen you sneaking out of camp at all hours of the night,” Shale snitches.

I glare at her angrily.

“What it’s not like I sleep or perform other body functions,” she adds distastefully.

“We care about you, Falon, please let us help,” pleads Tamlen.

Not you too Tamlen.“Well now if I can finally speak,” I bite out angrily. “Have I shown I am an incapable leader?” They are all silent. “Good, then this discussion is over and I suggest you leave me the hell alone for a while!” I stomp off heading for the pond. I look back at the camp and see my companions in huddle talking and gesturing in my direction. I turn and stalk to the pond out of their sight. What the bloody hell!! Andraste’s flaming arse!! How dare they!!! I seethe. I grab a stick and start hitting a tree.

“Perhaps you would prefer a more animated sparring partner,”  
I turn to see Sten standing a few feet away from me with wooden practice daggers and wooden sword and shield.  
“Andraste’s flaming knickers Sten, did you just make a joke?” I say sarcastically, “I’ll mark that one down on my calendar.”

Sten regards me stoically.

 

“So you’ve come to wrestle me for leadership because I’m unfit to lead?” I bite out angrily.

“No Kadan, I’m here because I think this is what you need right now,” he says gesturing to the practice weapons.

I feel several eyes upon me, “You might as well come out I know you’re there,” I sigh. Alistair, Zev, Cullen, Adela, Tamlen, Rory, Leliana, and Wynne step out of the brush looking a bit guilty. I look behind them and see Morrigan, Ox and Shale watching with interest from a distance.

“We only want to help, Please,” Rory says sadly.

“Help me what?” I grate.

I am answered with silence. “Relive the nightmare!” I answer my own question shouting furiously. Grabbing the practice weapons, I move automatically into fighting stance. Sten readies himself and I throw myself in a whirlwind slashing at him. We connect and his balance trembles a bit but he holds fast.  
“Howe killed my beloved!!” I shout angrily remembering Darrien’s sweet face, lunging forward again. “He killed my sweet sister in law, and nephew whom I absolutely adored!” I scream irately, remembering little Oren asking me to teach him to use a sword, slashing out again. Sten counters with his shield.

“Then I was forced to leave my parents and my best friend to die at his whim,” I blare raging thinking about Rory holding the front gate, and hugging my parents for the last time, rushing Sten and dropping low for a leg shot. He grunts as that one connects. We connect again  and again as my fury and hurt plays out. “And if that wasn’t enough he tortured my best friend,” I shriek out lividly remembering Rory’s wounds, as I my daggers clash  the shield Sten falters for a moment stepping back slightly. “And left the bodies to rot,” I scream enraged, picturing the decomposing bodies, Sten twists effectively knocking me backwards. Tossing the sword and shield to the ground, he grabs my arms effectively pinning me to ground.

I struggle, “I carried my mother’s decomposing body to the pyre myself!” I howl in angry pain as I remember and my heart is breaking all over again. Sten has me fully pinned to the ground at this point. I ferociously head butt him as hard as I can. I see stars but I don’t care. Sten looks stunned.

“I can’t…,” I sob all the fight going out of me.

Sten pulls himself off of me and sits on the ground pulling me into his lap like child. One the floodgates were open I couldn’t stop. “I am so sorry Kadan. It’s ok Kadan,” he soothes rubbing my back. I sink into the large Qunari not caring about appearances anymore. Everyone is quiet for some time as I my sobs slow down and finally stop.

“I told you he was a softy,” I hear Leliana whisper to the group.

“Not a word,” Sten growls in Leliana’s direction. I snicker in spite of myself.

Sten looks down at me, “Are you feeling better Kadan?”

I swear to the Maker the man might be about to smile. “Better yes, myself, not quite yet. Thank you Sten,” I wrap my arms around his neck giving the man a hug and impulsively kiss him on the cheek. I see a bit red enter his cheeks at the gesture. I still the impulse to comment on it. “Are you Ok?” I ask concerned as we stand.

He rubs his head and I can see several bruises on his greyish skin. “You hit hard…for a human… I can see why the others are afraid of you,” He smirks.

Andraste’s flaming butt cheeks! Sten is smirking. I think the void just open up and I’ve been transported into an alternate Thedas.

“I just assumed the other warden had weak bones,” he adds dryly.

I shake my head chuckling as we walk back to camp. The others wait until we pass before following behind.

"Maker," Adela whispers with astonishment, "I seriously thought she was gonna take out the big guy."

"That's why I rigged the straw pull," Zevran answers quietly amused.

 


	25. Girl Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I’m horrible . This chapter was inspired by friend GarnetSaren and her story “This One’s heart is Pure” chapter 66. I also have to admit I had way too much fun finding and creating euphemisms.

Dear Diary,  
I’ve been sleeping on and off for 3 days after the sparring match with Sten. I’m still hurting and angry but it’s not a raging knot in my stomach anymore, my mind seems to have stilled and the dreams are not so terrible, strange to say but Sten’s odd therapy worked. He offered to spar again if I need to.  
I grab my dirty clothes and bathing items, and head out to the pond. I notice the 3 mages are in a deep conversation about goodness knows what. Shale is in her customary spot by Sten on the other side of the camp. Leliana is watching the guys spar in the open area to the left of the camp. I wave at her as I head out to the pond.

A few minutes later Leliana joins me with her dirty clothes washing hers on the rock next to mine. “Let’s have talk about our companions,” she grins wickedly.

“You want to talk about Wynne and Morrigan, behind their backs, that’s just… scandalous,” I fake looking outraged. I know what she means but I can’t help myself.

“I know you wouldn’t say anything bad behind my back,” calls Morrigan snidely, walking over with clothes and soap.

“You know what I mean,” Leliana snickers.

“I don’t have any idea what you mean,” Wynne teases lightly coming down the path.

“You want to talk about the guys don’t you?” says Adela who is walking behind Wynne. “I suppose it’s alright if you’re into that sort of thing,” She snickers.

We all stop and look at her. “Oh single out the girl who likes girls,” She laughs. 

“I don’t really care what you prefer Adela, I just didn’t know,” I answer honestly. She smiles at me.

“Ok if you were to have a man, who would it be?” Leliana asks cunningly.

“Sten of course,” Adela replies without hesitation.

“Sten?” Leliana asks confused. I know better than to ask I just shake my head.

“Go big or go home,” Adela deadpans. We all giggle incessantly.

“Ok Wynne, what about you?” Adela asks.

“Oh I am too old to worry about such things,” she brushes it off.

“Wynne, you have told Zevran several times you are old enough to be his mother. That would put you in your 40’s maybe early 50’s. You are older not dead!!!” I say teasingly.

“I would like to think on that one…”Wynne dodges deftly.

“What’s the story with you and Alistair?” I tease Leliana.

“Nothing much yet, He’s a good kisser,” she admits smiling. “There is nothing official with us yet. We just enjoy spending time together,” she explains. 

“Well the goo-goo puppy dog eyes are telling another story,” cackles Morrigan. We all snicker at that one. Morrigan is correct and hit the nail head on.

“I think that Alistair, Cullen or Rory would be good matches if I were 20 years younger,” Wynne says suddenly.

“Oh Wynne likes them tall, strong and …able to wield a sword,” Adela snickers. We all erupt into laughter.

“What about you Elly?” Leliana asks slyly.

I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it really. I’ve just been dealing more with my own family stuff and losing Darrien. I hadn’t really thought about it too much. Teagan is really nice but I just couldn’t. That was a one-time thing that under normal circumstances probably would have never happened. I mean yea some of our companions are quite attractive but I hadn't given it too much thought. “To be honest I hadn't given it much thought,” I say honestly.

“Yea, and eventually you will need to make a choice, I’ve seen the looks Zev, Cullen, Rory and Tamlen give you.” she says teasing. “Not to mention your…ahem (she coughs) dinner with Bann Teagan,” She snickers.

“That won’t ever happen. I told him he needed proper wife not a warden and it’s not a sordid as you would like to think,” I smile craftily.

“You didn’t …butter the southern pony?” She asks giggling. Laughter ensues. I’m even laughing as I’m blushing. Hopefully I can blame the laughter.

“Well?” Adela presses. I shake my head “no” as I’m still unable to breathe.

“What about you Morrigan?” Adela asks pointedly.

“Well the dumb warden is definitely out. He’s pretty enough but then he talks and my brain gets angry,” She sneers. I smirk, maker I should not laugh Alistair is my friend…but damn she is funny.

“All the better for me then, I won’t have competition,” Leliana grins.

“However Cullen and Rory, would seem to know how to treat lady and know well enough when to be silent,” Morrigan muses.

“Yea I could see that they would be terrified of being turned into a frog during the process,” quips Adela.  
We all snicker at that one. Morrigan looks slightly miffed but smug.

“So getting back to our little party, who are you going to pick?” Leliana asks pointedly.

“I’ve already answered your questions Leli, it’s my turn to ask,” I deflect. “Who’s “anvil” would you be polishing if you weren’t making puppy eyes at Alistair?” I tease. Everyone turns to look me in shock at my dirty euphemism. Laughter explodes. 

“Well…” Leliana starts with a smirk, “Zevran is an assassin and they usually pretty good at doing more than one thing at a time “dual wielding” and all, add to the fact he was raised in a whorehouse he probably has some crazy good skills. He would definitely be a fun tumble.”

The rest of us collapse into giggles at “dual wielding”.

“Cullen is good looking enough and he handles “his weapon” well by the looks of it,” she says chuckling. We titter helplessly.

“Rory has the look of a soldier who has been around the block a few times. It might be fun to take a twirl on his pike,” Leliana manages to say between her own giggles.

Makers breath…I’m clutching my sides with laughter. I look over I see everyone else in the same position even shockingly enough Wynne is doubled over with laughter. Once we become somewhat calm Leliana continues.

“Tamlen is so pretty, He seems pretty innocent as well. I don’t know if I would want to be the one to buck on that horse,” She states firmly. We all giggle lightly her description of Tamlen.

“She can’t stand the idea of deflowering pretty boy but has no problem with Alistair,” Adela hoots loudly. Laughter erupts once again.

“As for Ox or Sten, I’m not sure I could satisfy the demands of their Qun,” Leliana continues ignoring Adela with a smirk gracing her face. We howl with laughter.

Once we are almost calm again I hear... “Well Leliana, its good thing the only thing you need to worry about is mastering your taint,” Wynne quips out of the blue.  
We all look at Wynne silently flabbergasted for a moment and burst into hysterics.


	26. Sten

Dear Diary,  
I decide it is high time to take Ox’s advice and have a chat with Sten. He often looks like he’s lost his best friend, I notice this especially when he thinks no one is looking.

“Shanedan Sten,” I greet him, remembering the greeting Ox had taught me.

He looks up at me surprise, “Kadan?”

“What caused you to kill those farmers, Sten?” I ask directly, knowing that I need to be direct as he had deflected my questions earlier.

Sten sighs, “Meravas, Kadan, I will tell you my tale. I caged myself a weak mind is a deadly foe as you are no doubt aware.”

I look at him with concern, “So what happened exactly?”

“I came to your lands with 7 of my Beresaad brothers.” He states calmly, “to seek answers about the blight. We made our way across the Ferelden countryside without incident, seeing nothing of the threat we were sent to observe, until the night we camped by Lake Calenhad. They came from everywhere; the earth beneath our feet, the air above us. Our own shadows harbored the darkspawn. I saw the last of the creatures cut down, too late, I fell.”

“That sounds like what happened to us as Ostagar,” I note compassionately.

“I heard the stories at Ostagar, your kith stood their ground when others fled, no one can do more than that,” He replies with respect, “I don’t know how long I lay on the battlefield along with the dead. Nor do I know how the farmers found me. I only know that when I awoke, I was no longer among my brothers, and my sword was gone from my hand.”

“What did you do?” I ask curiously.

“I searched for it,” he says simply, “and when that failed I asked my rescuers what had become of it.”

“And then?” I prompt.

“I killed them,” He says regretfully, “with my bare hands. I knew they didn’t have the blade. They had no reason to lie to me. I panicked. Unthinking, I struck them down.”

“You panicked over a lost blade?” I ask gently not wanting offend but wanting to understand.

He gives me an intense look for a moment. Looking for what I am unsure but he must have seen what he wished because he spoke again. “That sword was made for my hand alone. It is my Asala. I have carried it from the day I was set into the Beresaad. I was to die wielding it for my people. Even if I could cross Ferelden and Tevinter unarmed and alone to bring my report to the Arishok, I would be slain on sight by the Antaam. They would know me as soulless, a deserter. No soldier would cast aside his blade while he drew breath.”

“Couldn’t you search for it?” I ask hopefully.

“If I knew where to look it would be in my hand,” he replies dryly.

“Where did you fight the darkspawn?” I ask.

“Near Lake Calenhad,” he says with slightest amount of regret in his voice.

“Don’t worry we will find it,” I offer helpfully.

“Perhaps those words are empty but thank you all the same,” he says gratefully.

“So your sword is Asala? Is that a type of blade?” I ask curiously looking up at him.

“Asala means soul, the sword is my soul,” he explains kindly.

“I see so going home to Par Vollen…without would mean, you have no soul.” I say slowly as understanding truly hits me, “I’m so sorry Sten.” I walk over and give him a hug.

He nods accepting my compassion and hugs me back for a moment before pulling away, “Your compassion is unneeded but welcome, Kadan, thank you.”

“So what changed your mind?” I ask.

He nods in understanding of the question, “you did, you show wisdom in your decisions, you are more than you look, Basalit-an.”

“Thank you, Sten” I offer appreciatively.

 

Translations:  
Shanedan: greeting translation literally is I will hear you  
Meravas: so shall it be  
Beresaad: scouting company (military unit) which belongs to the vanguard of the antaam. Literally means "those who reach ahead."  
Asala: soul  
Arishok: One of the Triumvirate, the three pillars/leaders of the Qunari people, leader of the army.  
Antaam: Literally "body", a name for the Qunari army.  
Basalit-an: A non-Qunari worthy of respect.


	27. The Frostbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking for Stens sword and dealing with Dwarven politics.

Dear Diary,  
I split the group into 2 as we have so many people. I, Morrigan, Zevran, Tamlen, Ox, Shale and Cullen head to the Frostbacks and Orzammar while Alistair, Leliana, Wynne, Sten, Rory and Adela head to the area on the map near Lake Calenhad to look for Sten’s sword. We agree to meet outside of Orzammar.

We finally get to Orzammar, located in the unrelenting cold of the Frostback Mountains. To say that Orzammar is a mess would be vast understatement. More like their politics are just as convoluted and discombobulated as Fereldans’ are at the moment. As a noble I understand the intricacies of Dwarven Politics and thankfully any other questions are answered by Adela. It is similar to the noble game but with more killing. Instead of committing social suicide, they just kill you.  
I realize quickly that I will need to pick a side and help that person take the throne to be able to get any support for the grey wardens, as the dwarves are too worried about politics to give a nug’s ass about the blight on surface. So we set to gathering information about two dwarves vying for the throne.

After meeting Zerlinda and hearing her story, I plead with her to take her son to the surface. I make sure her and son eat, and give them some sovereigns to tide her over until she can find work. She asks if I wish to hold the child for a moment and I can’t resist. The baby has a full belly and happily coos in my arms. It makes me smile as I hold the little dwarven tike, not that ever really thought about having children before but I do love holding them. I talk to him and he smiles and laughs. I look over and see Zevran with a real smile on his face; it strikes me that I have never seen that look on his face before. 

 

Alistair’s group makes good time meeting us within a few days of us getting to Orzammar. We decide to make camp outside of the Dwarven city to discuss how to deal with the situations referring to Dwarven politics and what they discovered about Sten’s sword. Upon finding out that Faryn a merchant I spoke previously to may have Sten’s sword I take Sten to talk to the merchant. 

“Makers breathe!” Faryn startles as he sees us walk up, “I beg your pardon, friend, you uh…startled me.”

“We’re looking for Qunari sword,” I say flatly.

“Qun… What…I’m sorry, I don’t know what that…” He starts.

“Where is my sword?” Sten interrupts.

“I don’t know what you mean, Ser” the man blathers.

I smile wickedly, “I’d give it to him if I were you, Faryn.”

“I don’t have it,” pleads Faryn, “I swear on Andraste’s knickers, I sold it on the way here.”

“Who did you sell it to?” I ask, pulling out a dagger and cleaning my nails. A simple scare tactic and it seems to work.

“A dwarf near Redcliff,” Faryn sputters, “Dwyn I think his name was.”

“I know Dwyn. What would a Dwyn want with a Qunari blade?” I wonder.

“Said he was a collector,” Faryn says a bit calmer, “he has the sword I promise.”

“We’ll see,” Sten answers glaring at him.

We head back to camp. I call everyone to the main fire as I wish to speak to all of them. “It seems Orzammar is mess, I announce we need to decide what to do as we cannot enforce the treaty with the dwarves unless there is a King on throne. Opinions?” I ask.

Adela speaks up, “I think we should go with Harrowmont he is the honorable choice.”

I admit I’m surprised at her attitude, I honestly thought she would be all about helping the casteless, but I admit Bhelen’s methods are not honorable. Her sense of honor overcomes they fact that Harrowmont could give two shits about the casteless.

“But what of the casteless?” I ask playing demon’s advocate.

“I know,” she says sadly,” but we cannot let Bhelen take the crown. He only cares for himself. I know the girl he has the child with, sweet girl, too nice for him. He killed his brother and had his sister exiled. I wouldn’t be surprised if he helped the king to his deathbed or it could be the king so heartbroken it finally took a toll on him. It was well known he was loving father especially after his queen died.”

I smile remembering my own family.

“Perhaps we could offer the casteless something different,” Alistair says with his eyes lighting up. We all turn to look at him.“We need wardens and soldiers to fight the blight. How about we offer them something of a life away from Dust Town?” He says brightly.

“Not a bad idea,” I grin at him, “I think Harrowmont is a close minded fool, they complain that Dwarves are dwindling in number but they refuse to even acknowledge the casteless, they could be a valuable resource.” 

“Well it is said the casteless were rejected by the stone itself,” Adela says thoughtfully, “in dwarven tradition, so they are considered the same way as surface dwarves so not much difference there. The nobles will be pissed as they haven’t got the casteless to do their dirty work for them.” She giggles wickedly.

Everyone looks at me and nods.

 

“Okay then, we are agreed,” I announce, “I will take Sten, Ox, Tamlen, and Zevran with me to Redcliff. Alistair will put together who he needs for whatever tasks Harrowmont wishes us to do to get the rock licker on the throne.” I grin as Adela giggles, “And the rest can see how the casteless feel about a life on the surface.”

Translation:  
Rock licker- another name for bronto


	28. The Sword of the Beresaad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Collecting Sten's sword and a racy game of diamondback

Dear Diary,  
We enter Redcliff and are greeted happily by the townspeople. After checking with Bella and Owen to restock, we head to Dwyn’s house. I make sure to knock this time. As we enter he says, “Some fight, reminds me why I left Orzammar in the first place.”

“Thank you for helping with the battle, Dwyn,” I say appreciatively leaning against the doorway.

“Hey, anything for Redcliff right?” He banters grinning.

“I’m looking for a Qunari blade you bought,” I say smiling.

He looks surprised for moment, “now why would you be asking for that?”

“It’s mine,” Sten says simply.

Dwyn looks up at Sten and groans, “You know, Faryn didn’t mention the giant he took it from was alive.”

He debates for a moment, “you helped fight for Redcliff as well, I’d be a nuglicker’s ass not to give it to you,” he hands Sten a key, “it’s in my strongbox in the other room.”

“Would dinner and ale make it up to you?” I ask mischievously grinning. 

“Only if you’re buying,” he banters cheekily.

We head to tavern only to be stopped on the way by Redcliff soldiers and Bann Teagan. “Warden,” he chides lightly, “you should have told us you were here. You must come and dine and stay the night at the castle I won’t take no for answer.”

“I would be delighted good Ser,” I tease cheekily, “I wasn’t planning on an extended stay we plan to leave in the morning, my apologies for not letting you know I was here. However, I am taking my friend Dwyn out for a meal and ale.”

“Well then,” Teagan announces smiling, “He may join us as well.”

As we walk to castle Dwyn looks at me in amazement, “you know you said you would put in a good word but I never thought I would be dining with the Bann.”

“Oh,” I say, glancing at him sideways, “I already put in a good word consider this a bonus.”

“What if I use the wrong fork?” He asks half teasing, half slightly anxious.

“Just be yourself and don’t worry about it Teagan isn’t going to kill you for using the wrong utensil,” I tease lightly; “If you are really worried just copy what I do.” 

We get to castle; I see Isolde and Connor are waiting. Connor runs up to me giving me a tight hug. Isolde walks over and hugs me too, much to my surprise. I figured she was just grateful for Connor’s life before. “I spoke with Bann Gilmore. I’m sorry for what happened at Cousland Castle,” she whispers softly. I am shocked maybe she’s not such a shrew after all or maybe recent events have opened her eyes. Or maybe she thinks to profit somehow. Regardless, I pull back and say, “thank you, Lady Isolde.”

“Lady Cousland, would you play a game with me?” Connor pleads.

I look at him and pretend to debate, “only if you call me Elly, or Auntie,” I say smiling. Isolde nods and smiles at me. “Well my plans are set until dinner,” I say smiling, “What are all you guys going to get into?”

“Do you have library?” Ox politely asks Teagan.

“Of course, I’ll have a servant take you,” Teagan smiles.

“I would like to see the library as well,” Sten announces.

This raises my eyebrow as I know Sten doesn’t care for Ox one bit. I don’t ask I just let it go.

Tamlen, Zevran, Dwyn look at each other.“How about a sparring match?” Zev asks mischievously. 

“I’m in,” says Dwyn.

“I don’t see why not,” admits Tamlen but he has a twinkle in eye belying his eagerness.

“I shall join you as well,” Teagan offers.

Dwyn’s eyes get huge. I can tell he is worried about offending the Bann.Teagan must have noticed, “Don’t worry Dwyn; I saw you fight, your skill far surpasses mine. I would appreciate some pointers though.”The dwarf relaxes and smiles.I grin as I walk away leaving them to it.

After 2 games of Old Dowager, the maid lets us know it’s time for dinner and we head downstairs to the dining room.

I sit down between Zevran and Dwyn, “so how was sparring?” I ask.

“I learned a lot from Ser Dwyn,” Teagan says smiling charmingly.

Dwyn is beaming from ear to ear.

Tamlen looks at me, “Zevran is learning about bows and I’m learning about dual wielding.” I remember Leliana’s comment and stifle a snicker but I can’t keep from smiling.

“It’s always good to expand your knowledge,” I say settling my gaze on Sten and Ox. 

“The library was larger than I imagined,” Ox says lightly.

“It was adequate,” Sten says firmly.

As we enjoy the meal and the ale flows, the banter gets noisier. Ox and Sten excuse themselves. Dwyn heads back to the village with a few soldiers as it’s better to be safe than sorry as Teagan put it. Isolde collects Connor to tuck him into bed. Interesting she doesn’t have a servant do it. That’s something I guess. I might be warming up to her; she really does love that child.

Just Tamlen, Zev, Teagan and I remain at the table. “I propose we play game,” Teagan says roguishly.

The cards are brought and rousing game of Diamondback ensues. Rules are set the winner can ask any of losers to remove a piece of clothing.   
The betting and bluffing that ensues for the next two hours is amazing. By the time the last hand is dealt the I am comfortably sitting my long tunic with a permanent smirk on my face, however the poor Tamlen is looking pretty self-conscious and is out of the game have as he has run out clothing. Zevran is snickering at the poor elf’s discomfiture and betting on his smalls. Teagan is smiling roguishly thinking he has everyone beat. He is also only in his smalls. I peek at my cards and keeping my face schooled, realize that no one can beat me as I have drawn the magician-priestess. So it is with a schooled face I raise the ante.

Zevran seems to think it over and finally says, “You only live once!” and raises the ante again. Tegan thinks about it and matches Zev’s bet. When the cards are shown, I grin cheekily at Zev. 

“As you wish, Warden,” He smirks in response to my gaze, removing his smalls and setting them on the table.

I look at the three of them Tamlen looking decidedly uncomfortable, Zevran is grinning saucily, and Teagan has that knavish look he can get. Instead of dealing another round, I decide to reach over the table and grab the coin I won during the night. “Well gentleman, I thank you for a ….most entertaining evening,” I say looking at them mischievously, “However it late and I must get some sleep before we leave in the morning.” With that I grab my leggings and armor and gracefully walk out of the room leaving the three stunned men behind me. Once I get to my designated guest room, I giggle wickedly and carefully put the coins in my bag and crawl into the bed.


	29. Some Downtime

Dear Diary,  
We return to our camp back in the Frostbacks. It seems that Alistair has taken Adela, Cullen, Wynne and Leliana to root out the carta at Harrowmont’s request. I hear how Adela won the proving. The same stone that rejected her for castelessness is the stone that favored her as she won the proving. I can’t help but to snicker wickedly at the fact that it must be causing all sorts of mayhem within the noble circles. 

We sit around the fire enjoying a meal and warming up after our long trek from Redcliff. After we finish eating I start to wash my dish and Sten takes it from me and washes it for me. I look at him curiously as he puts the dish and utensils back into the pack. 

“I had almost forgotten it,” he says sadly, “Completion.”

I look at him and smile as I was happy to help my stoic friend.

“Are you sure you are a grey warden? You must be an Ashkaari to find a single lost blade in a country at war,” He says looking at me with curiosity.

“What will you do now?” I ask with a pinning glance.

“My sword is my hand again and I should put it too good use, and I could deliver a much more satisfying answer to the Arishok’s question if the blight were ended don’t you agree?” Sten says pragmatically.

“Absolutely,” I answer smiling.

“Lead the way, Kadan,” He smiles as I walk back toward the fire. I hold my hands over the fire warming them up debating if I should return to my tent.

“Can I talk to you Elly?” Rory asks.

“Of course,” I answer smiling. We walk a bit away from the campfire.

“I just wanted to give you this…” he shuffles nervously, and hands me a package wrapped in burlap and tied with string.

I untie the string and unwrap the burlap to find a familiar looking bottle, I look at Rory curiously.

“Perfume?” I ask curiously, looking up at him.

“Well,” he says nervously, “considering the previously heat and fighting, and everything you been through, I remember you wearing it, at the Castle…”he trails off.

“It’s a lovely gift and my favorite scent…but I have to ask how did you know it was this particular type?” I smile at him inquisitively.

“I took a shot at it, I remembered the scent I guess,” he says grinning happily.

“Thank you, Rory,” I say appreciatively. I stand up on tiptoe and kiss his cheek. A cold wind gusts up and I pull my cloak around me. “We should get back to fire,” he says sensibly putting an arm around me for warmth.   
We walk back to fire it’s pretty comfortable except for the occasional breeze that comes through.

Tamlen hasn’t said much since the card game and I wonder if it was a bit much for him. I got to my pack and grab some wine we picked up Redcliff and sit next to Tamlen. He looks at me dropping his eyes quickly. 

“I take you never played strip diamondback with the clan,” I ask lightly.

He looks at me briefly. “It was an interesting experience…although I don’t think I wish to repeat it” He says quickly, blushing.

“It’s ok, Tamlen, You have nothing to be embarrassed about,” I say firmly, “After all it’s not every day I have 3 supremely attractive and sexy men sitting naked at table with me.” I grin mischievously at him. He smirks in spite of his still slightly rosy face. 

Rory looks at me for a minute overhearing the conversation and snickers, “Elly what did you do?” 

“She didn’t do anything,” Zevran grins, “Except, accept the challenge of strip diamondback and win.”

Rory chuckles, “Why, am I not surprised?”

“Actually it was Teagan’s idea,” I tease.

“So the Bann, Zevran, Tamlen and you?” He asks chuckling looking at Zev and Tamlen and then back at me.“I learned to never play cards with Elly,” he says teasing, “She almost always wins.”

“I have to say the warden was rather fetching walking out with our money, in her tunic,” Zevran banters. 

I clink my coin purse to make the point and grin wickedly.

“Oh so you did lose a few hands,” Rory pretends to look surprised.

“Ok Wicked grace in my tent,” I offer, “No crazy bets just a game, I’ll ask Morrigan if she would like to join.”

Ten minutes later we all make it to my tent as it is the larger of most of the tents except perhaps for Morrigan’s. Morrigan brings her staff and lights it as means for us to see. Sten of course declines the offer but Rory, Tamlen, Zev, and Ox decided to join in. I teach Morrigan how to play…I find my assessment was correct she does bluff exceedingly well. In fact she seems to revel in the game. We enjoy a few hours of the game before everyone stumbles to their respective tents and sleeps.

 

Translation:  
Ashkaari: one who seeks, scientists, philosophers or those have found enlightenment


	30. The Deep Roads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as the title suggests Elly heads into the deeproads with the crew.

Dear Diary,  
Alistair returns with another warden recruit by the name of Leske. He is one of casteless. Alistair does introductions with a lot less flourish than I did but I’m glad he made the attempt. I’m also glad he recruited someone without me it seems his confidence is growing. Perhaps the gentle nudging I’ve been giving him has helped. We all convene to be debriefed it seems Harrowmont now wants us to go the deep roads to look for the Paragon Branka. I don’t really want to take any non-wardens to the deep roads for fear of the taint but in reality that just isn’t feasible as we need a well-balanced group to prepare for anything.

I decide to take Morrigan, Zevran, Shale, and Tamlen with me. We head into Orzammar. Past the proving grounds and to the deep roads entrance where we are stopped by drunken red haired dwarf.

“Stranger,” he says in way of greeting, “have you seen a grey warden hereabouts? I’ve been privy to a rumor that he…or was it she—you must understand this was many mugs ago—was searching for Branka on Lord Harrowmont’s own command.”

I appreciate the honestly about the several mugs as it seems he’s had several recently.“What does the grey warden look like?” I ask unable to keep from grinning.  
“Stout and muscular, but with a strong jaw and a bold nose, surrounded by a great glowing nimbus, if she’s a woman, she might be more slight, but her eyes will shine with purity and her large but chaste bosom will heave magnificently. I’ve been looking for hours, but I haven’t seen anyone who looks like that, very frustrating,” He says as seriously as a drunk possibly can.

I look over at my companions, Zev and Tamlen are trying to stifle snickers, and Morrigan seems amused with smirk coloring her face even Shale looks as if she might crack a smile.

“Sorry I haven’t seen anyone who fits that description,” I offer, once again unable to contain my mirth.

“You are a grey warden,” he decides narrowing his eyes perceptively, “don’t you try to pull one on old Oghren.”

Maybe not as drunk as he smells I note. “Yes, I am a warden,” I say with an amused chuckle.

“Name’s Oghren,” he says grinning, “and if you’ve heard of me before, it’s probably about how I piss ale and kill little boys who look at me wrong.” He ends with short laugh, “and that’s mostly true but the part they didn’t tell you is how I’m the only one still trying to save our only living paragon.”

Why would he even be interested?

“and if you’re looking for Branka, I’m the only one who knows what she was looking for, which might be pretty sodding helpful in finding her,” He adds hopefully.

“Why haven’t you gone after her then?” I ask curiously amusement replaced by puzzlement.

“Believe me I have,” he sighs, “But where she was going, it was a lost thaig. No one’s seen it in centuries. I searched as far as I could but…it would take teams of warriors searching weeks on end to cover ground enough to hope to find it.”

I nod in understanding hoping it will prompt him to go on.

“Which I assume Harrowmont’s men have done.” He says cunningly, “And they shared what they found with you. But they haven’t found Branka herself, and that means whatever they got, it’s not enough if you don’t know what she was looking for. If we pool our knowledge, we stand a good chance of finding Branka, otherwise good sodding luck.”

“Don’t I have enough lunatics following me already,” I tease smirking.

“Perfect, what’s one more,” he banters.

Oh lovely in addition to our already ...diverse group now we are bringing a smelly drunk.

“Branka was a brilliant girl,” he says more seriously, “but half the time she’d add two and two and make it fifty. If you want to find her, you need to know how she thinks.”

“What makes you think you can trust me?” I quip with another smirk. I hear Zevran stifle a snort behind me obviously he is highly amused.

“Ach!” He growls, “I’m not some sodding elf maiden who sits around and waits for a passing hero to solve my problems. I’m a bloody warrior! I mean to get her back, and you wouldn’t be down here if you weren’t trying to for the same thing. Branka was looking for the Anvil of the Void. It might have been the most important invention in Orzammar’s history.”

“Oh you mean the anvil, created by Paragon Caridin, that created the golems like my friend here,” I say innocently with wide eyes. 

Oghren actually looks at Shale and realizes what she is and then back it me in surprise.“As far as anyone knows, the anvil was built in the old Ortan Thaig. Branka planned to start looking there, if she could find it,” he offers, “all she knew it that it was past Caridin’s Cross. No one’s seen that thaig for five hundred years.”

“Why do you care about Branka so much?” I ask curiously. I know I’m being nosy but why would any random dwarf really care? No one else does unless it’s to put someone on the throne.

“Why?” he says astonished I don’t know, “We were sodding married until she left me and took our whole house into the deep roads on her mad quest for the anvil. It was a stupid move. If I’d been with her, she’d made it back years ago.”

Well that is a good reason I suppose. I give him an appraising look.

“But I forgive her.” He adds generously.

“Harrowmont gave a map to Caridin’s Cross,” I offer.

“If we’re going, let’s get moving. Branka’s not going to sodding find herself,” he grumbles.

With that we head into the deep roads. Oghren grumbling about sodding nobles taking their sweet ass time and drinking from a flask that smelled strongly of alcohol and maker knows what else.


	31. Down a Deep Roads Tunnel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly finds someone she least expects in the Deep Roads

Dear Diary,  
We have been in the deep roads for a week, I think. We found Caridin's Cross easily enough with the map Harrowmont had given us. However, Caridin's Cross is a crossroads that goes in many directions, and we unsure of which way to go from there. We clear out the darkspawn and make camp. As we can't tell what time of day it is so far underground, we've been making camp when we tire.

"Oghren, any ideas?" I ask curiously gesturing to the many directions of the crossroads.He grunts shaking his head tiredly, grabbing his flask and taking a long drink. "The path to northeast seems to be clear. We can head that way tomorrow," I offer optimistically.He grunts again in agreement and sits staring into the fire glassy-eyed. Shale has been wonderful on this adventure into the deep roads, taking watch all night for us as she has no physical need for sleep. 

After having a quiet meal, we crawl into our bedrolls to get some rest. Suddenly, we are roused from our slumber by Shale's warning. I feel darkspawn. Drowsiness is overtaken by fear for my friends as I grab my daggers. Everyone has been sleeping in full armor since we came here. Just to be safe. After all I doubt the darkspawn would wait for us to be fully armored. Once the last darkspawn is killed, I look over at everyone.

"Anyone hurt?" I ask. Thankfully they shake their heads. I breathe a sigh of relief; I'm in constant fear of non-tainted companions becoming tainted."Well, we might as well move on, I don't think I can sleep anymore, anyway," I say wryly.

"I am in agreement," Morrigan says nodding her head.

"As you wish, Falon," Tamlen agrees as well.

Zevran nods and Oghren grunts in acknowledgement, so we put out the fire and collect the packs, and head toward the northeast opening I mentioned earlier.  
The trek through the tunnel is pretty quiet with exception of a few deepstalkers. The tunnel opens up into what they call Thaig, basically an underground city.

"Aeducan Thaig," Oghren says in astonishment, "This place has been lost for centuries."

"How do you know which thaig it is?" I ask curiously.

He points to plaque written in dwarven above what obviously used to be a grand building.As we make our way to an open area in the middle of crumbling Thaig we see a lone dwarf fighting deepstalkers that have surrounded her.

"Let's go!" I yell running to the fray, I hear the clanking of heavy armor behind me and know that Oghren is running as well. We help the dwarf dispatch the deepstalkers and after the last one is felled she looks up at me.

"I thank you for the timely rescue, stranger" she says smiling, "But if I may be so bold who are you what are you doing in the deep roads?"

"Don't tell me you don't know a grey warden when you see one, Lady Aeducan," Oghren teases as he steps into her view grinning.

"Oghren," she says with a touch of disgust, "How did you manage to get permission to come to the deep roads? Last I knew you were forbidden to enter."

I look at Oghren questioningly.

"I didn't exactly ask permission," Oghren admits, "but I decided to tag along with the Warden, to look for Branka."

Lady Aeducan looks thoughtfully for a moment, "So if you are looking for Branka that means the Assembly is arguing about the next King, does that mean my Father is dead?" she asks only a slight waver in voice gives her away.

I look at the dwarf with sympathy, "I'm afraid so, the assembly is in an uproar and there is fighting in the streets over a new king. Everyone is picking a side between Harrowmont and Bhelen."

Her face hardens at the mention of Bhelen, "My brother is reason I am here," she spits angrily.

"I heard whispers, that Bhelen killed his brother and framed his sister; I assume you are that sister?" I ask gently.

She nods, "Tristan was killed here, Granted he was pompous prick and we didn't get along but he was my brother and I did love him. I happened upon his dead body and everyone just assumed I killed him. I've been searching for evidence that Bhelen did it, but with the deepstalkers I haven't been able to search much yet."

"Well we are in the deep roads on behalf of Harrowmont looking for Branka; he seems to think she can break the stalemate between the deshyrs. Even we had to pick a side between Harrowmont and Bhelen." I explain quickly.

"But why would you care about Dwarven politics?" Lady Aeducan asks politely.

"There is a blight on the surface, I came with the grey warden treaties to get Dwarven help. However the treaties only compel a king to help and Orzammar is in chaos without a king. So a king must be put on the throne." I patiently explain.

She contemplates my words for a moment and smiles, "That would explain the lack of darkspawn I've seen. Seems you have a good grasp on Orzammar politics, Warden. Harrowmont is good man, if a bit traditional. He was one of the few who believed me but without proof I was banished to the deep roads."

"Since we are here I see no reason not to help you look," I offer smiling.

She gives me a small smile, "Let's get started then."

We search the Thaig finding plenty of old treasures but no evidence. I sigh in defeat as we have pretty much combed the thaig and walk to the side of one of the buildings to sit and take a moment. As I sit I notice a loose stone on the side of the building. I wiggle it out and note there is a small recess behind it, it appears to be trapped, but I cannot know if it is magically trapped as well so I call Morrigan over.

"What can I do for you?" she asks curtly.

"I found this hidden recess behind the stone." I explain patiently, "it's trapped but I can't be sure if it magically trapped or not. Would you please check it?"

"Of course," she says in softer tone, "you realize that dwarves don't have magic though, I assume."

"Well from what Alistair told me the carta employs all types even apostate mages," I say simply, "I'd rather be safe than sorry."

I've been of the thought that Carta was behind Tristan's death anyway, from what I saw the nobles don't like to get their hands dirty. Morrigan nods in understanding as she does her spell. There is flash of blue light, "no magical traps," she says triumphantly.

I reach into the recess and finding the springs of the mechanical trap, I disarm it. Once disarmed I reach in again and feel parchment. Pulling it out I look at it, it is written in dwarven and I can't read it. We walk back out to the open area.

"Lady Aeducan, Oghren can you come here?" I call out, "I found something."

They quickly make their way over to me, "Can you read this?" I offer holding the parchment to Lady Aeducan.

She scans it over, and a smile crosses her face, "You found it, Warden, this is a payment ledger to the Carta, from Bhelen" then she frowns. "It won't be enough though," she says sadly.

"Why?" I ask curiously.

"It only shows that Bhelen paid them to do something it doesn't say what, it just says for services rendered," she explains shaking her head.

"Won't it at least make the deshyrs doubt him?" I ask curiously, remembering that sometimes with nobles doubt can be enough.

"Yes," she sighs sadly, her face drawn, "but it won't be enough to discredit him completely and clear my name."

She seems to need some time so I walk over and start a fire as we have decided to camp here tonight. I feel horrible for her, to be accused of her brother's murder, that was orchestrated by her other brother and finding out about her father's death. The hope of clearing her name dashed. I can kind of imagine her feelings about losing her father, but the rest I can't imagine what the poor girl is going through.

"Warden," Lady Aeducan calls to me.

I walk over to her. "I wish to talk to you privately," she says gesturing away from the others. I walk with her out of earshot of the others. "I've been contemplating what to do now," She explains, "There is no reason for me to stay here. I was thinking that I could come with you and perhaps become a grey warden."

I look at the dwarf, wondering if there is another way, seeing none as she should probably at least accompany us just for safety. "Lady Aeducan if this what you wish…"

"It's not my first choice," she admits interrupting, "but my options are limited, I'm a damn good rogue and my skills can be used to do some good instead being another decaying corpse in the deep roads."

"I'll tell you what, Lady Aeducan" I reply with compassion, "come with us to find Branka and when we get back to surface if this is what you still want I will make you warden."

She smiles, "Agreed but enough with this Lady Aeducan thing, I can tell you are nobility as well, you carry yourself as such, and you don't run around having everyone call you by a title. Call me Serena."

I look at her slightly surprised at her skills of perception. "Once you join the wardens you leave titles and your past behind," I explain smiling, "and please call me Elly."

She grins happily, "I am lucky you found me and not Legion of the Dead."


	32. F****** Spiders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elissa really hates spiders....

Dear Diary,  
I’m not sure how long we have been in these damn deep roads. I’m craving the sun and even the cold wintry Frostbacks would be a welcome change. How do the dwarves stand to live underground for their entire lives?

We discover Ortan Thaig and the poor tainted dwarf living there. I know it would be a mercy to kill him but I just can’t. Oghren notes that Branka had definitely gone through here. I find a chest containing the names of those who were families of the Thaig and remember Orta’s request. As we continue through the Thaig we come over a bridge that amazing enough seems stable and unfortunately a spiders nest. Up until now we have had only straggler spiders to deal with and even they give me the heebie jeebies why do they have to be so damn big. I try to hide my irrational fear of arachnids from the group as best I can.  
But once the queen spider shows up, I admit I’m shaking in my boots. But I dive forward and fight anyway.

The queen seems to disappear and leave what I can only guess are solder spiders out to continue fighting. As we are fighting the queen drops down right down onto me. I give a blood curdling scream not caring who hears me, as it pins me down. I look from my vantage point on the ground and see Zevran racing over to me with a look of horror on his face. The creature has my arms pinned to my sides I can’t even pull up my daggers to even try to strike. I struggle helplessly under the huge heavy creature.

He starts stabbing the creature, a moment later I feel rather than see Oghren’s axe slice through the spider’s legs that were pinning down my right arm. I grab my dagger tightly and using one hand to stab the creature from below repeatedly. Nausea hits me as I feel its innards spilling onto my body. I can see Shale’s legs briefly behind the creature and feel her pummeling the creature. It finally drops down on me and I hear rather than feel my ribs crack. I panic again, “Get it off!!! Get it off!!!!”. They roll the dead creature off of me. I stand up quickly ignoring the shooting pain from broken ribs, walk a few feet away and heave the contents of my stomach.

Zevran walks over to me and reaches out to lay a hand on my shoulder, “It’s ok Elly, it’s over now.”

“Why does it have to be fucking spiders?” I manage to grind out holding my ribs.

He starts to grin as if he is going to make a joke and seeing me holding my ribs, his expression changes to concerned, “Elly is injured we need to make camp now.” He commands.

I grimace but I know he’s right. He walks me over to place we can sit, I look down at myself I am coated with the insides of the spider. Realizing this I almost heave again. 

“You ok warden?” You’re looking a little green.” I look up and see Oghren standing in front of me. “Here,” he says almost gently offering me a relatively clean tunic, “Use that to wipe yourself off.”

I take the tunic gratefully and start wiping off my skin first. Then I start wiping down my armor.  
“Let me, Elly,” Zevran says softly, having removed his gloves he takes the tunic from my hands. I nod and he wipes the worst of the mess off me.  
Morrigan has come with her pack of herbs. “These spiders were tainted with poison,” she announces, “We must neutralize the poison since both of you were exposed.” 

“I’m sorry Zev,” I say apologetically knowing if he hadn’t touched the tunic to clean me off, he would be out of danger from the poison.

“Its fine, Elly,” he says comforting me. Looking back at Morrigan he asks, “What do we need to do?”

“You need to put this salve everywhere any part of innards of the spider touched you to neutralize the poison. You might as well put it on each other as you’ve both been exposed. Once that is done I can heal any other injuries,” she says calmly.

“Morrigan, would you please grab our packs?” Zevran asks politely.

The witch regards him quietly for moment, “yes, I will,” She says shortly. She returns in moments with our packs. 

“Thank you, Morrigan,” I say appreciatively. She nods and walks away. 

Zevran looks at me warmly, “I know you are hurt and I don’t wish you to damage yourself any further. May I?” he asks fingering one of the clasps on my armor.  


I nod dumbly. He gently unclasps the one he is touching and the others on my armor, my leathers are soaked through, the armor is ruined. I couldn’t dare put it back on without risk. I sigh looking at it. 

He opens the salve after rubbing some on his hands he digs into my bag pulling out a clean tunic and leggings so as not to contaminate the clothing. Then tugs at my ruined tunic and looks at me questioningly. I nod and put my arms over my head hissing with pain as I do so.

“This was not how I envisioned undressing you, Dear Warden,” he teases lightly trying to distract me from the pain.

I smirk wryly at the jest. As he pulls the tunic off of me and tosses it behind some rocks. My breast band is also soaked I note, I blush hard realizing that the clasp is in the back and that he will have to remove it. As if he realizes my self-consciousness he hands me the salve and I rub some into my hands and arms. He grabs the clean tunic and moves behind me. He quickly undoes the clasp and sits with his back to mine as I rub the salve onto my torso. I hear a catcall from Oghren and glare at him blushing. Tamlen is busying himself with the fire averting his gaze.

As soon as I finish I raise my arms hissing again and he reaches up to get the arms of the tunic over my hands and slides it down over me. I stand to unbuckle my breeches letting them drop I step out of them, thankfully my small clothes are intact, but my calves and lower thighs have been hit by the spider’s liquids. I take the salve and put some on my thighs but as I try to get my calves, I grunt in pain. 

“Please Elly, let me,” He asks pleading.

“Very well,” I nod in acquiescence. 

He kneels in front of me placing my foot on his thigh and rubs some salve on my calf massaging it in it does feel nice I relax. He then switches doing the other calf. I sigh again relaxing into it. I sit relaxing for a moment as the calf massage was wonderful, I briefly wonder about the massage skills he mentioned possessing and blush hotly realizing I’m daydreaming with him right in front of me. I quickly look Zev to see if he noticed but he is busy closing up the salve and thankfully doesn’t seem to notice.

“There,” He says crisply looking up and smiling at me, “Now we just need to get Morrigan to knit your ribs back together and you will be yourself again.”

I grin at him thankfully.

“Morrigan,” he calls, “we are ready for you.”


	33. Branka's House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seeing the archdemon and meeting Hespith

Dear Diary,  
We spend the night/day (?) camping near the spiders nest. To be honest I hardly slept after that even though Morrigan healed me up. I’m up before everyone else making tea. As soon as the others have had tea and a light breakfast we head back over the bridge to the main part of Ortan Thaig, back to the tainted dwarf. After promising to tell his mother that he is dead, Ruck agrees to trade with us. I find some armor that will work for me, as I really don’t wish to trek through the deep roads without armor.

While I was being healed up, the day prior Oghren and Serena found some of Branka’s writings and a few baubles. Oghren brings me Branka’s notes and I read them strangely enough they are written in common and not dwarven. As I hand them back to Oghren, He looks at me with an expression of surprise on his face.  
“I thought you might need them,” he says looking at me curiously.

“No, Oghren,” I smile at him sadly, “These may be last words Branka wrote. You should have them.” 

He studies me intensely for a moment. He must have seen something because he breaks his gaze, “thank you, Warden,” he says as he walks away.

It seems Branka was headed to the dead trenches; this is where the Darkspawn breed and have the highest concentration. I worry about my non-warden companions going there but it’s where we are headed. I wonder if Branka is tainted and what condition we will find her in.

We make it to the dead trenches and find the canyon below filled with darkspawn. The archdemon flies out I can feel the taint within the creature pulling at me. It is absolutely terrifying. We flatten on our stomachs down behind the natural wall along the path. I feel like I got punched in the solar plexus and just trying to breathe is a herculean effort. The archdemon flies over the horde and roars directions, I don’t understand what it’s saying, but I understand that it was a command to go somewhere. I almost feel compelled to follow; Tamlen grabs my arm looking at me his expression mirroring my own. The archdemon does a loop by us and flies away. The darkspawn horde starts marching off. Zevran reaches over a taking my other arm helping me to a sitting position. I look at Tamlen and notice Serena is doing the same for him.

“By the ancestor’s tits,” Oghren breathes after we come out of cover, “Was that the archdemon?” he states more of an exclamation than a question.

I nod at him. Zevran looks at me concerned, “Are you ok, Elly?”

I give him a small smile, “Seeing it in my dreams is a lot different than up close and in person. Tamlen are you alright?”

“Did you feel the need to follow it too?” Tamlen asks curiously.

I snort wryly and nod my head in reply.

“By Fen’harel’s ass! How are we supposed to kill that?” Tamlen asks incredulously.

I look at my friend sadly, “I don’t know Tamlen, but I think it may have something to do with the taint.”

We pick our way down from the mountain into Bownammar. The dwarves from the Legion of the Dead are holding the line on one side of the bridge. There are still darkspawn in the way of where we need to go. After a brief chat with them, we decide to push on ahead taking back the bridge and killing whatever darkspawn are on the other side.

This seems to impress them, the leader of the group, Kardol mentions meeting Duncan, I am thankful that Alistair isn’t here as he would be reduced to tears. He warns me that I drunks make bad allies. I assume he means Oghren. I smile and ask them to help with the surface as he as noticed there are less darkspawn to deal with. He politely declines the offer and we go our separate ways.

We work our way through the Dead Trenches, taking out darkspawn as we find them. Finally we come upon a dwarven woman who looks like she may be tainted but she doesn’t feel the same as with wardens or darkspawn the taint is different somehow. She looks severely ill. She is feverish with dark blotches on her skin. She looks almost like Tamlen did but not decaying. I wonder briefly if we can save her. She is reciting a poem.

First day, they come and catch everyone.  
Second day, they beat us and eat some for meat.  
Third day, the men are all gnawed on again.  
Fourth day, we wait and fear for our fate.  
Fifth day, they return and it's another girl's turn.  
Sixth day, her screams we hear in our dreams.  
Seventh day, she grew as in her mouth they spew.  
Eighth day, we hated as she is violated.  
Ninth day, she grins and devours her kin.  
Now she does feast, as she's become the beast.  
Now you lay and wait, for their screams will haunt you in your dreams. 

The poem is unnerving to say the least. Oghren finally recognizes her as Hespith and explains that she was part of Brank's House. I try talking to her and manage to pull her out of poem and she says “What is this? A human? Bland and unlikely. Feeding time brings only kin and clan. I am cruel to myself. You are a dream of strangers’ faces and open doors.”

“Is this darkspawn corruption it looks…different?” I ask my companions looking for answers. Everyone just shakes their heads looking at the woman in front of us.

“Corruption! The men did that!” she answers harshly, “Their wounds festered and their minds left. They are like dogs, marched ahead, the first to die.”  
She pauses and rubs her wrists fidgeting, “Not us. Not me. Not Laryn. We are not cut. We are fed. Friends and flesh and blood and bile and…and…” her voice breaks sorrowfully. “All I could do was wish Laryn went first. I wished it upon her so that I would be spared.” She says guiltily, “But I had to watch. I had to see the change. How do you endure that? How did Branka endure?”

“What change?” I press, “What are they doing?”

“What they are allowed to do. What they think they must. And Branka…” she trails off for a moment, “Her lover and I could not turn her. Forgive her…but no, she cannot be forgiven. Not for what she did. Nor for what she has become.”

“What did she do, Hespith?” I press again, “What did Branka do?”

“I will not speak of her! Of what she did, of what we have become! I will not turn!” she states loudly becoming excited, “I will not become what I have seen! Not Laryn! Not Branka!” 

Then without another word she runs off.

I look over at Oghren he looks a bit shocked whether it’s because Hespith’s confession or condition I cannot tell. I get that Branka took a woman for a lover. I look at Tamlen and he shakes his head. We walk on.

I hear Hespith’s voice above us (where in void is she?). "She became obsessed…that is the word, but it is not strong enough. Blessed Stone, there was nothing left in her but the Anvil."

As we make our way through Bownammar, Hespith speaks again," We tried to escape, but they found us. They took us all, turned us… The men they kill…they are merciful. But the women, they want. They want to touch, to mold, to change until you are filled with them…”

I stop, stunned and shudder, looking over at Morrigan, she has schooled her face but I assume she is just as horrified as I am.

Hespith continues above us somewhere as we make our way through the doors and halls, "they took Laryn. They made her eat the others, our friends. She tore off her husband’s face and drank his blood."

I feel revulsion and terror going through me. Hespith had to watch that, Branka left her house behind? To whatever would befall them? I know that a Paragon’s people are pledged to them. We trek on silently; I think the entire party is in shock.  
Hespith speaks again, "and while she ate, she grew. She swelled and turned grey and she smelled like them. The remade her in their image. Then she made more of them."  
I shudder again repulsed and will the bile rising in throat to settle. They use women to basically impregnate and create more darkspawn. Revolting! Explains why there aren't more women wardens. Zevran and Tamlen must have noticed as they take to walking right beside me instead me leading. I notice Oghren and Shale have moved to the rear putting Serena and Morrigan in front of him.

Coming to a turn in the passage, we hear Hespith announce, "Brood Mother" as if to introduce us. As we come around the corner the passage opens up into a cavern and the creature we see makes all of us startle in shock at the mere sight of it. This was a dwarf was Laryn? It’s a ghastly swollen grey creature with 4 tentacles; it has many chins going to down its face and sharp deadly looking teeth, 5 pairs of breasts going down its body. I see no means of movement, no feet it seems be sitting and uses the tentacles to grab at what it needs. The creature roars and sends tentacles out to fight.

Serena, Tamlen, Zevran and I each take a tentacle, while Oghren and Shale pummel and slice at the body of this horror, Morrigan stands behind giving healing and supporting us as best she can. Suddenly I hear Morrigan yell, “Reinforcements! Heads up!”

I groan and finish stabbing down the tentacle turning to our new assailants. There are too many we can’t stop them from over taking the warriors or ourselves. Suddenly an idea occurs to me, I run quickly to the side of the creature and scale the rock climbing up high to the brood mother’s squishy head.

I jump over landing on its head as I look up from my landing. I see Zevran looks up, he smirks at me briefly before taking on another darkspawn. I climb up the creature’s forehead straddling it’s and with one hand on its surprisingly bony brow I grab one on my daggers and stab it in the eye, leaving the dagger. It howls and tries to shake me. I hang on with everything I have. I am beginning to wonder if this was a good idea then I notice the tentacles have quit attacking as it tries to shake me again giving the group the chance to take the darkspawn. A tentacle comes at me and misses as the brood mother smacks its own face, I must have blinded it. I smirk wryly.

The rest of the group dispatches the darkspawn quickly and advances on the brood mother. I feel the creature shake with the blows Oghren and Shale are delivering. I know my perch is precarious but I take a chance and let go with other hand. I grab my other dagger I stab the other eye. The brood mother roars again and falls forward. I fall forward with her and as we go down I let go my grip and try to tuck my head and roll as not to be too badly hurt by the fall. The roll works but it is hard fall and I feel my newly mended ribs snap. I lay on the ground trying to catch my breath as Zevran and the others race to my side.  
Zevran crouches down grinning at me, “Tsk, tsk, tsk, Elly,” he teases, “Why do you keep doing these dangerous stunts?” I look up at him and smirk.   
“Because no one else could do it as stylishly,” I jest trying not to laugh. The others quickly come over as well. Tamlen and Zevran help me to my feet.

I look up and see Hespith standing on a ledge above us. “That’s where they come from,” she says emotionlessly, “That’s why they hate us…that’s why they need us…That’s why they take us…That’s why they feed us. But the true abomination…is not that it occurred, but that it was allowed. Branka …my love.”

I am stunned I was thinking that Branka might have…may have been negligent in leaving her house behind to the darkspawn and that is reprehensible enough. But that she allowed it to happen knowing what the darkspawn would do to the women. I am completely filled with rage at the thought.

“The stone has punished me, dream-friend,” she continues, “I am dying of something worse than death…Betrayal.” With that she raises a dagger with both hands and with no hesitation stabs herself in the heart. I gasp in horror watching her drop. I look at Zevran he shakes his head silently. The rest of the group is quiet. Zevran puts an arm gently around my waist and leads us back to the passage, we had previously been in. Morrigan comes to me to heal my ribs. She is somber and not her usual snarky self. I think this “adventure” has us all a bit solemn. I am beginning to hate the deep roads.


	34. Branka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and her crew find Branka

Dear Diary,  
After healing my ribs again and some sleep, I feel a bit less horrible about the events yesterday. I know Hespith did not want to become a brood mother; she knew what happened to Laryn and killed herself to prevent that from happening to her as well. I don’t know if we could have saved her with the joining but I feel that she wouldn’t have made it to the surface to try.

We pack up and head through the tunnels, dispatching a few darkspawn here and there but we haven’t run into any large number. Of course the blight they are on the surface. As we come out of one tunnel into a large cavern I hear it collapse behind us. I turn to look at it and it almost seems a little too convenient to be coincidence as the tunnel seemed fairly stable. 

As we continue forward I see dwarven woman standing on rock ledge above us. “Let me be blunt with you,” she says stoically, “After all this time, my tolerance for social graces it fairly limited, That doesn’t bother you, I hope.”

Branka I assume, I glare at her.

“Well shave my back and call me an elf!” Oghren calls out happily, “Branka, by the stone! I barely recognize you.”

“Oghren,” she says distastefully, “It figures you’d eventually find your way here. Hopefully, you can find your way back more easily.”

I look behind me again and realize she caused the collapse. I am angry. I take a deep breath to calm myself as Zevran looks over at me. 

“And how shall I address you? Hired sword of the latest lordling to come looking for me? Or just the only one who didn’t mind Oghren’s ale-breathe?” she says snarkily.

I take another deep breath as I find myself disliking this woman already and put on my noble mask. 

Oghren steps up, “Be respectful, woman! You’re talking to a Grey Warden!”

She looks thoughtful for a minute, and starts pacing back and forth, “Ah, so an important errand boy, then. I suppose something serious has happened. Is Endrin dead? That seems most likely. He was on the old and wheezy side.”

Stealing a glance at Serena, I check to see how she is holding up. I note she has schooled her face just like I have. I smile charmingly, gritting my teeth, “Yes, he is dead and the assembly is deadlocked.”

“And those idiots can’t make a decision without a Paragon to tell them,” she says snarling, “I don’t care if they put a drunken monkey on the throne. Because our protector, our great invention, the thing that once made our armies the envy of the world, is lost to the very darkspawn it should be fighting.”

I look again over at Serena and see her jaw is tensed.

“The Anvil of the Void, the means by which the ancients forged their army of golems and held off the first archdemon ever to rise, it’s here. So close I can taste it,” she rants.

“But of course there’s a catch,” Morrigan says haughtily looking at Branka disdainfully.

“The anvil lies on the other side of a gauntlet of traps designed by Caridin himself. My people have given body and soul to unlocking its secrets.” Branka says proudly.

“Including allowing them to become darkspawn,” I mutter angrily. Zevran looks at me sideways and nods.

“This is what’s important. This has lasting meaning. If I succeed the dwarven people benefit. Kings, politics…all of that is transitory.” Branka ministers to us.

Are you kidding me? People have worth! People are important they aren’t just castaways or bodies to further your own sense of self-worth or what you think is important.

“I’ve given up everything and would sacrifice anything to get the Anvil of the Void.” She finishes.

“I guess that includes Hespith and the others of your house as well as your husband and us,” I spit out angrily.

“Enough!” Branka commands. “If you wish me to get involved with the imbecilic election, I must first have the Anvil. There is only one way out Warden, forward. Through Caridin’s maze and out to where the anvil waits.” 

I am nonplussed about this because I already knew she created the cave in blocking the way behind us.

Oghren is obviously in shock, “What has this place done to you?!” he says with shock and frustration, “I remember marrying a girl you could talk to for one minute and see her brilliance.”

Branka looks at Oghren coldly, “I am your Paragon.”

I honestly feel bad for the man. This crazy woman is his wife? As much as I have been exposed to Oghren’s smell, and lack of hygiene or decorum, He obviously loves her and was more than willing to risk his life or becoming tainted to find her. Ignoring her I lead everyone through the room and into another tunnel finding dwarf and darkspawn corpses along the way. 

“I needed people to test Caridin’s traps. There is no way to break through except by trial and error. I sent them in…” she says almost cheerfully.  
Branka is again on a ledge up above us as we enter the room. I wish I knew the path that Hespith and Branka know so I could wring her thick dwarven neck.  
“They were all mine, pledged to by my house and they didn’t want to help. They tried to leave me, even my Hespith…” she whines.

“People not possessions”, I mutter glaring at her. Zevran gives me a raised eyebrow.

“But even she couldn’t understand that when you reach for greatness, there are sacrifices. As many sacrifices as are needed.” She justifies.

I look at Oghren his face is mixture of emotions, anger surges through me as I look at the devastated dwarf. Zevran touches my arm, “Elly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this angry.”

I look at Zevran steady, “Once we get her back and get support for the Warden’s, I am going to advise you to get me out of Orzammar speedily or there may be an incident, I might have to kill her,” I mutter angrily. Oghren says nothing, Morrigan nods in agreement along with the others. 

“Save some for me, I want to kick the shit out of her as well,” Serena whispers threateningly.

Darkspawn start coming in from the other side of the room which is already littered with dwarven and darkspawn bodies. As we fight the spawn Branka rants on, “She shouldn’t have gone. She was pledged to me.”

We clear the room and she starts ranting again as if trying to justify her actions.

“She swore she would do whatever it took to find the Anvil.” Branka continues without a bit of shame or regret, “There was no other choice. Most of them were dying of the taint already, but some …some of the women were …transforming.”

I look over at Zevran as my stomach twists and turns. I am nauseated at the thought she would find it fascinating.

“I knew what they would become. There would be an endless supply, fresh darkspawn to test the traps.” She declares cheerfully, “they could still serve me, let me find the Anvil. It was the only way… ”

Glancing over at Oghren his expression is one of pain, shock, and disgust. As he looks up at Branka, it’s like he’s never seen this woman before.

“You have no idea how they carried on, holding my hand and begging to die. They had pledged me their loyalty!” Branka says incised, “they had no right to fight me. 

I am so angry at this point my entire body has started to shake. I seriously have never wanted to kill anyone more (maybe except for Howe). Zevran and Tamlen must have noticed the change because they each come to stand beside me. Zevran puts a hand on my shoulder and Tamlen reaches over and gently takes my arm gently pulling me away. “I know we need her,” I spit through gritted teeth.

“I say we just kill her or feed her to the darkspawn,” Morrigan says through clenched teeth. I want to nod in agreement but I shake my head.

“The say your order is renowned for its wits as well as brawn perhaps you’ll do better than my poor clansmen.” Branka adds snidely.

Oghren is almost beside himself, muttering dwarven curses about his crazy wife. Looking over at the poor brokenhearted dwarf, I lose the last thread of control I have left. “Enough!” I shout, “Justify it all you want, Branka,” I sneer, “it sounds like you are trying to convince yourself, you will never convince me. You killed your house and drove your lover to suicide because she would rather die than become a brood mother.” I feel a bit of joy in the fact that woman actually did wince upon hearing that. 

“There will be no more darkspawn coming should we fail. We defeated everything we found on the way in and there is a blight on the surface so the darkspawn you were intending to use are gone. You better hope we make it through this gauntlet.” I continue savagely. “As for Oghren I feel bad the poor bastard ever married you, even with his …quirks. I will help you for now, because it is as you said we need to put an ass on throne. I hate what you are and what you stand for. The best thing you can do right now is sodding shut up! And let others do your dirty work for you!”

Branka looks at me a bit stunned. She very quickly schools her face into cold calculation. I stalk off into the next tunnel having said my peace for moment. Before I can get too far, I feel a tug on my arm. Turning around I am face to face or face to breast as it would seem with Oghren. He looks up at me, with an odd expression on his face I can’t quite read. He shifts his feet nervously moving his gaze to the ground. “Uh…I don’t know if I can say this right but no one has ever really stood up for me before. Usually I would just fight and…what I’m trying to say is…Thanks Warden.”

I reach over giving the poor dwarf a hug. He stiffens up at first, and then he relaxes as he realizes that I am offering comfort. He hugs me back momentarily before pulling away. 

“I was happy to do it Oghren, you may not agree but I think you deserve better than that,” I offer smiling. Oghren grunts in return and returns to his place watching the rear as I start walking down the tunnel.

Working our way through the tunnel, we come to a stop in front of an open door. There is a green mist pouring out and as I get closer it stings my eyes and nose. I take a breath and holding it, I poke my head in the door. I see the room is laid out in 3 sections with 2 golems in each section. I see bodies on the floor and I barely see what I think are levers on the far walls of the second area. I step away and move the group away from the door.

“Shale, I need you come with me, if I become incapacitated by the mist you may need to get me out.” I order quickly, “I also may need you to cover me as we don’t know if those golems will be activated.”

The Golem nods in understanding. The others look at me as if I lost my mind. 

“Zev and Morrigan see if you figure out what the mist is as you both are versed in poisons.” I add gently seeing the concern in Zevran’s face, “The rest of you be ready if I call. Please be careful.”

“Are you ready, Shale?” I ask.

“Yes,” Shale answers simply.

We walk over to the door, taking a deep breath; I race into the room staying to the left. I hear Shale run in behind me and then cracking sound. I pay no mind to the Golems coming to life. I’m focused on the lever I saw from the door. I pull it turning around I notice one on the other wall. I race over and pull that one as well. My lungs are starting to burn from holding my breath. I ignore it and race to the other side of room, as I pull the third lever, I notice the mist is less and I gasp for air. Andraste’s ass, there is another lever on the other side of this one. As I race to it I am knocked down. 

“Now!” I manage to yell, “Serena, Tamlen and Zevran race into the room with Morrigan behind them. Zevran races over to the Golem that is attacking me and diverts its attention as I hit the last switch. The air almost immediately clears. I jump back into the fray which was considerable due to 4 golems charging or punching at us in such a confined space. We take down the 4 golems in the room, however there are 6 in total it seems two of them are broken.

“Well, that was interesting,” I say wryly, “and something I don’t wish to repeat.”

“I was able to figure out what the mist was,” Morrigan offers, “It will kill you but the effects are only active when you are in it, there are no lasting effects.”

I look at her thankfully, “that’s good to know Morrigan, thank you.”

We walk out of the room and through a short tunnel to another door. I open it cautiously. The layout is the same as before.“I said I didn’t want to repeat this,” I mutter. Zevran snickers wryly.

“Something is different about this one,” he says after poking his head in the door. I look again and the layout is exactly the same but I see some pins located centrally in one of the areas.

“Traps on traps,” I say astonished, “Caridin weren’t kidding around was he?” I think quickly and grin with a plan.

“Zev, I’m going to need you on this one, I will race in and hit the levers as before you will need to deal with the traps,” I say quickly, “Shale will enter with us to keep any golems off of us, Tamlen use your bow I know it seems silly against a stone enemy, but maybe you and Morrigan can divert attention. Be ready to let Serena and Oghren through when I get the levers pulled. There were 4 in the last room I’m going to assume there are a least that many here.” 

Everyone nods in agreement.

“Let’s go,” I say more confidently, than I am feeling.

Zevran and I race into the room with Shale following close behind. I skirt the trap hearing the crackle of the golems coming to life. I hit the first lever, as I turn to hit the one on the opposite wall. I hear Shale grunt; she has been knocked onto the trap Zevran was trying to disarm. I wonder briefly why these golems are so much larger than Shale. I hit the second lever. I run over to past Zevran who is trying to ward off three golems. One has headed to the door distracted by the others and Shale has pulled herself off the ground and is preparing for another hit. Once on the other side I hit the third lever and spin around hitting the fourth. I look over and see Zevran unconscious on the ground. My heart sinks; I race over to the golem that is attacking him and jump up on it. Climbing up the rough stone and covering its eyes. 

“NOW!” I yell to others and all three come pouring into the room. Tamlen trades out his bow for a set of daggers and starts stabbing the creature I’m riding on. Once the golems are down, I race over to Zevran. “Morrigan, we need you,” I call out trying not to panic, sitting down on the cold stone; I gently lift Zevran’s head into my lap. “Please be ok, Zev, I need you.” I whisper to him, as I brush back a strand of his hair.

Morrigan comes over and checks over Zevran. “He’s taken a bad blow to head,” she confirms, “but I think I can heal it.”

“We will camp here for the night,” I announce to the others since the room I clear and safe, in addition I know it's bad to move someone with head injury. Serena and Tamlen nod in approval and start a small fire. Anything trying to get in will have to open one huge door or go through Shale. We will be ready for it.


	35. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly has a blightmare while Zevran recovers.

Dear Diary,  
I haven’t moved since Zevran got hurt and he hasn’t regained consciousness yet. Although Morrigan says she has healed him, She warned it make take some time for him to come to. I’m still worried. Tamlen and Serena have pulled out the bedrolls and we gently place Zevran on his bedroll, I place mine beside his to keep an eye on him. Morrigan has given instruction on what to look for. Everyone is exhausted. We eat a light meal and retire to our bedrolls.

I am suddenly awakened by someone shaking me. I panic. The fleeting thought that Zevran is worse crosses my mind before I even open my eyes. Much to my surprise, Zevran is shaking me. “Elly, you were having dream, you were shouting. Are you ok?”

I look around and it seems everyone else is still sleeping, thankfully I didn't wake anyone else. “I’m sorry I woke you Zev,” I say quietly as not to wake everyone else up. “But I’m glad to see you regained consciousness.”

“You stayed with me the entire time then,” he says looking at me. His expression is indecipherable. 

I nod sitting up. “Of course I did. It scared me that you might not wake up.” 

“Do you have dreams all the time like that, Elly?” He asks concerned as he settles himself beside me.

“I call them blightmares,” I explain. “All wardens have them, some worse than others.” I glance at over at Tamlen. “They are worse during a blight because of the archdemon. It talks to us, sometimes I almost understand it.”

“That’s how you and the other wardens are able to sense them?” He asks curiously. 

“Wardens can sense darkspawn and each other, while in certain proximity.” I explain, “It’s similar to how Templars can sense magic, I think.”

“But if the darkspawn can sense you, there isn’t any real advantage, to being a warden?” He says thoughtfully, half asking.

“Not really but I can warn others,” I say slowly.

“But where is advantage?” He probes curiously.

I sigh heavily. “From everything I’ve been told there are many disadvantages and few advantages other than it takes a warden to kill an archdemon. As one of the other newer recruits I have been left out of the loop about how that works. I assume it has something to do with the taint. Another advantage is that…grey warden stamina, Alistair talks about all the time.”

“I notice you wardens don’t tire a quickly as others,” he says thoughtfully, and then he grins wickedly, “You know, my dear warden, we could put that stamina to the test.”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, a few hours ago you were unconscious and now you are trying to bed me,” I tease lightly shaking my head at him.

Suddenly his demeanor changes to thoughtful. “So what are the disadvantages,” he asks seriously.

“Well…” I say slowly, “I’m really not supposed to tell but since you offered to teach the crows secrets I don’t see why not.”

He looks at me curiously.

“First we are tainted, the process of that can kill you,” I explain softly, “the taint takes away the ability to have children, and I have about 20 years or so to live before the calling starts.”

“In war, victory, in peace, vigilance, in death, sacrifice.” I recite the motto. 

I look up at Zevran and he has the strangest look on his face. “What is the calling?” He asks quietly. The words seem to come out throatily and reluctantly. But he seems very concerned.

“The calling from what I understand is when taint has gotten so strong the nightmares are constant; Wardens will go to the deep roads to die fighting the darkspawn,” I muse, “but after what I saw with Tamlen I wonder how many wardens have become ghouls. He was already tainted we just reversed the process slightly and made him a warden to slow it. As far as I know the only cure for the taint is death. You can never have normal life or family.”

I look at Zevran. He looks tired. 

“I think the wardens ask much and give little in return,” he states slightly bitter, “but I could say the same of the crows, but at least the wardens won’t kill you for trying and failing.”

“Well, I think if we fail to kill the archdemon, I may be just as dead,” I quip lightly.

“I faith in you, Elly,” he says softly, “If anyone can do this I believe it will be you.”

“You should get some rest, Zev,” I offer kindly. I lay back down on my bedroll sighing and hear him lay back down as well.  
“Elly?” he asks.

“Yes, Zev” I say sleepily.

He shifts to his side and puts his arm around me sliding me back toward him in a spooning position.

“Is this ok?” he asks.

“Yes,” I reply drowsily teasing, “so long as you behave yourself, I don’t want to have to knock you unconscious.”

He chuckles sleepily. “I have no doubt you could do so if you desired. I promise I will be perfect gentleman.”


	36. Caridin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting Caridin

Dear Diary,  
Zevran seems to be back to his old self this morning; well…if it is morning, as I really have no idea. He’s even managed to slightly annoy Morrigan; however she seems more amused by his antics than annoyed.

As we pack up the camp, Serena looks at me and asks, “So you and the elf huh?”

I blush slightly at the insinuation. But looking her steadily, I say. “He’s a dear friend, and I care about him.”

“Uh-huh,” she says looking me skeptically. I drop it and finish filling my pack. 

“Is she always like that?” She asks Morrigan in quieter tone. Morrigan just smirks.

“I can still hear you,” I call out in sing-song fashion with a grin.

This brings a chuckle from Zevran as Tamlen flashes a smile in my direction.

“Let’s move on,” I say with an amused smile.

We walk the winding tunnel until coming to another door. I hope this isn’t like the last one. I open the door cautiously and the room is different a walkway seems to lead to an open area where there is some sort of statue hanging from the ceiling, with benches set symmetrically front of the faces of the stature. I look quickly for golems seeing none, I step into the room. Walking down the corridor to the open area I see the statue seems to have 4 faces and there is bench in front of each face. We get closer to it and it turns and the eyes light up. Suddenly it spits out what look to be 4 spirits, which of course, immediately attack us. As we drop the first spirit, the bench seems to light up. I look at it curiously for a moment and realize it’s an anvil not a bench. I touch the anvil cautiously and the spirits seem get sucked back into the statue. It turns and rumbles. 

“The statue changed,” calls Morrigan from her post off to the side.

“How?” I holler back curiously. 

“The first side, its eyes no longer glow they seem to be…bleeding?” she answers curiously.

The rumbling is getting louder. I look at the others my mind is spinning. “Once the anvils glow and we touch them, it seems to hurt it,” I call out, as more spirits seem to be solidifying again. “Everyone split up take and take an anvil, Morrigan, Tamlen give us some support.” I command quickly. Everyone nods and runs to an anvil Oghren and Serena take one, Shale takes one and Zev and I each take one.

I quickly take out our opponent and I run to hit the anvil as quickly as I can. Looking around I see the others have managed to do the same. The statue hisses angrily and rumbles loudly again.

“The eyes are closed here,” Serena calls out.

“Good maybe that side is deactivated,” I shout hopefully, as the next wave of spirits starts to form.

I immediately slash at my enemy, and see Serena come running toward me grinning. “Nothing came out on my side,” she pants slicing at our opponent.

“I appreciate the help,” I grunt stabbing with both blades. The spirit disappears and she hits the anvil. 

I run to Shale to aid her. As I get over to her location, she has defeated the spirit. I run past her and hit the anvil that has started glowing. The cavern shakes and rumbles the statue billows a blue white mist down upon us. I wonder for a moment if we are going to be buried under an avalanche of rock. Then it just stops. All the eyes are closed and it is still.

I take a deep breath. “Well that was interesting,” I note glibly squaring my shoulders.

Serena grins at me cheekily, “I’d say.”

“We should move on before something else happens,” Morrigan says dryly gesturing to the door leading out of the room.

Taking the walkway out of the room, we enter another tunnel that just opens into cavern. Upon entering I note there are 6 golems standing in line, 3 on either side of us and a large metal golem at the end of them. As we walk toward the large metal golem we are greeted by a booming metallic voice, “My name is Caridin. Once, longer ago than I care to think, I was paragon to the dwarves of Orzammar,” the metal golem says.

I look at the others they seem just as surprised as I am. I look at this thing in wonder and feel some compassion for it. For even the metallic quality of its voice it has feeling.

“Caridin the paragon smith, alive?” Shale says astonished.

“Ah, there is voice I recognize. Shale of the House of Cadash, step forward.” Caridin greets happily.

“You know my name?” Shale says curiously, not moving an inch. “Is it you that forged me then? Is it you that gave me my name?”

“Have you forgotten then?” Caridin asks. “Ah, it has been so long, I made you into the golem you are now, Shale. But before that you were a dwarf, just as I was. The finest warrior to serve King Valtor and the only woman to volunteer.”

“The only woman? A dwarf?” Shale asks a bit taken back.

“I laid you on the Anvil of the Void here in this very room and put you into the form you now possess,” Caridin explains.

“The Anvil of the Void,” Shale says curiously, “that is what we seek.” 

“If you seek the Anvil,” He says, “then you must care about my story or be doomed to relive it.”

“You made the Anvil, I take it?” I ask lightly.

“Though I made many things in my time, I rose to fame and earned my status based on a single item: the Anvil of the Void.” He says simply, “It allowed me to forge and man of steel or stone, as flexible as any soldier. As an army they were invincible but I told no one the cost…” He trails off for a moment.  
“No mere smith, however skilled, can create life.” He explains, “To make my golems live, I had to take life from elsewhere.”

“A dire shortcut, was it worth it?” I probe.

“So said my King, the darkspawn were pressing in,” answers Caridin honestly. “Originally, I only took volunteers, the bravest of souls willing to trade their very lives for the chance to defend their homeland, but King Valtor became greedy. He began to force men …casteless and criminal…his enemies…all of them were put to the anvil, and soon a river of blood flowed out of this place.” He pauses for moment and continues. “Finally it was too much, I refused, and so Valtor had me put on the anvil. It took feeling the hammer’s blows myself to realize the height of my crimes.”

“What now?” I press curiously. “Do you want revenge?”

“Not revenge,” He says firmly. “The blow of the hammer opened my eyes. My apprentices knew enough to make me as I am but not enough to fashion a control rod. I retained my mind. You were amongst the most loyal Shale, you remained at my side throughout and at the end I sent you away out of mercy.”

“I do not remember,” Shale says slowly.

“We remained entombed here ever since,” He continues. “And I have sought a way to destroy the Anvil. Alas, I cannot do it myself. No golem can touch it.”

“NO!” Branka shouts bursting into the room. “The anvil is mine! No one will take it from me!”

I think quickly, as the last thing I want is this heartless, cold bitch to have the Anvil. She’d make golems out of anyone she pleased and wouldn’t give it second thought.

“Shale you fought to destroy the Anvil once, do not allow it fall into unthinking hands again!” Caridin pleads.

“You speak of things I do not remember, you say we fought, did you use our control rods to command us to do so?” Shale asks pointedly.

“I destroyed the rods, perhaps my apprentices eventually learned to replace the rods. I do not know,” Caridin says quickly. “But if so then all they need is the Anvil to make all the slaves they need.”

“You,” Caridin pleads looking at me. “Please…Help me destroy the Anvil! Do not let it enslave more souls than it already has.”

“You were a Paragon,” I say cunningly. “I’ll help if you support a new King.”

“Don’t listen! He’s been trapped here a thousand years, stewing in his own madness.” Branka tries to cajole. “Help me claim the Anvil and you will have an army like you’ve never seen.”

I almost snort and stop myself. She’s one to talk about madness. Hypocrite. Caridin seems normal in comparison.

“Branka, you mad, bleeding nug-tail.” Oghren growls, “Does this thing mean so much to you, that you can’t even see what you lost to get it?”  
“Look around. Is this what our empire should look like?” Branka rants, “A crumbling tunnel filled with darkspawn spume? The Anvil will let us take back our glory.”

Is she completely insane?…No… just a cold sociopath.

“The Anvil enslaves living souls,” I say my voice flat with anger walking over to her; “It must be destroyed. I have to give it to you Branka; you really are a piece of work. You kill your house letting them be turned to darkspawn. I don’t even what to imagine what you would with the anvil.” I’m so angry that before I realize what happens. I’ve raised my fist and punched her square in the face. 

She reels back in surprise, holding her in injured jaw as she glares at me. I turn and walk away back over to Caridin. “That was for Hespith and the rest of your house, and for Oghren, he deserves better than you.” I say hatefully.

Oghren looks at me with astonishment.

“So it fights with Caridin then,” Shale asks. I nod in reply. “Good, that seems right,” Shale says happily.

“Thank you, Stranger,” Caridin says gratefully. “Your compassion shames me.”

Branka’s face becomes twisted and hard. “NO! You will not take it! Not while I still live.”

I grab my daggers readying for a fight. I feel my companions’ tenseness. Looking over at Oghren and can tell he is torn, “Branka, don’t throw away your life for this!” Step into fighting stance, and try one last time because athought I detest this woman I don’t want to have to kill her in front of Oghren. “We have to destroy the Anvil, Branka.”

“Just give her the blasted thing! She’s confused…maybe once she calms down, we can talk to her.” Oghren pleads.

“I’m sorry Oghren,” I say sadly. “I can’t take that chance. You saw what she did. She’s obsessed beyond redemption. What makes you think the first thing she wouldn’t do is test her new toy out on you?”

“Sodding shit,” He sighs.

“Bah! You are not the only master smith here, Caridin!” Branka spits brandishing a control rod. “Golems! Obey me! Attack!”

The golems start coming to life. “A control rod,” Caridin panics. “My friend you must help me. I cannot stop her alone.” 

I look over at Oghren, hoping I won’t need to fight him too. He glances over and nods in agreement. I notice that Branka has gained control of most of the golems. I make a beeline straight to her. I hope that if she dies the golems will become deactivated again. I see Serena flanking Branka with a wicked grin on her face. Seems she wants a piece of this sad excuse for a person as well. We finally take Branka out and the rest of the golems that were not already deactivated quit fighting. Andraste’s ass she was a strong one. The only thing the woman ever fought for besides the Anvil was her life. I note sadly.

“Another life lost because of my invention, I wish no mention of it had made into history,” He says sadly.

“Yeah, you ain’t kidding,” Oghren says dryly, “Stupid woman! Always knew the Anvil would kill her.”

“How is it that the woman was not able to disable me as she did you Caridin?” Shale asks curiously.

“I do not know,” Caridin replies just as curiously. “Have you been altered?”

“I once had a pathetic little mage of master,” Shale answers honestly. “He did something to me…experimented on me…and I killed him and it rendered me paralyzed.”

“Hmmm,” Caridin says thoughtfully, “perhaps he was bringing forth old memories…and caused you to remember a time when you fought at my side. The paralysis you speak of always resulted when the master perished. As for your free will, you always were a strong woman, Shale. I am pleased to see you remain so.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Shale replies with wonder. “Thank you.”

“Oh,” Caridin sighs heavily, “do not thank me. All of this…is my doing…my legacy…”

“But at least it ends here,” he says a bit more brightly, “I thank you for standing with me, Stranger. The Anvil waits for you to shatter it.”

“Is there any boon I can grant you for your aid?” He asks, “A final favor before I am freed from my burden?”

I know what I need to do but Oghren lost Branka. “Oghren,” I say gently, “You lost Branka to this. What do you want?”He looks at me with surprise for a moment that I would even care to ask.

“Eh, I don’t suppose you can bring Branka back? Maybe make her a golem? Like you?” He asks Caridin.

“I would not do such a thing to her, even if I could,” Caridin says softly.

“Somehow I didn’t think so. Then, I don’t want anything that would remind me of…this. Best it’s just done…There is still the matter of the election. I mean we still need a Paragon to get the Assembly’s support right?”

“For the aid you’ve given me, I shall put hammer to steel one last time, and give you a crown, for the king of your choice.” Caridin declares.

As he walks away to work, I look at the others. “Anyone hurt?” I ask concerned.

Everyone shakes their heads. 

“We might as well rest for a while,” Serena says practically pulling out her bedroll. 

Morrigan nods in agreement and sets to digging in her pack. 

I see something interesting on the far side of the room and walk over to investigate. It seems to be some sort of monument. Tamlen walks over to look at it with me. It’s written in dwarven so I can’t read it.

“I think they might be names,” he offers smiling.

“Oghren, Shale, Serena” I call out. “I found something interesting. You might want to see this.”

They make their way across the room. After giving it a look, I ask, “Shale do you know what this is?”

Shale says, “No, perhaps it thinks I should? It may have something to do with Caridin’s words. If there is some way to make a copy of these runes, I am willing to study them. Perhaps there is something to be gleaned from them, I know not.”

“Oghren, what is this? Can you tell?” I ask.

Oghren says, “Huh, Names. A long list of dwarves and their houses. Err wait a minute …hold on…We honor those who have made this sacrifice; let their names be remembered. Fart me a Lullaby! It’s a memorial… of all the dwarves who became golems! Has to be! If there was some way of getting this back to the Shaperate in Orzammar, I’d bet they’d brown their trousers! And pay good gold for it. Probably both.” 

“This is an amazing discovery!” Serena says shaking her head in astonishment.

I make two tracings of the monument and tuck them in my pack. We all take to our bedrolls. Except for Shale, who has no need for sleep and steps away to talk with Caridin as he works.

Sometime later after we have awoken, we see Caridin coming down the steps. I rise to meet him.

“There, it is done,” he says handing me the crown. “give it to whom you will. I do not wish to know their names or anything of them. I have already lived beyond my time. I have no place here.”

“I will destroy the anvil, as agreed,” I offer gently.

“That would please me, Human,” Caridin says happily.

I walk up the long staircase to Anvil. Taking the hammer that Caridin just finished making the crown with I bring it down on the anvil with all my might. It crumbles to rubble. Once the anvil is destroyed Caridin walks over to edge of the platform, his back facing me. “You have my eternal thanks, Stranger,” he says with relief,. “Atrast nal tunsha…may you always find your way in the dark.”

I walk to stand beside him but before I can get to him, he dives into the lava below. I’m a bit taken back but I do understand. I walk back down the steps.

“Where is Caridin?” Shale asks.

I just shake my head. 

“I see,” She says sadly. “He just wanted it to be over. He told me so.”

“I think I’m ready to leave here.” I announce, grabbing my pack.

Oghren stops me for a moment. “Well that pretty much beat the sod out of how I imagined it. You ready to head back and share the news?”

“To the assembly,” I say grinning at him sarcastically, “they should know as soon as possible.” 

“Eh,” he grunts, looking at the ground. Then realizing, I was being facetious, he grins. “Those deshyrs have been trying to destroy the city for years. Haven’t managed yet.”


	37. The Making of a King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally leave the dismal deep roads.

Dear Diary,   
We take an alternate route out of the deep roads, thanks to Oghren. He understood, we couldn’t just walk through Orzammar with Serena. Once back at camp we have a meeting.

I introduce everyone to Serena and show them the evidence we found in Aeducan Thaig. Setting out the crown I received from Caridin, Leske whistles appreciatively, “Probably worth a fortune, who are you planning to put on the throne?” 

I think for a moment Serena has shown herself to be fair and forward minded, in our conversations. She would have been a good ruler if not for Bhelen’s treachery.

Leliana jumps up. “Wait a minute,” she says quickly rummaging in her pack. “This may help,” she says handing me piece of parchment. I quickly scan the parchment; it seems to be love letter to a casteless girl from Bhelen, the contents basically saying he would make her his queen, once he was king.

“Where did you find this Leli?” I ask curiously.

“I was sneaking around the palace and young dwarven woman dropped it when attending to her child, after she left I picked it up,” she grins cheekily, “I didn’t think much of it at the time, but it after what you found I thought it might mean something.”

I look at Serena. “Do you think with what we found in the Thaig and this it would be enough to overthrow Bhelen?”

She reads the letter, “It might be but it’s all consequential. However it might be enough to clear my name.”

I grin wickedly. “Serena, how would you like to be the ruler of Orzammar?”

She looks like eyes are going pop out of her head. She starts to say something and stops collecting her thoughts. “It was never my place as the middle child and a woman I was to be married to some noble house,” she says practically, “Orzammar does need change, and the traditionalists know that without the surface trade we would have crumbled a long time ago but refuse to let the surface dwarves have any kind of say in politics. The casteless are a great resource that is being overlooked as well as the Legion of Dead, especially as they protect us and we offer nothing in return. Being in the deep roads has taught me this.”

“Good,” I grin at her, “Because it is my intention to put you on the throne.”

“The very fact I’m alive will piss Bhelen off,” she smirks.

We find Serena a cloak with a hood to hide her face. I decide to take Shale, Oghren, Zevran and Wynne with us. As we walk into the Assembly, we hear. “Lords of the Assembly! I call for order! This argument gets us now where!”

“Then, why these delaying tactics?” Bhelen demands petulantly, “I call for a vote right now. My father has one living child to assume the Aeducan throne. Who would deny him that?”

“Your father made me swear on his deathbed you would not succeed him,” Harrowmont states dryly.

One of the guards walks out in front of us, “I apologize for the interruption Lord Steward, but the grey wardens have returned.”

The Lord Steward momentarily looks relieved to see us. “We should let the warden speak,” says Harrowmont, “What news do you bring?”

“I bear a crown from Paragon Caridin for his chosen King,” I announce, handing the crown to the Lord Steward. He takes the crown looking over it intently.

Oghren steps forward. “Caridin was trapped in the body of a golem,” He explains. “This Warden granted him the mercy he sought, releasing him and destroying the Anvil of the Void.” He pauses dramatically. “Before he died, Caridin forged a crown for Orzammar’s next king, chosen by the ancestors themselves.”

(who knew that Oghren was so eloquent)

“And we are supposed to trust this,” Bhelen sneers, “The word of a drunken sot and a Grey Warden known to be in Harrowmont’s pocket.”

“No,” I answer cheerfully smiling. “I don’t expect you to just take my word.” I pull out the papers. “Lord Steward, would you take a look at these papers?”   
I hand him the ledger and the letter. His eyes widen as he scans them, “Where did you find these?”

“The ledger was found in Aeducan Thaig. The other was in the found in the Royal Palace,” I smirk.

“How can we believe anything this warden says?” Bhelen shouts looking worried.

“Silence!” the Lord Steward commands. “These both look legitimate they have your seal on them Bhelen. The crown is of Paragon make and bears the House Ortan’s ancient seal. Tell us Warden! Whom did Caridin choose?”

“He wished me to give it to whomever I chose.” I say firmly.

“The grey warden knows nothing about us,” Bhelen fumes. “Why would a paragon entrust someone like this with such a weighty decision this is ridiculous.”

“Actually Brother,” Serena replies cheekily, lowering the hood of the cloak. “This warden is a human noble and actually has a great grasp on Orzammar politics, as well as good sense about her.” 

“Lady Aeducan!” The steward gasps. The room stills in shock and everyone looks at her.

Bhelen is stunned. Harrowmont is the first to speak. “I didn’t expect to see you alive,” he says gently regarding her.

“We’ve argued in these chambers for too long,” the Lord Steward decides. “The will of the Paragon is that the grey warden decides.”

“I grant the crown to Serena Aeducan,” I proclaim smiling.

“What! You would hand Orzammar over to the woman who killed my brother,” Bhelen rants.

I look at the Lord Steward. He nods and holds out the papers. “Here is a ledger showing payment from Bhelen to the Carta and here is a letter from Bhelen to a casteless woman telling her he will become King, both contain Bhelen’s seal,” He explains to the deshyrs. “I believe this clears Lady Aeducan of any wrong doing in Lord Tristan’s death.”

The shocked deshyrs nod at this new information. 

“I will not abide by this,” Bhelen shouts.

“The ancestors have spoken,” one of the deshyrs says firmly.

“Serena is your king, stand behind her,” I plead with Bhelen.

“Would you let a surfacer decide the fate of the dwarves?!” Bhelen rants.

“Watch out!” One of the deshyrs cries out “He brought weapons!”

“Guards!” Harrowmont calls out.

Grabbing his sword, Bhelen looks around like he is expecting aid and jumps down from his platform, no one else even moves. I think his supporters may have realized they allied with the wrong side. He heads toward Serena but I get between and he starts attacking me. I grabbed my daggers as soon as I saw him grab his sword, so I am ready for the assault. His anger makes him stupid leaving his right side open to attack. I plunge a dagger in and twist. I know it’s a kill strike. He drops to the floor. As I kick his weapon away, Serena runs to him. “Bhelen you stone-eaters ass! I should hate you,” she rants angrily. “But I love you brother, although I can’t forgive you.” She says more softly. 

Bhelen tries to speak but he’s fading fast. “Rica…” 

“Don’t worry brother I will make sure she is cared for. I will do that much for your son,” Serena nods understanding.

Bhelen nods and closes his eyes for the last time. Serena stands up. “Warden…thank you,” she says with unshed tears glittering in eyes.

“I appreciate your forthrightness, Warden. You have acted with grace throughout this torturous process.” Harrowmont says gratefully. He looks a Serena with affection. “I withdraw my bid to be Orzammar’s King, and pledge myself and my house to Serena Aeducan.” Harrowmont says dropping to a knee.

The deshyrs come forward still looking a bit stunned at the recent events. I and my companions move off to the side being vigilant that any of Bhelen’s supporters might attack. Serena nods walking up to the Lord Steward as he places the crown on her head. “Let the Memories find your worth, first amidst the lords of the houses, the king of Orzammar.” The Lord Steward says reverently.

“I admit,” Serena says sorrowfully, “I did not think even Bhelen would defy the word of a Paragon. However, at least his followers have seen him for what he was, and I trust if there is any insurgency, I will be able to bring it under control.”

“I have faith in you, King Aeducan,” I say bowing slightly.

“Indeed,” she says smiling. “More than anyone but Harrowmont, Warden, and I thank you for it. Those loyal to throne will begin preparations for a surface mission immediately,” she commands. “Orzammar will fulfill its treaties.”

“Thank you, King Aeducan. Perhaps your rule will mark a new era for Orzammar,” I offer kindly.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” she says looking at Harrowmont, “I must get to the palace and set our plans in motion.”

“And I must return to my duties on the surface,” I say smiling at her.

“You are always welcome in Orzammar, Warden” she says gratefully, “I wish you luck against the Blight. May we foster another four centuries of peace.”  
“Please visit me in the palace before you leave, Elly” she adds softly as she leaves.


	38. Wynne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting to know Wynne and her strange situation....

Dear Diary,  
Now that we have taken care of the chaos in Orzammar, we are headed to Denerim hoping to find this Brother Genitivi, the Arlessa had told us of. It seems that Arl Eamon had been a patron of the Brother’s research in looking for the Urn of Sacred ashes. We leave the Frostbacks heading north around Lake Calenhad. As we walk into a valley and I feel that darkspawn are close. I slow my gait looking back at Alistair and Adela. They both nod in agreement to my unspoken question. I notice Tamlen has pulled his bow out. The rest of the party noting our tenseness readies for a fight. Stepping into a bit more open area of valley, I see darkspawn archers above us and fighters below us. I take off running toward the darkspawn fighters. I feel rather than see Wynn’s rejuvenation spell taking effect. Then more darkspawn rise from the ground in an attempt to surround me. I look to my right and note that Zev is beside me; he throws me a roguish grin and stands back to back with me effectively keeping either of us from being flanked. As we work cutting down the darkspawn, I hear Adela and Sten’s battle cries and hear the crackles in the air of mages’ magic. Soon all the creatures are dead.   
“Well that was bracing!” Zevran says smiling. I chuckle at him and check on everyone only minor injuries no one seems to be badly hurt. We continue on the through the valley just as we are leaving the area I hear a sickening thud. I turn and Wynne has hit the ground. I race to her. However Leliana is closer and gets to her first. Wynne groans we crouch down to check on her. I see no wounds on her. Did the darkspawn taint her? 

“Uhh…I fell,” she says a bit astonished.

“Wynne,” I gasp, as she reaches for me help her sit up. “Are you ok?” 

“For a moment there I thought I was…I thought it was over…” she says.

“You thought what was over?” I ask curiously.

“Everything…” she says simply.

I check over her again looking for wounds and seeing none. I regard her curiously. “I…I will explain everything at camp,” She says patiently, as she slowly stands up, “Now is not the time.”

I flash a concerned look at Leliana and she nods in understanding. I know she will keep an eye on Wynne as she still looks a bit shaky. I decide as soon as we find an appropriate place we would make camp. Once the tents are pitched and the fire is crackling brightly, Wynne makes her way over to me. “I think I own you an explanation for what happened earlier,” she says slowly.

I nod and grab two chalices from the kitchen pack and a bottle of Orlesian wine; I know she is partial to. Walking back to the fire I sit beside her, pour the wine and hand her a chalice. She smiles in appreciation but seems hesitant to speak. “Yes, you had me quite worried,” I say concern showing on my face. “I was afraid that maybe you had gotten the taint.”

“I’m sorry Elly,” she says guiltily, “I didn’t think about that. I should have said something right away.”

“So what happened?” I ask curiously.

“You should know that…something happened to me at the tower. Before you came along.” She explains slowly.

“Is this why Petra was so worried about you?” I question.

She nods. “Petra encountered a demon at the tower. It would have killed her had I not intervened. I saved her life that day, but I did not survive the encounter.”

I look at her curiously. “But Wynne, you’re standing right here?”

“I engaged a very powerful demon to rescue Petra,” she clarifies. “It sapped me of all my energy and will, and left me drained. It took everything I had to defeat it, and when I was done, I no longer had the strength to keep my heart beating. I remember my life ebbing away,” she says with a disturbed look on her face. “Everything receded from me…sound, light…I remember being enveloped in complete, impenetrable darkness.”

I look at her trying to wrap my mind around what she is telling me.

“And then I sensed a presence,” she continues with a calm happy expression. “It was enfolding me and cradling me, whispering quietly to me. The sensation is impossible for me to describe.”

To me what she is describing is motherly love but I hold my tongue and let her continue.

“I was being…held back, firmly, but gently, as a mother would a child eager to slip her grasp.” She says gently. I smile at the thought.

“I felt life and warmth flowing through my veins again.” She continues, “I began to be aware of small sounds, and the discomfort of my hip pressing into the cold stone of the tower floor.”

“That is an amazing story,” I say in astonishment. 

“The fade contains spirits both benevolent and malicious.” She explains, “The benevolent spirits seldom make themselves known, because they want nothing from mortals, unlike demons. It was one of these spirits that saved me. Without it I would be dead. And it is still with me, even now bonded to me.”  
I look at her with amazement.

“You see,” she forges on, “I am supposed to be dead. It is the spirit that is keeping me in this world but this not the way of things. Perhaps the spirit did not expect this but it is weakening, gradually. I am living on borrowed time.”

“How long will the spirit last?” I ask a troubled.

“I do not know,” she says honestly, “I can feel when the spirit weakens, so I should have fair warning. Come; let us not talk about this, there is time yet.”

I refill her chalice and mine.

“Have you encountered many abominations outside the circle tower?” she asks changing the subject. 

“Well there was Connor…and the one's we saw at the circle tower..” I offer.

“Ah yes, the tower and Connor. Of course.” She says remembering. “The first time I saw an abomination, my blood turned to ice. It was months before the nightmares stopped,” She admits. “It was the knowledge that I could easily become one of them that frightened me the most.”

“But it is that knowledge that drives you to be cautious,” I answer her firmly.

“One slip…all it takes is one slip and everything you are…is simply gone…replaced by madness.” She says sadly. “And there is no going back .Or at least that is what they say.”

“You have doubts?” I ask quizzically.  
“Of late, I have begun to wonder if…if there is any way an abomination can be …cured.” She says thoughtfully. “Or if a mage could be so possessed and still retain their sanity. Their humanity.”

I look at Wynne. My mind is spinning. By all definitions she is an abomination. However she has maintained her mind and herself. She is questioning what she is. I realize with astonishment. She is afraid of what she might be. “If one retains one’s humanity, one is not an abomination.” I say gently.

She looks at me with surprise. “You know, I never thought of it that way, Thank you.”

She drains her chalice. I hold up the bottle offering her another. She shakes her head. “I think I should rest,” she says tiredly, “Thank you Elly, for everything.”


	39. Soldier's Peak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking back soldier's peak and meeting Avernus

Dear Diary,  
After meeting Levi Dryden outside of Orzammar, I decide to make a detour on the way to Denerim to Soldier’s Peak. We head back into cold mountainous regions, much to my chagrin. Levi is taking us through a twisting mountain path that seems to go nowhere. We hike on and suddenly we are just there. The path opens up to a…Fortress.

“Maker’s Breathe,” Levi breathes with astonishment, “look at the size of her. What a fortress. I told you the map would get us through the tunnels.”

“She’s impressive that’s for certain,” I say with wonder.

“It’s just teeming with history. Can’t you feel it?” He continues excitedly, “So…I’ll follow you about, from a distance.” 

As I walk ahead he pulls out his bow. At least we won’t have to protect him too much. I think gratefully.  
“This place has the stench of death. I expect there’s trouble up ahead,” Levi adds.

Alistair nods in agreement. “Soldier’s Peak. Looks like its seen better days, better centuries more like.”

“Once the Warden’s flourished their ranks full, their caliber certain, now they even accept people like you, Alistair,” Morrigan lightly sneers.

“And I guess your mother thought you were too spellblind to let you in on all her secrets,” Alistair retorts.

Morrigan looks at Alistair surprised and tightens her lips. I gently reprimand both of them with a look. Inwardly I’m proud of Alistair for standing up to Morrigan. As we walk toward the steps I see skeletal remains everywhere. And what looks hazy like a dream opens up in front of us.

“Fall back! Fall back already!” A man dressed in armor yells.

“Taking the Peak will not be easy, milord,” another man standing beside him says.

“I gave the Warden’s one chance to die with honor,” spits the first man, “Instead they hole up like cowards. We follow the king’s advice then. Starve them out.”

“But the Peak has months of supplies,” the other man notes dejectedly.

“Then we wait,” the first man says firmly, “when they are too weak to lift their weapons, we send them to their final judgment.”

With that the scene disappears, what in the Maker’s name happened here?

“Wh –what was that?” Levi asks in astonishment, “I felt a bit woozy there. I’m not mad, am I? You saw it, too?”

“I had a vision too, Levi.” I confirm for him.

“How is that possible?” He says almost terrified, “This place truly is haunted.”

“The world is full of mysteries,” I muse.

Levi nods silently. As we walk forward, I hear a screech as the corpses start to rise. I knew this was too easy.  
“We must fight them!” I yell grabbing my daggers. We dispatch the corpses, loot the bodies and check out the area. It seems safe enough for the moment. I decide to let Wynne and some of the others rest here. I take Alistair, Adela, Tamlen, Zevran, and Morrigan with me. Strangely enough Levi wants to come along. He was pretty good with his bow earlier so I allow it. 

We walk through door of the keep and have another vision. “The men’s morale is low. My spells are of no use in this matter, Commander.” Says a mage to woman dressed in commander warden armor.  
The woman answers firmly, “There is more to leading men than sorcery, Avernus. I will remind them that they’re Wardens.” 

“Men,” she rallies, “I won’t lie to you. The situation is grim. Our forces outnumbered. Our bellies empty and our hearts are sagging. But we are Wardens! Darkspawn flee when they hear our horns! Arch demons die when they taste our blades! So are we to bend knee to a mere human despot? No! I for one will never give up; I for one will never surrender just to dance on Arland’s gallows! So I propose here and now, in these hallowed halls where generations of our brethren stood vigil against darkspawn and evil…That we send a message to that fat bastard! In this sacred place, proud men, strong men, stood defiant and would rather die than submit to tyranny!” The ghost wardens cheer and the scene fades away. 

“So brave, even when starving,” Levi says with wonder, “and my great-great-grandmother stood with them.”

“I can’t believe the king attacked the Grey Warden’s.” I muse. Perhaps this had something to do with the exile of the wardens from Ferelden.

“Everyone knows they were banished,” Levi says angrily, “but to murder them like that. King Arland must have been a monster. But I’ve gabbed enough. Lead on, my friend.”

We clear the next few rooms of undead and scattered demons and gather a few notes. It seems that both sides were taking heavy losses and something very strange was going on here. “What do you think Morrigan?” I ask curiously.

She ponders a moment, “The veil is thin here, and we may run into more than just living corpses and demons. The memories are strong that is why we can see them. I also sense magic.”

“I am sensing a warden,” I announce looking at Alistair and Adela. They nod in agreement.

“I feel it too,” Tamlen says suddenly. I look at him in surprise. Maybe his long exposure to the taint helped those abilities along.

Entering the next room a bunch of corpses come to life in waves as we dispatch them demons rise up as well. Once the demons are dead we wait a moment to be sure nothing else is rise at us. I notice a huge book on the floor it is badly burned but I walk over to it anyway. I can only make out a word here and there as it is badly burned. The room shimmers again as we are being shown another memory of this place.“The door won’t hold, Archivist.” A woman says panicking. I can hear banging on the door.

“Almost done…” a man says, “the truth must be told.”

“What does it matter?” She implores, “We’re dead.” The banging gets louder.

“Our grand rebellion …so close…and to die here a stillbirth,” The man says sadly. 

“We never should have done it;” the woman says regretfully, “Wardens aren’t supposed to oppose kings and princes.”

“Should we stand idly by while…” the man begins. As yelling outside the door becomes louder. The room shimmers again and returns to normal.

“Another one…” Levi says horrified, “Rebellion? What’s this about a rebellion? If only the book weren’t burned.”

“What? Rebellion is against everything Wardens stand for.” Alistair says firmly.

Adela nods, “but if the letter we found from Wulff is any indicator, Arland had gone mad.”

“But Sophia must’ve had her reasons. The wardens are heroes.” Levi says firmly, “some injustices just can’t be ignored.”

I nod in agreement. “I’m curious as to this Wulff mentioned in the letter. Was he an ancestor to Arl Gallagher Wulff. Perhaps we will find more answers further in.” I muse.

“We can only hope,” Levi agrees brightening.

We head up the stairs into the next room that opens up into what looks to be dining hall/great room and the air shimmers again. We see the warden commander.  
“Make them pay for every inch, men!” She rallies as she takes down a soldier. “Hold the flank!” she yells. Turning to mage she calls, “Avernus, we need you!”

A mage starts chanting.”Nelatep obresooth sythan net bekon.” Demons rise from the floor.

“Andraste’s blood!” A terrified solder yells, “What!?”

Sophia turns toward the enemy. “More, Avernus …Whatever it takes!”

Avernus chants again, “kaelee ai benfotus victus!”

More demons rise. “Press them, press them now!” Sophia demands.

The demons are out of control they begin attacking wardens and soldiers.“No!” Avernus yells frustrated, “I command you fight the king’s men.”

One demon stops to look at him. “Fool, so much death, suffering, and, oh yes…blood. The veil is torn now. Your soul is mine, Avernus.”

Avernus looks terrified. “Acolytes…retreat now, the battle is lost,” He commands.Avernus takes one last look into the room and runs up the steps. 

“Avernus!” Sophia yells after him. The room shimmers again and is back to normal.

“What just happen…” Levi starts to say before interrupting himself, “oh no, more fighting.”

We fight another group of dead wardens and Arland soldiers led by demons.

“The wardens summoned demons,” Levi says in shock and dismay, “I can’t believe it, and my grandmother, she knew.”

“The wardens don’t forbid blood magic,” I say gently trying to console him, “anything it takes to win.”

“A practical attitude,” Morrigan says simply.

“I believed that my family was better than that,” he says sorrowfully, “but answers may lie up ahead.”

We walk into the next room after dispatching the corpses there in we note that the door ahead is blocked only leaving the door to the left as our only way to go.  
Opening the door, I see the Warden Commander Sophia…well the body is of Sophia but she is obviously not herself.

“Step no further, Warden” she says, “This one would speak with you.”

“Why would I do that?” I ask the demon, as she turns around. I can see that decay has taken over and Sophia Dryden is evidently possessed.

“Because this Peak is mine,” she says proudly. I hold back a snort.

“This one is the Dryden, Commander, Sophia, all these things,” It proclaims.

“Grandmother!?” Levi says in amazement.

“You have slain many of the demon ilk to get here,” she continues ignoring Levi, “This one would propose a deal.”

“Levi,” I say gently, “I’m afraid your great-great grandmother is possessed.”

“That or she has really let herself go. I don’t know what that thing is,” Levi says with disgust, “my great-great grandmother died a long time ago.”

“And why should I trust a demon?” I ask her.

“What is one woman-child compared to your might,” the demon answers, “Strike me down if my terms offend. A fool this one would be to betray a grey warden.”  
I don’t trust it. This demon is more powerful than it is letting on and has been waiting for 200 years for someone to come through here. It wants something. For some reason it has been unable to leave this place.

“Is there any of the real Sophia left in you?” I ask curiously.

“This one has tasted her memories, seen her thoughts and hidden places,” the demon gloats, “but she is food for this one, no more, no less.”

I admit to being surprised by the honestly of the demon. However I keep my face schooled.“I will not make a deal with demon,” I decide.

“Maker’s breathe,” Alistair breathes, drawing his sword, “took you long enough.”

“Fool!” the demon screams bringing the corpses to life around it. Once the demon and corpses are dispatched, we search the room upon finding Sophia’s diary, I read it. I am shocked by the revelations, not only was Arland a tyrant, but Sophia was given to wardens as an escape from the charge of treason. She used the wardens to mount her own campaign against the King. Quite frankly I can understand it however that is not what the wardens are about or their purpose. I have mixed feelings about the whole affair. I silently give the diary to Levi, who scans it and sighs heavily.

I look at the other 3 wardens. “I still feel a warden, here.” I note uneasily. They all look at me nod in agreement.

“There is magic in the direction of the blocked door,” Morrigan says firmly. 

Upon entering the next room I notice that the barrier over the door is gone and we walk through. We cross the bridge leading to a tower. Entering the tower we find more corpses and Avernus’ notes and book detailing his experiments on people, as well as an enhanced alchemical potion. Something within me tells me to drink it. Without hesitation pick up the vial and uncork it, I drink the vial and double over in pain, almost like the joining but less. Alistair looks at me with wide eyes. I feel knowledge in this pain and it gives me power.

Zevran looks at me with astonishment. “Elly, promise me you will never do that again,” He says with concerned look on his face.

“I’m ok Zev, and thank you,” I look at him and smile, “but I can’t promise you that.”

“Was, a foolhardy thing to do,” Morrigan says with a devious grin, “but I approve.”

“Morrigan if you wanted some, all you needed to do was ask, I would have shared,” I tease cheekily.   
She smirks at me.

We move on into the next room obviously Avernus’ laboratory. As we draw closer he says, “I hear you, do not disrupt my concentration.”

We look at each other quizzically and walk forward.

He finishes his task and walk toward us. “Even now the demons seek to replenish their numbers. Are you to thank for this welcome but temporary imbalance?” Avernus asks.

“I’m amazed you still live,” I say honestly, “I felt another warden but didn’t exactly know who to expect.”

“I’m only just alive, I have but a short time left.” He answers.

“This man has dabbled in magic forbidden by the maker,” Alistair says.

“So the maker told you that did he?” Avernus scoffs, “Short sighted men have forbidden my research not any god.”

I hear Morrigan snicker behind me  
.  
“Why are you here?” Avernus asks, “What is your intent?”

“I want some answers,” I say casually.

“To what questions, I wonder?” he muses, “Ask.”

“How did you survive all these years?” I probe curiously.

“The chantry foolishly forbids blood magic…but there are many secrets to uncover,” He says cunningly, “As my body decayed, I found ways to extend it but that can only go so far.”

“Tell me what happened here.” Adela demands.

“What use would story telling serve?” Avernus asks. “The tyrant Arland is long dead, as is all our noble co-conspirators and the grand rebellion. Sophia’s corpse may walk and talk, but she too is no more.”

“We killed that one on the way here,” Tamlen mutters.

“How was Arland a tyrant?” I ask.

“He ruled with fear and poison,” Avernus says angrily. “His treachery pit noble against noble in terrible battle. We thought him a monster. We gathered allies to rebel. But the toll of years has erased our failure, hasn’t it? It seemed so pressing then, but the kingdom lives on.”

“What happened to grand rebellion?” Levi asks.

“Too many mouths to quiet. Even sorcery can only go so far.” Avernus answers honestly, “So we meet with Teyrn Cousland. With him on our side, we had a chance of victory. Instead, the king’s guard ambushed us. Commander Dryden and I barely escaped.”

“Interesting considering you have both a Dryden and a Cousland standing in front of you,” I say cunningly.

Avernus looks genuinely surprised. “I am glad that the noble houses that sided with us didn’t die out,” He says a bit astonished.

“You had to know summoning that many demons was risky,” Morrigan chides snidely.

“Perhaps, but it was survival,” Avernus says glibly, “For months, I prepared the summoning circles, researched the darkest depths of the fade. That moment was a triumph of demonic lore. Dozens of demons called by my hand. But with so many variables, I suppose calculation errors were inevitable. I was so close.”

“What was the purpose of your experiments?” I ask curiously.

“To stop the demonic tide,” he says firmly, “to correct the miscalculations of the past. Blood magic comes from demons. They could counter every bit of lore I knew. But the darkspawn taint, that is alien to them and it has power. The wardens use merely to sense darkspawn, a triviality. My research has discovered so much more…hinted at even greater heights. This knowledge could not only save Soldier’s Peak…with it, the Wardens could grow even more powerful.

“Sophia’s great grandson brought here. Levi, go ahead.” I offer gently.

“Master mage,” Levi starts, “uh…ser. My family name has been worth less than dirt for over a century. Do you have any proof that Sophia was a hero?”

“The boy who braved the mists,” Avernus chuckles, “so you heeded my call. And you are Dryden? The cosmos has a sense of humor.”

“Your call?” I ask.

“He was but a boy, Avernus explains, “when he entered the tunnels below the Peak. His heart pure. His character certain. In dreams I gave him the keys he would need. He would be my deliverance.”

“Somniari,” Morrigan says quietly.

“What of Levi’s question,” I probe.

“Your great-great grandmother was the best of us,” Avernus says regretfully, “Brave, charismatic, fiery. Utterly devoted to the fight. But we still lost. We fought against a tyrant, you know? So full of vigor, then. So blind to consequence. But proof? There’s none to be had.”

I look at Levi’s mournful face. “I’m sorry, Levi,” I say softly.

“I…I had hoped,” Levi says sadly, “but thank you Warden.”

“I’m so tired,” Avernus says suddenly, “so old. Let me undo my greatest of mistakes. Let me cleanse this place. Then…then I will accept whatever justice you feel I merit.”

“Commander Dryden knew of the demons?” Alistair asks.

“She gave the order,” Avernus says candidly. “I would have summoned the demons, anyway. Only under Wardens can true magical research continue. A chance to rediscover the secrets of ancient Tevinter.”

“You remember how that ended?” Alistair chides, “The black city? Darkspawn?”

“Chantry lies told to subjugate the mages,” Avernus scoffs, “to keep them docile.”

“How do you know they are wrong?” Alistair presses.

“And how do you know they are right?” Avernus asks, “Their faith would have you swallow a great deal for small comfort.”

Personally, I agree with him but I say nothing. “I think it is time to retake the Peak.” I say firmly.

“If justice or vengeance drive you, stay your hand until the demons are dealt with.” He pleads.

“Very well,” I concede, “the demons need to be stopped. Now.”

“That will do for now,” He agrees. “We must go to the great hall. There I will repair the damage I caused so long ago. There will be peril. The demons will fight us every step of the way. Come.” We head back down to the great hall. Once there Avernus turns to me, “We must act quickly. The demons are clawing on the gates. The veil must be closed.”

“What do you need us to do?” I ask.

“I will unravel the summoning circles I drew so long ago.” He explains, “Waves of spirits and demons will come through. Dispatch them.”

I nod in understanding and glance at the others as they make ready. We “dispatch” three waves of demons. When we are finished Avernus, sighs heavily, “It’s over. The veil is strong now, stronger at least. I said I’d submit to judgement, and so I shall. Can I be left to experiment in peace?”

“Well, that depends are you going to need any more subjects for your experiments?” I ask curiously.

Avernus has the decently to drop his gaze. “No,” He says softly, “they have paid the price so others are not necessary.”

Experiment away,” I offer not wanting the deaths to go to waste, “If it bears any fruit I want to know.”

“I feel I am close to breakthrough.” He says happily, “And now I can dedicate all of my time to research. I will share anything I learn with the Wardens and with you. And Warden, please come see me before you leave the peak.”

Levi walks over as Avernus leaves. “You’ve done it Warden. Soldier’s Peak is safe again. That old geezer Avernus deserves the gallows, if you ask me, but…people will do queer things to survive. But there was no proof to redeem my family.”

“Your grandmother, I’m not too sure about,” I say slowly, “But you are a good man.”

“Thank you, Warden,” Levi says gratefully, “for so long I was focused on the past, on answers. But I think I would have been better off had I stayed home. Enough of that, though. I find myself at a loss.”

“How so?” I ask raising an eyebrow.

“You’ve got a whole fortress now,” He muses. “I suppose I should start plying my trade again.”

“Soldier’s Peak is a lonely place,” I tease lightly, “where will you go?”

Levi grins at me.

“I might use the peak as a base of operations,” He answers smirking, “My cousins have been looking for a safe place to store trade goods. So many bandits about but none would dare come here. You of course will get a sizeable discount.”

“Looks like we’re done here,” Alistair says happily, “A demonic invasion thwarted, a Warden base safely rescued. We do good work.”  
We head back out the rest of our group.


	40. Avernus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we get to know Avernus better and help with his research....

Dear Diary,  
After resting overnight, I decide to go see Avernus, as he asked. I tell the others I will be back and set off to leave. Strangely enough they don’t try to stop me. I expected some resistance. Zevran stops me.

“You aren’t going to see old and creepy without your assassin?” he asks cheekily. “You know he may want to experiment on you and we know how that ended for his other subjects,” he adds more seriously.

“So how did you win the straw pull?” I tease now knowing why no one tried to stop me.

He grins mischievously. “I cheated of course.”

“Alright, come on,” I smirk at him.

We walk up to Avernus’ Laboratory in silence. I am wondering what he could want he must realize I would not be willing to put myself at risk.  
Avernus looks up at our arrival and sets the book he is studying aside. “I’m glad you came, Warden,” He says, with what seems to be, a touch of happiness. I am surprised at this reaction. I would not have expected warmth.

“Was there something you needed?” I ask curiously.

“Yes and no,” He answers. I look at him confused. “Please sit,” he says gesturing to a sofa and chairs I don’t remember seeing the last time I was in here. I look around he cleaned up the place too. 

“I would like to offer you tea,” He says cautiously looking at Zevran.

“I’ll make it,” Zevran says shortly heading over to the fire and taking the kettle. I knew he would check everything to make sure it wasn’t dosed or poisoned.

Avernus sits on the chair and seems unoffended by Zevran’s demeanor, “I understand your trepidation, Warden,” he says looking at Zevran. “I just haven’t had anyone to talk to in so long; it’s nice to have a visitor or two.”

“Well I guess demon Sophia wasn’t the best conversationalist,” I tease lightly.

Avernus chuckles. “No, she wasn’t.”

“So tell me what is going on with the Wardens,” He asks curiously.

Zevran brings the tea and we sit together. I explain the events of Ostagar and what happened to the rest of Wardens. Avernus listens with rapt attention. Laughing at how Adela acted upon meeting us and get getting a good chuckle at the irony of having Zevran join us to which Zevran adds a few of his own flourishes.

“So you recruited the assassin tasked with killing you. That is rich.” He laughs looking at Zevran.

Zevran grins wickedly, “how could I say no to such a beauty?”

“So how did you come to the wardens?” Avernus asks candidly.

“Well…” I say slowly, as Zevran gives Avernus a sharp look.

“I apologize,” Avernus says immediately.

“It’s ok Zev,” I look at him firmly as he puts an arm around me protectively.

I quickly explain what happened without going into it too deeply. Looking at Avernus I see understanding and compassion. It’s an interesting contrast to the clinical mage I met the day before. 

“I came to wardens from the circle,” he says offering his story now that I’ve told mine. “I was to be made tranquil for the crime of protecting a one of my friends. She had just taken her Harrowing and the knight commander like to have his way with the young women after their Harrowing.”

“What happened to Knight Commander,” I ask curiously, hoping that there was some punishment for the man.

“He lost rank, but that was about it,” Avernus sneers, “I made sure the man wouldn’t be capable of doing anything like that again.”

“I was lucky, that the wardens happened to be recruiting at the tower,” he explains, “they invoked the right of conscription and took me away from there.”  
“Poor Alexys was made tranquil. I found out later. I had Sophia go to the tower to recruit her.” He says sadly, “They made her pay for my crime even though she had passed her harrowing.”

“I’m so sorry Avernus,” I reach over and place my hand on his arm. “I can say I have met the current Knight Commander and he seems a reasonable sort.” I offer quickly explaining about Cullen.

“So you have two apostate mages and templar in you group?” He asks in amazement chuckling.

“Well if you want to be technical,” I tease, “I have 2 apostates (one is Qunari the other a witch from the wilds), one circle mage, a templar, an ex-templar, another Qunari soldier, a Dalish elf, an antivan elf, 3 dwarves, a chantry sister who used to be an Orlesian bard, my best childhood friend, and a golem, who has retained her mind. All have joined my little group.”

Avernus is stunned. “You can’t be serious?”

“She is quite serious, our dear warden is quite charismatic,” Zevran says smiling at me.

“They aren’t all wardens though,” Avernus notes looking at Zevran.

“Only 4 of us are Wardens at the moment,” I say quickly.

“Your chances would be better against the archdemon with more wardens,” the mage says practically.

“I know, Avernus and some of them are considering it,” I say thinking of Rory and Leske, “but I refuse to let any of them take the joining without them realizing what they give up. I understand the need for secrecy, and conscription,” I quickly say, “but they should be able to make an informed decision. I will not force my friends to undertake the joining.” 

“That brings me to the second reason, I wished for you to see me,” Avernus says warmly.

“I…Thank you for not…” I start and stop. I really thought he was going to give me an earful for that one.

“I understand. I am looking for a way to make the joining safer, and more powerful,” he explains. “I have a request of you, Warden,” he says slowly.

“Avernus,” I chide, “I think we have spent enough time together now that you can call me Elissa or Elly.”

He smiles and says slowly, “Elly, to complete the last tests of my research I need a warden blood sample.” 

“Couldn’t you have just taken blood from your other specimens?” Zevran asks moving protectively around me.

“My other specimens,” Avernus retorts hotly, “volunteered, and even when I needed to hurt them for research, I made sure they were healed and comfortable afterwards. They were well fed and I…cared for them.” 

“You notes seem to say otherwise,” Zevran sneers.

“I had to stay detached in my technical notes for experiment purposes,” Avernus says rising and going to one of the many tables in the room. He picks up a book and brings it to me. Setting the book in lap my gently. He goes to sit back in the chair. Zevran moves closer to me so he can look as well. I open the book and see that his is real diary started overt 200 years ago. I read …this man cared for the volunteers accounted who they were and befriended them. He grieved when they died. I close the diary a bit teary eyed and look up at Avernus, “you really did care for them.” 

He nods sadly, “It was my hope that my research would end before they all perished. I may not be able to fix the mistakes tevinter made but I can use this to help in some way. I also want to help the wardens because they enabled this research.”

“We can’t afford to lose one warden with a blight ravaging Ferelden,” I say firmly. 

Avernus nods. “I don’t need any more specimens to finish the rest of the research; the others have already paid the price so no more will have to. I just need warden blood to finish my research.” 

“All right, I’ll do it,” I say firmly.

“Elly, are you sure,” Zevran asks concern showing in his eyes.

“If it can help Wardens live more normal lives,” I say looking into his concerned face, “I will do this for the future Wardens.” 

“I understand,” he says unhappily.

After the procedure, Avernus warns me to rest for a few days. He promises to contact me as soon as he has new joining potion. I lean heavily on Zevran as I’m feeling a bit weak and we leave the tower.


	41. A Warden's Appeal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Adela and Alistair make requests that seem to conflict

Dear Diary,  
I’ve been resting for a few days as Avernus suggested tomorrow we plan to leave for Denerim. I’m checking our provisions when Adela comes over to see me. 

“Is it true that Alistair’s father is Maric?” she asks in a low voice.

I look at her confused. Within the group it’s not exactly a secret. “Well yeah,” I reply. She takes me by the arm and I walk with her away from everyone and out of earshot. 

“Do you know anything of his mother?” She asks. 

I shake my head, “other than she was a serving girl for Redcliff Castle and her name was Fearne, I know nothing.”

She looks at me intently, “I’m going to tell you something that you can tell no one even Alistair, I shouldn’t even tell you as I was sworn to secrecy but I can’t keep it to myself after meeting him,” she says quietly. “As you know I came to Ferelden looking for Riordan after the battle at Ostagar, He was the last of our group that wasn’t gone and me…I still need to find him.”

“We will…” I say firmly. She smiles at me. “But what does this have to do with Alistair?” I ask curiously. 

She sighs deeply, “Well in my joining there was Riordan, Duncan, Fiona, and me who made it through. We all became very close. There was a rescue mission into the deep roads the wardens needed either Loghain or King Maric to lead them to Ortan Thaig as they were the only people at that time who knew the way. Maric decided to go with Duncan, Fiona and a few others. To make a long story short Maric and Fiona became lovers and Fiona had a child. That child was Alistair.”

I look at her bewildered, “I’m not seeing the need for secrecy politically that would be boon not detrimental.”

“You would normally be right,” she says smiling softly, “however Fiona is an elf and a mage.” The image of shocked and scandalized nobles slips into my head and I snicker.

She looks at me harshly. I calm myself quickly and explain, “I was imagining how scandalized the nobility would be to find out that the last of the Theirin line has both elf and mage blood.” I snicker again helplessly and Adela chuckles. 

“Fiona never wanted that for Alistair,” She says seriously, “she made Maric promise that he would be raised as human and never be a part of the nobility.”

“You said is,” I note cunningly, “so she is still alive.”

Adela nods, “yes the first and only warden to be spared the Calling because she lost the taint. It was a curious thing. we thought it might have had something to do with her pregnancy.”

“That is curious indeed because you don’t hear of wardens having children after the joining,” I say thoughtfully.

“So is she still with the wardens in Orlais?” I ask curiously.

“No,” Adela says anger and hurt, “the other wardens felt she had cheated death by losing the taint. She even tried the joining again, but it didn’t work. So finally she left the wardens and is now First Enchanter of the Circle in Montsimmard.” 

I look at the hurt in Adela’s face and understanding hits me. “I’m so sorry, Adela…You loved her didn’t you?” 

She nods slowly, “Yes, she loved me too but not in the same way. Promise me you will not tell Alistair. Fiona wanted him to believe he is wholly human.”  
“I promise no one will hear it from me.” I say firmly, reaching over and giving the dwarf a quick hug. I get up and walk back to the packs finishing what I had started earlier. 

This packing thing has taken a lot of time. Just as I close up the last pack I look up to see Alistair walking toward me. As he stops he says, “You know …Maybe this isn’t the best time to be thinking about this, but I’ve something to ask you.”

“Sure Alistair, what is it?” I ask smiling.

“Chances are we’ll be heading to Denerim soon, and when we’re there I wonder if we might be able to…look someone up,” He asks nervously.

“You’ve a friend outside the wardens?” I say curiously.

“The thing is I have a sister, a half-sister,” He explains, “I told you about my mother right? She was a servant at Redcliffe Castle, and she had a daughter…only I never knew about her. I don’t think she knew about me, either. They kept my birth a secret, after all. But after I became a grey warden I did some checking and …well I found she’s still alive, in Denerim.”

“Did you contact her?” I ask schooling my face. Bloody Maker what if she tells him she isn’t his sister. What if he meets her and finds out later they aren’t related?  
Makers breathe, Should I tell him?

“No,” he says shaking his head, “I thought about writing her, but never did. And then we were called down to Ostagar and I never got the chance.”

I nod silently relieved.

“She’s my only real family I have left,” He continues, “the only family not also mixed up in the whole royal thing. I’ve just been thinking that maybe it’s time I went to see her. With the blight coming and everything, I don’t know if I’ll get another chance to see her. Maybe I can help her, warn her about the danger. I don’t know.”

“If you want to, we could try,” I offer, hating the lie now. Dammit why can’t anything be simple?

“Could we?” He asks gratefully, “I’d appreciate that. If something happened to her and I never went at least to see her, I don’t know if I could forgive myself. Her name is Goldanna and I think she remarried but lives just outside the alienage. If we’re in the area, then…Well, it’s worth a look.”

Maker’s breath!!! I need to talk to Adela. I think panicking as Alistair walks off happily. I didn’t want to lie but I made a promise. I scan the area looking or her. Not finding her, I head to the southwest corner statue to find some peace where I can think.

My thoughts are interrupted by a voice, “so Alistair says he’s going to meet his sister?” Adela says cheekily.

“Yea the nobles did the job a bit too well,” I joke half-heartedly, “they gave the serving girl a name and when Alistair became a warden he did some digging and found the serving girl had other children.”

“So what are you gonna do?” She asks curiously.

“I don’t know,” I say wearily, “they even gave him an amulet that they told him was his mother’s.” I pull the amulet I lifted from the Arl’s desk out of my pocket fingering it thoughtfully.

“Can I see?” she asks with a strange expression on her face. She studies the repaired amulet for a moment. “They didn’t lie about everything,” she sighs, “This did belong to Fiona.”

She hands me back the amulet gives me an intense look. “I’m well aware there is a good chance with Cailan’s death the Arl will put Alistair forward for the throne. I can’t advise you in this matter. If Alistair is put on the throne and the nobility finds out it would disastrous. However, if Loghain takes the throne after his actions in Ostagar, it could be worse. I will leave you to decide.”

“Your knowledge of Ferelden politics is remarkable,” I tease trying to lighten the mood.

“Darling,” she says mockingly drawing the word and tossing her head, “I’ve lived in Orlais for years The Grand Game is a way of life.”


	42. Out in the Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Putting all the cards out on the table

Dear Diary,  
After my discussions, I decide to go to Redcliffe. I believe that Bann may have some answers. Upon hearing the change of plan a few of the group question the decision. Alistair presses the hardest. I just tell them there is some unfinished business to take care of at the Castle and set off in quick walk.  
Upon arriving at Redcliff, I send everybody except Adela and Alistair to the village, making arrangements to meet at the tavern later. We enter the castle and Teagan is happy to see us but curious.

“I need to speak to the Bann for a moment and then you both will join us,” I announce.

Teagan raises an eyebrow but says, “Shall we retire to the study then?”

I nod curtly, and we walk the short hallway to the study. As he shuts the door, he teases, “I assume you are here on some urgent business and not for my roguish looks.”

“You assume correctly,” I say but I can’t keep a straight face so I’m grinning back at him.

“So what is so urgent?” he asks curiously.

“Alistair,” I say emphatically. I get another eyebrow raise in response. “I know the secret of his birth and who is mother is. I would have said nothing but your brother did his job too well.”

Teagan looks at me sheepishly and sighs, “So what is our dear boy up at?”

“He seeks to find his sister, the daughter of the serving girl he was told was his mother,” I explain quickly, “From what I understand when Alistair became a warden he started doing some checking and found the serving girl also had a daughter named Goldanna.”

Teagan looks thoughtful for a moment. “I see how this could be a problem, but how did you become privy to this information?”

I chuckle wryly. “Maker has a damn good sense of humor and timing. The other warden, Adela, told me. It just so happens she is friends with Fiona. Right after she told me, Alistair came to me asking about meeting this Goldanna. So I figured the best action would be to discuss it with another noble who is aware of the situation and figure out the best way to deal with it.”

“Damn,” Teagan says smiling, “they don’t make it easy do they? I wouldn’t suggest meeting Goldanna. She is shrew of person. We let her go years ago.”

“Then we need to tell Alistair,” I say slowly, “We both know the implications if the nobles were to find out, but I can’t let him go on this wild goose chase it would be too cruel.”

“I agree, but…” he says awkwardly.

“We have to trust that he will make the right decision,” I say emphatically. “He’s not stupid.” Alistair has really grown, I trust him to lead although he prefers not to. He has even come up with some interesting solutions to problems, a far cry from the whining warden I met at Ostagar.

“I agree.” He says frowning wryly. “The thing is I thought he should have been told a long time ago. I just feel a bit silly because I didn’t find out until after he was sent to the chantry.”

Realization hits me like a lightning bolt. “You’re afraid he will be angry with you?” I ask tentatively.

He nods looking embarrassed. “I love that boy and am proud of the person he’s become.”

“He may be upset, but from what I understand, the secret was Fiona’s doing not Eamon’s or yours. She made Maric promise that Alistair would be told his mother was human. So if he wants to be angry at someone, he needs to know who did what. That’s why I made Adela come with me.” I offer.

Teagan brighten a little bit. “You do think of everything,” he says with a bit of wonder, as he goes to the door. He calls for a servant to bring Adela and Alistair to join us.

As Adela and Alistair enter the room, Teagan opens a bottle of brandy and pours each of us glass. “This must be serious,” Alistair notes holding the glass.

I take a sip of the brandy and feel the burning warmth as it slides down my throat. “Alistair, quite a few things have been brought to my attention lately and we felt you needed to know,” I say simply.

He looks at me and takes a large sip from his glass, “Bad news then. Okay, lay it on me,” he says steeling his gaze.

I take another sip nervously. “Alistair, the woman who you were told was your mother isn’t your mother. You mother is an Orlesian warden.”  
Alistair sits stunned and his hand trembles slightly as he lifts his glass and takes another gulp.

“There is more,” I say softly, “she wanted you to have a good life but one without the trappings of nobility; she made Maric promise that you would be raised as if you had a human mother. Your mother is both an elf and a mage.”

Alistair looks shocked. He looks at me, Adela and Teagan in turn. “So you mean to tell me, that I’ve been lied to, my whole life?” he asks incredulously.  
Teagan leans over refilling his glass and Alistair finishes it in one draught.“So you knew?” He looks at Teagan accusingly.

“Alistair, I’m sorry I only found out after Eamon sent you to the chantry,” Teagan explains.

“Well, it’s not like we got family visits,” Alistair sneers, then his face softens. “I apologize, Teagan, it’s not your fault. I think I need some time,” Alistair announces getting up, “I need to be alone for a while.” He walks out of the room quietly shutting the door behind him.

I look at Adela apologetically. “I’m sorry Adela but I had to do something.”

She grins taking a drink. “I understand Elly, no worries; I think he deserves to know the truth too.”

“You will answer any questions you can for him?” I ask.

“Of course, I’m not a genlock,” she teases.

“I think he took it rather well,” Teagan says surprised, “In fact I expected a bit more of an outburst.”

“I’m sure your training room and dummies are going to feel the brunt of this,” I say knowingly.

“Perhaps,” Teagan says thoughtfully, “He has grown hasn’t he?”

I nod in reply looking at my empty glass. “You want more,” Teagan asks teasingly.

Adela and I look at him and say “Maker, yes!” in unison. Teagan chuckles as he refills the glasses.

“You will rest here tonight,” he says firmly, “I’ll assume that the rest of your party is in the village. I’ll send a messenger for them.” I nod in agreement.

“So what is the story with the two of you?” Adela asks a bit too innocently. Her cheeky smile is giving her away.

Teagan grins. “An honorable man does not kiss and tell.”

Blushing furiously I glare at Adela. She doesn’t seem or chooses not to notice. I finish my glass in one draught. “On that note,” I jest despite the blush lingering on my cheeks, “I think I will visit with Connor.”

Alistair doesn’t show up for lunch or dinner. So after dinner I head to kitchen and make him a plate and grab a bottle of wine and 2 glasses. Leaving the kitchen I see Teagan. “Going to find Alistair?” he asks.

“Yea he’s probably hungry.” I say feeling a bit sheepish.

“Adela told me a very interesting story, she heard about you breaking Alistair’s jaw,” he says corners of his mouth turning upwards with mirth.

I chuckle briefly. “Yea, Alistair got the wrong idea about us and reverted to calling me a……well not very nice name. I punched him for his trouble and broke his jaw.”

Teagan snickers. “Maker’s breath! I don’t ever want to be on your bad side Elly.”

“Well, Bann Teagan,” I tease, “I don’t think you would ever act that way, besides Alistair has grown since then. Once he calmed down and talked me about it, he decided he deserved it. Although, I probably shouldn’t have punched him.”

Teagan chuckles. “Sometimes a person needs a hard lesson. I don’t envy you having to be the one to give it to him.” We walk to the end the hallway. “Elly,” he says softly, “You know I absolutely adore you.”

“I know,” I say sadly, as I give him a kiss on the cheek before walking away.

I find Alistair in the training area. He has obviously been putting his training to use by the looks of the training dummies. “I thought you might be hungry,” I offer cheerfully.

“Yea,” he says not really looking at me, “Thanks.” He walks over to me taking the plate and gestures to bench on along the wall.

I sit with him and pour us each a glass of wine as he eats. “So how are you holding up?” I ask.

“Frankly,” he says with no small amount of disgust, “The whole situation pisses me off. But I understand what my mother was trying to do and I can appreciate she cared enough to exact a promise from my father.” He shifts awkwardly looking at the ground. “But she’s not going to get her wish about me staying out of noble affairs is she? I’m not stupid, Elly. I know you’ve been grooming me for nobility and I’m pretty sure that Eamon or Teagan will put me forward for the throne but I don’t understand why.”

“Alistair,” I chide gently, lifting his chin so he looks at me, “you are right I have been grooming you, part of the issue is that you have stronger claim by blood being Maric’s son, if Teagan or Eamon put themselves forward they would seem opportunists no better than Loghain. However if I didn’t think you could do it I would tell Eamon or Teagan to put themselves forward.”

“You would,” he asks curiously.

“You bet Andraste’s ass, I would,” I say cheekily.

“Well,” he says, “I still don’t like it but if it’s what’s best for Ferelden, I’ll do it. Although I don’t imagine I can mention my mother in noble company can I?”

“No, you can’t,” I say honestly, “but I wanted you to know the truth.”

“I should…” he starts and stops. “Thank you, for not letting me make an ass out of myself, by showing up on Goldanna’s doorstep, and for detouring our whole trip just for me.”

“That’s what family does, Alistair. You have a family right in front of you. You just need to realize it. Adela and Teagan are available if you have questions.” I offer, “also I have something for you.”

I pull the repaired amulet out of my pocket and hand it to Alistair. “Adela confirmed this was Fiona’s, I thought you might like to have it back.”

“This is my real mother’s amulet?” He asks clarifying. I nod. “Where did you find it?” he asks curiously.

I chuckle briefly. “Alistair, I am a rogue. I found it in the Arl’s study.”

“But why isn’t it broken?” He presses.

“I figured the Arl fixed it. Perhaps he meant to return it to you.” I answer thoughtfully.

“Then he must have repaired it,” He says, “and kept it. I don’t understand why would he do that?”

“Perhaps you mean more to him than you think?” I ask curiously.

“I…guess you could be right.” He says wistfully. “We never really talked that much and then the way I left.” He shakes his head regretfully. “Thank you…I mean it. I thought I lost this to my own stupidity. I’ll need to talk to him about this …if he recovers…when he recovers that is.” He amends quickly. “I wish I’d had this a long time ago. Did you remember me mentioning it?” He suddenly asks looking at me with an intense gaze. Without waiting for an answer he continues, “Wow! I’m more used to people not listening when I go on about things.”

“Of course Alistair, you’re family and special to me.” I answer smiling at him.

“I don’t know what to say,” He says shaking his head in wonder, “You’re special to me too Sis, Thanks.”

“Take some time Alistair but don’t forget to eat,” I chide gently. Standing up I take the plate and my glass.


	43. Denerim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and the crew finally makes it Denerim....Leliana finally gets to deal with Marjolaine.

Dear Diary,  
Denerim is a bit of a mess and we have to be careful as there is still a bounty on us. We enter the market district and peruse the wares. After meeting Sergeant Kylon and finding he does not believe Loghain’s claims about the wardens killing the king. I’m happy to help a supporter of the Grey Wardens. After the rabble is dealt with without bloodshed, much to the man’s surprise, I decide it’s time to check out this address we received from Leliana’s would be assassin.  
Upon entering the residence we are immediately attacked by guards. I am ever so grateful I brought Sten and Ox with me as thanks to them we were able to take them out quickly.

Entering the next room, Marjoliane looks a bit surprised that Leliana brought back-up. I immediately realize this woman is not to be trusted.

“Leliana,” she greets facetiously, “So lovely to see you again, my dear…”

“Spare me the pleasantries,” Leliana snorts, “I know you’re…”

“Oh, you must excuse the shabby accommodations,” Marjoliane continues whining ignoring Leliana’s outburst. “I try to be a good host, but you see what I have to work with. This country smells like wet dog. Everywhere. I cannot get the smell out. Even now it is in my hair, my clothes…ugh.”

“Why did you send assassins after Leliana?” I ask pointedly narrowing my eyes at her.

“So business-like,” she says appraising me, “your companion.”

“You framed me,” Leliana accuses hotly, “had me caught and tortured. I thought in Ferelden I would be free of you, but is seems I am not. What happened to make you hate me so? Why do you want me dead so badly?” Her face contorts sadly.

“Dead? Nonsense. I know you, my Leliana.” Marjoliane says with fake concern, “I know what you are capable of. Four, five men…you can dispatch easily. They were sent to give you cause to come to me. And see? Here you are.”

I snort dubiously at her comment and reply with no small amount of sarcasm. “You could have sent her a letter; assassins make for a whole different kind of statement.”

“You are so transparent!” Leliana sneers. “What are up to, Marjoliane? Why are you in Ferelden?”

Marjoliane drops the façade. “In truth? You have knowledge that you can use against me. For my own safety, I cannot let you be. Did you think I did not know where you were? Did you think I would not watch my Leliana? What is she up to? I thought. The quiet life, the peasant clothes, hair ragged and messy like a boy…eh this is not like her. You were planning something, I told myself. So I watched …but no letters were sent. No messages. You barely spoke to anyone. Clever, Leliana, very clever. You almost had me fooled. But then you left the chantry so suddenly. What conclusion should I draw? You tell me.”

Leliana looks at me and I nod. This is her fight I will let her fight it. 

“You think I left because of you?” Leliana says incredulously, “you think I still have so plan for…revenge. You are insane. Paranoid!”

“Not to mention having a very misplaced idea of your own self-importance,” I mutter wryly. Leliana smirks in response. “Not everything is about you, Marjoliane” I add in a louder voice.

“Oh is that what you think?” Marjoliane laughs evilly, “If I were you I would believe nothing she says. Not a one. She will use you. You look at her and see a simple girl…a friend, trusting and warm. It is an act.”

“I am not you, Marjoliane. I left because I didn’t want to become you.” Leliana says indignantly.

“Oh but you are me.” Marjoliane mocks, “You cannot escape it. No one will understand you the way I do, because we are one and the same. Do you know why you were a master manipulator, Leliana? It is because you enjoyed the game; you reveled in the power it gave you. You cannot change or deny this.”

I look over at Leliana and she looks downcast and beaten.

“Just because you may be good at something doesn’t mean that it needs to be used for personal gain,” I offer her diplomatically ignoring Marjoliane, “Skills such as that can be used for the greater good. I trust you Leli.”

Leliana looks up at me, “thank you, Elly.” She gives Marjoliane a hard, angry glance. “You will not threaten me or my friends again Marjoliane. I want you out of my life, forever.” She says firmly.

I look over at her. “You know she will hound you as long as she lives.” I say, knowing that Marjoliane would hunt Leliana over and over until she or Leliana is dead.

She nods at me in agreement. “You’ve caused too much pain for to many, Marjoliane. It ends here.”

“And you think you can kill me, like that?” Marjoliane sneers, “I made you Leliana. I can destroy you just as easily.”

I smirk at the woman’s words. “I’d like to see you try…damn egomaniacs,” I mutter grabbing my daggers. Leliana smirks momentarily and readies her bow. I note the traps on either side of the room and head for the closest one while Leliana puts her back against the wall and start shooting arrows at Marjoliane’s fighters who have come from the doors on each side of the room. We dispatch the fighters and Marjoliane with only minor injuries. 

“It’s over,” Leliana breathes, “she’s dead because of me.”

I walk over to her letting Sten and Ox loot the place. “Leli, are you ok?” I ask concerned.

“I…I need some time to myself. We…will talk later.” She says with a small sad smile on her face. I give her shoulder a slight squeeze in understanding.

Upon meeting up with others in our group we decide to split up and get some shopping done. I also think it would be good Leliana to do something fun she has been very somber after the incident with Marjoliane. We also decide that a night in the tavern with beds and hot baths would be a nice change. I take Alistair, Zevran and Morrigan with me and head toward the address Sergeant Kylon gave us for Brother Genitivi. Upon reaching Brother Genitivi’s house we enter to find a man. The man gives us a very startled look upon our arrival.

“Yes, what are you doing here?” He asks.

“Brother Genitivi, I presume?” I ask curiously.

“My name is Weylon. I am the assistant of the scholar Brother Genitivi. This is his house.” He says simply.

I realize that it his house. I wonder why the man states the obvious. “I am looking for him. Where is he?” I ask patiently.

Weylon sighs. “That makes two of us. I haven’t seen Brother Genitivi in weeks. He’s sent no word, it’s so unlike him I am afraid something has happened. Genitivi’s research in the Urn may have led him into danger.”

“Do you think he’s in trouble because of the Urn?” Alistair asks pointedly.

“Perhaps the Urn has been lost for a reason,” Weylon says, I pray for Genitivi’s safety, but hope dwindles with each passing day. I tried to send help, but some of the knight came from Redcliffe look for him not long ago. I sent them after Genitivi but they too have disappeared.

“How do you know they disappeared?” Alistair asks cunningly.

“Well, they…haven’t returned and they sent no word either,” Weylon stumbles. As he stumbles over his words I take a quick look at Morrigan. She quickly mouths the word mage and shakes her head.

“Are you so close to the knights?” Zevran asks suspiciously, “Why would they send you word?”

“I…I don’t know,” stutters Weylon, “After what happened to Brother Genitivi, can you blame me for thinking the same thing could happen to the knights? Perhaps I am a pessimist. I hope I am wrong.”

I look at the shaken man narrowing my eyes. “So where did they go?”

Weylon holds up his hand in a suppressing gesture. “No, don’t ask me where they went. You’ll go after them, and what if ill-luck should befall you too? The search is a curse,” he gestures emphatically, “on all of us. Some things are not meant to be found. I know that now.”

I decide to press one more time to see what he is hiding. “I am willing to risk it. Tell me where he went.” I say firmly.  
Weylon sighs, “So be it. All he said before he was that he would be staying at an inn near Lake Calenhad. Investigating something in that area.”

“What exactly was he investigating?” Alistair asks curiously.

“I don’t know,” Weylon sighs sadly, “all I discovered from going through his research was that he was staying at the inn.”

I look at Alistair gratefully for a moment. Then looking at the assistant, “but you just said he spoke to you and told you that.” I’m beginning to feel that this assistant is no such thing.

“Y-yes, of course he told me,” the man stutters, “but I also went through his things to see if I could find other clues to his whereabouts.”

Zevran starts walking around the room inspecting it. I know he feels this man is acting suspiciously as well.

“You sound awful nervous. Hiding something?” Alistair asks intimidatingly.

“That’s n-ot true,” The man stutters again, “I told you everything I know. Brother Genitivi told us—t-told me about the inn and that’s all.”

I feel tension building within the group. “You’re lying; we all know it,” Morrigan says flatly.

Weylon looks around seeing Zevran behind him absently looking at some notes on the table and the rest of us in front of him he panics. “I gave you a chance to turn aside and forget you ever hear of Genitivi and the Urn. But you persisted. Now it has come to this…Andraste forgive me. I do this in your name.” He then prepares to start casting. However Zevran is quicker and stabs the mage from behind. He quickly crumbles to the floor. 

“What a weak pathetic excuse for a mage,” Morrigan sneers. I’m inclined to agree with her.

We search the house and find the real Weylon’s body and Brother Genitivi’s notes. “It looks as though we need to go a village called Haven,” I note reading the book, “let’s get out of here and meet up with the others.”


	44. Soris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting Soris

Dear Diary,  
We meet with the rest of group at the Tavern. After speaking with the others it seems Leliana wants to look for new shoes and I need to stop by the armor shop. I’ve been using the ill-fitting armor that I got in deep roads from Ruck. I really need to find something else, it has been chafing horribly. I’ve heard Wade of Wade’s emporium is known for great armor. It seems Wynne wants to stop by the Wonders of Thedas. Morrigan seemed to show some interest as well. So the 4 of us leave the rest of our companions at the Tavern while we of us go shopping.

We stop by the wonders of Thedas first and Wynne walks in excitedly. "Hmm, jade, carved and polished into the shape of a large... Oh, I see. Well, that's just... rude." I look in the direction she is indicating and blush trying to school my desire to giggle.  
"Tis all junk, just as I.....hmm, is that an authentic Chasind fertility carving?" she says smirking, as she notes the item that Wynne had just pointed out. Leliana chuckles at the large jade phallus at least she seems in better spirits I note.

Morrigan and Wynne make their purchases and I even find a couple gifts for Shale and possibly Sten. As we leave Morrigan caresses the jade phallus much to Wynne’s embarrassment. She turns around smirking at us as Leliana and I dissolve into giggles. “Too bad Adela didn’t come with us,” I say teasingly, “she would have found a slew ways to embarrass us with that one.” Leliana nods in agreement through her giggles.

We stop in the market at an Orlesian shop that makes Leliana squeal with delight. I buy some soaps and oils to match the perfume that Rory gifted me. Burying my nose in the soap I am reminded of happier days when all was normal in my life. On a whim I try to find another scent as Leliana scurries off exclaiming, "Oooh....glass slippers."

Morrigan peruses the items with interest. For a witch of the wilds she really does take pains with her appearance. I can’t help but wonder if Cullen might have something to do with her shopping. They seem to have become a bit closer lately as he goes with her whenever she is looking for spell components.

We make our purchases and head over to Wade’s Emporium. Upon entering the shop I look at the wares and find something suitable. However it does need alterations. I walk up to the clerk behind the counter. “Welcome friends….Welcome to Wade’s Emporium.” The man from behind the counter greets us. “We have the finest armors in Denerim, maybe in all of Ferelden. How may we assist you?”

“Tell me about Wade,” I say curiously.

“You’re obviously not from around here,” the man says cheerfully, “Wade is possible the most brilliant armor smith in all of Ferelden.”

“That’s not true, Herrin” the other man by forge says. I am assuming is Wade. “The dwarves in Orzammar make the finest armors around. These piles of rust droppings you force me to make are worthless compared to their work. You never let me have the time or materials to make something special.”

“Customers expect their armor in a timely fashion,” Herrin chides, “not years late like the last time.”

“That happened once.” Wade defends, “just once and you never let it drop.”

I set the light leather armor I’ve chosen on the counter. “Could I have this altered please?” I ask curiously.

Wade come over and studies it. “This armor is pretty good and I can alter it but I miss really good materials,” he sighs, “Let’s take some measurements and get you fitted.” We walk into the forge area and I remove the armor I have currently. He gasps excitedly, “Oh this stuff is better than what I have here, is it dwarven make?” I nod. “You would be better served if I altered this for you.” He says his eyes shining gleefully at the thought of working with the dwarven light armor.

“Can you alter it?” I ask curiously.

“You bet Andraste’s dimpled butt cheeks I can.” He says firmly grabbing the measuring tape again. Herrin starts to object. But I assure him I will buy the other set as I don’t want to be without a spare after what happened in the deep roads. That seems to make Herrin happy. Wade takes my measurements and we agree that the skirt need to be shortened on it. And it needs to be more fitted to alleviate chafing but allow me to wear leggings in colder weather. He tells me to return in 2 days’ time to pick up the armor. I guess there are worse things than to be holed up in a tavern waiting for my armor to be fitted.

We set off to return to the Tavern and I see an elven man arguing with a guard. Curious I walk toward the shouting, it seems the man wants into the Alienage and it has been closed due to a plague. The guards get aggressive with the man. “But I live here,” he pleads.

They grab him and toss him to the side “You should be thankful you are on the outside knife-ears, less chance of getting sick.” One of the guards sneers as they walk away. I quickly walk to him and hold out my hand to help him up.

He looks at my outstretched hand disbelievingly. “Are you Ok?” I ask him with concern.

“Yes,” He huffs but seeing the expression on my face he allows me to help him to his feet. “I wouldn’t have expected help from a shem,” He says bitterly but I know his anger isn’t directed at me.

“I’m not like most shems.” I say smiling.

“Obviously not,” he smiles back tentatively.

“I’m Elissa, Elly to my friends. I take it you wanted to get back in as you have family in the alienage?” I ask quietly as I gently take his elbow and walk a few paces away from the soldiers.

“The Arl’s son took my wife on our wedding day,” He spits angrily in a whisper, “I went after her but they over whelmed me and I almost didn’t make it out alive.” He whispers a bit more quietly, “I had to leave for a while for the safety of the others as the Arl’s men showed up. I finally come home to find it’s blocked off.”

  
I’m shocked at this revelation, it’s no secret in noble circles the Arl of Denerim’s son Vaughn was a sadistic freak, but that he would blatantly do such a thing and his father did nothing infuriates me. “I’m so sorry,” I say laying a hand on his arm. He jumps at first but realizing that mean to comfort him. He relaxes a bit looking intensely at me. I realize he’s probably looking for signs of falsehood, seeing none He smiles.

“I…apologize for my rudeness Lady Elissa, my name is Soris.” He says finally.

  
“Well Soris will you walk me home?” I ask nodding to my companions who are at the end of the building. They nod and head back to the tavern giving us some privacy to talk. Soris looks surprised but offers his arm. I curl my arm around his, "Thank you kind ser," I say loudly enough for the guards to hear. Soris smirks and walks with me arm in arm with me. The guards openly sneer at us, calling me a knife ear lover. Once out of earshot, I say “Just call me Elissa or Elly.”

“But…I can tell your nobility, it’s in your posture.” He says looking at me with wide eyes.

“The warden’s don’t care what your station is,” I explain quietly, “and I don’t care that you are an elf.” He walks slack jawed for a moment taking in what I said.  
“I assume that was the only place you had to go,” I say quickly steering him toward the Tavern. It is starting to get dark and although I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, I don’t want to push my luck. “I’ll get you a meal and roof over your head for the night. I have an offer for you, should you choose to take I can promise food and shelter, along with adventure and the dangers that come with it.”

“And if I chose not?” He asks sharply.

“I will give you what coin I can and you look for other options,” I say simply.

He sighs with relief. “I would like to hear your offer, Elissa,” he decides as we get the door of the tavern.

“Good because right now this is my home.” I grin opening the door.


	45. The Tavern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some fun times at the tavern with the crew and having a chat with both Soris and Leliana

Dear Diary,  
We enter that tavern and I see the rest of our group has commandeered the private room in the back. As I walk in with Soris I get some raised eyebrows from Alistair and Adela. I make formal introductions as we sit down on a bench at the huge table. We all order food and the banter begins. Leliana tells everyone what happened at the Wonders of Thedas with the Chasind Fertility carving which has everyone smiling and laughing heartily much to Wynne and Alistair’s chagrin. 

“I can’t say I’m sorry I missed out on that one,” Alistair says seriously.

“Aww is the big bad templar warden afraid of a little Chasind stone cock?” Zevran asks cheekily.

I snicker at Alistair’s discomfiture. He has turned so red. I feel Soris shaking beside me. I look at him and he’s trying so hard not to laugh. I elbow him ever so slightly in the ribs and he laughs so hard, he has tears streaming down his face. Everyone starts laughing even Sten cracks a smile. 

“Oh Maker,” He gasps, “I needed that so desperately.” 

Alistair recovers quickly, grinning despite the lingering blush. “That’s what I’m here for to provide entertainment when needed.”

Wynne is smiling when she stands. “Now that everyone is done teasing me, I think I will head to bed.”

Stena and Ox excuse themselves with Shale following them. “You had an offer for me?” Soris asks more seriously as Alistair calls for more ale. 

“Yes, but I have to ask what were you plans when you got back to the alienage?” I say curiously. 

“Well, I just wanted to be sure my family was alright,” he says thoughtfully, “I know I couldn’t stay there after all I attacked the Arl’s son. I would be a danger to them. I guess I didn’t think it through very well…after I checked on them…I don’t know. I guess I could run off and join the Dalish if they even exist.” He says sighing.

“Maybe we could offer you something else,” I say diplomatically. He turns to me curiously.

“You could help us unite Ferelden and stop the blight,” I say seriously, “and if you are so inclined you could become a grey warden.”

“You mean all of you aren’t Wardens?” he asks incredulously looking around the table.

“No,” Alistair explains, “Only Elly, Adela, Tamlen and I are wardens right now. Some of our friends are considering it, but we are not conscripting anyone ….well we haven’t yet.” Rory and Leske nod at Alistair’s words.

“It’s your choice,” I say firmly, “I will hold to my agreement that I mentioned earlier should you chose not to join us.”

Soris looks at us thoughtfully for moment. “Well, it sure beats being on the run or basking in the squalor of the Alienage.” He says cheerfully.

After the next round of ale, almost everyone slips out to go to bed; Soris is bunking with Alistair and Cullen so he leaves when Alistair does. Before he leaves he leans over giving me a one armed hug and whispers “Thanks Elly, for giving me a chance.” I nod at him smiling.

Soon it’s just Leliana and I left, she has become rather quiet not her normal bubbly self. I refill her flagon with ale from the pitcher I had brought to the table. She jumps realizing I’m still here.

“Oh hello…”she says distractedly, “was there something you wanted to talk about?”

I look at her curiously, “No, you looked like you might need to talk though.”

“No it’s nothing,” she says unconvincingly, “I’m fine. I’m just thinking.”

“Do share,” I prod lightly.

“I just can get what happened out of my head,” she sighs sadly, “I’d been in Lothering for years and she still thought I was plotting against her. She didn’t trust me. Maybe she never did. She loved me when she could use me and control me, and now that she can’t, she wanted me dead. It…it hurts to realize that I never really knew her.”

“Is there anything I can do?” I ask helpfully.

“You are already helping so much by listening to me.” She answers gratefully, “I knew she was ruthless, but I didn’t know how far she could go. She was self-serving, cruel… she uses people, then discards them, but that’s how she survived in the life that she led. What if she’s right…What if we’re the same?” Her voice rises in panic. “I…I should have stayed in the Chantry.”

“We would have never met if you hadn’t,” I say pragmatically.

“You don’t understand,” she says emphatically, “I forgot my life as a bard while I was in the cloister. I felt safe. I didn’t have to watch my back all the time. That’s what made Marjoliane the person she was, don’t you see! It ruined her; it will ruin me too. It’s already happened, when we killed her I… I enjoyed it. Seeing her dead gave me satisfaction.”

“Oh Leli,” I say reaching and laying my hand on her arm, “she did you a great injustice, it’s only human you would feel that way. Don’t punish yourself.”  
“But that is no reason to rejoice over her death. That is what she would do. I don’t want that,” She pleads(if she’s trying to convince herself of me I can’t tell). “What we’re doing …what we’ve done …hunted men down, killed them…part of me loves it. It invigorates me and this scares me,” She says frightened looking into her flagon. “I…I feel myself slipping.”

I reach over and lift her head so she is looking right at me. “Don’t punish yourself for doing something you enjoy. Marjoliane chose who she became and so can you. I don’t see you slipping. You are figuring out who you are. This is who you are.”

“I admit that I took great pleasure in the intrigue back in Orlais. It was dangerous and chaotic…and exciting,” she says musing, “but it destroyed my life. I thought the chantry showed me another path. I thought I was done with this life…am I wrong?”

“Leli, I think all you were doing at the chantry was running away, you are not a chantry sister you are a bard…spy with a great amount of faith,” I offer firmly as this is exactly how I see her.

“There is this thought that floats into my mind constantly…that I lie when I say the chantry gave me peace when in truth it…it bored me,” she admits.  
I can’t help smiling a little as the very thought bores me to tears. “Here, with you…knowing the freedom of the road and the uncertainty of tomorrow…I feel alive again,” she says thoughtfully.

“Deep down, you know this is where you belong,” I say smiling at her.

“I think I need to be alone for a while. I have many things to consider.” She says getting up, “Thank you for listening.”

“I’m just happy to be able to do so,” I say happily pushing the pitcher toward her, “you stay the room is empty and I’m ready for bed.”  
She nods thankfully as I rise to leave.


	46. The Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people just don't understand the word no.....graphic attempted rape scene....just fyi I don't want to trigger anyone.

Dear Diary,  
We spend a few more days in Denerim, while I wait for my armor to be done. I mainly relax at the tavern while the others do odd jobs to increase our coin and help out the city. Since we are now a party of 14, we need more provisions. Although, Bodhan has been wonderful, I figure our poor merchant could use some time to trade and restock as well.

We have enjoyable evenings playing diamondback or wicked grace and it’s nice to have beds to sleep in. The common folks in the market district seem to be happy with the crime rate decreasing and for the most part they have kept the fact that we are wardens to themselves. But I know it’s only a matter of time before Loghain locates us and tries something.

Soris has had his nose buried in a book that Rory had lent him and has holed up in their shared room. He has pretty much stayed at the tavern due his fugitive status as well. I find that I have some time on my hands so I have a few glasses of wine in the main room sitting at the bar. Another customer decides to sit beside me; I honestly don’t take much notice until he speaks.  
“Why would such a lovely lady be sitting in the tavern drinking at this hour?” He asks leering at me.

“I could ask you the same, Ser,” I say noting how drunk he is. 

“Oh come on, darling, no woman sits in the tavern drinking at this hour unless she is a paid whore,” The man says obnoxiously putting his arm around me.  
I pull away disgusted, removing his arm. “If you wish to keep that arm you will not touch me again,” I hiss, “I don’t know what gave you that idea…so keep your hands and notions to yourself.”

The Bartender looks at me nods. Letting me know he sees what is going on.

I decide the best thing to do is drain my glass and leave. So I call for hot water for a bath and decide to settle in for an afternoon of girly primping and relaxation, while I wait for the others to return. As I get up to leave the bar, I feel a hand on my behind. Turning around I grab the hand before the man can do anything I turn twisting his arm painfully around his back using my other hand I grab one of my trusty daggers and have it at his throat. “I warned you what would happen if you didn’t keep your hands to yourself,” I snarl angrily giving a light flick of the dagger just enough to draw a bit of blood.

“Ser, I think it’s time for you leave,” the Bartender announces looking at me, his eyes pleading for me not to kill the man, “Please, My lady.”   
“Very well,” I say, looking at the bar owner nodding. I really like this man and he has been good to the rest of us. He signals his 2 burly security guards to escort the man out as I release him.

“Stupid fucking whore!” The man spits as I walk away.

The Bartender not only sent hot water and towels but he also sent a bottle of his finest wine. Whether it was an apology or a gift of thanks for not killing the blighted fool, I don’t know, but I am thankful. I strip down pouring a glass and settle into the tub for a soak. I relax enjoying the hot water for some time when I hear the door open. 

“Leliana?” I call out thinking maybe she's returned.

I hear footsteps and that drunken fool comes into view.“Not exactly,” He sneers racing over to hold a dagger at my throat.  
Ok seems the fool sobered up a bit. I think to call Wrex but then I remember he went with Alistair. “What do you want?” I grit out, “I’m not selling what you’re buying!”

“And I’m not buying, you bitch,” he smirks, “I’m taking it!” He punches me and everything goes black.

When I come to I am being carried over someone’s shoulder, my memory quickly comes back and I start to struggle. Looking at my surroundings I realize I’m still in my room. The attacker throws me down on one the beds leaning on me heavily. The dagger is back at throat. I glare at him. “Does that make you feel like a man?” You can beat up a girl and rape her.” I say taunting him.

“Shut up!” he yells before striking me again. My nose starts bleeding probably broken. I’m more afraid of being raped than beaten up. I realize so I keep talking. If I can keep him shouting someone might come to investigate before anything really bad happens.

“Men like you only go to whores because they can’t get someone themselves,” I sneer forcing my face into a smirk. 

“Stupid! Whore!” the man screams in anger as he picks me up and throws me on the floor. I feel something snap in my shoulder as I hit. He grabs my hair yanking me back onto the bed.

“I bet you couldn’t get up for a willing girl…not that you could find one,” I taunt once again.

“You don’t know when to shut up do you whore!” the man shrieks as he punches me. Looking around he says “There must be something here to shut your mouth!  
While he is distracted I grab the vase on the side table and hit him in the head. It shatters as it hits the floor. He is surprised and as he shakes his head, I struggle to move the hand holding the dagger. Unfortunately it isn’t, enough my head is still reeling from being knocked unconscious. He is not deterred. He snarls as he reaches down to undo his breeches. 

I hear the door burst open and the next thing I know, the man is flung off of me. I see Soris standing there with a sword at the man’s throat. Soris goes to raise the sword to deliver a killing blow. I quickly stand. “Soris, No!” I yell as Sergeant Kylon and a few of his men come running in the room. 

“Stand down!” Sergeant Kylon orders. Soris looks at me and I nod, he lowers his sword.

“This woman seduced me and her knife-eared servant attacked me!” the man says hotly.

I glare at him through my one eye that isn’t swollen shut. “This man tried to rape me and if Soris hadn’t come…” I start angrily then my voice disappears as realization hits me and I start to shake. Soris grabs a blanket from one of the beds wrapping it around me and leads me to sit.

“If that were true, she wouldn’t be beat up you, stupid blighter,” Sergeant Kylon says looking at me knowingly. He’s making a point of it to keep his gaze on my face. He looks into the adjacent room where the path of water goes and realization hits him. “In fact had she not been bathing when you intruded you would probably be dead. Be thankful you still live. However, after some time at Fort Drakon you might wish you were dead.” He says coldly. 

He has his men take the man away. “Are you ok my Warden?” He asks kindly. I just dumbly nod at him. “The Bartender called us when he heard yelling from your room.”

“The Bartender must not have noticed that man” I say numbly, “had returned with happy hour going on. He threw him out earlier for harassing me.”

“I see, I’m sorry Warden,” the Sergeant says thoughtfully. He looks over a Soris and says “good job lad and for what it’s worth I’m sorry. I heard what happened at the alienage. No one will hear you are in Denerim from me; I will keep your identity a secret just as I have kept the warden’s. The others don’t know who you are.”

Soris relaxes slightly. “Thank you, Sergeant.”

Sergeant Kylon asks a few more questions for his report and then leaves. Assuring me he will not use my name and my identity will be kept anonymous. I breathe a sigh of relief as the door shuts behind him.

Soris looks me with concern. “Are you ok Elly? Did he?”

“No Soris, Thanks to you my honor is still intact.” I reach over and hug him feeling the need for a hug myself. I ignore the sharp, screaming pain in my shoulder when I do so. “I think I kept him too pissed to perform.” I chuckle wryly.

He pulls away reaching up to gently touch my bruised and swollen face. “Why did you keep egging him on?” he asks softly.

“I figured if I kept him hitting me and yelling he couldn’t rape me and someone might hear him,” I offer dryly, “he already had a dagger at my throat. I was keeping the other hand busy.” I shift under the blanket and my shoulder screams at me. I grimace in pain. “I think I would like to get dressed.”

“Do you want me to leave?” he asks.

“I don’t think I can get dressed without help,” I say. He looks at me concerned. “It seems I didn’t notice until things calmed down…the bastard dislocated my shoulder.” I say gritting my teeth.

“Maker’s Breath!” He says looking at me with a bit of astonishment.

Soris helps me get dressed trying to be gentlemanly as he can, considering the situation, which makes me snicker inwardly. Or at least I thought I was until Soris says dryly, “I’m so glad that my chivalry makes you laugh, Elly.”

I let out chuckle and grimace. “I’m sorry Soris, but considering the amount of bruises I have right now and with my busted nose and swollen face. I don’t imagine I’m much to look at anyway. Besides the Sergeant and all his men saw me naked as did you, so I’m not too worried about it at this point.”

He stops for a minute holding my sleeping tunic in his hand and looks me over from head to toe. I am only in my smalls as I’ve decided trying to get into a breast band was too much work. I can’t help but to blush a bit under such intense scrutiny.

“Elly even beaten and bruised as you are right now. I think you still look beautiful,” Soris says with a small smile.

“Sweet talker!” I tease lightly, which brings a smile to his face. “On a more serious note though, thank you, Soris,” I say swallowing thickly and leaning over to kiss his cheek.

He reaches over taking my arm gently working the tunic sleeve over it and then the other and slides the tunic carefully over my head and shoulders. He leads me over to the two chairs in the room and I sit in one as he grabs the abandoned blanket from earlier wrapping it around my legs.   
“Feeling better?” He asks. I smile gratefully and nod.

The Innkeeper and Bartender stop in the check on me. They both apologize profusely for missing the man. I wave it off telling him that the fool would have probably found another way. They nod gratefully offering us free rooms for the rest of our stay and have one of the serving girls bring us more wine.  
I settle into one of the chairs as comfortably as I can, sipping at the wine as it is helping the pain recede somewhat.

Soris just stares into his cup a bit morosely. “I couldn’t help her …But I’m grateful I could help you.”

“What was her name?” I ask curiously.

“Velorna…she was my betrothed. I didn’t know her it was an arranged marriage. In fact I wasn’t sure I wanted to be married at the time.” He muses with a small wry chuckle as he remembers.

“The Arl’s son took the entire bridal party. I and Neleros my cousin’s betrothed stormed the Arl’s estate to get them back. They killed Velorna after they raped her. I think in some ways it was more merciful.” He explains sadly.

But my cousin…” he went getting a bit angrier, “they raped her over and over because she fought them. She held out the longest trying to save our other cousin Shianni from being raped. Neleros was killed as we entered the estate. I found Killian and gave her his sword. Then she killed them all and maimed Vaughn Kendell before they could stop her. She was a damn good fighter.”

He pauses and drains his glass I reach over with my good arm and refill it for him and top off mine as well. I am curious to why he speaks of Killian in the past tense but I hold my tongue and let him continue.

“I and Killian got ourselves and the rest of the bridal party back to the alienage. The Arl’s me came soon after demanding that the person responsible step forward. I was scared. Killian stepped forward knowing that the entire alienage would be punished if no one did. She took all the blame leaving me out of it.” He sighs, “She was so brave to do that. She knew she would be executed for killing those nobles and maiming the Arl’s son. I was a coward and I let her. The people in alienage knew… and it was only a matter of time before someone ran their mouth so I had to leave.” 

“I knew Vaughn Kendell,” I sneer, “The world would better off without that degenerate sorry excuse for a human being. The Arl always made excuses for his behavior. At one time the Arl tried to get me to marry Vaughn. I would hug your cousin thank her profusely if I could, then get her drunk.”

Soris gives me a small smile, “I think if I would have done something different…”

“Soris she sacrificed herself to save you…” I say thoughtfully, “If she hadn’t saved you…you wouldn’t have been here to save me.”

Soris looks up at me giving me a hard look. “Don’t belittle her sacrifice by blaming yourself,” I say gently reaching over to touch his arm.

He looks up at me thoughtfully. “You’re right,” he says with a small smile. Then he raises his cup, “To Killian and her bravery.”

“I’ll drink to that,” I say smiling as we clink cups. 

I hear a commotion down the hall…and Wynne, Leliana, Morrigan and Adela come bursting through the door.

“The Bartender told us what happened. Elly are you ok?” Leliana asks breathlessly.

“Maker’s breath! Look at you!” Wynne says worriedly digging into her pack.

“A bit banged up but she seems whole,” Morrigan says.

“Drinking even,” Adela says amused.

Ox leans into the open door asking if his services are needed and Wynne waves him in.

“On that note,” Soris says smiling as he rises from the chair, “I’ll leave you to it.”


	47. After Denerim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly deals with the repercussions of the incident in Denerim.

Dear Diary,  
We finally have left Denerim. Thanks to Wynne and Ox’s healing skills I am almost fully healed after the assault I had endured. Just some residual bruising left and my shoulder is only a little bit stiff. Alistair insisted on leading until I’m back to 100% (which I really don’t mind as he is gaining more confidence) but I have been given permission from my jailors/healers to start sparring again. So Rory and I have decided to have a sparring match. There is enough trash talk going on to even amuse Shale. She sticks around the watch the sparring session. We are having a bit of fun as we practice. It almost feels like old times when I would sneak out and spar with Rory without my mother knowing. Then Rory surprises me with new shield attack that knocks me down. However his stance must have been unbalance because he falls on me. I look at him bewildered for a minute and suddenly I panic.

“Get off!” I pant shaking.

He pulls himself off me confused. “Elly what’s wrong?”

“I’m fine,” I say trying to compose myself while I stand up. “I’m sorry Rory…” I say backing away, “I think I need to be alone for a while.”

“Elly?” He asks.

I practically run to the outskirts of camp by the stream we’ve chosen to camp by. By the maker what is wrong with me? Why did I panic like that? Rory wouldn’t hurt me. I will myself to calm down. Look back toward the camp I see Rory start to walk toward me but Leliana stops him whatever she says seems to keep him at the camp for which I’m grateful. Zevran looks at the two of them and back at me. I turn back and decide to walk upstream for a bit just listening to the sound of the stream and the birds. As my body calms down I feel tired. I find a pleasant spot and sit for just enjoying the quiet almost drowsily. Until I hear a rustling behind me, I pretend to be still just daydreaming drowsily but slowly reach for my daggers.

“Elly it’s just me,” Zevran announces himself.

I relax and let go of my daggers, “Oh, hi Zev.”

“I figured I’d better announce myself rather than be skewered,” He says soberly, “May I join you warden?”

“Of course,” I say smiling but noting he is referring to me with a title instead of my name and wondering why. I slide over so he can sit with me on the rock.

He takes a seat. “So I was watching your sparring match with Rory.” He says conversationally.

“Oh? Was there something I could improve on?” I ask lightly ignoring the unspoken question.

“Are you ok Elly?” he asks softly.

He asks it anyway.

“Maker’s Balls! I’m so tired of everyone asking me and tiptoeing around me.” I explode not thinking. “I’m not some damn Orlesian wallflower! I was not raped! Everything is still intact, okay! I’m fine!”

He moves so fast I can barely comprehend what he’s doing. I find myself pushed roughly to the ground with a dagger to my throat. I immediately panic and struggle as his eyes stare intensely into mine. I finally quit struggling and will myself to calm down. I still find I can’t control my shaking.

“Making good on your contract, Zev,” I manage to grind out spitefully in defiance of my quaking body.

“No,” He says curtly sitting back up and withdrawing the dagger, “merely making a point. You have not faced this fear it will not go away by you solely ignoring it.”

I sit up curling my arms around my knees. I realize that I must have hurt his feelings by saying what I did. “Maker Zev, I’m sorry” I say dropping my head to my knees.

He reaches over to gently touch my chin, raising it so I am looking at him. “No need, I know you didn’t mean it. You were angry… anger is good in situations as these,” He says with a small smile.

“How did you know?” I ask him curiously.

He sighs. “I’ve seen it before…you shy away from physical contact and panic in situations that would not have bothered you before…only a coward would rape or attempt to rape a woman.”

“So what do I do?” I ask in small voice feeling like a child.

“You talk about it,” he says gently, “you don’t bottle it up, you don’t blame yourself, and you don’t try to handle it on your own. We all care about you Bella, let us help you.”

“I keep thinking if I didn’t choose that moment to bathe, he would have never gotten so close. If I hadn’t threatened him before, he might have just left me alone,” I say in shaky voice.

“Oh Bella,” Zev says sadly, “it’s not your fault; it’s never your fault. Men like that will always find a reason and they will always make their victims feel like they are to blame. They refuse to realize, that no, means no.”

“He was pestering me at the bar…drunk. He put his arm around me and I told him to leave me alone.” I say unable to stop the flood of words pouring out of my mouth.

“I went to leave and he grabbed me,” I continue emotionlessly, “I threatened him with my dagger at his throat. The bartender had him thrown out. I left to go take a bath and wait for the rest of you to return.”

I take a breath as Zevran reaches over into the pack he brought with him pulling out a bottle of wine. He looks over questioning and I nod. He uncorks the wine handing it to me. I take a large swallow and continue. “I left and went to my room the bartender had a bottle of wine brought to my room with hot water. I added my oils to the water and settled into it with a glass of wine. I soaked for some time until I heard the door. Thinking it was Leliana I called out to her. But it was him; he put his dagger to my throat.”

I tilt the bottle up taking another large swallow. “I told him I wasn’t selling what he wanted to buy as he thought I was a whore sitting at the bar earlier. He didn’t care he said he was just going to take what he wanted. Then he hit me so hard I must have blacked out. I woke up to him carrying me across the room to the bed.”  
Unable to stop the torrent of words I continue as I hand him back the bottle.

“He threw me on the bed and put the dagger back to my throat. I remember taunting him telling him that took a real man to beat up a woman and rape her.” I smile wryly, “it infuriated him further so he yelled and hit me. I decided if I kept him angry and hitting me he would too occupied and loud to actually rape me. So I spit out any nasty thing that came into my head…that he couldn’t get a willing woman…and if he could he wouldn’t …” I manage a choked snicker at this point, “be able to perform if he had a willing participant.”

Zevran flashes me a small grin of approval, handing me the bottle which I accept gratefully.

“He was looking for something to gag me with and I grabbed the vase by the bed and hit him with it,” I say shakily, part of me not wanting to continue but the words continue to fall, “but I must have been so addled by the beating I took, I couldn’t hit him hard enough. He was just reaching down to undo his breeches when Soris came in and threw him off of me. Soris was about the kill the man when Sergeant Kylon came in.”

I take another large swallow of the wine handing it to him. He places his arm around me…and I start to panic again. He pulls away not wanting to frighten me.  
“It’s ok Zev,” I say taking the initiative and leaning into him remembering this is Zevran and he will not hurt me. He gingerly places his arm around me, as if he is afraid I will startle and bolt like a frightened deer.

“Soris was angry but so kind to me…he was shaken too and angry after everything that to his betrothed and his cousin. I had to be strong. I was able to help him at least,” I say pressing into Zevran harder with a sob.

“Oh Elly, always thinking of others before yourself, even in a situation like that,” Zevran says his voice tinged with astonishment tightening his hold as I shake and sob softly into his chest. Once my tears subside we sit quietly as I feel perfectly safe with Zev inhaling the scent that I had come to associate with him.  
Finally I need to move, my body is forcing me too although I would prefer to stay in the safety of Zevran’s embrace. I shift stretching my arms and neck. I find my shoulder is stiff and I roll it trying to work the stiffness out.

“Feeling better now Bella?” Zevran asks concerne lacing his features.

“Yes,” I say looking at him my face feels hot and tight, “Thank you Zev.” I lean over and kiss his cheek gently.

“And glad I am to hear it,” he says softly as he reaches for the bottle again. I rise to wash my face in stream.

“It will be ok Elly, just give yourself some time and talk to us.” He says with a note of imploring in his voice.

“I will,” I promise him sitting down beside him. He hands me the bottle and I take another drink. I can definitely feel the wine effects and relax a bit.

“You do realize that I will keep my flirtations to a minimum while you recover. That kind of talk may not be conducive to your recovery,” he states quietly.

“Don’t you dare,” I say heatedly, “if everyone walks on eggshells around me, like they have been, it will make me feel strange (it has been making me feel strange) and it would make everything weird.”

“Perhaps you are right we all need to behave as normal,” he says thoughtfully and then he grins wickedly at me as if testing the waters, “So you and the Bann didn’t …”

I smirk back at him even as I blush, and just enjoy the feeling of normalness for a moment. “I think I made it clear earlier that my parts are still intact, when I was angry earlier, Zev. There are other things you can do it doesn’t just have to be actual sex.” I tease him impishly in spite of the blush deepening on my face. I am amazed I feel so at ease talking about it.

Zevran looks at me with a surprised appraisal and raised eyebrow for a moment and then leers roguishly at me, “that is very true, you minx.”

I snicker for moment holding my hand out for the bottle which he passes to me.

“You continue to surprise me, Elly,” he says thoughtfully with a mischievous gleam in his amber eyes, I think my first assessment of you was correct; royally tough to kill, and utterly gorgeous but I have to amend that as well, wise, compassionate and…a flirt. I cannot help but to wonder what you did to the Bann he is smitten after all.”

“A lady does not kiss and tell,” I inform him lightly. “Anyway the Bann and I are not meant to be. He needs a noble wife, who he can come home to every night and who can bear children. He deserves that.”

Zevran becomes quiet at that and we sit in silence for a while just passing the bottle back and forth. I realize it’s about gone. Zevran is the first to break the silence. “Do wardens have relationships with others? Is there some rule against it?” He asks curiously.

“Not that I’m aware of,” I say honestly leaning back into him, “I haven’t known or spent time with many wardens, except for my brief time at Ostagar. I was only an actual warden for one day before everyone died. It seems Adela takes her pleasures where she finds them, as there aren’t many women wardens I assume some are outside the wardens. But I don’t know many people who would want to be in a relationship with someone knowing that children are not possible and knowing that the person they love will leave once the calling comes. Why do you ask?”

“Leliana and Alistair,” he answers evenly, “I realize they haven’t slept together but that’s just a matter of time. I suppose if the non-warden knew this and it didn’t deter them it would not be such a tragedy for one to have happiness.”

“I would imagine for the most part that wardens would mainly have relationships with other wardens because they would understand,” I say thoughtfully, “I remember Alistair noting there weren’t many woman wardens when I met him. In fact, I think I was the only one at Ostagar. But after finding out about brood mothers, I understand why.” I shudder at the thought.

“Well, I will promise this, if you ever are in danger of becoming a brood mother, I will make good on that contract, dear warden.” Zevran says gravely.

“I will hold you to that Zev” I say leaning once again on his shoulder. “I’ll even take that contract out myself. The darkspawn shall not have me.”

“Agreed,” he says softly into my hair, “However we should probably get back to camp the others will be worried.”


	48. Finding Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a chat with Rory

Dear Diary,  
I’ve been taking Zevran’s advice and everyone has stopped asking me if I’m ok. I've also taken up Sten on his offer for another sparring session. I feel I’m slowly returning to normal but I still take one of the women with me when I go to bathe. It makes me feel safer and no one seems to mind. We’ve decided since we got some information about Haven trying to find our way to the village. It doesn’t seem to be an easy find, but thanks to Bodhan finding some old maps of Thedas, we are able to narrow down a location.

Finally after two weeks of trekking though the Frostback Mountains it seems we might be getting close to Haven. I look in the distance and see dark, dangerous looking clouds head our way. I immediately call a halt.

“Morrigan?” I call out patiently waiting as she walks over to me. She looks at me and looks at the sky understanding my request. Morrigan hands me her pack and changes form into a bird and flies off.

Everyone forms a circle around me and looks at me expectantly. “We are going to have some bad weather,” I announce pointing at the clouds that are coming closer, “I sent Morrigan to scout out some shelter for us all, in the meantime we should grab what firewood we can. Stay close though, I don’t know how soon she will return.” 

With that I drop my pack alongside Morrigan’s and head off into the woods collecting branches as I walk. A bit later I feel something alight on my shoulder, Morrigan has returned and she turns her head and chirps. “Thank you, Morrigan.” I say appreciatively as I walk back to the packs and call everyone back. Morrigan flies off my shoulder coming to land on a nearby tree as start to shoulder both our packs. 

Cullen stops me. “I got them,” He says smiling.

“Cullen 3 packs? Isn’t that a bit much? I can at least carry mine,” I say grinning at him.

“I got it Elly, if you want to take this wood I gathered it will work.” He smiles back at me. I take the firewood from him and he grabs the packs.

Morrigan chirps at me as if urging me forward and I start walking as she flies from tree to tree leading the way. A short time later just as the first flurries of snow start to fall, we come the mouth of cave. Morrigan lands in front of me changing form. 

“As many times as I’ve seen you do that I still find it fascinating,” I say grinning at her. 

“I second that,” I hear Cullen mumble behind me. Morrigan smirks at both us.

As I step through the cave mouth, I fear the cave may be a bit small for the whole group but it opens up into a large cavern and much to my surprise is fairly dry. Bodhan covers his wagon before he and Sandal enter. As a group we have set up camp so many times, that all of us work in synergy to build a fire near the mouth, set up the cooking pot and working out the large meal for dinner. The cave is large enough for everyone to spread out. 

While we are waiting for dinner to cook I look around the cave, the three mages have set orbs of light around the cavern as the light coming from the mouth of the cave as dimmed due the storm. I see that Adela, Ox, Tamlen, Leske and Rory have started a rousing game of Wicked Grace. Leliana, Alistair, and Sten are making the meal. While Shale stands near watching curiously, as the three debate about which spice will make the meal taste best. Wynne has her face buried in a book. Morrigan is going sorting out some herbs and components with Cullen helping. This does surprise me a little each time I see it and I wonder if Zevran might be right about our sharp tongued apostate friend. Soris, Zevran, and Oghren seem to be having a spirited chat about blades. Bodhan is watching Wrex play with Sandal. Leaning back against my bedroll, I sigh contentedly at the sight, just thankful that everyone seems to be getting along.

 

I must have dozed off because I am awakened by a body sitting down next to me. As I open my eyes I see Rory grinning at me with a mischievous look on his face. “Sooo,” He says drawling out the word, “Why is Elly sitting here all alone?”

I grin at him. “Well I must have dozed off but I was enjoying some people watching,” I tease lightly.

“Oh really,” He quips, “which people?” 

I chuckle at his inquisitiveness. “All of you,” I answer lightly, “It was nice to see everyone happily getting along.”

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Rory says quietly. 

Turning to look at him, he seems nervous. I haven’t seen Rory nervous since we were teenagers. “Whatever it is you can always ask me Rory,” I say gently trying to quell my oldest friend’s nerves.

He clears his throat anxiously before he continues, “You remember when we kissed out in the garden, don’t you?”

I smile as I go over the memory. “Of course I do Rory. It was my first kiss. How could I forget?” 

“Do you think…you still feel that way?” He asks moving his gaze to the ground.

I feel stunned for a moment. Do I have romantic feelings towards my childhood romance/ friend? I realize quickly that, although I care for Rory deeply, that I don’t feel that way about him. I don’t want to hurt him. But I know him well enough to know, he would want me to be truthful with him. “Rory,” I say, letting my thoughts slip into place as I reach over and tug at his chin lightly to raise his gaze up to mine. “I adore you. I care about you and you are one of my dearest friends. However, I don’t have those types of feelings about you. I’m sorry.”  
We sit in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. “You are dear to me too. I kind of knew but I wanted to be sure.” He finally says quietly. “I had just hoped…”

“It’s ok Rory,” I say smiling gently at him, “You were my first kiss. You will always be special to me, just as I will probably always be special to you.”

“Dinner’s ready!” Leliana calls out. Rory stands up. Looking up at him I see sad smile on his face as he offers me his hand to help me stand. He walks over to the makeshift kitchen area. I feel heavy hearted about hurting his feelings and I just hope he will forgive me for not feeling the same.


	49. Weathering the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heart to hearts with Leliana and Soris....with fluffy puppy piles of people trying to stay warm.

Dear Diary,  
The wind and snow are getting worse. Thankfully we have plenty of provisions and firewood. We’ve now added torches to the cave as not to strain the mages mana. Rory has been avoiding me and although I understand why it still hurts. I wish there was something I could do for my friend. But I feel that I just need to let him deal with this. I’m afraid anything I would do or say would make the situation worse for him.

Leliana noticing my melancholy comes to sit with me bottle of wine in hand. “Why so quiet Elly?”

I don’t want to spread Rory’s business but I feel terrible. “I hurt Rory’s feelings, Lel.”

She looks over a Rory who sharpening his sword on the other side of the cave with Cullen and Alistair. “I see,” She says softly, “You grew up together did you not?”

I nod and sigh as she hands me the bottle of wine. “You know it’s not your fault.” She says half questioning. I nod again in reply taking another gulp of wine.

“I know but I still feel bad about it.” I give her half-hearted smile and hand the bottle back to her.

“That just means you care about him,” Leliana states practically. I look at her sadly. “Don’t worry so much,” Leliana says smiling, “It will be fine. Rory is a nice looking and good man. He will move on and find someone who can love him the way he wants to be loved.”

I look at her worried. “There’s not much chance of that if he becomes a Warden.”

“I don’t find that to be much a deterrent look at Alistair and me.” She teases lightly. 

“So Alistair told you?” I ask curiously.

Leliana nods soberly. “Yes, I understand what you give up when you become wardens. That doesn’t mean that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy with someone. But I understand you don’t feel the same way about Rory.” She takes a swig of the bottle handing it back to me. 

I take a drink thoughtfully. “No, I don’t feel the same as Rory does about me. I care for him very much and I love him but as a friend or brother.”

“Then, I think telling him the truth was the right thing to do,” she says simply.

“I think so too,” I say giving her a small smile.

“You remember our talk?” Leliana asks changing the subject.

“Yes, of course I do,” I answer nodding.

“I just wanted you to know I thought about it …and you were right.” She says smiling. “Despite what Marjoliane says I am not like her. I know that now. I found peace in knowing the Maker and nothing will change that. I followed you to make the word a better place and as long as I keep that in mind I will not fall. Sometimes it takes another to show us truths we hide from ourselves.”

“It was my pleasure,” I say handing her the wine bottle.

She takes the bottle and after she takes a swig hands it back to me. “I’m glad I left Lothering in your company. You have proven a true friend and I thank the Maker for you.”

“Are you feeling better about what happened with Marjoliane?” I ask softly after taking swig of the wine.

“Yes…a little better.” Leliana says as I hand her bottle. “Time heals all wounds, so they say. Scars remain but they just colors in the painting of my life. No?”

“They add to the beauty and complexity of the piece,” I offer smiling. Leliana takes another swig of the bottle handing it back to me with a wry smile.

“I wish things would have happened differently but knowing her, and knowing me, I don’t think they could have.” Leliana explains, “We did have good times though and I look back on those fondly. Whatever happened after will never change the past.”

“You loved her didn’t you?” I ask already knowing the answer.

“Yes,” Leliana says happily. “Once, a long time ago, she was worldly woman and there was so much she knew and was willing to share with me. I would have done anything for her, once.”

“She didn’t deserve you.” I state emphatically taking a drink.

“She used to be different,” Leliana explains as I hand her the bottle. “Happier I think. She loved music and had a weakness for sugary cakes. Maybe she was always lying about who she was, or maybe she changed over the years.”

“You miss her.” I say taking back the offered bottle.

“I do and a part of me probably always will,” Leliana replies. “But life goes on and I will move on…in fact I think I already have.” She looks over at Alistair who smiles softly at her. “You are how she used to be years ago, a joy to be around, a constant companion and listening ear in times of need.”

“I am not Marjoliane,” I say smiling at her and looking over at Alistair who has a slightly curious expression on his face.

“Yes, I know that.” She says turning her gaze back towards me. “I don’t think you would ever do what she did to me. I have never regretted leaving Orlais. I do not regret any of the pain, the anger, the loneliness because it brought me to you and Alistair and I love you both, Alistair in a different way of course.”

“Of course,” I say teasingly. “Go on your boyfriend is wondering why you are saying you love us.” I start to hand her the over half empty bottle. 

“Keep it.” She instructs shoving it back into my hands as she turns to run off to Alistair.

I sit in silence for a while watching the fire and the storm beyond it through the mouth of the cave. I hear footsteps and see Soris walking over to me. “I wish to speak to you if it’s not a bad time,” He says politely.

“Of course Soris, something I can do for you?” I ask smiling at him as I gesture for him to take a seat.

Soris takes the hint and settles himself gracefully beside me. I offer him the bottle and he takes it appreciatively, relishing a sip. He hands me back the bottle. “I wanted to thank you.”

I feel confused, “thank me for what?”

He looks at me a bit nervously and I hand him the bottle again. “For helping me after what happened in Denerim.” He says cautiously as if afraid to mention it.

“I think we helped each other day. Soris there is no need,” I say smiling at him.

“Yes there is,” He disagrees almost chiding me. “You were the one that horrible man went after and then I fell apart on you. And you…you helped me quit blaming myself even after everything you went through. You didn’t even really know me but you still helped.”

I look at Soris and can tell he is berating himself. “Your welcome, Soris,” I say softly touching his arm. “I was glad I could help. We have enough self- blame around here already. Believe I was doing it to myself as well over this that incident. You are good man and I see that.”

“You remind me of her you know,” Soris says taking my hand and giving it a squeeze before releasing it.

“Of Killian?” I ask curiously, wondering what he means. “Will you tell me about her?”

Soris nods taking a swallow of the wine and handing it back to me. “She was fiery like you are. She put others before her own welfare and got into so many fights protecting people, the Hahren didn’t know whether to be frustrated with her or proud. Her father was afraid that the humans would kill her like they did her mother.”

“What happened to her mother?” I ask curiously. For a moment more sadness crosses Soris’ face and I am sorry I asked but then he smiles.

“She died protecting a young girl from being raped by a human.” He says sadly, “Just like Killian. My aunt taught Killian and me how to fight, how to use a sword. We hid it because elves are not allowed to carry weapons in the alienage. Killian was much more skilled than I at swordplay. I was better with a bow and at picking locks.”

I can’t help to but to grin at him. “I bet between you and Killian, the two of you got into all sorts of mischief,” I tease.

Soris grins wickedly. “That we did, I would follow Killian into whatever tomfoolery she would think of.”

“She sounds like an amazing person,” I say stifling a yawn and leaning up against Soris drowsily. 

“She certainly was,” He says in agreement, sounding a bit tired himself. I allow myself to relax into Soris’ warmth and doze. 

When I awake some time later, I find that Soris, Tamlen, Zevran and I are cuddled tangled mess of limbs. Lifting my head I can see in the dim firelight that everyone has moved around to be in the heat of the fire and each other. Wynne is being cuddled by Sten and Ox on either side of her. Sten has is arms protectively around the older mage. I have to look away to prevent myself from giggling at the sight. I see Morrigan is using Cullen’s shoulder as a pillow. Morrigan’s legs are entwined with Rory’s legs. But there is another set of legs over both of theirs. Lifting my head slightly higher I see they are Leliana’s legs. Leliana’s head is pillowed on Alistair’s shoulder. Adela has her head pillowed on Leske, while Wrex has taken a spot pressed into Leske's side, Oghren has his arm thrown around Wrex . Then I see Shale looking toward the mouth of the cave keeping watch, she nods in acknowledgement and I give her a smile in return before snuggling into the warmth of the bodies around me falling back to sleep.


	50. Enduring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an impromptu fighting idea causes injury

Dear Diary,  
Upon waking this morning, well I think its morning as it’s a bit brighter than it was the storm is still raging outside our protective earthen jail/shelter. I almost feel like this is the deep roads again. I am however quite thankful for the lack of darkspawn. I’m awake early as I gently untangle myself from the arms and legs of my sleeping companions, as not to wake them. I stand and stretch my limbs. Tiptoeing to the water bucket I see that it’s empty. Grabbing my cloak, I take the bucket and head toward the mouth of the cave. I step out of the cave and my breath is taken away by the fierce cold. I walk a few steps into the snow and pack the bucket with fresh white snow. I take a few deep breathes enjoying the fresh air before I head back into the cave.

“I could have done that you know,” I hear Shale say looking at me. If I didn’t know she was made of stone I would have thought she was reprimanding me for going out into the cold. 

“I needed some fresh air,” I reply smiling at her. “Thanks Shale.”

“While I am happy you appreciate me, I am unsure as to what you are referring,” she says stoically.

“For everything, you didn’t have to watch over us while we sleep and make sure we are safe but I am thankful that you do.” I reply honestly.

“I have no need for sleep so I am the obvious choice,” she answers pragmatically, “But I do like being valued.”

I notice the others start to stir as I stoke the fire and put the fresh snow in the kettle for making tea. I decide to make breakfast for everyone granted the breakfast will be dried meat and cheese with bread. I decide to toast the bread and cheese with a bit of dried meat in the middle.  
I start by slicing the bread and cheese then feel a hand on my shoulder. “Would you like some help, Elly?” Rory is standing behind me looking a bit sheepish.

I give him a small smile, “yes, if you like Rory. If you could cut up some of the dried meat that would be great.”

We work in silence for a few minutes before he asks. “What are you making?”

“I’m not sure,” I answer giggling as I take pan off the fire. Setting it onto a plate I had it to him. “You get to try it first.”

He grins at me. “Well you’ve never cooked anything bad tasting before.”

He bites into and his eyes get big, “Elly this is really good!”

“You think I should make them for everyone else?” I ask. 

“Maker Yes, this is so much better that cold bread, cheese and dried meat. The cheese has melted into the bread and through the dried meat. The outside is a crispy but the inside is soft.” He replies grinning.

I set to making the bread meal with Rory having an extra person helping me lets me finish much quicker. As everyone wakes up and helps themselves to the tea, I hand them the toasted bread. As I sit down with my toasted bread, Rory comes to sit beside me. “Are we okay?” I ask him. 

He smiles at me “Yea, we’re good.”

“I’m glad because I missed my friend,” I say smiling back at him. 

As I go back to kitchen area with more melted snow to wash the pans. I am stopped by Sten. “What was the thing you made with the toasted bread?” He asks.

“I don’t know I just came up with it today.” I answer honestly.

“I think we should just call it an Elly,” Zevran proposes grinning at me.

“Personally, I don’t care what we call it,” Alistair says, “I just think we should have them every day. It has melted cheese.”

“The Elly it is then,” Leliana decides.

“Well, maybe not every day but definitely more often,” Sten says taking the pan I going wash from my hands.

Zevran grins at me. “Go, do something else. We got this.” 

I walk away not knowing exactly what to do with myself, maybe rub some oils into my new armor. I am feeling better about the situation with Rory.  
Grabbing my new leathers from my gear I start working the oils into them. Leliana sits to join me doing the same.

“I think the storm may be passed by tomorrow,” she says looking at the mouth of the cave.

“Maker, I hope so, I’m beginning to feel like I’m back in the deep roads.” I grin at her.

“I told you it would work out you know.” She says lightly.

“It did. Thank you, Leli,” I say appreciatively.

“Elly,” Zevran calls, “I have an idea. Grab the practice daggers.”

“Be there shortly,” I call back.

She grins at me. “I think he likes you.”

“Zev likes everyone I don’t think I can take his flirtations seriously. I mean you have heard him flirt with Wynne, but he has been a good friend,” I say honestly smiling.

“A good friend could become something more, no?” Leliana grins. I chuckle lightly shaking my head at her as I walk away. Grabbing my practice daggers I head to back of the cave.

“Good, you’re here,” Zev says flashing me a grin. “I had some ideas on fighting moves and wanted your thoughts.”

“Alright,” I say grinning wickedly, “whatcha got?”

Zev and I work well together and having the same fighting style as rogues we often find ourselves backing each other up. He is louder grabbing attention while I slip in from behind. We also seem to do well in back to back combat. We go over the ideas. The first idea is when we start in back to back combat and we confuse the enemy into thinking we are both still present by dropping a flask of smoke and quick stepping in stealth to flank them from behind. This is a total wash in practice as the smoke makes it difficult for us both to see.

The second idea has a bit more merit. Instead of racing into a fight and finding an opponent or waiting for an opponent to come to us, Zev thinks we should find a way to flank them easier by using our tumbling skills. He practices tossing me into the air (as I am the better tumbler of the two of us) and me sticking the landing while staying in stealth. I note that Sten is watching with some interest.

“It would be better with a higher throw,” Sten says walking over to join us.

“That would help her fly further,” Zev admits.

“I’m not a bloody bird,” I point out.

“Pasharra!” Sten says, giving me a firm look.

Zev stifles his grin …badly, I might add, at Sten’s reprimand. I am actually a bit scared Zev knows how to throw a person to do such things. The large warrior does not. “Would you please at least learn the proper technique?” I plead with them. I am picturing our huge warrior friend picking me up by the collar and waistband, and then flinging me forward.

Zev grins wickedly as if he sees my vision for a moment and looks at Sten. “Let me show you my large muscled friend,” He says looking at Sten.

After a few practice tries…small tosses according to Sten we decide to try it for real. I ready myself and Sten grunts as he heaves me up and away from him. As I somersault into the air my head hits something and everything goes black.


	51. Awake

Dear Diary,  
I awaken to yelling. Alistair yelling to be precise. “For maker’s sake, you threw her so high she hit the top of the damn cave!”

“I’ve said I’m sorry, what more do you want?” Sten asks calmly.

“I want Elly to wake up!” Alistair retorts.

“I have nothing to do with when she wakes. She will wake when she is ready; the witch already told you that.” Sten answers.

“It’s already been 4 days,” Alistair yells.

I groan weakly without opening my eyes. “Andraste’s tits, Will you two shut up?” I reach up and touch my aching head.

“Elly,” Zev breathes from my side. “Sweet maker, you’re awake. Wynne, she’s awake. ”

“Zevran,” Wynne says kindly making her way over to me. “Would you please get some hot water and some of the stew from last night for Elly? I need to check her over.”

Wynne looks at Alistair and Sten. “You two, go to bed, I am sick of listening to you bicker.” She commands.They both leave without another word. To be honest I am amaze they went that quickly without argument but looking at Wynne’s face I quickly understand why they did. Wynne checks my vision and if I can move properly. “You are better. You had bad concussion, your brain was bleeding we had to reduce the swelling by taking turns healing you until it stopped.”

“If this is better I’m glad a stayed asleep for so long,” I weakly jest and then tears fill my eyes thinking about how hard my mage friends worked and how drained they must be.

Wynne looks at me. “Elly what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry you all had to work so hard,” I say with a sob. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Elly it’s ok,” Wynne says patting my arm. “Head injuries can cause you to be emotional. We are fine.”

“Good because I’m not sure exactly why that made me so sad,” I say tearfully but strangely enough steadily. “At least there is reason but it’s weird.”

Zevran returns with hot water and the stew which smells delicious. Wynne makes a medicinal tea which she says will help with my headache. I try to sit up but feel shaky. Zevran noticing this comes to my aid, sliding a pack behind me. I look at him gratefully. I sit and sip the foul tasting brew.

“I’ll stay with her Wynne,” Zevran says soberly. “Just tell me what I need to do.”

“Thank you Zevran,” Wynne says warmly, “I could use a rest. She can’t eat too much yet as she may end up nauseous. Just a few bites and wait. I’ve made more tea. She can have as much of that or water as she can hold down. No alcohol!” She says firmly looking at us both like children. “If she complains of blurry vision or her headache gets worse. Come get me, it can indicate the bleeding on brain has started again. Elly should improve from this point but we need to stay vigilante.”  
I listen but barely comprehend what is being said as my head is pounding. Wynne leaves us going to her bedroll. 

Then I notice a very large need louder than the pounding of my head. “Zev?” I ask quietly as not to make the pounding any worse.

“What do you need, dear warden?” He asks looking at me expectantly.

“I need to use the privy,” I reply blushing lightly as I push the blankets back.

I realize I’m in a thin sleeping tunic. One of the few things I have left from Highever. It’s so threadbare it’s almost see-through. However nature urges me more than my embarrassment so I push it to the back of my mind. I attempt to stand and Zevran rushes to aid me. 

“Do you want me to carry you?” He asks looking at my shaky frame.

“No, I want to walk there myself,” I decide thinking about how thin the stupid fabric is.He places one arm behind my back and assists me to walk to the area we had designated as the privy. It feels like the shaky walk is taking forever. He is silent as am I, not wanting to aggravate the pain in head. Once we get to the area that we had curtained off with a few extra blankets from Bodhan’s wagon Zevran takes me through the curtain.

“Don’t be embarrassed to call if you need help, Elly” He says quietly before going back through the makeshift curtain. Thankfully I find that I don’t need to do so.  
As we make the walk back I feel Wynne’s tea take effect and the severe pounding is weakened to a dull roar.“4 days?” I ask.

“Yes, we have all been quite worried about you.” Zev replies, “I think Sten especially so, he hasn’t left your side except to sleep.”

“I think Sten sometimes underestimates his strength,” I jest with a weak chuckle.

This brings a smile to Zevran’s face. “I agree.”

“We will have to try it again outside the limits of the cave,” I offer with a small smile.

Zevran chuckles. “You would actually want to try again?” He asks a bit surprised.

“Of course,” I reply as I stumble over a rock almost falling. Zevran is quick right us and steady me.

“Enough of this, I realize you are trying to be strong but this is ridiculous.” He says reaching over to scoop me up like a child. 

“It’s not that,” I say before I can stop myself as embarrassment floods through me again.

“Then what is it?” He demands.

“This tunic is so thin, it’s scandalous,” I say blushing deep red. Seems my head injury has loosened my tongue as well. I feel absurd saying it out loud. Maybe it’s that emotional thing that Wynne talked about.

Many emotions pass over Zevran’s features, mirth seeming to be the most prominent. But he settles on being serious. “I was worried about you, Elly. I didn’t even notice.”

“Thank you,” I say wrapping my arms around his neck. He carries me back to bedroll and once settled he brings me more of that offensive tea. I sigh looking at it warily.

“It tastes terrible doesn’t it?” He says grinning, “It’s probably the same horrid stuff Morrigan made me drink. Although, I think she was trying to poison me.”

“Naw, if she was going poison you it would taste good to get you to drink it or she would put it in your wine,” I tease lightly.

“Probably,” He chuckles slightly, “I have to say, it did help.”

“Yes, it does,” I say eyeing the horrid concoction as I work up the courage to drink it. I pinch my nose and take a sip. It doesn’t help it is still horrible.  
Zevran snickers at my attempt to not taste the horrid brew. I look around and notice everyone is sleeping. The pounding of my head prevented me from noticing, how quiet it really was. “Zev, I’m keeping you awake,” I say guiltily knowing how much the assassin loves his sleep.

“No worries, Mi querida, Right now, I can’t think of better reason to stay awake,” He says smiling.

“I bet you say that to all the girls with concussions,” I tease lightly.

“Well, I’m sure I could find more excuses if given time,” He purrs. I chuckle inwardly shaking my head at him.“You think you can eat now?” he asks gesturing to the bowl and spoon.

“I’d like to try,” I say, it smells delicious but my stomach feels shaky as my legs did when I was walking. He sits down beside me. Then he hands me the bowl and some bread. I take about two bites before setting the bowl down.

“Too soon?” Zev asks concerned.

“Yea,” I say feeling nauseous. Wordlessly, he brings a bucket over to me. I nod gratefully before making use of it heaving my stomach contents into it. As I heave I notice Zevran has moved to my side and is holding my hair back as he places a cool wet cloth on the back of my neck, which makes me feel better immediately. As I push the bucket away he hands me another cup with water this time. I swish my mouth, pulling the bucket back to spit into it, before pushing it away again. He quickly takes it out of the cave to empty it. Before coming back to sit beside me

“How did you know to do that?” I ask curiously pointing to the cloth.

Zevran chuckles lightly. “I’ve had too many nights with far too much wine or liquor,” He explains smiling.

“More tea?” He asks lightly.

I nod feeling drowsy. I hate the taste of the stuff but it seems to be keeping the pounding of my head down to a suppressed stampede level. Zevran is shifting from foot to foot nervously. “Something on your mind, Zev?” I ask softly.

“I’ve a question if I may,” He says curiously.

I pat the bedroll for him sit. “Alright, ask.” I say smiling as he sits.

“Well here’s the thing, I swore an oath to you, yes?” He says thoughtfully, “and I understand this quest you are on and this is all very fine and well. My question pertains to what you intend to do with me after all this business is over with, as a point of curiosity.” 

I put my pinch my nose as if I’m thinking hard. He’s giving me an opening and I can’t help but to take it. “Is this before or after I ravish you in celebration?” I tease lightly grinning.

He chuckles softly. “After of course, the ravishing is a given. Now there’s a thought, normally I am the one doing the ravishing to when it comes to comely lasses. I like it.” Then his face goes serious. “But you are also distracting me from my point. I said I would serve until you released me. One simply assumes once your grey warden business is finished, you wouldn’t have a need for an assassin following you about. Am I wrong?”

“I have never held you to any oath, Zevran” I say dropping my gaze. “You have been free to go whenever you like.”

“Oh?” He says with a bit of surprise, “The oath I made willingly but if that is how you see it then, all the better. For the moment it’s best I stay, considering my standing with the crows. But let’s assume that I didn’t desire to leave when the time came. What then?”

“Why would you not go if given the chance?” I ask curiously.

“It is difficult to say, how should I know? What if I liked it here? Is there no one I might stay for?” He asks inquisitively.

“I could always use a friend I can count on and I am rather fond of my assassin,” I say tilting my face back up at him.  
“Oh? Not more than friends than?” He asks.

“We’ll have to see won’t we?” I say as a blush rises to my face.

“See, I knew I’d grow on you. I have that effect,” He says smugly. “It’s good to know what my options might be. But that is for another time. We have much to do, yes?”

I drink the rest of the tea quietly. Noting that other than waiting on me he hasn’t moved from my side. Looking a bit closer, I can see he is exhausted. He even has dark circles under his eyes and I wonder briefly how long he’s been awake. “Zev you should get some rest, you’re just as tired as Wynne.” I say concerned.

“I’ll be fine, Bella,” He protests.

I sigh. “You don’t need to watch me sleep.” I try to say firmly. 

“I told Wynne, I would watch over you,” He maintains stubbornly.

“Now who’s being ridiculous,” I mutter sitting forward to pull the bedroll from behind my back. I untie it and lay it out as best I can beside mine. “You can sleep right here that way if anything happens, you will wake.” He looks at me skeptically. “Fine, your choice,” I say laying down as I pull up an extra cover to over my now slightly chilled body. I know it’s manipulative of me but I turn on my side away from him and shiver purposely under the blanket. I know he will feel compelled to keep me warm. But Andraste’s ass! He needs sleep. Stubborn man. A few minutes later I feel him lay down the bedroll beside me and put an arm around me. I smile to myself drowsily and snuggle into his warmth “Thanks Zev.”


	52. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and crew finally leaves the cave, Sten has trouble expressing his regret.

Dear diary,  
I wake a few hours later to see Sten sitting by me. I also note that Zevran is still asleep. His handsome face is almost childlike in repose. I place a finger over my lips to keep Sten from saying anything as I crawl out of the bed roll tucking the blankets gently around the sleeping assassin. He gestures to the leggings and waistcoat he brought for me and I slip them on noticing that the leggings are feeling a bit loose. My head is still pounding but I’m no longer near as shaky I seem to be able to stand. Sten gestures over to the campfire and I nod. However when I step forward to walk with him I realize how weak and shaky I am and that I still need to move slower. Sten noticing this delicately puts his arms around me and gently supports me as I walk. Wynne is awake as is almost everyone else. Upon seeing us walk over Ox looks at me heads into the kitchen area. Sten assists me to a chair with a back? Must be from Bodhan’s wagon I figure. 

“Elly, how is your head?” Wynne asks quietly. 

“Still hurts like a miner caste is working away,” I manage to quip softly without wincing.

“Ox is making you some more tea,” Wynne says smiling. “Have you had any blurry vision or dizziness?”

“No, just feeling as weak as a newborn kitten,” I say honestly. “I want to thank you all for helping me.” Once again immediately as it happened last night tears spring to my eyes. Everyone looks at me questioningly except for Wynne and Morrigan. I ignore it wiping my eyes. Moving on.

“Where you able to eat?” Morrigan ask concerned as Wynne looks at her surprised that she would care enough to ask.

I shake my head. 

“I have some clear broth from the stag Tamlen killed,” Ox suggests, “perhaps that might be better than a heavy stew?”

“That means the storm is passed?” I ask realizing I never bothered to check.

Everyone nods. “3 days ago. Wynne said you shouldn’t be moved,” Alistair explains.

“Can we get out of here and create a proper camp today?” I ask looking at my healer/jailors. I’m dying to get out this cave. Wynne and Ox look at me studying me for a moment. Then they look at each other and over at Morrigan who shrugs at them.

“Yes,” Wynne says slowly, “but you mustn’t tire yourself too much it will impede your recovery.”

Adela looks over at me smiling, “I’m glad I’m not the only on sick of this cave, Not all dwarves like caves you know.”

Ox brings over tea and broth. “Drink the tea first it will help your head.” He says firmly.

I look at the tea warily knowing it will taste horrible. 

“I will make more for your water skin.” He says walking over to the fire and putting the kettle on.

Sten looks over at me. “You haven’t drunk your tea, Kadan.”

“Have you tried it?” I whisper, “It’s horrible.” He looks at me skeptically. “Try for yourself.” I say handing him the cup.

He stoically takes a small sip and tries to act as if it’s nothing but I see his eyes get a bit wider and his jaw tweak a bit. I stifle a snicker. “Needs honey.” He states with a hint of a smile.

“Needs a lot more than honey,” I hear Zevran say chuckling from behind me which makes me jump.

I nod in agreement sighing as I take a sip. Everyone gets to work breaking stuff down as I sip at my tea and drink the broth which thankfully stays down.   
As I sit there at some point every person including Bodhan come over the talk to me. They seem to be a subdued. Especially Alistair as he sits by me. “I was afraid you wouldn’t wake up,” He says worried. 

“It’s ok, Alistair, I understand, just you and Sten going back and forth didn’t do much for my screaming head when I woke.” I say smiling at him.

He relaxes chuckling. “I imagine it didn’t and by your response, I can guess how bad your head was pounding.” 

“I’ll be fine,” I say reaching over to ruffle his hair. “If it was you I would be just as worried though.”

He leaves to pack up as I notice everyone else is. Sten is left sitting by me. “Kadan, I need to… Defransdim vasebra nehraa issala shok.”

“It’s ok Sten it was an accident, no apology necessary,” I say reaching over to touch his arm. “I plan on having us try again once Wynne clears me to spar. The idea was good; I see no good reason not to try it.”

Sten looks at me with obvious surprise crossing his normally stoic features. “Na'thek, I am happy you wish to do so. Your resolve never fails to surprise me, Kadan.”

He leaves me to finish my broth and tea. By the time I stand up I’m feeling a bit stronger. The food it seems, even though it was only broth, fortifies me a bit. The pounding in my head is down to a dull roar. I make the walk back over to my pack to find that Sten has already taken care of it, “thank you, Sten.” I look around and notice that everyone is ready to go. Leske is putting out the fire. They must be just as anxious as I am to get out of here. 

Then there is a discussion on whether or not I need to ride in Bodhan’s wagon which I decline as the road is narrow and rocky through the mountains. Progress is slow which I admit is my fault because I can’t move as quickly. Everyone takes turns coming back to walk with me. Tamlen has given me a walking stick and Ox makes sure I’m sipping at the tea he made earlier but I can tell they would just prefer me to sit in the wagon. The idea of bouncing around in the darn thing is enough to keep me walking no matter how shaky I am. Morrigan and Sten slow down to walk with me. “Pashaara Kadan, If you won’t ride in the wagon I will carry you.” He says picking me up. Morrigan just glares at me. 

“If you want to bounce around in the darn thing you go ahead,” I say sarcastically.

“I wouldn’t be stupid enough to let people throw me in the air,” she retorts.

“Aw Morrigan, don’t be jealous because I’m in Sten’s arms.” I say teasingly, remembering her taunting of Sten in Orzammar. I see Sten’s mouth twitching at the corners as he tries to keep a straight face. I hear Leske and Tamlen both stifle snickers as Morrigan huffs and glares at them.

“Very funny,” she says with her mouth curving into a sarcastic smile. “At least you are more like yourself again. That, I am glad to see.” 

We only go about 5 miles before we find a place to make camp. After having a meeting, we decide to rest here until I am fit to travel. I am just grateful to be in the open air again. It will also give us time to replenish our food supply. It seems the snow is already melting. 

 

Translation  
Defransdim vasebra nehraa issala shok – I'm now struggling with discomfort among my small friends.  
Na'thek- as you wish


	53. Regrouping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly spends time recovering while the rest of the crew goes to restock

Dear Diary,  
I feel as if I’m slowing the entire group down. The others could easily go to Haven without me. I consider splitting the group again and having Tamlen head a group to see the Elves but he asked me to go with him and I said I would. Alistair is adamant that we go to Haven together, as the clues left by the fake Weylon point to a cult mentality.

“The archdemon isn’t going to wait forever,” I argue. But none of them are having it, not even Sten who complained about all these side tasks to begin with.

“Another week and you will be fine, Elly,” Wynne consoles.

“My coordination isn’t coming back as easily. I’m more of hindrance right now than a help,” I point out as stupid tears come to my eyes. I hate being this emotional.

My healer/jailors haven’t even cleared me to spar at this point. I stomp frustrated at myself heading over to the pond we are camped by. The pond is spring fed and clean but crazy cold. The snow has melted and the ground only slightly damp from the last freak snowstorm of the year. The sun is blazing in the sky so I take off my waistcoat and sit down on the shore of the pond. I’m frustrated with myself. I’m not used to being so…incompetent. Feeling so helpless.  
Tamlen comes to join me. He says nothing sitting beside me. I take comfort in my friend just sitting silently beside me. He reaches over taking my hand in his. “I have an idea, Elly. If you will indulge me.”

“Oh?” I ask curiously. 

“Garas,” He says tugging on my hand, helping me to stand. “You helped me so I want to help you.” He explains as he walks. He stops at fairly flat area and looks to see if anyone is around.

“What I’m going to teach you is a secret of our people,” he says a bit reverently. “The way of the three trees is part of Vir Tanadhal. I think some of the exercises we do would help you.”

He starts moving in flowing movements that look much like a dance and fighting combined. I watch and am amazed by the how graceful, elegant, and effortless he looks while doing this.

“I’ll go slowly so you can learn the movements. First we will do Vir Bor'assan, the way of the bow. The way of the bow is that a bow bends but never breaks.” He explains.

I nod and follow his movements as best I can. Tamlen is quiet but encouraging me, which makes me feel a little less feeble. His subtle countenance is like a healing balm for my soul. I am not near as graceful as he is but I understand the flow of the movements and they seem guide me.  
I start getting tired and my movements become sluggish. “You are tired. Hamlin da’lgar.” He says smiling. “You did well.”

I look at him curiously wondering what he said as he rarely speaks in elvish with us and I love hearing him use it. I flop down on the ground gracelessly as I ask “Hamlin da’lgar?”

Tamlen smoothly sits down next to me. “Hamlin means rest or be at ease. Da’lgar is new name I have for you, little spirit. You have so much spirit and I will not see it crushed.” He says firmly. “You have endured so much in such a short time. You have never faltered or shirked your duty. You have helped each of us in turn. I want to help you as well.”

I lean tiredly on his shoulder as he puts an arm around me. “Ma serannas, Tamlen,” I say thankfully enjoying his support.

He raises an eyebrow at me curiously. “I pick up languages quick. I thought you might like to hear some of your own.” I explain. “Was my pronunciation correct?

“Yes, Ma Serannas, Da’lgar,” He replies smiling.

I lean back drowsily against him enjoying the feeling of being almost enrobed by his more silent demeanor. Sometimes everyone is so loud that it’s nice to have comfortable silence. I awake to Tamlen gently shaking me some time later. “Garas Da’lgar, we should get back to camp.”  
Once back at camp everyone is busy. Zevran and Leliana are making dinner. The others are working to cure the meat that Tamlen, Zevran, and Alistair have been able to hunt since we left the cave. Curing and drying the meat has been a top priority. Morrigan and Tamlen have taught Cullen, Leliana, and Soris about edible roots and plants. Our supplies have been greatly depleted by the snowstorm. But according to the map and Bodhan there is a small town about a day or so away to the south. A list of supplies is being made.

“So who should go?” Alistair asks looking at me. I’ve made very few decisions since hitting my head. But everyone turns to me expecting an answer.

“Morrigan and Leliana of course because they barter well and will get us the best prices.” I say with practicality. Bodhan nods in agreement as both have helped him in dealing with merchants as well. “Alistair, Cullen, Adela, and Oghren,” I decide as Adela whoops with glee. “Does anyone else want to go?” I ask.

Rory speaks up. “If you don’t need me here I could use a change of scenery.”

“I would prefer to draw no attention to myself,” Ox says firmly, when Adela tries to press him into going.

“I think I would like to go as well,” Wynne says smiling. “If Ox is staying I know Elly will be fine.” She adds with a bit of concern. The others say nothing as it seems they don’t care to leave the camp.

“Alright, Morrigan, Leliana, Alistair, Cullen, Adela, Oghren, Rory, and Wynne, will go to the town with Bodhan and Sandal. The rest of us will stay a camp. If you have any issues Morrigan can fly out and let us know.” I command firmly feeling more like myself again. 

I wake up from a Blightmare tonight and cannot get back to sleep. My head is pounding again so I decide to get up and make some the tea that Wynne showed me how to make. Since the headaches have been coming at night I asked to show me how to make it so I don’t need to interrupt her rest.

I walk out of my tent and Leske is on watch. “Hey Boss, you alright?” he asks his eyes filled with concern in the flickering of the fire.

“Yea, I had a blightmare and my head aches, I’ll make some tea.” I answer smiling.

“Sit Salroka, I’ll get the kettle,” He offers. He gets the kettle and fills it with water setting it on the fire.

“So tell me what do you think of the surface?” I ask him curiously.

“It took me some time to realize I wasn’t going to float away in that huge sky,” Leske admits, “but the air it’s so…fresh. The booze is much better as well and no one seems to care if you are casteless here.”

“Oh there are still castes, but in different way,” I smile at him.

“You are nobility, but you don’t act like deep lord or wim and wam like one.” He says giving me a profound look.

“If you spoke to my mother she would have said I act more like a street urchin,” I tease lightly as the water starts to boil. I grab the herbs and drop some in my cup pouring the boiling water over them.

“King Serena surprised me,” he says suddenly. “She isn’t like most of the nobility either. I think she may offer options to the casteless and I may live to see it.”

“Well with the numbers of dwarfs decreasing,” I say with practicality, “the nobles would are stupid to ignore you. Besides I’ve found most dusters to be friendly and compassionate people, more so than the nobles.” I note remembering Nadezda. I had gone back to Dust Town to offer her more coin to come to the surface but she wouldn’t hear of it. I gave her more coin but she was afraid to accept too much lest she become a target.

“Some of us are better than others,” Leske admits. “Some would sooner put a knife in your back than talk to you. We live in constant squalor in Dust Town. No one is safe.”

I nod understandingly. “I’m hoping that with Serena and the warden’s offering a way out more might leave Dust Town to find something better.” I offer smiling.

“Always blowing the dust off to find the silver,” Leske grins. “I was skeptical of you wardens, when Alistair let me out of the cage. But you know, you guys are alright and I want to be a part of that. I know the price and I’m willing make the sacrifice.”

I look at my stout friend realizing that he feels a part of something bigger for the first time ever. “If that is what you want, Leske, We will make it so.” I say putting an arm around him and giving a quick hug.

“Elly, don’t get all sappy on me now,” He says gruffly, but putting an arm around me as well. “Drink your tea,” He orders. We sit quietly as I sip the tea and my eyes start getting heavy. I doze leaning against his broad shoulder. 

“Elly, you should go back to bed,” He says softly. 

“mmm hum,” I say tiredly not moving.

“Ok warden,” he says, scooping me up before I can protest. “Time for bed.” He carries me to my tent and lays me on my bedroll drawing up the covers before he leaves.

Translations:  
Vir Tanadhal- the way of the trees  
Vir Bor'assan- the way of the bow  
Garas- come  
Salroka- friend or more literally one who sits by me  
deep lord- derogatory term for deshyrs   
wim and wam – whine and plead  
Blowing the dust off to find the silver- looking on the bright side, or finding the cloud with the silver lining


	54. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zevran decides to help with Elissa's recovery.

Dear Diary,  
The next morning the others leave early. Tamlen and I head away from the camp to practice the movements of Vir Bor’assan. After practice he goes hunting. I head back to my tent wanting to bathe but realize all the women have left to go to the town. I could ask Shale I suppose, but I know she will probably mock me for asking such a thing and I’m not up to it this morning.  
I’m sure that I will be perfectly safe, but the flutter in my stomach makes me a bit uneasy. I grab my bathing items and head to the pond. As I leave I notice Sten and Ox having a heated discussion over a book. Shale is actually taking part in the discussion much to my surprise. She seems to be interested in scholarly pursuits. Leske and Zevran are sparring. I flash them a grin as I walk by. It’s strange with everyone else gone…so quiet. I get down to the pond. And strip down to my smalls keeping my daggers on me as I feel safer. I wade out into the water. I take my soap and start washing up. As I dunk my head to wash my hair, I hear a rustling in the brush. I listen and look. I can vaguely see and outline of a humanoid shape. I throw my first dagger, as a warning. Keeping the other in case I need it, realizing I do have the option of swimming but I’m not the strongest swimmer. It sticks in a tree near the figure.

“Elly!” Zevran steps out of the brush. 

I jump at the sound of his voice immediately embarrassed at my reaction. “Andraste’s flaming tits, Zev, don’t scare me like that.” I breathe relieved.

“Well I’m glad to see you can throw accurately. It was a warning, was it not? If it hadn’t been, I shudder to think where it would have hit.” He says grinning, as he collects my dagger.

“I was just coming to sit with you as I know you don’t like bathing alone,” He says grinning.

“Everyone seemed to be busy,” I say shrugging as I work the soap through my hair.

“I’m pretty sweaty after sparring,” he purrs “perhaps I should join you.”

“If you wish,” I say indifferently, ignoring the suggestiveness of his voice. “However, you have no soap?” tease lightly. “I suppose you can use mine although my soap, potions and oils don’t begin to come close to yours.”

“No worries, Elly I’m sure they are more than adequate.” He jests with another grin, as he strips down to his smalls.

He wades out to the waist deep water and I hand him the soap. “Do you swim?” He asks curiously cocking his head.

“Highever Castle was landlocked so I never did much swimming,” I explain. “I can swim but I’m not good at it.” I demonstrate stepping deeper and doing a pitiful breast stroke.

“In Antiva we swam all the time,” Zevran explains as he soaps up. “When it gets hot in the summer it’s the best way to cool off. Swimming also can increase coordination. ” He stops short looking at me. “I will teach you if you like.” 

“If it can help with coordination I will try it,” I say with wry smile, “As that seems to be an area I’m lacking as of late.”

“It will come back, Elly, Be patient with yourself,” Zevran says wisely.

“Patience is not my strongest virtue,” I admit dryly. 

“Come,” he says as he rinses his locks one last time. 

We walk into chest deep water and he shows me how to do a proper breast and back strokes. I’m exhausted by the time I pull myself back onto the shore. My arms and legs are shaking with the effort to walk over to my clothes. I sit on the bank and grab a towel to dry myself off. Sitting is definitely better than standing right now. I reach over and grab my oils. I open the bottle and start applying it to my neck and arms. I am stopped by Zevran taking the bottle and moving around to my back. He puts some of the oil on his hands and rubs it into by back giving me a massage as he works his way up to my shoulders.   
I turn my head looking at him curiously. “You have worked your muscles hard today between Tamlen exercises and swimming with me,” He says in a serious manner. “This will help with the soreness.”

I nod at him exhaustedly. He moves around me and works on the muscles in calves and thighs. He hasn’t even made one lewd remark. I’m beginning to wonder if he is feeling ill. When he is finished he stands up, “Mind if borrow some?”

“Go ahead,” I say gratefully. I pull a tunic over my head and remove my wet breast band and small clothes. After pulling on dry small clothes and breeches, I make myself stand and walk back to the pond to wash the clothes I was wearing. I tilt my head sideways and watch Zevran for a minute. He is just massaging the oil into his arms. I have to admit that he is very handsome and his lithe muscular frame accents that. The other tattoos on his body seem to enhance these lines. I go back to washing the clothes and blush slightly as I my mind wonders how far down those lines go. When I’m satisfied the clothes are clean I bring them back up and wrap them in the towel. I sit and grab my comb working it slowly through my unruly locks.

Again I am halted by Zevran. “Please let me,” He says taking the comb from my hand. 

“I usually use a small amount of the oil to tame these curls,” I say smiling as he hands me the bottle. 

I put a small amount in my hand and run it through my hair. He sits behind me and takes the comb gently through my hair. “Do you have a tie?” He asks curiously. I nod and hand him one of my hair ties. He deftly braids the still wet strands in a loose antivan type braid. It starts at the top and he adds more hair as he works his way down. I sigh as he finishes and lean back against him feeling drained. “Rest Bella, It will work out.” He says gently wrapping his arms around me. I don’t need to be told twice my eyes close.


	55. A Miracle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly's recovers as if by "magic"

Dear Diary,  
The others have returned with supplies from the town. We could feasibly move on but no one wants to leave until I am in fighting form. I get up feeling refreshed and not sore for the first time in days, since I started doing Vir Bor’assan and swimming lessons. Strangely enough I had no blightmares either which is odd as they have become nightly occurrence. Alistair told me this happens because it’s a true blight. My movements feel more harmonized and I feel like I have more spring in my step. I head to kitchen area and make some of the tea I’ve been drinking for headaches. It doesn’t taste as terrible now. I guess I’ve gotten used to it. I also grab a small plate of bread, cheese and fruit. Thank the Maker! We were able to get some apples. I sit at the fire and eat my breakfast. Everyone else is already busy except for Wynne, who is seems to be exhausted. She is reading but keeps nodding off. Before I can ask if she is alright, Tamlen asks, “Elly are you ready?” 

“Yes,” I say brushing off any crumbs and drinking the last of the tea. I take the dishes over to the kitchen area where Alistair is cleaning his dishes. 

“I got them Elly,” he says smiling, “You go.”

“Thanks Al,” I flash him grateful smile.

Tamlen gives me a quizzical look as we walk to the practice area. “What?” I ask curiously.

“Something is different about you today,” He says giving me a harder look.

I shrug my shoulders. “I’m not sore and tired for the first time in what seems like forever. I’m feeling better.” 

“Maybe that’s it then,” he says smiling.

We get to the practice area and go through the movements of Vir Bor’assan. I feel very in tune with the movements and it feels effortless. The second time through Tamlen stops and watches me. I finish the sequence and look at him curiously.

“Elly, you did the sequence so well; it’s almost as if you followed Vir Tanadhal.” He says with no small amount of surprise.

“It’s strange…”I say trying to explain, “It makes sense now and I just…know. But that course that is probably because you have been teaching me.”

“Let’s try something else,” he says looking at me with obviously curiosity. “I’ll go over the sequence for Vir Assan.”

I nod eagerly and watch as he goes through the sequence of movements. The movements are harsher, harder than the previous sequence. Maybe because the way of the arrow has to do with a weapon? Something stirs me to join him, as if I already know what to do and what the movements are.

“You ready to try?” he asks.

I nod standing to join him. We go through the sequence with him facing me as he usually does to correct any issues with form but he says nothing until we finish.

“Andruil’s Blessing!” He says with wonder, “It’s like you have done it for years. Your form was perfect.”

“Let’s try something else,” He says suddenly. He moves to stand beside the way we usually practice after I’ve gotten the movements memorized. “I’m going to do the sequence for Vir Adahlen. Join me if you can.”

I try to watch first but my body wants to move, so I give in and just move. We move in perfect harmony. I intuitively seem to know what to do. It’s a strange but elating feeling. 

“Fen’Harel’s ass! You know Vir Tanadhal!” He says astonished. “I don’t know how or why, it’s odd to say the least. Many followers of Vir Tanadhal work for years and cannot achieve the fluidity that you have. It’s almost as if you understand the intent. You were brought up as an elf.”

“I don’t know,” I say bewildered, “I just feel it.”

“In any case, your coordination seems to be returning.” He says thoughtfully, “Would you join me in the mornings to practice?”

“So that’s where you used to slip off to every morning,” I say teasingly accusing.

He gives me a sheepish look. “Yes, many of the hunters would get together to practice. I miss it.”

“I’d be happy to join you,” I say smiling.

“Shall we put the three sequences together?” He asks returning a smile.

I nod expectantly as I take the first position. We work through the entire sequence of Vir Tanadhal, twice more before finishing our practice.  
Tamlen leaves to spar once we get back to camp. It seems Wynne has gone to her tent to rest. I sit poking the fire with stick. I hate to say this but I’m bored. I realize I haven’t been bored since before that terrible night a Highever. The thought makes me snicker (oh the irony), one of a handful of Wardens left in Ferelden, with darkspawn and Loghain after us, trying to put an army together and I’m bored. I’m pulled from my musing by Zevran. 

“Ready to go swimming, Elly?” He asks.

“Yes, just let me get my things,” I answer standing. I go to my tent and grab a towel, my bathing items, and some clean clothes.

“Shall we?” He says smiling. I nod falling into step with him.

“How tired are you from your practice earlier?” Zevran asks concerned.

I shake my head. “I feel fine, Zev. It’s been an odd morning.”

“So Tamlen said, but he didn’t go into detail about it.” Zevran admits.

I’m not ready to share yet as I’m still bewildered by the situation myself. “Well it seems my coordination is back,” I say lightly. We get to the pond and drop our items on the bank.

“No headache or residual soreness from yesterday?” he asks me.

I shake my head again. “Zev please, you are starting to sound like Wynne,” I tease.

“Alright,” he concedes, “shall we swim across and back.”

I nod eagerly at him. “Breast stroke across back stroke on the way back,” he instructs. 

“Good, last one in is darkspawn food!” I tease pulling off my leggings racing toward the pond as I fling off my tunic letting it drop on the on the ground.  
Zevran chuckles as he tries to strip down as fast as he can. But by the time he is in the water I am already breast stroking my way across the pond.  
I get to the other side and turn over to back stroke the way back. Once I return to the starting side, I stop and wait for Zevran to catch up. “It seems your stamina has returned,” He says, looking at me the same way Tamlen did earlier.

I stifle a giggle, but fail. 

“What’s funny?” He asks with a smirk.

“Tamlen had the same look on his face earlier,” I say almost snorting, which pulls a chuckle from him.

“You are right, it is odd” he says thoughtfully. “So if you don’t mind would you share what happened earlier today?”

I furrow my brow trying to decide where to start. “Well, I got up feeling good this morning. I thought maybe it was because I haven’t had a headache in 2 days or because I’m not sore or because I didn’t have blightmare last night.”

Zevran nods for me to continue.

“When Tamlen and practiced this morning he noticed that my form was good and that the movements came naturally so he showed me a new sequence. I picked it up by only being shown once,” I continue explaining.

Zevran is looking at me unconcealed curiosity. “And?” He prompts.

“Well then, Tamlen started doing a third sequence and I just knew it. I did it with him without being shown or coached. It was a bizarre feeling. It was almost intuitive as if I had done it many times before.” I try to explain without sounding too weird.

“It is strange considering only yesterday you had to stop and rest on the other bank before returning,” He says thoughtfully, “You seem as though you could do another lap over and back, but I don’t want to push it.”

“Do you think I will be cleared by my jail-healers,” I correct as he grins, “to spar again.”

“If Ox or Wynne says so, I don’t see why not,” he agrees. 

By the time we get back to camp, I hope Wynne is awake but to my disappointment she is not. However, Ox is sitting by the fire drinking tea and reading a book.

“Ox?” I ask looking at the huge mage, “Can we talk?”

“Sure. What can I do for you?” He says shutting the book.

“I was wondering if I could be given the go ahead to spar.” I say looking at him. 

“Let’s check you over and then I can tell you.” Ox says looking at me curiously. We walk to the outskirts of the camp. He runs a series of tests on me testing my coordination and reflexes, as well as asking about headaches and checking over my head physically and magically. He is clinical in his manner. But when he’s finished he sits on the ground and gestures for me to sit with him.

“I don’t know how but you seem back to normal,” He says surprised. I grin at him happily.

“However, I don’t want you to overdo it. You can spar, lightly.” He says. I can’t help but to let out happy laugh. 

“No tumbling,” he admonishes, “until we see if things stay this way.”

I’m too happy to argue.


	56. Attacked!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The darkspawn attack the camp.....Tamlen sees Neria again....

Dear Diary,  
I step out of my tent after a blightmare to see Alistair, Adela and Tamlen making tea. “You have a blightmare too?” Adela asks me, as I grab a mug.

I nod. “Yea it was strange like the archdemon…” I start.

“Saw us … it saw us! What does that mean?” Alistair asks panicking.

“Strange we should all have the same dream,” Tamlen says thoughtfully furrowing his brow as he offers me the teapot.

“Wait,” I say holding up my hand. I am sensing darkspawn in the camp. “Wake the others now!” I command. The other three run to tents shouting. I run to wake Zevran. I see Shale already heading over to Morrigan’s tent. Everyone is sleepily pouring out of their tents when the shrieks appear. Taking a quick look around, I see Wynne is looking decidedly disoriented as shriek appears behind her, she is not herself. Not thinking I run toward her and jump going into a round-off and jump high doing back tuck over Wynne and the creature. I grab my daggers and stab the offending creature. As it falls her face, I grab Wynne turning her around she just isn't with it, “Zevran!” I yell as another shriek makes its way over to attack.  
Zevran runs over and puts Wynne in between us protecting her. The rest of the darkspawn are dispatched efficiently but I can still sense them. Ox comes to take a still disoriented Wynne back to her tent. "Please stay with her Ox something is wrong with her and I'm worried." He nods gently leading her back to her tent.

Looking over at Tamlen, Alistair, and Adela, I say, “We need to secure the perimeter. I'm still sensing darkspawn."

They all nod silently and walk in a different direction. “Lethallan!” I hear Tamlen cry out. 

I race over toward him and see a ghoul standing in front of him. The creature was obviously elven at one point but is so decayed my heart plummets when I realize this was Tamlen’s Vhenan. This is going to crush him. Maker’s Breath hasn’t he dealt with enough?

“You…Lethallin,” the creature says in a guttural heartbroken voice. 

“Neria, ma vhenan…” Tamlen says throatily.

“Don’t…don’t come near me! Stay away!” Neria growls threateningly.

She runs off. Alistair and Adela have joined us now. We all race after her.As we catch up to her, she looks at all of us in turn her face softens when she sees Tamlen.   
“Don’t…look at me, Tamlen! I am…sick not pretty anymore…” she says.

Tamlen looks at me and I nod understanding. “We can help you, Neria. Don’t be afraid.” Tamlen says soothingly.

“No help…time to be done,” Neria replies firmly. “The song…in my head. It calls to me. Time to end it. I can’t stop it! Don’t want to hurt you Lethallin. Please…stop me.”

“I have to try. We can heal you lethallan. The wardens, they can help.” Tamlen tries to explain. 

“Then…I must leave you no choice,” Neria says dropping into a fighting stance. She attacks Tamlen slicing his arm and he doesn’t move. 

“Tamlen!” Adela yells as she grabs her sword. “We can prevent this from happening to others of your clan! If you give up now and we lose to the archdemon, I swear I will hunt you down in the void and kill you again!” 

Alistair says nothing with a sad expression on his face.

Tamlen looks over at me. “Tamlen please, if you can’t…I understand but she won’t let us help her,” I say gently.

A Neria charges forward for another attack and suddenly stops. Tamlen’s dagger is planted at her near her solar plexus, it’s a fatal blow. He catches her as she falls. 

“I wish we never found that cave, ma lath,” He says sorrowfully.

“I always loved you…so sorry, ma vhenan,” She says with her last breath.

Tamlen lets out a choked sob. I race over to him wrapping my arm around his shoulders. He leans into me and weeps as I wrap the other arm around him. Alistair and Adela look at me questioningly.

“Move the body away from here.” I instruct quickly and gently. “We will bury her with an oak staff and plant a tree over the grave. It is the Dalish way.”

They nod and collect Neria gently from the ground moving her away from the camp. Ox brings me supplies to take care of Tamlen’s arm. I stay with my friend as he pours out his heartache. I know this was like losing her all over again. Finally his tears subside and I clean and dress the wound on his arm.

“I’m sorry lethallan. I should have reacted sooner,” he says looking sheepish.

“Nonsense, its fine. I understand. I wanted to help her too,” I say brushing his hair away from his face. 

Leliana walks over and wordlessly hands me a bottle of wine, giving us a small, sad smile, before she walks away. I look at Tamlen. He nods taking the bottle from me, popping the cork and taking a deep drink before handing it to me.

“Well at least now I know what happened to her,” He says with a bit relief.

I know it’s stupid to ask but it slips out anyway. “Are you okay?” 

“No, but I will be.” He says firmly with tears still shining in his eyes. “If we can stop the blight we can prevent this from happening to others. Adela was right even if I didn’t want to admit it.”

I take a gulp from the bottle before handing it back to him. “I…I don’t want to be alone,” He says almost pleading.

“That’s fine,” I say giving him a small smile. “Just give me a minute and we can stay right here.” I walk over to my tent and grab some blankets. Stopping in the kitchen area I grab cheese and bread before heading back over to Tamlen. He helps me lay one thick blanket down to sit on as we curl up in the other. We sit silently drinking the wine and eating. Nothing needs to be said. He just needs the comfort of someone being with him. Weariness hits me and we lean against each other before pulling off our hard armor pieces and finally lie down. We face each other and he pulls me into his chest as if he’s afraid I will go away too. He rolls onto his back keeping most of my upper body on his chest and shoulder. I wrap my arm around his slim waist firmly so he realizes I’m not going anywhere. He sighs contently laying his other hand over my arm and falls asleep, exhausted from the emotional toll this has taken on him.


	57. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly helps Tamlen with Neria's funeral.

Dear Diary,  
I woke to hearing the others at the fire talking quietly. I try not to shift as to not wake Tamlen but he seems to wake anyway.  
“Elly,” he whispers.

I look up at him. He looks down at our closely intertwined bodies and blushes slightly. But my gaze is unabashed, that is the least of my worries right now. His eyes glisten with unshed tears and he swallows thickly. “It’s ok,” I whisper pulling him into tighter hug and stroking his hair.

“I guess…I thought she was….already gone,” He says his voice is raspy and sorrowful.

“I know, Mi’assan,” I console gently. He takes some time pulling himself together.

“Would you come with me to find a tree to plant?” He asks searching my face.

“Anything you need,” I respond instantly.

“I…should thank you. I know that usually humans burn their dead...I appreciate you thinking of our ways,” He says a bit shakily.

“Of course,” I say with a small smile. I really need to move as nature is screaming at me but I won’t move until he’s ready. However, Tamlen seems to be frozen in place. 

I let go my embrace and sit up. The action seems to startle him out of his reflection. He looks at me a bit sheepishly. Standing up I hold out my hand wordlessly. He takes it and I help him up.

“Let’s meet at the pond,” He says looking at the ground, “I need to wash up.”

“Yes, I would like to as well,” I say trying to decipher his expression. Walking back toward the tents I am stopped by Leliana. “I think I can help with the arrangements,” Leliana says slowly.

“Oh?” I ask curiously.

“When my mother died, Lady Cecilie had quite few elven servants and one of them taught me the song that they sing when someone passes,” She explains. “I thought it might be nice for Tamlen to hear it for his friend.”

“She was his heart, his love,” I correct lightly. “I do think your idea is good one. It might make Tamlen feel better.” 

“I wanted to do something,” Leliana says with a small smile, “He seems so lost right now.”

“Well, it was like losing her again,” I say quietly. She nods. “I will call you when we are ready.”

I walk to my tent and grab fresh clothes. I meet Tamlen as I am walking down to the pond. “You won’t mind if I don’t feel like practice today?” He asks looking at me. I nod understandingly. “I’d like to have plenty of time to find the right tree and I need to carve a staff to bury her with.” He explains.

I lay my hand on his arm stopping him. “Whatever you need to do, Falon, I am here for you.”

“Thank you,” He replies with a little relief.

“You know the others are here for you too,” I note lightly as we continue walking. 

“I know and I appreciate it,” He says with a small smile, “I’m learning more and more, that you and your friends aren’t like most of the Shems, I’m used to meeting.”

We quickly bathe and head out into the woods. Tamlen seems to be looking for a small yew sapling. He tells me it was Neria’s favorite. I assume he will be looking for larger tree to harvest the staff from. We find the tree for the staff first and Tamlen reverently thanks the tree before harvesting the wood. Nearby we find a proper size seedling and I help him dig it up being careful not to damage the delicate roots. He carries the staff and I carry the tree back to camp. He sets to work immediately on the staff and I wrap a wet cloth around the roots of the tree. 

Alistair, Cullen and Sten offer to do the digging. I give them a grateful nod as I grab something to eat. Taking some time to rest I briefly wonder about Wynne as she still has not come out of her tent. I ask Ox if he’s seen Wynne. He gives a strange look says he was letting her rest. I wish to question him further but I agreed to help Tamlen. I decide to let it go for the moment, until after we’ve had the funeral.

Tamlen tells me he’s ready and everyone heads over to where Alistair, Cullen and Sten have dug the hole and already placed Neria’s body. I note that Wynne is not in attendance and it makes wonder if she ill. Everyone is quiet as Tamlen places the beautifully carved staff in her hands. The reverent silence continues as we fill in the grave. I hand Tamlen the seedling we found. He looks at me. “I want you do this with me, Falon.” I nod and help him plant the seedling over the grave.   
Just as we stand and brush ourselves off Leliana begins to sing. Tamlen is trying to sing but I can tell his voice is thick. Strangely enough once again I feel moved and I know the words. I take his hand to give him support and sing along too. This action gets a few surprised looks but I ignore them and continue supporting Tamlen by singing the funeral song of the Dalish elves.

“hahren na melana sahlin  
emma ir abelas  
souver'inan isala hamin  
vhenan him dor'felas  
in uthenera na revas  
vir sulahn'nehn  
vir dirthera  
vir samahl la numin  
vir lath sa'vunin”

Everyone else disperses with the exception of Tamlen and me. I reach down and put a crystal grace flower I found next to the grave. He grabs my arm as I turn away. I was thinking he might need some time alone. 

“How did you know that song? How did Leliana know it?” He asks fiercely. 

I look at him confused at his reaction for a moment. “Leliana said that one of the elven servants she lived with taught it to her when her mother died. Did we do something wrong?”

His expression softens. “I’m sorry Falon. It wasn’t wrong, it was perfect, but I was not expecting it.”

I look up at him furrowing my brow. “I don’t know how I knew it though, Leliana didn’t teach me it.”

He looks at me curiously. “You mean Leliana didn’t teach it to you?” He asks puzzled as if to clarify.

I shake my head. “I just knew it and wanted to be supportive of you. I don’t even sing often after hearing Leli sing I feel like such an amateur. I just sit back and enjoy her singing.” 

He looks thoughtful for a moment. “Strange indeed, I wonder if your head injury might have something to do with it.”

“I don’t know,” I say slowly looking at him to make sure he is okay.

“I know you’re worried about me but you should check on Wynne.” He says perceptively. “I will be okay. The closure was helpful and better than me not knowing. Although I hated to have to…do what I did. I needed to even as a ghoul she made me a stronger person just as she did in life.”

“I’m heading back to camp to check on Wynne,” I say with a small smile. “I’m sure Ox wants to scold me about tumbling last night before he gave me permission to.”

The attempt at a jest makes Tamlen smile slightly. “I’ll be along in a bit.”

Translations:  
Mi’assan – my arrow  
Song translation  
elder your time is come  
now I am filled with sorrow  
weary eyes need resting  
heart has become grey and slow  
in waking sleep is freedom  
we sing, rejoice  
we tell the tale  
we laugh and cry  
we love one more day


	58. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly finds out what is wrong with Wynne.

Dear Diary,   
After the funeral I head back to camp intending to see about Wynne. Ox, Morrigan, Leliana and Alistair are having heated discussion at the fire I notice the others are keeping their distance and trying not to intrude.

“What’s going on?” I ask brightly forcing a charming smile onto my face. 

“Wynne is not well,” Alistair says hotly striding forward. “And they,” he jerks his thumb over his shoulder at the other three, “won’t tell me what’s going on or why?”  
I look over at Morrigan she has her lips set in a thin line. Ox is just shaking his head and Leliana looks compassionately at Alistair, but she seems firm in her silence.

“Ok, if I ask would you be willing to tell me?” I ask looking skeptically at the 3 of them. 

“Alone, we promised Wynne,” Leliana explains.

“Alistair, go spar with Sten or Zevran, anybody,” I command. 

He looks at me sharply for minute. “I’ll get this figured out,” I add gently. His face softens and he nods walking quickly away. We head over to Morrigan’s more private tent area. I notice that Leli has grabbed 2 bottles of wine. Andraste’s ass this must be bad.

“I’m sorry. We didn’t tell you before Elly. But with Tamlen’s grief we didn’t want to intrude,” Leliana apologizes. Ox nods in agreement and even Morrigan’s harsh face is slightly softened.

“So what is going on with Wynne?” I ask furrowing my brow as I accept the open wine bottle.

“Elly, this isn’t going to be easy to hear,” Ox says cautiously. “But you know how your strength and coordination came back …almost like magic?”  
I nod and patiently wait for him to speak again after taking a swallow of the bottle. “The spirit of Faith, the one that saved Wynne’s life wanted to help you too.” Ox explains.

“What do you mean help me?” I ask curiously.

“The spirit gave part of it’s strength, itself, to help you,” Morrigan says softly her face is uncharacteristically compassionate.

“That sacrifice has made Wynne temporarily weak, she has been unconscious since after the fight last night.” Leliana finishes.

“Twas a good thing you were able to save her,” Morrigan says pragmatically.

I’m stunned. “She did what!? When did she!? Why!?”

“I wasn’t sure at first,” Ox says slowly, “after I checked you out and the fight last night. When I saw her condition I pieced together what happened.”

“Then Ox came to me,” Morrigan offers, “I watched over him as he went into the fade to see what happened.”

“It was there, I spoke to the Wynne, as she slept and she told me what she had done,” Ox explains, “ as she was unable to be awakened it was the only way.”  
“The three of us have been making sure that Wynne is comfortable and gets some nourishment,” Leliana expounds further. “I was going to bring it to you to us last night but Tamlen needed you and we could handle it.”

“OK that answers what,” I say incredulously. “But why?”

“The spirit seems to agree with Wynne that you are the person to finish this with the archdemon,” Ox says with a small smile. “It wanted to help it gave you a piece of itself, which Wynne agreed to do as well. In doing so it speeded your recovery but in giving a piece of itself, it also gave you knowledge that seems to be of the elvhen.”

“When?” I ask softly. 

“She came to you as slept and did the spell,” Leliana confirms, “Shale mentioned seeing Wynne enter your tent after you were asleep.”

Wynne did make tea for me again when she returned. I wonder if she dosed it as I would normally wake up. “It can’t be undone to make Wynne better?” I ask.

Ox and Morrigan shake their heads. “Elly, you’ve been given a gift,” Leliana chides, “It would be rude to return such an honor.”

I sigh and take another drink. “I know I’m just worried about Wynne. Believe me I am grateful.”

“So what will happen to Wynne now?” I ask curiously.

“The spirit will need to gain some strength it’s hard for them to change things in the physical world,” Ox explains, “Wynne may be unconscious for some time. We will just need to wait.” 

“Will she recover?” I ask, “Will she be herself?”

“She will recover as she did after she fell,” Morrigan answers, “but as for her being schoolmarm self, I hope not.” She grins wickedly.

I give her a wry smirk shaking my head. “We need to inform the others of this and let them know we won’t be leaving this camp until Wynne is well enough to travel.” I decide.

Ox holds up his hand. “I agree with you telling the others but her healing could take weeks.”

“Well then, the archdemon better hold the blight until we get there,” I retort.

Morrigan gives me hard look as Leliana smirks. “We will take it one day at a time,” I concede, “If it seems to be going on too long, we will make a main camp here and I’ll take the others to Haven.”

“Come,” Leliana says standing up, “We should tell the others.”

“Yes,” I say rising to my feet. I take another long gulp of the wine. “I expect Alistair and Cullen are not going to happy about this turn of events.”

We head back and gather the others around the main camp. We explain the events that created my quick recovery and the effect it had on Wynne. Most of our companions take it in stride, considering the amount of strange things we have happen to us I’m not surprised. However Alistair and Cullen are upset. Leliana pulls Alistair aside to talk to him. Cullen stalks off to the pond.

I grab another bottle of wine and head toward the pond to speak with Cullen. He’s pacing back and forth when I find him. “How could she?” He rants, “She made herself and you abominations! You were both at the tower when Uldred and his blood mages were turned into those creatures.”  
“Cullen you knew Wynne was a spirit healer, is it so surprising that spirit of faith would save her?” I point out gently. “She was able to protect the children and many innocents at the circle.”

“But what is she,” He says striding over to me, “What are you?” He grabs my arms hard enough to leave bruises.

I look up at him unflinching. “I’m still Elly and she is still Wynne,” I state firmly. If you think for one minute she hasn't spent time questioning it herself you are dead wrong!"

“But what if the spirit wishes to change that?” He sneers.

“Not all mages are like Uldred and not all spirits are demons!” I retort. “You should realize that by now. Quite frankly if you don’t that’s your problem!”

“Well let’s see if you become an abomination to protect yourself.” He says pushing me back roughly as he grabs his sword.

“I won’t fight you Cullen,” I state firmly looking at him.

“Then you will die,” He says coldly.

“Elly!” I hear Zevran call from behind me. 

I hold up my hand hopefully halting him. “I’m fine Zev. Cullen just needs to work this out.”

“So you are basically telling me that if I fight you I’m an abomination,” I clarify looking at Cullen. He nods and steps toward me.

“And if I don’t fight you,” I continue, “You will kill me anyway.” He nods again. 

“How in void does that prove anything?” I ask incredulously.

“She has a point,” Zevran adds from a few feet away.

“Maker, you’re right. I’m not thinking sensibly,” Cullen sighs dropping the sword. “I am still paranoid about what happened at the tower.”

“I can understand and I knew you would be upset. That is why came to talk with you,” I say offering a small smile. “I knew that you didn’t know about Wynne condition and it would be shock.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Cullen admits wryly, “Maker’s breathe, I’m an ass.”

I can’t help but to snicker. “Sometimes, but we all love you anyway Cullen,” I tease.

My teasing draws a slight chuckle from him. “I suppose I need to apologize to Ox and Morrigan. I’m sure they heard my ranting clear to Denerim.”

“Ox will accept your apology but Morrigan will need a bit more than that,” Zevran says craftily, as he walks up to stand beside me.

Cullen looks a Zev curiously. “When you apologize, give her this. She likes fine baubles.” Zevran explains as he tosses Cullen a gold chain.

“Thanks,” Cullen says looking at Zevran. Turning his gaze toward me he says, “Elly I’m truly sorry for being such bronto’s ass.”

I snicker lightly. “It’s ok Cullen, apology accepted, but I think you’ve been hanging out with Oghren and Leske too much.”

Cullen departs to make his apologies leaving Zev and I at the pond. “Elly, are you okay?” Zevran asks grabbing the dropped bottle of wine.

“Yea, things got a little tense there,” I admit, “but I’m okay.”

I sit down on the ground as he opens the bottle. He sits and takes a long draught before handing me the bottle. “Would you have really let him hurt you?” Zevran asks worried. “You aren’t even armed.”

I snicker lightly. “You think I’m unarmed?” I sit up pulling two daggers from my tunic, two more from my boots and another from the sheath along my thigh under my leather skirt, seeing this Zevran chuckles.

“Besides I would have first dodged him,” I explain, “I can tumble again you know. I have sparred before with him. He’s stronger but I’m faster.”

Zevran shakes his head. “I was afraid that I wouldn’t get to you before you got hurt.”

“Well thankfully, it didn’t come to that,” I say breathing a sigh of relief as I raise the bottle to my lips.

“I expect when Wynne finds out she will give him a good scolding,” He says amused. “I would like to be around to hear it.”

“I’m sure she will,” I agree leaning into his shoulder.


	59. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wynne finally wakes up...

Dear Diary,   
Tamlen seems to better. I’ve been spending some extra time with him and he seems to appreciate it although not much is said we just seem to enjoy the silence together. We have been practicing Vir Tanadhal every morning since. Then I usually go swimming with Zevran and do some sort of sparring practice in the afternoon. Soris and I have been making a point to spend time with Tamlen in the evening as it seems he starts thinking a lot then.   
Almost everyone has been taking time to sit with Wynne… It’s been a week now but she’s still unconscious. It makes me wonder how much energy the spirit had to expend to help me. I’m grateful but worried I wouldn’t want my recovery to be at the expense of Wynne’s existence. The thought of this terrifies me as my mother had sacrificed herself for my getaway. Rory did as well and he was lucky it didn’t cost his life. Why is my life worth more than any other?   
I’m interrupted in my musing by Leliana. “Go, I will sit with her for a while,” she says giving me grin. “I had planned on reading to her,” she explains holding up the book she’s carrying.

“Well Zev and Sten want to try doing the toss that didn’t…work so well in the cave,” I admit.

Leliana snickers. “Be sure you are in an open area…no trees.” 

I stifle a chuckle shaking my head as I walk away. Heading to my tent I grab my practice gear and head over the sparring area. Sten and Zev have been practicing already.

“Any change?” Zevran asks curiously.

I shake my head. “Leliana said she wanted to read to her. Something racy probably,” I tease lightly.

Zevran grins for a moment. “And she didn’t invite me,” he says mock pouting.

“More likely she’s filling Wynne’s head with songs about vegetables,” Sten deadpans.

I snort trying to stifle a snicker. Zevran looks at Sten with amazement. “Did our large, rather taciturn friend make a joke?” He asks grinning.

“Pasharra, we are here to practice,” Sten says firmly but the corners of his mouth are ever so slightly upturned.

I do some stretches and easy tumbling to warm up. Zevran and Sten seem to watching with interest. I feel almost that they are looking for any sign of me being weak or making a mistake. I shake it off and continue until I am satisfied with my warm-up. 

“Kadan, are you ready?” Sten asks concerned.

“I don’t seen any low ceilings or branches,” I tease, “I’m fine Sten, really.”

“Maybe I should throw first,” Zevran says uneasily.

“Perhaps your right,” Sten concurs.

“Excuse me, I’m right here,” I remind them.

“Pasharra!” Sten says scolding me.

“Seriously you two are worse than Wynne ever was,” I point out. “Fine, come on Zev.”

Zevran flashes Sten a quick conspiring look. I roll my eyes at the both of them.

“Ready Elly,” Zevran asks as he laces his hands together to make me a foothold.

“Yes,” I reply.

He throws me up and out. I flip easily landing on my feet.

“Again!” Sten commands. We do it a few more times and Sten seems satisfied.

“I’m ready,” Sten says firmly.

I walk over to Sten and reach up to touch his chin so he looks down at me. “It’s okay, Kadan. It will be fine. I am alright.” I reassure him.

Sten gives me small smile as laces his hands together. He looks at me as I step into his hand and he hoists me up. I nod and he throws. I definitely go higher than Zevran has ever thrown me but I do the flip and land on my feet gracefully. I feel like I am one with the moves.

A wide grin spreads over Sten’s usually passive features. “Again!” He says firmly. We practice the move a few more times with Zevran waiting to be my opponent as I land. Sten excuses himself to sit with the sickly mage as he puts it. Zevran and I continue to spar. We seem to be almost too evenly matched. 

“Why don’t we put some stakes on the sparring match?” He asks as he’s looking for an opening.

“What do you have in mind?” I ask curiously dropping into a defensive posture.

“Whoever gets the first 3 hits must do a task of the other’s choosing,” He says roguishly.

I know better than to bet with Zevran unless I know the terms of the agreement. “So what task would you have of me?” I ask grinning wickedly.

“I would like to learn this Vir Tanadhal, that you have been practicing with Tamlen, I think it may enhance my skills.” He says with a note of curiousity.

“That is a reasonable request,” I reply slightly astonished, but then I remember that Zevran had told me his mother was Dalish. I would have taught him just because he wanted to learn but if this how he wishes to ask, I can go along with it.

“What are your terms?” He asks curiously.

I think for a moment tilting my head to look up at him. “I would like to hear a story about you.”

“Nothing tawdry, not even a stolen kiss,” He says teasing with a smirk. “I agree with the terms.”

We spar with everything we have looking for weakness in the other. I make a hit then he makes a hit. We are being patient but at the same time eager to find a crack to exploit. We keep at for some time and I note that Zevran is getting tired. He makes a mistake and I get another hit. “Come one Zev, you can’t get tired now,” I tease, “I thought you had better stamina than that.”

My jest seems to invigorate him again. “I’m not quite done yet,” he huffs back.

As he catches my arm before I can move it. We are 2 and 2 now. It just got real. I realize that I love his stories and I really wish to hear more. I feint left and as he goes to defend I roll right and catch him as I come out of the roll before I completely rise to my feet. He looks at me a bit astonished. 

“Well played, dear warden,” He says grinning at me. “Story time will commence after a bath.” 

I look at him and then at myself. He has dirt streaks on his face and arms. I am sweaty and coated in with dirt in where my skin had contact with ground. “I think that’s a great idea,” I say grinning. “I’ll bring wine.” 

I walk to my tent and grab clean clothes and bathing items. As I head down to the pond, Zevran meets me and walk together.

“You know Zev if you really wish to learn Vir Tanadhal, you can join Tamlen and I we practice daily.” I offer.

“So I win too,” he teases. “Do you think Tamlen would mind?” he asks more seriously.

“I don’t see why not?” I say brightly. And then I stop walking to face him. “Why do you think he wouldn’t teach you?”

“A couple of reasons actually,” Zevran explains, “First I am a city elf and I don’t know much of Dalish ways. Secondly it just seemed to be special time for you and Tamlen.”

“Well to answer your first reason, You have been working with Tamlen with daggers so I don’t see why he wouldn’t teach you. And you are half Dalish,He told me his clan took in many city elves and taught them Dalish ways.” I explain.

“Secondly, I’m not sure what you mean by special time,” I say curiously, “But Vir Tanadhal is has a meditative quality we both enjoy.”

Zevran looks at me funny for moment. I can’t read the expression on his face because I have never seen it before. “I will join you in the morning then,” He says shifting his face into grin.

Once we have taken short swim and bath, we dress in clean clothes and open the wine. He takes a sip and hands me a bottle. “I only have one story left worth telling,” He says a bit uncomfortably.

“If it’s too painful don’t worry about it,” I say looking at him as he shifts is legs restlessly.

“No, I suppose it is time,” He decides. “You have been a good friend to me, after all. There is no reason to be silent.”

He takes another sip before continuing. “There is a reason I accepted this mission in Ferelden far away from home. And it had nothing to do with any thought that I might leave the crows. Meeting you, after all, was quite the accident. My last mission before this one…did not end well.”

“What happened?” I ask taking another sip of wine.

“The mission itself was quite successful…it just did not end well for me,” He explains, “You must realize until that day I was cocky and arrogant. I was the best crow in Antiva. I believed. And I bragged of my conquests often, both as an assassin and a lover.”

“You mean you were more cocky and arrogant?” I tease lightly.

He chuckles at my jest. “Indeed, I was often told I was in sufferable, right before I ended up in bed with someone. Such is how it was.” 

He sighs taking a drink. “One of the crow masters grew tired of my boasting. My bid for an incredibly difficult mark was accepted, much to my surprise, a wealthy merchant with many guards and completely silent. Taliesen agreed to be part of my team as did an elven lass named Rinna. She was…a marvel. Tough, smooth, wicked, eyes that gleamed like justice, everything I thought I desired.” He stops to take another drink and hands me the bottle.

“Rinna was special. I had closed off my heart, I thought.” He continues, “But she touched something within me…it frightened me. When Taliesen revealed to me that Rinna had accepted a bribe from the merchant and told him of our plan, I readily agreed that she needed to pay the price and allowed Taliesen to kill her.”

I hand him back the bottle. He takes it gratefully and drinks. “Rinna begged me not to. On her knees, with tears in her eyes she told me that she loved me and had not betrayed us. I laughed in her face and said that even if it were true I didn’t care.”

“But that wasn’t true, was it.” I state quietly.

“I convinced myself that it was,” he replies, “Taliesen cut her throat and I watched her bleed as she stared up at me. I spat on her for betraying the crows. When Taliesen and I finally assassinated the merchant, we found the true source of his information. Rinna had not betrayed us, after all.”

“I’m so sorry, Zev,” I say sadly, knowing that no words can ever comfort the tragedy that occurred.

“I…wanted to tell the crows what we had done, our mistake.” He says emotionlessly. “Taliesen convinced me not. He said it would be a foolish waste. So we reported that Rinna had died in the attempt.WE needn’t have bothered,” Zevran says angrily as he takes a sip from the bottle. “The crows knew what we had done. The master, who disliked me, told me so to my face. He said the crows knew and they didn’t care. And one day my turn would come.”

“So you felt guilty?” I ask gently.

“I felt empty. I felt as if I was nothing.” He explains, “I felt as if she had been nothing. You once asked why I wanted to leave the crows. In truth, what I wanted was to die. What better way than to throw myself at one of the fabled grey wardens? And then…this happened and here…I am.”

“Do you still want to die?” I inquire in almost a whisper. I am almost afraid of his answer.

“No, what I want is to begin again,” He says firmly. “Whatever it is I sought by leaving the Antiva, I think I found it. I owe you a great deal.”

“You don’t owe me anything Zev, I’m just glad to have you with me.” I say honestly, leaning my head into his shoulder.

“And I am happy to be had,” He says smiling. He puts an arm around me pulling me in to lean on him more.

“And for the record,” I add, “You are something. Everyone is something. Even Howe.”

“What is Arl Howe?” Zev asks curiously.

“An asshole,” I answer promptly.

He chuckles.

“But in all seriousness. You are worth something. I hope your realize that. You are not expendable to me.” I say smiling. “I’m glad you don’t want to die anymore.” I lean up giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you, Elly.” he says gratefully, “it was good to talk about this. And thanks… for not judging and just accepting.”

I nod taking a drink and handing him the bottle. He takes a sip giving me a long look. “I guess I did win after all,” he jests lightly.

“How so?” I say curiously turning my head to look up at him.

“I still got a kiss,” he chuckles. I snort amused shaking my head.

I hear running coming toward us. “Elly! Zevran! Wynne’s awake!” Leliana calls out.


	60. Conscious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wynne admits to tricking Elly and explains her one regret....

Dear Diary,  
I race into the main camp toward Wynne’s tent. Opening the flap she immediately focuses on me and her face brightens. Ox looks over at me. “I’ll leave you two to talk,” He says knowingly.

“Wynne,” I say slightly chiding her, “You worried me.”

“I’m sorry,” she says with a weak smile, “I would have told you our plans but I was afraid you would refuse.”

“Probably an accurate conclusion,” I reply. “In fact I asked if it could be undone, but Ox and Morrigan said it couldn’t.” Looking at me, her smile widens.  
“Why would you endanger yourself and little time you have left Wynne?” I ask curiously. “For all any of us know a darkspawn could end me tomorrow and the others will have to go on without me.”

“I’m an old woman, Elly,” she says practically, “my time is short anyway. I wanted to ensure that our leader would be able to see this through. You need to see this through to end. It is because of your decisions that we have the force we do. It is because of your determination that we will beat the archdemon.”  
I open my mouth to protest but I am interrupted by Wynne.

“You have caught the arch demon’s attention. The attack in camp showed as much. I suspected for some time. Your dreams are worse than the others.” She continues, “The arch demon has chosen you not the other wardens as its nemesis. This means that you are a threat to it.”

“I’m not the only warden here,” I retort lightly. “And it’s not only the archdemon after wardens …Loghain’s bounty hunters are as well.”

“That is why we wanted to give you every advantage,” Wynne explains, “The spirit of Faith agrees with me and has faith in you as well. That is why we helped you heal faster. To be completely honest your recovery might have taken months. You were right to tell the others to go on. But you know that they would refuse.” 

“How much did it weaken the spirit?” I ask softly. I am afraid of the answer.

“It did weaken the spirit but nothing has really changed because I will have warning to let you know.” She says referring to her fall before. 

I nod understanding. “You realize there is no way I can thank you for this. I just wish the cost wasn’t so high.”

“I will not lie in a bed, coverlets up to my chin, waiting for death to claim me. That is not the death for me,” She claims firmly. “I will fight with the grey warden and help her prepare for the task that is yet before her.”

“But Wynne the price is so high for the gift you gave me?” I protest.

“It is, so you better listen to me, because I swear, if I should fall before the end and you don’t seem to be doing things properly, I’ll get up again to give you a good finger-wagging,” she threatens somewhat playfully.

I snicker lightly. “I’ll hold you to that promise.”

“You know I think you will be alright without my help,” she says happily settling back into her pillows.

“Is there anything you regret?” I ask wondering if there is anything that needs to set right for my friend.

“I try not to dwell too much on the mistakes of my past, of which there are many. I would go quite mad if I did that.” She says simply. “But I do have one regret…the greatest misstep of my life, made even more grave because it had dire consequences for someone else.”

“Tell me,” I cajole gently, “it might make you feel better.”

Wynne sighs. “Years ago I was assigned as mentor to a lad, Aneirin. He was my first apprentice. Aneirin was an elf, raised in one of those elven alienages and was very mistrustful of humans, especially humans in authority.”

“I can see how this could be trouble,” I admit.

“What Aneirin needed was time.” She says sorrowfully, “Time to get used to his new home, time to emerge from his shell so we could build a rapport. I gave him no such time. I was young and arrogant. “He is a mage” I thought. He needs to grow up and act like one. I expected too much from him too quickly. I gave no consideration to his origin or his feelings and he retreated further from me. All I could think of was how stubborn he was, how he was throwing away all his talent and his potential, just to be difficult.”

“And what did he think of you?” I ask curiously.

Wynne chuckles lightly. “Oh, I dread to think. I was harsh taskmistress. He might have thought I was a demon in disguise. You cannot plant crops in cold wintry ground, you cannot teach a student who is closed-off and unresponsive. Patience is needed and I learned that too late to help him. I wish I had been more aware…stopped for a moment to put myself in his shoes.”

“What happened to Aneirin?” I query.

“Aneirin ran away from the circle, one night. I had berated him over some trivial ridiculous matter I no longer remember. I drove him away because of something utterly unimportant,” She explains sadly. “He was a child, fourteen at the time of his leaving. They had his phylactery and they hunted him down.”

“Why didn’t they bring him back to tower then?” I ask curiously.

“They declared him a “maleficar” a mage who practices forbidden magic and deserving of death. He was child misunderstood and lost,” Wynne says. “I begged the templars to tell me if he suffered, if they gave him a quick death. I got no answers from them. I was his mentor and they wouldn’t tell me what became of him.”

“That was cruel of them,” I note distastefully.

“I should have known better. I had the best mentors, they were kind and compassionate…Why didn’t I learn from them? I failed Aneirin. All I had to do was listen to him. He would try to talk to me, and I would tell him to concentrate on his spells. He talked about the alienage sometimes…and the Dalish. He always talked about looking for the Dalish elves.”

“Maybe he did find the Dalish,” I say hopefully.

Wynne sighs sadly. “The templars are well-trained and thorough. That he still lives…it would be a vain hope. The apprentices that came after Aneirin benefitted greatly from lessons I learned from him. In a sense he was my teacher and I was his student.”

“See there is a bright side,” I say with a small smile.

Wynne gives me a small smile in return. “And there it is. My story, my one greatest regret.”

“I’m sorry, Wynne,” I say comfortingly reaching over to lay my hand on her arm.

“What’s done is done,” she says with a small tight smile, “But it does feel good to speak of it. I think I need to rest now.”


	61. Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and crew get to haven .....

Dear Diary,  
Haven is a mess…Cultists, revered fathers; they might as well be Tevinter. We had to kill almost everyone in the town because they attacked us. We did manage to find Brother Genitivi alive. I can’t say the same for the Redcliffe Knights that came after him. We left Genitivi with Ox, Wynne, and few of the others. Wynne is able to travel now but not fight. She insisted on seeing at least the some of the temple herself.  
After working our way through the harrowing maze of underground tunnels we managed to take care of the rest of cultists (I hope). We have decided to camp at the last larger cave area tonight as dusk was setting when we emerged from the tunnels. We also see a high dragon near the entrance which prompts us to wait but it seems to take no interest in us. We will enter the temple proper in the morning.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We head to the temple this morning and are totally ignored by the dragon (the cultists’ Andraste). Almost immediately are stopped by the guardian. I brought Alistair, Zevran, Leliana, Morrigan, Sten and Tamlen with me. We all stare at the glowing blue man wondering what comes next. This guardian doesn’t seem to wish to fight but he greets us?

“I bid you welcome, pilgrim.” He says.

“Who are you?” I ask curiously.

“I am the guardian, the protector of the Urn of Sacred Ashes.” He answers. “I have waited years for this.”

“For me?” I ask puzzled.

“You are the first to arrive in a very long time.” He explains, “It has been my duty, my life, to protect the urn and prepare the way for the faithful who have come to revere Andraste. For years beyond counting I have been here and shall I remain until my task is done and the imperium has crumbled into the sea.”

“The imperium is no longer as powerful as it once was,” I inform him.

“Ah…is it not? Then perhaps this is the beginning of the end,” He says with relief.

“Who are the men who have taken the rest of the temple?” Alistair asks curiously.

“When my brethren and I carried Andraste from Tevinter to this sanctuary, we vowed to forever revere her memory, and guard her here.” the guardian explains. “I have watched generations of my brethren take up the mantle of their fathers. For centuries they did this, unwavering, joyful, in their appointed task. But now they have lost their way. They have forgotten Andraste, and their promise.”

“I would like to see the urn.” I say getting to the point.

“You have come to honor Andraste and you shall. If you prove yourself worthy,” the guardian answers.

“But what if I’m not worthy?” I ask curiously.

“Then you will not come to the ashes,” He says simply. “It is not my place to decide your worthiness. The gauntlet does that. If you are found worthy, you will see the Urn and be allowed to take a small pinch of ashes for yourself. If not…”

“Alright,” Morrigan says losing patience, “let’s get this over with. Magic permeates this place. I expect there will be traps and tests.”

“Before you go,” the guardian interjects, “there is something I must ask. I see the path that brought you here has not been easy. There is suffering in your past…your suffering and the suffering of others. You abandoned your father and mother, leaving them at the hands of Rendon Howe, knowing he would show no mercy. Do you think you failed your parents?”

“No, they made me go,” I say firmly, “I had to survive to tell Fergus we were betrayed.”

“Then you do not dwell on past mistakes, neither yours nor someone else’s,” the guardian replies.

“What’s past is past,” Leliana says, “Why bring it up and open old wounds?”

“It’s easy for other to judge what you’ve done, in hindsight but it doesn’t make it any better,” Alistair says comfortingly. “You are too hard on yourself no one is   
perfect.”

“And what of those that follow you,” the guardian asks, “Alistair, knight and warden…you wonder if things would have been different if you were with Duncan on   
the battlefield. You could have shielded him from the killing blow. You wonder, don’t you, if you should have died, and not him?”

“I…” Alistair begins, “yes. If Duncan had been saved, and not me, everything would be better. If I’d just had the chance…maybe…”

“And you,” the guardian continues looking at Leliana, “Why do you say the Maker speaks to you, when you know the Maker has left? He only spoke to Andraste. Do you believe yourself her equal?”

“I never said that,” Leliana retorts hotly, “I…”

“In Orlais, you were someone. In Lothering you feared you lose yourself, become a drab sister and disappear,” the guardian interrupts. “When your brothers and sisters of the cloister criticized you for what you professed, you were hurt but you also reveled in it. It made you special. You enjoyed the attention, even if it was negative.”

“Your saying I made it up,” Leliana asks incredulously, “For…the attention. I did not! I know what I believe!”

Sten looks at the Guardian. “Demand whatever answers you want spirit.”

“You came to land as an observer, but you killed a family in a blind rage,” the Guardian says simply, “Have you failed your people, allowing the Qunari to be seen in that light?”

“I have never denied that I failed,” Sten says firmly.

“And the antivan elf,” the guardian continues.

“Oh, is it my turn now?” Zevran asks facetiously, “Hurrah. I’m so excited.”

“Many have died at your hand. But is there any you regret more than a woman by the name of…” The Guardian begins to ask.  
“How do you know about her? How do you know about that?” Zevran asks heatedly.

“I know much,” he explains, “It is allowed to me. However the question stands. Do you regret…”

“Yes,” Zevran says loudly cutting him off, “The answer is yes, if you wish to know. I do. Now move on.”

The guardian looks at Tamlen. Oh Maker!

“Tamlen,” The guardian starts, “Neria was one of your clan…a blood sister…your love. You left her in the ruins to her fate. Then when she appeared you killed her. Tell me Tamlen, did you fail Neria?”

“No, she was amazing and deserved more than that but she chose,” Tamlen says firmly much to my surprise. I reach over and touch his arm giving him a supportive glance.

“And you, Morrigan, Flemeth’s daughter…what…” he starts to ask.

“Begone spirit I will not play your games,” Morrigan commands.

“I will respect your wishes,” the guardian replies. “The way is open you can enter.”

The first room we enter after leaving the Guardian is has ghostly visages of people. They don’t attack but stand there as if waiting. Walking up to the first one I am posed with a question.

“Echoes from a shadow realm, whispers of things yet to come. Thoughts strange sister dwells in night, is swept away by dawning light. Of what do I speak?” the visage says.

“Riddles it is then,” Morrigan notes lightly. 

“Dreams,” I say suddenly and everyone looks at me.

The visage speaks again “A dream came upon me, as my daughter slumbered beneath my heart. It told of her life, and her betrayal and death. I am sorrow and regret. I am a mother weeping bitter tears for daughter she could not save.” She disappears and a line of light makes it way to door on the other side.

“Perhaps if we answer all the riddles we can get through the door,” Tamlen says smiling.

So we work to answer the questions most are riddles Rory and I used to tell each other as children. I never dreamed (excuse the pun) that they would useful in such a way. Other riddles were almost scholarly in their intent and Leliana documents everything as this gave such insight into the past.  
Once the door is opened I look into the hallway and am shocked to see “father!” It’s not real I know he died but still all the same it is a shock. Tamlen reaches over and touches my arm. I give him a small firm smile and walk up to ghost.

As I approach he turns. “My dearest child, ” he says.

“Father?” I question.

“You know I am gone, my girl” He says, “and all your prayers and wishes will not bring me back. No more must you grieve, my pup. Take the pain and guilt, acknowledge it and let go. It is time. You have such a long road ahead of you and you must be prepared. And so I leave this in your hands…” He pauses to hand me an amulet, “I know you will do great things with it.” He disappears.

I walk to sit down on stone bench because I am afraid my knees will buckle from under me. Leliana seeing my distress sits immediately. “How unnerving!” she says hotly, “I’m so sorry Elly.” 

I say nothing. I’m just too overwhelmed.

Zevran sits on the other side of me. Saying nothing while Alistair and Morrigan begin arguing about what they saw (was it a spirit to help or unfriendly apparition to bring pain). Tamlen is standing beside Leliana looking at me concerned.

“Mara! You are acting like elvhen'alas!” Tamlen shouts at the two arguing.

The others quiet. 

“By the dread wolf, give her a moment,” Tamlen adds calmly.

Zevran puts an arm over my shoulders. “Are you ok Elly?” He asks his eyes showing compassion.

I take a deep breath. “Yes, it was strange but what I needed oddly enough.”

“Thank you,” I say directing toward Leliana. I give Leliana a quick hug and she gets up walking over to Alistair. I reach over and grab Tamlen’s hand giving it a squeeze. “Thanks for shutting them up. You called them dirt elves,” I snicker gleefully.

As I lean into Zevran’s embrace, he chuckles. “So that’s what he said I was wondering.” 

“Thank you as well Zev,” I say looking up at him appreciatively.

“Anytime you need me Elly, I am yours,” He says a bit flirtatiously. I blush lightly at his innuendo.

I stand extracting myself from Zevran. “Shall we move on?”

The next room seems to have doppelgangers of ourselves we must fight to move on. Once the dopplegangers are gone, I can’t help but to restate Leliana’s earlier sentiment. “Now that, was unnerving!”

Everyone chuckles except Sten but I did see the corners of his mouth twitch slightly.

The following room seems to hold a puzzle where we have move around stepping on tiles to get on person across. Working together we quickly pass this test.  
As we enter what seems to be the final room, there is an altar with wall of fire behind it. Looking over the fire I can see the Urn.

“By the maker…it’s…it’s the Urn of Sacred Ashes,” Alistair says in awe. “That’s it…That’s really it!” He adds excitedly.

“Powerful magic indeed,” Morrigan says lightly trying to hide her astonishment.

“I…I don’t know what to say,” Leliana stutters.

“It…it is real,” Zevran says amazed.

“Congratulations, you found you found your pot of holy dirt,” Sten says wryly.

“and people believe this will heal Arl Eamon?” Tamlen says doubtfully.

“I guess we will find out,” I say hopefully walking towards the altar. It is little more than dusty stone I can barely make out an inscription. “Cast off the trappings of worldly life and cloak yourself in the goodness of spirit. King and slave, lord and beggar, be born anew in the Maker’s sight.” I read out loud.

“Seems we must go through the fire naked,” Zevran says mouth twitching with mirth.

“Do you think it will be safe?” Alistair asks.

“Well we can try it carefully I suppose,” Leliana says with wicked grin.

We all give each other some space, as we strip down. Well this is a bit embarrassing. I try not to look at anyone. “Everyone ready?” I ask walking toward the wall of fire. I walk through and am not damaged. The fire feels no warmer than the air in the room. The others follow in suit.  
I feel like we are not alone and turning back toward the door I see the guardian standing there.

“You have been through the trials of the gauntlet,” He says almost happily, “You have walked the path of Andraste, and like her, you have been cleansed. You have proven yourself worthy, pilgrim. Approach the Sacred Ashes.”

I walk to the Urn the others follow. “I didn’t think anyone could succeed in finding Andraste’s final resting place…but here… here she is,” Alistair says awestruck.

“I stand in awe…really,” Morrigan says only slightly sarcastically. 

“I never would have dreamed…I would lay my eyes on the Urn of Sacred ashes,” Leliana breathes, “I…I…I..I have no words to express.”

“Congratulations you found a waste-bin,” Sten says dryly.

“Nice vase, I should get one for my house,” Zevran says dryly.

“Will the ashes even work?” Tamlen asks uncertainly.

“I don’t know,” I say as I open the Urn, “but we might as well try.” I take pinch of the ashes and drop them into a pouch.  
We head back down the stairs and the fire is gone after getting dressed and looting the contents of the room we head to the door on the side facing which takes us back out to where we started. Some strange magic there....


	62. The Dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet with the false andraste.

Dear Diary,  
I had a sneaking suspicion that when we exited the temple we might have to deal with the dragon. The damn gargantuan lizard roared when it saw us. We give each other a panicky glance as none of us really want to have to fight the creature. I have Kolgrim’s horn and am wondering if it will calm the dragon down. 

“Should I try the horn?” I ask quickly as the dragon takes flight.

“Seem as though it would be just as likely to attack us either way,” Tamlen says stoically.

“What harm could it do?” Zevran asks worriedly.

“Couldn’t hurt to try before things get worse,” Leliana adds.

“I thought you wardens would find fighting dragon instead of darkspawn, more…exciting,” Sten says with feral grin I’ve never seen before.

I don’t have time to question it now, so I grab the horn and blow it. It echoes it’s low but loud tones through the canyon, reverberating several times off the canyon walls. The dragon lands in front of us and roars; its breath is a mix of brimstone and carrion. I’m hard pressed to keep my stomach in check. It rears up in the same gesture I saw the other smaller dragons we fought earlier, I know this means it’s going to spew fire at us. 

“Move!” I yell. Everyone scatters to dodge the blast. We end up surrounding the dragon and trying to take a leg out at a time. By doing this we have the dragon confused. It’s trying to shake all of us at the same time. 

“Looks like you could use some help here!” I hear a voice shout over the fighting. I look over to see Adela, OX, Leske and Cullen racing toward us. 

“OH you just didn’t want to miss this!” I retort teasingly.

“Sten!” I call out to get his attention as the others add their attacks to ours. Catching his gaze I jerk my head toward the top of the dragon. He grins wickedly as he races over to me.

“Are you sure, Kadan?” He asks quizzically.

“Yes, we must do it while the dragon is preoccupied,” I reply quickly readying myself.

He throws me up the dragons back and I make the climb to its head. It’s treacherous, due to the way the creature is moving to avoid the attacks from below, but it pays little mind to me. Until I get to its head that is, it tries to shake me off. I hang on for dear life. Ox and Morrigan freeze both front legs at the same time and this gives me the moment I need. Wrapping my legs around its neck, I drive both daggers into eyes of the creature; it roars one last time and then falls. Getting my feet under me somehow I manage enough of a jump to flip twice in the air and land gracefully on my feet. Turning around I see the dragon has dropped dead.

“I would prefer to never do that again,” Alistair huffs.

“Umm…Don’t think we have much choice there Al, the archdemon is a dragon after all,” I tease lightly.

“Well, we got practice then,” Adela’s says grinning.

“Ataashi,” Sten says with wonder.

After looting the dragon for some coveted dragon scales. I turn to the others. “Let’s get back to camp,” I say with grin. I am ready to leave cult town. 

Once back at the camp we made outside of Haven. Ox and Wynne look after Brother Genitivi’s wounds. Adela offers that if we head to the town we had stopped at before we can get passage for Genitivi back to Denerim. We have to head to Redcliffe, speedily to help the Arl. So we agree to have Sten, Adela, Leske and Morrigan take Genitivi to the town while the rest of us head to Redcliffe Castle. We will remain in Redcliff until the others meet up with us. 

As everyone scatters for the night Sten looks over at me. “Kadan,” He says nodding to the outskirts of camp. I nod and walk with him away from those left at the fire.

“Ataashi, that’s what we call them, “The glorious ones,” he says with a bit reverence.

“You honor dragons?” I ask curiously.

“Well we consider them…sacred…No, that is not the correct word…Well perhaps it is,” He says confused. I look at him puzzled. “Ah there are no words that work in this language!” He says with frustration.

I wait patiently to give him a moment to collect his thoughts.

“We hold dragons sacred but we also know that dragons are chaotic savage creatures. It is good we killed that one today,” Sten explains. “We don’t revere them like your kind does the Maker and Andraste, but we respect them and even feel a kinship with them.”

“Kinship?” I ask curiously. 

“I and Ox are the only Qunari you have ever seen, most of the others have horns,” He elaborates. “So, there are physical similarities amongst dragons and most of my kind. Some of the Qunari believe that the Tamassrans cultivated dragon blood into our breeding lines.”

“I had wondered why Ox has horns and you don’t,” I say puzzled.

“It is said that those without horns are special. Because it is rare, much like your red hair,” He says reaching out with finger to lightly wrap a curl around it. “I do not know yet what that will mean as I am soldier and part of the body of Qun.”

“I’m sure one day you will find out,” I say smiling at him.

“I agree, Kadan. I will meet you at Redcliffe.” He says ending the conversation as he turns back toward the camp.

I walk back to campfire to find Adela, Tamlen, Zevran and Leske, dipping into the wine stores. “Come join us Elly,” Adela offers with grin. “We did take down a high dragon today after all.” I accept the wine with smile and sit. Adela excitingly recounts my actions teasing me, “You just had to show off today didn’t you?”

“I would have preferred to leave the creature alone but it probably would have started feeding on any farm animals in the area,” I say pragmatically.

“I imagine it took a lot of animals to feed all those dragonlings and drakes,” Zevran says thoughtfully. 

Leske nods. We sit drinking and chatting for a bit longer. Adela gets drunker and drunker till finally Leske walks her back to his tent and heads to his.

“Adela’s going to be feeling that tomorrow,” I tease as they leave, “Sten will not be amused by a hung over cranky dwarf.”

Zevran and Tamlen both chuckle. 

“Accurate observation, I think,” Tamlen says with wicked grin. I am amazed at how he has adapted to being with a bunch a humans. He fits right in with the rest of this crazy group. I realize thoughtfully. “On that note I think I will head to bed as well,” Tamlen says standing up.

I notice that Zevran has been pretty quiet tonight.

“Everything alright, Zev?” I ask curiously looking over at him with a small smile.

He sighs giving me a wry grin. “I’m fine, Elly.”

“You’ve been pretty quiet this evening,” I observe lightly.

“Just thinking,” he says a bit defensively.

My mouth overrides my common sense to let it go. “Care to share?” I quip softly.

“No… I...uh…mean no offense, I simply…no,” He says withdrawing.

“As you wish, my apologies for intruding,” I reply with sigh.

“You do not need to apologize. Just…do not ask. I don’t wish to speak of it now.” He says in a kinder tone.

“Well I suppose I should head to bed as well,” I say standing up pressing the wine into his hands. “Good night Zev.”

“Good night Elly,” Zev says with a curt nod.

If it didn’t know any better I would have said his voice sounded wistful as he said goodnight. But if he had wanted to talk he would have.


	63. Arl Eamon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and crew finally get back to redcliff castle with sacred ashes, conscripting Jowan.

Dear Diary,  
We make it back to Redcliffe castle quickly. I don’t know for certain if the ashes will help the Arl but as we walk into the main hall Teagan rushes over to us.  
“Did you find the ashes?” He asks worriedly.

“Yes, what is the Arl’s condition?” I question him.

“Unfortunately unchanged, we have tried more healing magic. We are only able to keep him alive. Jowan is an incredible healer …it’s hard to imagine him as a blood mage and he has been searching for an antidote to the poison. He’s had little success, as it was given to him. He knew nothing about it, except that it was poison,” Teagan explains as he takes my arm and ushers me to the family quarters upstairs. 

“I’m not exactly sure what we are supposed to do with the ashes,” I admit.

“I do,” Ox says with a grin. “If you don’t mind me helping,” he adds when he sees the look of disgust on Isolde’s face.

I look over at Wynne and she shakes her head. I don’t feel as if Wynne couldn’t handle the task. It’s more like she wants Isolde to grow up a bit. “Well, if Isolde wishes to send a messenger to the mages tower and wait for someone to come; I guess that’s her decision,” I offer quietly.

Isolde has the sense to look ashamed. “I do apologize, Ser Ox. Forgive my stupid ingrained prejudices. I am…unused to being in such mixed company.”

“It’s alright, my lady,” Ox says smoothly. “I wasn’t raised in Par Vollen I was raised in Ferelden. I will do the ritual and everything I can to save the Arl.”

“Oh, thank you!” Isolde squeals hugging the large man. To say we are surprised is a bit of an understatement. Ox reaches over and pats Isolde on the back awkwardly.

Ox ushers the rest of us out of the room save for Wynne and Isolde as he says he will need their assistance. Everyone seems have found something to do. The most have headed to the sparring practice area or library. Leliana went to visit the chantry. Teagan offers me a drink while we wait in the study. As we get settled in the study, Teagan opens a bottle of wine and pours our cups.

“Do you think it will work?” he asks curiously looking at me.

“I don’t know anything for certain,” I admit. “However we found it and for a relic we weren’t even sure existed…that in itself is something. If one myth can be true why can’t the other?”

“Excellent point,” Teagan says with a smile. “How did you find it?” 

“We went to Denerim to locate Brother Genitivi and found him gone,” I start explaining. I tell him about the cult and that we found Brother Genitivi alive in Haven. I explain the gauntlet without going into too much detail about my father and the trials we faced. 

“So you mean you all had to walk through fire naked?!!” He laughs heartily.

I snicker. “Just so, you better be sure to tell your brother, the lengths we went to bring back those ashes,” I tease. “Not to mention the high dragon outside the temple that tried to fry us on the way out.”

“So how was Denerim? I’ve been hearing there is some ruckus about the Alienage.” Teagan asks.

I feel myself start at his question as the image of the assault runs through my head. “There is something going on. The Alienage is closed. They are saying there is a plague.” I say as calmly as I can.

“And what else?” Teagan presses not buying my calm demeanor.

“It’s fine, Teagan, Denerim was fine.” I say forcing a grin to my face. “I got new armor from Wade and did some shopping at the Wonders of Thedas.”

“You’re not fooling me, Elly,” Teagan says lightly belying his concern. 

“Fine,” I huff, “there was an incident at the Gnawed Noble Inn. I was assaulted in my bath by a drunken idiot who thought I was whore. Now can we discuss more pleasant things?”

“He didn’t…” Teagan asks leaving the unspoken question in the air.

“No, Thanks to Soris and Sergeant Kylon,” I answer shortly. I know this is big deal for nobility but sometimes I feel Teagan forgets that being warden, my title is forfeit. “Besides I’m not noble anymore so it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t matter if you are noble or not Elly,” Teagan hotly retorts. “What matters, is that you’re alright.”

“I’m working through it…” I say lamely, feeling like chided child. I shouldn’t have assumed. I drain my glass and Teagan immediately refills it. 

“Have you met Soris? He could tell you more what is going at the Alienage than I can,” I say changing the subject.

“I’ve not yet had the pleasure of meeting the young man. He seems like the good sort,” Teagan says thoughtfully allowing me drop the previous conversation.

There is a tap at the door. “Come in,” Teagan calls out. 

“The Arl is awake,” the servant girl says breathlessly as she pokes her head in the door.

Teagan and I both race up to the family quarters. Eamon is on his bed and his eyes are open. “Teagan, what are you doing here?” He asks.

“Brother, I have much to tell you and some of it will not be easy to hear,” Teagan says calmly.

“Tell me all of it then,” Eamon says soberly.

Isolde takes her leave with Conner leaving the three of us.

After explaining all the events of Ostagar and Redcliffe, the Eamon is pacing back and forth in anger. “This is most troubling,” he says sadly his pacing belying his ire. “There is much to be done it is true. But I should first be thankful to those who have done so much. Lady Cousland, you have not only saved my life but kept my family safe as well. I am in your debt. Would you permit me to offer a reward for your service?”

“I need your help against the blight. I think that will do,” I say smiling. The Arl stops pacing and just regards me intensely.

“I understand, but regardless of your motivations. I feel you are worthy of a reward. I would like to honor your efforts nothing more,” He adds graciously.

“As you wish,” I agree nodding my head.

“Then allow me to declare you and those with you Champions of Redcliff. You will always be a welcome guest within these halls.” He says ceremoniously.  
“On a more personal note, I knew your parents. Bryce and Eleanor were my friends. You have grown up strong and do what is right just as they did. I will check on Highever for you. Bann Gilmore was good choice to oversee the Teyrnir until Fergus is found. You did them proud and I’m proud of you as well.” He says smiling kindly.

“Well, I didn’t attack Isolde this time,” I tease lightly.

The Arl chuckles. “Yes, you had just finished a history lesson about the Orlesian war, if I recall correctly.”

“We should speak of Loghain, brother,” Teagan offers soberly, “There is no telling what he will do once he learns of your recovery.” 

“Loghain instigates a civil war even though the darkspawn are on our very doorstep. Long I have known him. He is a sensible man; one who never desired power.” Eamon says curiously.

“I was there when he announced he was taking control of the throne, Eamon,” Teagan says with a disgusted look on his face, “He was mad with ambition, I tell you.” 

“Mad indeed!” Eamon says angrily, “Mad enough to kill Cailan, to attempt to kill myself and destroy my lands.”

Eamon looks at me. “Whatever happened to him, Loghain must be stopped. What’s more we can scarce afford to fight this war, to its bitter end.”

“What do you propose then?” I ask curiously. “I mean you can unite the nobility against him.”

“I could unite those opposing Loghain, yes,” Eamon explains, “But not all oppose him. He has some powerful allies.”

“Including Arl Howe,” I spit out like poison.

Teagan reaches over touching my arm. Eamon nods compassionately.

“We have no time to wage a war against him. Someone must surrender if we have any chance of fighting the darkspawn. We need to save our men for the blight.” Eamon says softly.

“Loghain must capitulate then,” I say evenly.

“Yes, I will spread word of Loghain’s treachery, against the King and me. But it will be claim made without proof.” Eamon says.

“That will give Loghain’s allies pause, hopefully,” I say smiling.

“But we must combine it with a challenge even Loghain cannot ignore,” Eamon says wisely, “we need someone with a stronger claim to the throne than Loghain’s daughter, the queen.”

“You mean to put forth Alistair,” I say sighing.

“Perhaps we should go get him, and let him weigh in on it,” Teagan says with a mischievous grin as he goes to the door and calls the servant girl to bring Alistair.

Alistair enters the room, his joy, at seeing Eamon alive and well is apparent on his face. “Arl Eamon,” He breathes, “I’m so happy to see you whole again. I’m sorry I refused to see you…and then you were sick. ”

Eamon smiles. “Take a breath, boy. It’s good to see you too. Although, you aren’t exactly a boy any longer.” He reaches over to grasp Alistair’s shoulder.  
Stepping back he looks at Alistair. “I shouldn’t have sent you away. I shouldn’t have let Isolde get to me. I’m sorry.”

“And I should have let you see me, given you a chance to explain,” Alistair says sadly.

“Well, now that everyone has apologized perhaps we could speak to Alistair about the subject at hand?” I offer grinning. Teagan gives me roguish smirk in reply.

“Alistair, I would like put you forth for the throne,” Eamon says kindly, “I would not propose such a thing if we had an alternative but the unthinkable has occurred. Calian is dead and has no heir.”

“I know,” Alistair says glumly, “It’s not what I would want. But after speaking to Elly and Teagan, I knew that it was a possibility.”

“Teagan and I have claim through marriage,” Eamon explains.

“However, if you either of you put yourselves forward, you would be seen as opportunists, no better than Loghain. My claim would be by blood.” Alistair finishes for him. Eamon raises his eyebrows turning to look at me.

“Yes, I have been grooming him,” I say with a wicked grin. “We realized that this was a possibility for quite some time. We wouldn’t want him eaten alive by the nobility in court.”

“Insightful,” Eamon says looking at me slightly astonished.

“How do you feel about this Alistair?” Eamon asks gently much to my surprise.

“It’s not what I would have chosen,” Alistair says slowly, “and there will complications, due to my being a grey warden. But if it will reunite Ferelden against the darkspawn, I’ll do it.”

“I see only one way to proceed,” Eamon says smiling, “I will call for a Landsmeet. This will call all the nobility to Denerim and then Ferelden can decide who shall rule, one way or the other.” Eamon sighs and looks at me. “Then the business of fighting our true foe can begin. What say you to that, Lady Cousland? I do not wish to proceed without your blessing.”

“Please, Arl Eamon, it’s just Elly now.” I say with small smile, “I agree to your plan but we need to have all our armies ready after the Landsmeet regardless who wins. The blight must be stopped. We have to take the treaties to Dalish elves yet.”

“Then we will call the Landsmeet after you have collected your allies,” Eamon replies. “However there is matter of the mage, my son’s tutor. He still lives I understand.”

“He does. He is in the dungeon, brother,” Teagan replies, “I wasn’t sure what to do with him. He did face the demon that Connor made the agreement with and he did help keep you alive until Elly returned with the sacred ashes.”

“It seems he was told by Loghain that you were a threat to Ferelden and that things would be made right with the circle, if he poisoned you,” I add.

“Have him brought here to me. I wish to see him,” Eamon says.

Teagan nods and leaves the room to get Jowan. I know I want to recruit Jowan as he doesn’t seem like the bad sort. He just made some terrible decisions and he did try his best to atone. 

Once Jowan has joined us Eamon speaks. “Jowan, what you have done is not in question. You tried to assassinate me and set into motion a series of events that nearly destroyed everything I cherish. What do have to say in your own defense?”

“Nothing my lord. Except that I am sorry. I expect no mercy for what I have done,” Jowan says hanging his head.

“I see. Warden, do you have anything to say in Jowan’s behalf?” Eamon asks. As the injured party, I’m sure you can understand that my ability to see the merciful part is strained.”

“He confronted a demon in the fade to save Connor’s life and helped to keep you alive until I returned. I agree Jowan has made some terrible errors in judgement but I do think his intentions are good.” I say slowly thinking about how I want to do this. “Perhaps he will do better with wardens. I think it would be waste to kill him or have him rot in a prison.”

“You wish to conscript him?” Eamon asks lightly his tone belying his surprise.

I ignore Alistair’s gasp of surprise.

“Some of my best friends were assassins hired to kill me,” I reply with a grin.

“If you choose to conscript him, his fate is out of my hands,” Eamon says thoughtfully.

“Jowan, you are hereby conscripted into the wardens,” I state looking firmly at him. “You will dedicate your life to fighting the darkspawn.”

“Thank you, my lady. Thank you, my lord. I will not let you or the wardens down,” Jowan says a bit reverently. Teagan has a guard lead him back to the prison.

“I do hope you will stay and rest a few days,” Eamon says smiling, “I would like to spend some time with Alistair.”

“I think that can be arranged,” I say. “A bed would be a welcome change to sleeping on a bedroll.”


	64. Rest & Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leliana has a chat with Elly and pulls a sneaky prank ....

Dear Diary,  
We had been enjoying a well-deserved time of rest and relaxation while waiting for the others to rejoin us. Things feel a bit off after my last chat with Zevran. I notice he seems to be avoiding me somewhat preferring to stay in the company of Soris and Leske. I try not to let this bother me too much as he was the one who said he didn’t wish to speak about whatever is bothering him. 

However as everyone disperses after breakfast this morning, Leliana intercepts me. “I was thinking a walk around Redcliffe would be nice today,” she says in way of an offer.

I shrug my shoulders. “Why not?” I can miss sparring practice for a day and the strange tension coming from Zevran is getting to be distracting.

We leave the castle and walk around the surrounding village. The weather is delightful for once and we can really take in the beauty of the waterfalls and the windmills that dot the land here. “What do you know of this place?” I ask curiously.

“Next to nothing, perhaps the name comes from the red rock under the waterfalls or perhaps this place was forgotten in lore,” Leliana says with a small smile.

“So what is on your mind Leli?” I ask lightly.

“What is going on between you and our Zev?” she queries bluntly.

“Nothing,” I reply giving her a puzzled look. “We had a strange talk the other night obviously something was on his mind but he said he didn’t want to talk about it. It’s seems he’s been avoiding me a bit since. I couldn’t tell you.”

“You know he cares about you,” Leli says sighing.

“I care about him too…I care about all of you,” I reply still confused.

“No…I mean…Maker, give me the words…”she berates herself. “I’m a bard dammit and I can’t find the right words.” She takes a deep breath as I look at her quizzically.“He is a character your Zevran, no?” She continues.

“Zevran is not mine by any stretch of imagination,” I reply.

“He owes you his life. That alone makes him beholden to you,” she says cunningly, “He seems to seek pleasure above all things but there is more to him, isn’t there? He is more complex than he lets on.”

“Yes, that’s true,” I admit. “Have you been watching him?”

“Yes…No! Not in that way, anyway,” she says quickly, “I feel it is in my interest to study those I travel with. And Zevran deserved special scrutiny, seeing as he tried to kill you. But it seems you trust him, judging from your closeness. I trust your judgement. You haven’t led us astray yet.”

“So what’s your point, Leli?” I ask curiously. “Zev and I are friends.”

“For one of the smartest people I know, you can be so oblivious sometimes,” she huffs stopping to turn toward me.

“Has it occurred to you that Zevran has been trying to court you?” She asks. “In his own strange way of course because he doesn’t know how to properly court someone he cares about.”

“You think that is what this is all about?” I ask incredulously.

“He’s an Antivan crow, what he knows about real romance and feelings could fit into a thimble. He’s spent his entire life avoiding his feelings because he was raised to be an assassin.” She explains. “He’s struggling with real feelings and it scares him.”

“And what am I supposed to do?” I question looking at her slightly stunned.

“I think you need to think about whether you like him too,” she says knowingly. “He thinks you won’t take him seriously because of his perpetual flirting…it is just his nature you know.”

To say I am astonished would be an understatement. I’m not sure how to proceed or what to think even. I hadn’t considered this possibility. “I…I don’t know…” I say lamely.

“Oh come on Elly,” Leliana chides lightly, “Do you like Zevran or not?”

“I suppose…I do,” I admit trying to keep a blush from rising to my cheeks.

“Well, we must figure out how to get past his fear then,” she decides.

“Leli,” I reproach. “It will work out if it is supposed to. You don’t need to go and play matchmaker.” I can see where she is going with this as she grins manically.  
“Fine! Spoilsport!” She huffs looking over at me as I give her a firm look.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day the others rejoin us and we agree to leave for the Dalish in 2 days. This will let the others rest as well. Tamlen has told us to go to the Brecilian Forest as this is a place the Dalish are known to camp. After our meeting to decide the best route to get there I head to my room. I find a note waiting for me from Zevran stating, he wishes to talk. He asks to meet at the waterfall. I’m tired but curious so I strap my daggers on and leave the castle.

As I approach the waterfall I see Zevran lurking in the shadows. Upon recognizing me he calls out “good you are here, why all the dark shiftiness?”

“Me?” I say curiously as I walk up to stand next to him. “I got a message from you.”

Immediately I know what happened. “Leliana…” I say through gritted teeth.

“Leliana? Why would she?” Zevran says confused for a moment and then realization hits him. 

“That would explain the food and drink that was here before I arrived,” He says gesturing to a carefully packed basket. I nod trying not to blush at the embarrassment of the situation. This is so humiliating. Zevran decides to examine the contents of the basket. “Wine, cheese, a blanket, fruit, and a note,” Zevran says pulling the items out as he investigates.

“What does the note say?” I ask curious despite my ire and obvious mortification.

“Elly and Zevran, I know you will most likely be angry but I couldn’t help myself,” Zevran reads, “I have but one request. Sit and enjoy the contents of the basket with each other. You can hand out your retribution later. Love, Leli.”

I stifle a wry snicker. “Well I guess we can “enjoy the contents of the basket” and decide what our “retribution” will be,” I tease lightly, thankful my embarrassment at the situation is receding.

Zevran shrugs. “I don’t see why not …be a shame to let the basket go to waste.” He opens the wine and pours it as I set out the blanket and the place the food.

Sitting down cross legged on the blanket, I bite into a piece of cheese thinking hard for a moment. “I’m thinking that a frog in her bed might be good start,” I tease thinking of retribution.

“If you really want to send her screaming, go earwigs they freak out everyone,” He says grinning wickedly as he sits beside me.

“Nice, they have gross pinchy little butts,” I say giggling.

Zevran hands me a glass of wine which I accept gratefully and immediately take a sip. “However, I don’t think our bardish friend lured us both down here to plot revenge,” He says thoughtfully.

I tense looking at him. “I suppose not,” I admit dropping my gaze.

“Obviously, she had the same talk with you as she tried to have with me,” Zev adds.

I nod saying nothing as I feel my throat constrict and my mouth go dry. My heart is pounding. I take a gulp of the wine, draining the glass. Zevran says nothing taking the empty glass and refilling it with wine. I take another large sip. This is getting awkward quick.“You said you didn’t want to talk about it,” I manage to whisper.

Zevran smiles. “I am willing to now if you wish to hear it,” He offers.

I take a deep breath. “Ok, let’s start with something a bit simple. Why have you been avoiding me?”

“I’ve been acting like child, I realize, let me try to explain,” He says taking a sip of wine. “An assassin must learn to forget about sentiment. It is dangerous. You take your pleasures where you can when life is good. To expect anything more would be reckless. I had thought the same between us when we first met ….and yet.”

I peer at him through the darkness with a small smirk for the fact that he thought to bed me so easily and then think about the “and yet.” Furrowing my brow I ask curiously, “Are you saying you’re in love with me?” 

“I don’t know. How do you know such a thing?” he asks alarmed.

He stops speaking, confused. I reach over to touch his arm offering acceptance and urging him to continue. “I grew up amongst those who sold the illusion of love and then I was trained to make my heart cold in favor of the kill.” He continues, “Everything I have been taught says what I am feeling is wrong. Yet I cannot help it. Since meeting you and traveling with you I have been nothing but confused. Do you understand me at all?”

“I am no wiser than you in this area,” I say honestly. 

“All I need to know is if there is a chance of something between us…some possibility of…I do not know what.” He finishes quietly.The poor man has laid himself bare and I can do no less.

“I am quite fond of you Zev and I haven’t cared about anyone in such a way since… Darrien …and I think I would like to see where this goes,” I admit blushing. 

Zevran looks up at with surprise. I don’t think he was expecting that answer. A happy smile envelops his handsome features. “I promise I will not press you to do anything you aren’t ready for Elly,” He says as he reaches for the bottle to top off our glasses. “I’m sorry for acting so strangely. I think I will be better now, much better.”

“Good,” I say with a grin. I lean over to kiss him on cheek. “You really thought you could bed me that easily,” I tease lightly.

“When we first met I did,” He says cockily which makes me stifle a snort.

“And now?” I ask curiously. 

“Now, I know better,” He smirks.


	65. The First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I first wrote this as way for Thedas to celebrate St. Patrick's Day as a oneshot but later integrated it into this story. The First day Annum: First Day: The beginning of the year, this holiday traditionally involves many visits to one's neighbors and family (this was once to "check" to make sure everyone was alive at least once a year in remote parts) and a town gathering to commemorate the year past (often accompanied by much drinking and merriment).

Dear Diary,  
We have left Redcliffe and are making our way to the Brecilian Forest. I’ve just woken and head out of my tent for some tea. I notice Leliana is almost giddily happy this morning. I look at her with questioning expression on my face. I notice that no one seems to be packing up for us to move on. 

“Don’t tell me you forgot what today is,” she gasps in horror.

I raise my hands and eyebrows in the renown I don’t know gesture.

“Today is the first day!” She gasps, “We need to celebrate.”

I think back and she is correct it is the first day of the New Year. How could I have forgotten? “Lel,” I try to reason, “how are we going to celebrate we are in the middle of nowhere.”

“You just let me take care of that,” she says brightly, “I stocked up at the last village, I also had Bodhan grab some extra supplies for this.”

“Do you want me to help?” I ask hopefully. I noticed the others have already split not wanting to be roped in except for Alistair and Adela, who is grinning manically. Wynne has her nose in the chapter of Hard in Hightown by Varric Tethras. The rest of the guys are sparring already, Morrigan is over at her fire, and Shale is watching Sten spar (I really do think she has a crush on him).

She thinks for a moment and then gets a cunning look in her eye, “No Elly, I think I have enough help go relax,” she says grabbing a bottle of wine from her pack and pushing it into my arms.

“It’s not even lunchtime yet,” I protest.

“It’s sunset somewhere,” she teases waving me off. 

I go to my tent. Grab my money pouch and set off to see Bodhan. I also grab my knitting needles and some beautifully soft wool yarn dyed a deliciously bright purple from deathroot. I should have enough time to knit a simple scarf. I buy trinkets for the other companions and set off to the lake to knit in peace. I’ve just opened the wine and started casting on the scarf when Zev walks up carrying some clothes and his bathing items. I think he has more potions and oils than I do.

“Mind if I bathe,” He looks at me wickedly.

“Do as you wish, I’ve enough to keep me busy,” I tease. 

He chuckles, and crouches down to see what I’m doing. “Bella, I’m speechless,” He says feigning surprise, “I wouldn’t have taken you for a knitter.”

I shake my head smiling never taking my gaze off my work, “It’s better than needlepoint, I didn’t have the patience for that fiddly stuff.”

“So, Dear Warden,” He says in his lovely accent drawing out the dear in the way I like, “What are you knitting?”

I stop and look over at him smiling, “Leliana is working so hard to throw a celebration today, I wanted to give her a special gift and the color suits her don’t you think?”

He smiles appreciatively. “A thoughtful gesture … I hope I don’t distract you too much from your project,” He teases, “Would be a pity to drop a stitch.”

“Oh I don’t know,” I reply looking up and smirking while knitting the next row; “I think can make sure you don’t drown yourself and keep my place.”

Zev snickers at my comment and retorts with, “If I decide to drown today, it is comforting to know I will be saved by most beauteous goddess.”

I shake my head as I chuckle. He walks away to strip down to his lustrous cotton pants and set up his bathing supplies on a rock before jumping in the water. I have to admit the view is ...ahem quite nice. Zevran has been quite the gentleman since our chat and has been true to his word. Although we are a couple, we have been taking things slowly considering the incident in Denerim. He is quite considerate and told me he didn’t want to do anything that would trigger a fear reaction in me. The open simple lace pattern I chose is coming along beautifully. I check the length and the amount of yarn I have left and take a swig of the wine. There will be enough yarn

“You really should join me Elly;” Zev calls teasingly, “The water is delightful.”

I take another sip of wine looking up from the knitting, “It’s quite ok Zev, you just enjoy and I’ll take in the view,” I tease.

“As you wish, Elly,” He calls smirking.

A few minutes later, he climbs out of the water and starts his long process of skin care within the protection of some trees. I admit to trying to steal a few glances at him, every now and then trying to be as innocent as I possibly can. By the time he emerges partially dressed as he has decided to leave his tunic off. That is a bit distracting. I am about to the halfway point with the scarf. Zevran collects his bathing items and comes to sit next to me. He smells of allspice, patchouli, and sandalwood with a touch of tangerine. The combination is quite intoxicating and comforting. It is just what I have come to associate with Zevran. I take another swig of wine.

“Can I see?” He asks gesturing to the scarf. I nod finishing the row I’m working on and hand him the scarf.

“It’s so soft,” he says with wonder, “How did you find wool so soft?” 

“My mother had some special sheep,” I reply quickly, not wanting to think about my deceased mother at the moment.

“And the pattern is perfect,” He ways with astonishment.

He hands the scarf back to me and get right back to knitting it. “May I?” He asks looking at the wine.

“Of course,” I reply grinning, as I know damn well, he wanted the wine from the moment I opened it.

He looks at the much smaller ball of yarn worriedly, “Are sure it will be enough?”

“It will,” I smile knowingly.

He watches me knit for some time and we sit in companionable silence. “You know knitting would be great dexterity exercise for the fingers,” He notes lightly.  
I grin at him stopping for a moment to take another sip of wine and hand the bottle to him.

“Are you asking to learn, Zev?” I ask innocently looking back down at the knitting and continuing on.

“I might be,” He says indifferently.

I stop again setting the knitting in my lap and give him an intense gaze, “if you wish to learn, I would gladly teach you Zev, and if you wish it will be our secret. My mother couldn’t knit, it was my father who taught me, the sheep were hers but she got them for my father.”

Zev looks astonished at this revelation. “Well not today,” he finally says, “but definitely another day, I would like to learn. For now I will be happy to watch you.”  
He moves a bit closer to watch a bit more intensely. I concentrate on the knitting as he is a bit of a delightful diversion. After a few more rows I stop again to check the length of the scarf. It’s almost done I note looking at the length and the ball of yarn. I look at Zev and he wordlessly hands me the bottle and I drink.  
“Something about watching you knit,” he says dreamily, “is mesmerizing.”

“Oh, How so?” I ask curiously finishing the next row.

“Your fingers are so graceful, they just dance,” He tries to explain, “It is riveting, and they know exactly what to do. How your index finger just barely touches the tip of the needle after you wrap the yarn around it. You nimbly pull the loops through another loop. It’s almost bewitching.”

I blush slightly at his words and proximity. My heart is pounding in my chest and I briefly chide myself to pull it together. Checking my yarn I decide it’s time to cast off. I decide to take another swig of wine before I start the last row and finding my voice I say softly, “that was…an interesting way of putting it.”

Zevran smiles and watches in silence as I finish the last row. I pull in the end to hide it and hold it up inspecting my work. I wrap it around my neck to make sure it is long enough and it is perfect. I take it off and start folding it. Zev takes my hands before I finish folding. “I wish to see it,” He says, “May I?”

I nod wordlessly at him as he takes it and holds the scarf up to the late afternoon light watching how the light plays with the lace pattern. “Beautiful, just like you,” He says softly, as he delicately folds the scarf setting it on my bag of trinkets.

I blush again and look down again, “so I’m beautiful am I?” I murmur still looking at the ground. Lately situations like this have me a bit flustered. I'm guessing it's because we are officially a couple now.

“I say it because it’s true, aside from your physical beauty which is something to behold,” he says thoughtfully, “ the fact that you would create a gift for someone, says a lot about you, you aren’t just giving Leliana your knitting, you’re giving her your time and love, and that is beautiful as well.”

“Well she is trying so hard to create this party for us I wanted to let her know it was appreciated.” I note smiling.

“She will know,” he says firmly, taking his hand and tilting my head up, he gently kisses me. I am stunned for a moment and do nothing. His lips are warm and tender and the kiss is a chaste one, almost tentative. I can feel the desire within him raging as he restrains himself. I feel a hunger within myself for something…a bit more. I respond a bit gingerly and he pulls back to look at me as if asking if this was agreeable. 

Without a second thought I reach over pull his face toward mine tilting his head so I can gently bite his sensually shaped bottom lip. He gives a small gasp of surprise at this and returns the gentle bite then laves my lip with his tongue. He pulls back for a moment (which really feels like an eternity) as I wait breathlessly for him continue. 

He captures my lips again with more purpose this time, gently asking for more. I reply to his unspoken question with a quick caress of his top lip. He slides his arms around my waist pulling me flush to him. Feeling his lithe muscular frame so tight against my own, my knees go weak and I immediately melt as waves of heat wash through me as he gently explores my mouth. My hands of their own violation map out the planes of his back making their way up to his still damp hair and gently caress the sensitive tips of his ears. 

He pulls back with an almost ferocious look on his face and takes possession of my mouth once again in an almost bruising kiss that I return with equal passion. Wrapping my arms around his neck, He drops to my neck lightly kissing, biting and tasting until he gets to my ear.

“I have wanted to do that for some time, Bella” he whispers. I shudder into him unable to say or do anything.

“Elly, Zev come on we are ready to party!!!!” Leliana calls out.

I blush guiltily, stepping back as Zev chuckles at the sudden interruption. “We will be there in a minute,” Zev calls out. He reaches over kisses me briefly again and turns to get his things. I grab the scarf carefully putting it on top the trinkets and we head back to camp.

Once back at camp I stop by my tent to wrap the scarf in parchment paper and place it back in the bag. I head back out. Leliana has gone all out she decorated the camp with hanging ribbon like paper in spring colors and she must have managed to get our mages to put veilfire lights around the camp. She obviously borrowed some tables from Bodhan to set out what I could only call a feast. She went all out on liquor as well with one table dedicated to many bottles of wine and jugs of ale. As I walk over to set my bag down by a stump as Adela calls out, “hey it’s time to eat!!!”

We line up buffet style and help ourselves to the amazing spread it must have taken Leliana, Adela, and Alistair some time (I assume that they watched Alistair closely when it came to cooking). I fill my plate and get some wine and have a seat. As I eat I listen to the good natured banter from the others. I think Leliana might have threatened to shiv anyone who started arguing, the thought makes me smile.

Leliana notes my musing and teases, “You were at the lake all day, Elly.”

I blush slightly and set my now empty plate down. “Well someone did thrust a bottle of wine at me and tell me to go relax,” I grin cheekily.

I realize that most of the group has finished eating so I grab the bag and start handing out my first day gifts. 

For Alistair a carved stone warrior, He smiles as I hand it to him, but protests, “I didn’t get anything for you Elly.”

“No need,” I say smiling brightly, “you obviously did a lot to help today, and give the rest of us a great meal and decorations.”

Shale was gifted gold nugget; she holds it up to her face to inspect it and says “shiny!”

For Sten I found a nice portrait, as I know he is partial to art. “My thanks, Kadan,” is his response.

Adela is quintessentially Orlesian I realized quickly she loves decadent Orlesian toiletries. She squeals with delight as I hand her an ornate looking bottle of Orlesian perfume.

Ox was presented blank book of fine parchment and a pen with matching inkwell. He smiles, “Thank you, Elly.”

I had noticed Tamlen’s bow string was looking a bit worn so a new string with string wax is what I place in his hand; he looks a bit surprised and gently hugs me, “Thank you, Falon.”

Leske receives a new dagger. He grins and flips it in his hand, “Much appreciated, Warden.”

For Wynne, I found a copy of Varric Tethras’ latest book Sword and Shields; she looks at the book and at me, “very thoughtful,” she says smiling.

Soris receives a stationary to stay in contact with his family. He looks at me a bit surprised. I knew that Leliana was teaching calligraphy. “Thanks Elly!”

Oghren gets some of ale I found in Wilhelm’s Cellar, he looks at it and bellows, “this is a fine gift!”I giggle happily at him.

I also found another book by Varric Tethras for Rory, it’s actually lesser known book called Darktown's Deal, a treaty of the complex situation between Orzammar, the surface dwarves and the Carta. He likes politics so I hoped he would like it. He smiles when I hand it to him, and looks it over quickly, looking back at me, he says, “You know me well, thanks Elly.”

Morrigan gets a silver chain necklace she immediately puts on, “I…thank you,” she says simply.

I give Zev an engraved gold bar, I had collected in my travels; He turns it over in his hands examining it. “I will treasure it,” He says softly.

I had a hard time finding something for Cullen as he has about everything he needs and doesn’t have any hobbies or collections I know of. So decided on new polishing clothes and a whetstone for his sword, He grins as I hand him the items, “this is just perfect.”

For Jowan I found a book of necromancer magic, he seems to have an affinity for. “Thank you, Elly” He says with a break in his voice as he gently takes the tome from my hands.

Finally I come to Leliana; I pull the wrapped scarf out of the bag and hand the package to her. She sets it in her lap and proceeds to carefully unfold the paper around it. Pulling out the scarf she holds it up to the light and gushes, “Maker’s Breathe, Elly, you spent all day making this didn’t you?”

“She did,” Zev confirms grinning. I nod at her smiling. 

“It’s gorgeous and the color amazing,” she raves wrapping it around her neck, “and so soft …where did you find wool this soft?”

“My mother’s flock,” I say quickly.

It seems she understands immediately. “I will cherish this gift, thank you” she says solemnly. With the gift giving done, I walk back to the drink table and pour another glass of wine. 

“I think it’s high time for some music and dancing,” Leliana calls out with a mischievous look on her face as she grabs her lute.She starts with a lively song that had Adela dancing immediately. Adela grabs Leske who is protesting because he doesn’t know how to dance. Alistair is trying to cajole Wynne away from her new book to dance and finally she concedes and dances with Alistair. I sip my wine smiling at the scene. Even Sten is tapping his feet. The mood is infectious.

Rory has come to stand by me, and he bows, “Will you dance with me Elly?” he asks offering his hand with a slight proper bow.

I grin at my friend. “I’d be delighted Rory, might as well put those dancing lessons, mother insisted on, to good use,” I answer taking his offered hand.

Truth be told, I love dancing its movements can be like a used in fighting as well, depending on the style of dance. My dance teacher was amazing, I was taught all the noble dances that were expected but also other lesser used styles much to mother’s chagrin.

We dance for a few songs and Cullen walks over and taps Rory’s shoulder, “May I cut in?” He asks smirking.

“Of course,” I grin wickedly spinning and putting Rory’s hand in Cullen’s. The men look at me shocked as I spin away. Then they shrug their shoulders and decide to dance together playing along with the joke, as I catch my breath and refill my glass. 

Zev sidles up to me, “I can see your dance card is full at the moment, dear Bella, would you mind saving a dance for your assassin?” he grins cheekily.

“How can I not dance with my favorite assassin?” I facetiously gasp. “However I guess I should go save them,” I joke gesturing to the two men dancing.

Zev smirks as he looks at the two men. “I’ll hold you to that, Elly.”

I walk out and tap Rory on the shoulder. “May I cut in?” I deadpan. 

Rory pretends to debate for a moment and then chuckles, looking at Cullen who is grinning. “Of course.”

As I dance with Cullen I look around. Rory is dancing with Wynn and Alistair is sitting next to Leliana as she plays and sings. Adela is still working with Leske teaching him to dance even Jowan is trying to learn the steps with her. Sten and Ox are sitting a bit away from the dancers watching and eating cookies. Morrigan is watching the scene with an amused expression her face. Zev has disappeared for the moment. Shale has also moved away from the party toward the outskirts keeping watch I suppose. Then I see Tamlen, he looks a bit lost, and is fidgeting. When the song ends I thank Cullen for the dance and grab some more wine on my way over to sit beside Tamlen.

“Do the Dalish have celebrations with dancing?” I ask curiously sipping my wine.

He looks at me thoughtfully. “We do,” He says smiling, “Bonding ceremonies are big celebrations as are births of children; we also have a huge celebration of the Arlathvhen.”

“What is it the Arlathvhen?” I ask slowly trying to pronounce the strange word correctly.

He grins at my butchered pronunciation. “It is a gathering of all the clans, every 10 years all the clans gather and share any knowledge they might have found in their travels. It is a huge celebration lasting a week with feasting, wine, and dancing.”

“Would you like to dance, Tamlen?” I ask hopefully.

He smiles a bit wistfully. “I’m afraid I don’t know your shem dances they look similar to ours but different. I’m afraid of stepping on your feet.”

“Well then teach me the Dalish way and hopefully I won’t step on your feet too much,” I reply grinning.

He smiles and stands up offering his hand. “Shall we then, Falon?”

I set my glass down and stand up walking over to a space with a bit more room. Tamlen teaches me a traditional Dalish dance, and to my credit I only step on him once. We finally collapse with laughter after 4 songs. “You are a quick learner,” he says amused. 

“I like to dance,” I grin at him.

Adela comes and spirits Tamlen away to dance with her and I sit and sip my wine. I see Soris quietly come to stand beside me. I glance to side at him with a small smile. “You dance Soris?”

“I haven’t had much opportunity to learn,” He admits a bit sheepishly.

I know he probably doesn’t wish to make a scene. I set my glass down and take his hand. “Let’s go over there,” I say gesturing a bit away from the others. He nods and allows me to lead him to the spot I indicated. I show him how to place his hands and then I show him some simple footwork. Soris is a quick learner. Shortly he is able to dance without looking at his feet and seems to take charge. He spins me around smiling. “And to think I was worried I might have to dance at my wedding,” He says with a slight bit amazement. “Thanks Elly.” We dance a few more songs and I see Adela making her way over.

“Coming to steal my dance partner again?” I tease. 

“May I cut in?” she asks grinning. 

“But of course,” I say roguishly stepping away.

I notice Alistair making his way over to me. “Will you dance with me, Lady Cousland?” He teases bowing and offering his hand.

“Of course, my Prince,” I say lightly jesting, as he smirks wryly.

I had to admit Alistair is good dancer, surprising really, he leads quite well. As he turns us I look over his shoulder. “Andraste’s Ass,” I whisper to him.

“What?” He whispers back.

“Don’t say anything just, look,” I whisper, turning us so he can see Morrigan is dancing with Cullen. 

“Maker’s Breathe,” he exclaims softly upon seeing the apostate mage dancing with a templar. I see Leliana grinning manically at the scene. I look over and see Zevran has returned. “I told you so,” He mouths out to me as I chuckle and shake my head. The song ends and I am thirsty. I leave Alistair to go back to Leliana and I take my glass heading over the table. Zevran is already there refilling his glass. 

“Leliana was even able to get Antivan wine,” He notes appreciatively.

“She really did go all out, didn’t she?” I say enthusiastically.

He nods in agreement. “Would you like to try some?” He asks offering his glass.

I take the glass and take a sip of the wine, it has been made with berries and is sweet, but has an earthly quality, almost like chocolate, and it is smooth, creamy. “I understand why you feel Ferelden drinks swill,” I affirm with surprise.

He grins and fills my glass with the Antivan wine. We stand and enjoy watching the dancers. Tamlen is teaching Adela Dalish dance and Leske is trying to impress Wynne with his new dancing skills. Alistair is at his post beside Leliana. Ox and Sten haven’t moved but have started eating the pie while talking amongst themselves. Rory is dancing with Morrigan and it looks as if Cullen taking a break and getting snack. Jowan is still working on the steps that Adela was teaching him. Oghren is now dancing as well, it’s a bit frightening really as he refused to dance before, and I wonder briefly how drunk he is.

As Zevran and I enjoy the wine, Oghren dances his way over to me and stops looking like he wants to say something. “You there, aye you” He slurs looking at me, “I’ve been watching you, where can I get some sauce for that rump roast?”

Holding back a snicker, I look at Zevran who is grinning from ear to ear and stifling his urge to laugh as well.“Right here, you mad dwarven stallion,” I proclaim grinning cheekily.

“Go and make yourself ready, woman,” He says swaying, “I’ll be right there to see to it.” With that the drunken dwarf falls over, passed out, I can’t hold my laughter any longer and I start giggling, which turns into full-blown laughter. Zev is laughing just as hard as I am and we lean on each other for support. By this time everyone else is watching the spectacle as well and most are laughing or chuckling at the scene. Even Sten seems amused. He walks over and picks up the passed out dwarf, scowling as the dwarf’s notorious odor hits his nostrils and quickly deposits him in his tent.

Once Oghren is safely in his tent, the music resumes. Zev drains his glass and turning to me as I’m sipping the delicious wine, says “I think it is time for us to dance, querida.”

I look at him thoughtfully and drain my glass as well, “You may be right,” I agree smiling.

I take his offered hand and move to where the other dancers are. “I must warn you, Warden, that in Antiva we dance a bit differently than Fereldans do,” He smirks suggestively.

I blush slightly at his provocative demeanor, “Well show me then, Zev,” I tease lightly.

He turns me around pulling my back flush with chest; the sudden contact makes me blush a bit deeper as this seems similar to the dancing mother did not approve of. Then taking my left hand in his right, he spins me out and lets my hand go. I know exactly what he is doing. This is an intensely suggestive dance. Despite the fact I blush deeply at this realization, but let my lessons take over as I walk toward him looking into his honey gold eyes and run my hand from his shoulder down his chest, gracefully rolling my hips as I do so. He looks surprised for moment and smirks at me. He takes my hand and spins me to right. As he lets go I do one more spin and bend my knees slightly posing sensuously in front of him as I move my hands gracefully over my head. He dances effortlessly over to me grabbing my face with his hands making me look up in what looks to be an intimate embrace. Looking at me intently he says, “So you know this dance, Bella.”

I stand as he lets go of my face, I as gracefully step around him, running my hand across his shoulders in a light caress, “My dance teacher was Antivan,” I offer roguishly.

“Good,” he teases as I step to stand facing him again. He grabs me around the waist leaning forward so I have to bend back, I drape a leg over his hip, and he looks at me approvingly as I bend back further almost touching the ground. I come out of the dip and he looks at me hungrily, and spins me several times in succession, then he lets go I continue to spin and run my hands up the sides of my body as I roll my hips looking at him at him with a teasing glance. I smirk and beckon him with a finger. As he dances fluidly back to me, I note that no one else is dancing. We have become the spectacle.

Giving him a wanton look, he pulls me into him again. I drop down crouching then slowly rising, I run my hands up his legs and over chest, while rolling my hips. As I come to standing he gracefully steps behind me and takes me around the waist with his head just above my shoulder, “your teacher taught you well, Bella” He says in a lowered husky tone. I just smirk knowingly as we do a few basic steps easily before he spins me again and pulls me back in. We come face to face once more. I roll my body sinuously as I ghost my hands up his chest. He pins my eyes to his with an intense look than makes butterflies dance in my stomach. I no longer care if we are making scene, it’s just Zevran and I…and our dance. 

We both step out and pose. He spins me back in so my back is pressed to his chest. He gives a wickedly soft chuckle as he runs his hands along my sides lightly but purposefully brushing my breasts on the way to my waist causing me to shudder slightly. I turn my head to look at him breathlessly as I wrap my leg around his narrow hips and my arm around his neck. I drop my head back to rest on his shoulder. He leans forward; I bend at the waist in large circle bringing my hands gracefully down in front of me as he holds my hips to steady me. I raise my body and I lift my hands over my head placing one arm around his neck. I reach over with the other had turning his face toward mine, gazing at him intently as I raise my leg to curl my thigh and knee around his hip. 

“Bella?” He asks huskily with a heated questioning gaze. I nod in agreement. He grasps my waist firmly and I lift my other foot gracefully as he slowly turns my body draped over his. I put one foot down and start to right myself as he turns us a bit faster, putting my other foot back on the ground I turn so that we are facing each other. His gaze is hooded with desire; wrapping my arms around his neck we spin over the ground his arm pulling me in just below my shoulder blade. He lets go again and I spin away, and turn to look at him provocatively. I walk purposefully toward him rolling my hips tantalizingly. I touch his waist and push him back slightly. He smirks at this little game and steps back a few feet.

I walk toward him again, this caressing his waist and turning him with me as we give each other an intense passionate gaze. I step back and he takes my hands pulling me our bodies almost flush. I can tell the song is coming to an end. We dance effortlessly close for a few steps, looking at each other with unspoken desire. He takes a step in toward me. I understand; I wrap my outer leg against his hip tilting my hips against his hip sensuously. “Minx,” I hear him growl slightly, as he lets go of my hand and drops the other one running it from my shoulder blade to my waist. I bend into the dip deeply, grinning wickedly, as I press harder into his hip. As I come out of the dip and stand he spins me out to stand beside him and takes a bow, I smile and bow to our stunned companions who start clapping enthusiatically. We look at each other breathlessly grinning. Zev leans over and whispers lasciviously, “We need to dance again, amada.”


	66. The Dalish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meeting the dalish clan

Dear Diary,  
We find the Dalish camp and they aren’t very friendly because I am a Shem. Tamlen’s presence seems to calm their fears somewhat. He pulls the Keeper aside to speak with him privately and after doing so it seems the Keeper’s attitude has changed somewhat, the Dalish that had weapons trained on the rest of us have backed off, and although we get some sidelong glances, they have been polite. 

Tamlen walks back to me after his chat with the Keeper. “Elly I need you to come and see Keeper Zathrian. He wishes to speak with you privately,” He says with a small smile.

Zevran leans over and kisses my forehead. “I’ll be here if you need me Bella.” I look over at Zathrian who has an unreadable look on his face.   
“Thanks Zev,” I say giving him a quick hug, “I’ll be back in a bit.”

Tamlen and I walk over to Zathrian. “Thank you Tamlen,” Zathrian says dismissing him.

As Tamlen walks away, Zathrian begins to speak, “Tamlen told me his story about what happened and how he came to be in the warden’s. I have to wonder though; did you do this for the wardens, or help him?”

“Both. If he hadn’t undergone the joining, he either would have been turned into a ghoul or we would have had to kill him because he would have been compelled to attack us.” I explain.

“The joining does not cure the blight it only slows the process.” I continue. Zathrian looks at me curiously.

“So, all wardens are blighted,” he says cunningly.

“That pretty much sums it up,” I say honestly. 

“I had always wondered about that,” He admits, “However that is not why I asked you here. We want to honor our treaty but at this time unfortunately we cannot live up to the promise we made. Follow me and I’ll explain.” 

I follow him to another area of the camp that is obviously a sick station of sorts. I note that Tamlen has not gone too far from me. He is obviously being vigilant of any type of hostile behavior. I suspect that Zev is somewhere around as well and although the Dalish haven’t been openly hostile, I can tell my friends are taking precautions.  
“I would have taken the clan to the north by now had we the ability to move,” He explains. “Sadly as you can see, we do not. Do not allow our troubles to burden you, though I suspect they will impact your mission. The clan came to the Brecilian Forest one month ago, as is our custom when we enter this part of Ferelden. We are always wary the dangers of the forest but we did not expect the werewolves would be lying in wait for us. They…ambushed us and though we drove the beasts back, much damage was done. Many of our warriors lie dying as we speak. Even with all our magic and healing skill we will eventually have to slay our brethren to prevent them from becoming beasts. The blights evil must be stopped, but we are in no position to uphold our obligations. I am truly sorry.”

“So, this is a curse?” I query.

“Unfortunately yes,” Zathrian says quietly.

“Is there no way to help your people?” I ask tilting my face up to his curiously.

“The only way thing to help them must come from the source of the curse itself, and that…would be no trivial task to retrieve.” He says studying me with his gaze.  
“I can’t in good conscience leave people suffering without trying,” I say looking directly at him unflinching.

Surprise flits across his face for a mere second before he schools it. “I didn’t expect such a response from a Shem. Very well, within the Brecilian Forest dwells a great wolf. We call him Witherfang. It is within him the curse originated and through blood it has spread. If he is killed and his heart brought to me, perhaps I can destroy the curse but this proven too dangerous for us.”

He gestures for me to follow him. As we walk he explains, “I sent some hunters into the forest a week ago but they have not returned. I cannot risk anymore of my clan.”

“Then we must find this Witherfang and hopefully your warriors,” I offer with a small smile.

“I must warn you that more than just werewolves lurk in these forests. It has a history of carnage and murder you see,” He warns, “Where there is so much death, the veil separating the spirit realm from our own becomes thin allowing spirits to possess things living or dead. But if you can indeed help, I wish you luck.”

“Thank you, Keeper Zathrian,” I say warmly.

“So you and the flat-eared Antivan elf?” He asks curiously.

I feel I am being tested so I look up at Zathrian straight into his eyes and firmly say, “Yes, I hope that isn’t a problem.”

“Is he merely a bed warmer or something more?” He says with a bit of sneer.

The warmth I was feeling for the man recedes from my chest. I put on my most charming noble smile. “Not that it’s any of your business, Keeper Zathrian, but Zevran has yet to warm my bed in that manner. Our affections for each other are mutual and none of your business. I do not care whether you approve or not. What I do care about is helping your people so at the very least you can move from this place because the blight is coming. They do not deserve to die because of your bigotry. So despite your anger at humans, I will try to help. Dirthara-ma.” I say lightly but firmly.

He starts at the Dalish term. Then has the sense to look away from my fiercely penetrating gaze. “I will instruct Mithra to allow you a place to stay as it is late, and I will tell our artisans to trade with you. I must return to caring for my people,” He says emotionlessly.

“Ma Serannas, Keeper,” I say politely before taking my leave. 

“Creators lethallan, you just basically dressed down the Keeper, like a len,” Tamlen says amazed.

“Tu nadas, Tamlen, he was out of line and he knows it. Tel’abelas,” I say honestly, “However, I will not leave without trying to help these people even if he refuses to help with the blight.”

I hear a few gasps from some of the Dalish around us whether it’s due to my audacity or grasp of Dalish I am uncertain. I see Mithra walking toward us. “Garas,” she says, “I have already taken your companions to where you can camp for the night.”

“Ma serannas,” I say gratefully as I will be happy to put down my pack. This causes her raise an eyebrow but she says nothing. 

Once we reach the area, I set my pack down. “The story teller Hahren Sarel wishes to speak with you before you venture into the forest. Master Varathorn has been told to trade with you so you might wish to check in with him before you leave as well.” Mithra leans over to whisper, “I respect you for standing up for your beliefs and being willing to help our people, despite Zathrian’s severe prejudice. Ma Serannas, Warden.”

I give her a quick smile. “So where are Hahren Sarel and Master Varathorn? “ I ask curiously.

She gestures over to one of the many campfires fires and one of the aravels to point them out to me. 

“Ma Serannas, Mithra,” I say turning to the others as she walks away.

I take Wynne, Zevran, Tamlen and Leliana into the center of the Dalish camp for now to speak with the weapons master and story teller. I find that word gets around the clan fast (that we will be heading into the forest) and it seems everyone is coming to us for help. First stop was Master Varathorn who traded with us but did ask if we came across any Ironbark in the forest if we could collect it for him. Then there was Athras who felt that Zathrian wasn’t being honest with him about his wife. He tells me his story and I can’t help but to grab the poor man’s hand giving it a squeeze as I promise to at least look. He seems slightly stunned at my compassion but gives me small smile before I take my leave.

Cammen, poor Cammen. Tamlen is one who is able to get the poor guy to speak openly. A few honest words to Gheyna, about her and Cammen, a little quick explanation about Zevran and I, is all it takes to bring Gheyna to Cammen’s side. This of course is a bit of uproar, as it isn’t traditional, but considering all the bad lately, the Dalish seem to be happy that something good is going to happen. I can’t believe how fast news travels these it seems the Dalish are as gossipy as dowagers are.

We walk to the halla holding area and it seems there is trouble here as well. My experience with mabari really comes handy here. I am able to calm the Halla so the caretaker can find out what is really wrong, which saves the clan from losing another halla that is so precious to them. After a chat with Lanyana who strangely enough is an adopted city elf, we finally find Hahren Sarel. He asks us to dine with them. I am surprised, as some of the clan is still wary around us. He explains that because I was willing to help in so many little ways that it was only right to do have us join them. He tells us stories and explains some of the dangers of the forest. We find that Aneirin did survive and is in the forest. I hope we can find him for Wynne. I think if she spoke to him she would no longer have any regrets.   
I can feel myself getting tired so I excuse myself as Tamlen seems to want to stay for a bit longer. I can’t say I blame him as this is closest he will be able to get to his clan for a long time. Wynne and Leliana had left long before. Zevran seems to be ready to leave as well, so he walks back with me. 

“Bella,” he says with a bit of mirth, “I’m told you, had words with the Keeper of this clan.”

“I guess you could say that,” I admit stifling a wry snicker. Dammit Tamlen.

“And just what did he say to bring out your ire?” He asks curiously touching my arm to stop me. I turn to face him, reaching over to hold his warm hand in mine.

“He suggested that you were only my bedwarmer,” I answer lightly, “and I did not approve of his scrutiny or his insinuations.”

Zevran’s incredulous laugh rings out. “I’m surprised he would even care. Once as a child I ran away from the crows trying to find the Dalish in Antiva. They were more likely to kill me than accept me. The Crows soon found me of course and I was taken back to Antiva City.”

“You tried to run away from the crows before?” I say astounded.

“Yes, remember when I told you my mother was Dalish?” He asks with a small smile. I nod and wait for him to continue. “She fell in love with an elven woodcutter and accompanied him back to the city, leaving her clan behind for good,” He explains. “And there of course the woodcutter died of some filthy disease and my mother was forced into prostitution to pay off his debts, oldest tale in the book.”

“I’m so sorry Zev. That must have been horrible,” I say reaching up to trace the tattoo on his cheek.

“Is it?” He asks curiously, “It seemed normal enough at the time, growing up. No different than the other elven boys at the whorehouse. You know about my mother already. We were all raised communally by the whores. It was a happy enough existence, ignoring the occasional beating, until I was eventually sold to the crows. I brought a good price I hear.”

My heart plummets hearing all this. Some of it I knew already, but the details being put together are so sad. “I’m sorry you had to grow up that way, Zev,” I say sadly.

“That’s very kind of you, Bella but unnecessary,” he says with a small smile, “it could have been much worse. Shall I tell you what happened to the whorehouse boys who did not fetch a decent price in from the crows? Surely your life hasn’t been idyllic. People like you and I are not the product of happy lives of contentment, after all.” I look at him remember the events of the last few months and nod. He wraps an arm around me pulling me in closer to him. He sighs. “My original point is that my mother’s Dalish nature was always point of fascination for me. Through all the years of my Crow’s training, one thing of my mother’s that I possessed was a pair of gloves. They were of Dalish make, I knew that much, and beautiful. I had to keep them hidden of course, as we were not allowed such things. They were eventually discovered of course and I never saw them again.”

“Has there been no joy in your life?” I query tilting my head to look up at him.

He chuckles lightly his eyes shining mischievously in the moonlight. “There has been plenty. To tell the truth, it is because I expect nothing more.” He leans down and kisses the tip of my nose to which makes me giggle. “Still, even I thought it would be better for me, if ran off to join the famous Dalish when one of their clans came close to Antiva City,” He says still smiling from our silliness. “Naturally, the reality did not match up to the fantasies I had constructed as a boy when staring at those gloves.”

I make up my mind to find him some of those gloves because they had made him so happy. 

“So tell me what did you say to Zathrian?” He asks curiously.

I smirk wryly. “I told him it was none of his business. I also made it clear that you were much more to me than a bed warmer. And then I told him I would help his clan in spite of his prejudice. They don’t deserve to die because of one Elf’s stupidity. It is interesting that this particular clan seems to care about the city elves though. They take in any who wish to join them.”

“I thank you …you didn’t have to put yourself out in the open like that with him but you did,” Zevran says thoughtfully.

“How could I not Zev? I care about you,” I say looking at him curiously. “If he doesn’t like it, he can go kiss alas.”

He chuckles lightly at me. “How could I not adore a woman who fights for my honor,” He teases lightly tilting my head to kiss me.

Translations   
Dirthara-ma - may you learn or I’ll have you know, used as a curse  
Len- child or children   
Tu nadas- it was inevitable (liberties taken)  
Tel’abelas- I’m not sorry  
Alas- dirt  
Garas- come  
Ma serannas –thank you


	67. The Brecilian Forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> werewolves that can speak!

Dear Diary,  
The werewolves can speak!!! They seem to be human like…ferocious of course but humanized. We have come back to the Dalish camp bringing back Deygan. He seems to be one of the warriors that were sent into the forest earlier. I leave Mithra with the others while I search out Zathrian but he is nowhere to be found.  
I end up speaking with Lanaya, Zathrian’s first (apprentice as I understand). She gives me plenty of information about Zathrian which makes me wonder, who he really is. It’s almost dusk by the time our chat ends so we stay at the camp for the night and head out in the morning.

Today has been exhausting fighting werewolves, moving trees, a group of darkspawn, a mess of skeletons, finding Danyla and giving her the mercy she asks. She did give us a bit more information which makes me think the Zathrian is shadier than I first thought. Then we find a tree that speaks to us in rhyme and help it by dealing with the weird little mage who strangely enough was camped near Aneirin. Wynne was happy to speak with Aneirin. I’m so glad we were able to find him for her. Once he tells Wynne he holds no grudge against her the rest of us leave them to talk. He insists we rest for the night in his camp as the werewolves and dryads seem to stay away from his camp. 

We have a meeting. I decide to take a smaller group with me further into the forest. The others will remain with Aneirin in case there are complications. I also want to give Wynne and Aneirin a bit more time together as they seem to be getting on so well (and I’m unsure of how much time Wynne has left).  
We leave early in the morning making our way through the part of the forest that was previously blocked off. 

We only travel a short distance before we run into the Gatekeeper. I prefer not to fight him but he leaves us little choice. Once we get the better of the werewolves, suddenly a white wolf appears knocking me down. It howls and the werewolves head run further up the path. I know full well the creature could have killed me. It chose not too but I am uncertain as to why. I pull everyone together for a quick chat before moving on. 

“I’m sure everyone realizes that was Witherfang,” I say calmly. “What is curious to me however is the wolf had the chance to kill me, but did not? It just immobilized me long enough to howl and send the other werewolves running, ideas?”

“Perhaps they wish to regroup and attack from their lair?” Morrigan says.

“Why do that Witherfang could have killed one of us here?” Alistair says knowingly, “Then there would be less of us to worry about at the lair.”

“Unfortunately, Alistair makes a valid point,” Morrigan admits.

Tamlen nods in agreement. “These creatures are savage but intelligent. Nothing like the Keeper described.”

“I don’t believe that Zathrian has been completely honest with us,” I note.

“He knows much more than he wished to tell us,” Alistair points out.

“Swiftrunner refused to attack us before,” Zevran says thoughtfully. 

“Maybe Witherfang did not agree with Swiftrunner’s action to fight us,” I offer. 

“Well, we aren’t going to figure this out standing here,” Morrigan says deliberately nodding at the ruins behind us where the werewolves had disappeared.

I sigh. “I suppose you are right we should move on.”

We enter the ruins walk down the long staircase to a door. “These ruins look tevinter but are filled with elven trappings, very odd,” Morrigan says puzzled as she looks around.

“To be honest I thought it was all elven,” Alistair says looking at Morrigan, “what tells you that it was Tevinter?”

“The architecture,” Tamlen explains gesturing to the pointed arches. 

“It seems that elves once lived with the Tevinter humans? Or the Tevinters built this place for them? I never heard of such a thing.” Zevran muses.

“Well we aren’t discovering anything about the werewolves here and as interesting as this is we probably shouldn’t linger. I’m sure that we are being watched.” I say moving forward.

We work our way through the winding corridors of this strange place. Many areas have collapsed from age and disrepair. Fighting a young dragon, werewolves, skeletons and spirits as we proceed is exhausting. The odd laboratory we find seems to have notes from Zathrian. I after reading the notes I find I have more questions than answers. We find a library where we discover a strange phylactery of mage’s soul. I feel compassion for the poor person and set them free as asked, much to Morrigan’s chagrin. By the time we get to the werewolves, Swiftrunner is waiting for us. It seems that the Lady of the Forest (whoever that is) wishes to speak to us. So the werewolves have ceased hostilities by her request. It seems she wishes to inform us of some things, so we follow Swiftrunner to speak with this Lady.

We walk into the next room and are surrounded by werewolves growling and although the sound is reverberating all around the room and sounds ferocious none move toward us in a hostile manner. We come to stop and all the werewolves surround us snarling and growling. I see a woman? She is very strange she looks as if she is partly a tree coming forward. She lays her hand on Swiftrunner’s arm and he calms down and drops to his knees this has the effect of calming the others.  
“I bid you welcome mortal, I am the Lady of the Forest.” She says politely announcing herself.

“Thank you,” I reply, “I am glad we had this chance to speak. You may call me Elissa."

“Do not listen to her Lady!” Swiftrunner pleads, “She will betray you! We must attack her now!”

“Hush, Swiftrunner,” The lady admonishes lightly, “your urge for battle has only seen the death of the very ones you have been trying to save. Is that what you want?”

“No, my lady.” Swiftrunner answers, “anything but that.”

“Then the time has come to speak with this outsider,” The lady says calmly, “to set our rage aside.” Turning to me she says, “I apologize on Swiftrunner’s behalf. He struggles with his nature.”

“As do we all,” I note thoughtfully.

“Truer words were never spoken,” The lady says, giving me an appraising look, “But few could claim the same as these creatures: that their very nature was a curse forced upon them. No doubt you have questions, Elissa. There are things Zathrian hasn’t told you.”

“I suspected as much,” I admit relaxing my stance, “would you mind enlightening me?”

“It was Zathrian who create the curse, that these creatures suffer,” she explains, “the same curse that Zathrian’s own people now suffer. Centuries ago when the Dalish first came to this land, a tribe of humans lived close to this forest. They sought to drive the Dalish away. Zathrian was a young man then. He had a son and daughter he loved greatly, and while out hunting the human tribe captured them both.”

Swiftrunner steps forward picking up the story where the Lady stopped. “The humans tortured the boy, killed him. The girl they raped and left for dead. The Dalish found her, but she learned late that she was…with child. She…killed herself.”

I can’t help but to flinch upon hearing that. Zevran places his hand on my shoulder to comfort me. I turn giving him a quick smile, before turning back to face the Lady. “So Zathrian cursed them, I take it.”

Swiftrunner gives spares me a very compassionate glance and I realize that he must have noticed me flinch. “Zathrian came to this place and summoned a terrible spirit, binding it to the body of a great wolf,” Swiftrunner explains walking toward us, “so Witherfang came to be. Witherfang hunted the humans of the tribe. Many were killed, but others were cursed by his blood, becoming twisted and savage creatures…”

“Twisted and savage as Witherfang himself is,” the Lady adds with a note of distaste. “They were driven from the forest. When the human tribe left for good, their cursed brethren remained pitiful and mindless animals.”

“Until I found you, my lady,” Swiftrunner says gratefully, “you gave me peace.”

The Lady looks at Swiftrunner with a small smile of fondness before facing us again. “I showed Swiftrunner there was another side to his bestial nature. I soothed his rage and his humanity emerged. And he brought others to me.”

Tamlen steps forward to stand beside me. “Why did you ambush the Dalish then, for revenge?” He asks curiously.

“In part,” the Lady admits, “we seek to end the curse. The crimes committed against Zathrian’s children were grave, but they were committed centuries ago by those who are long dead. Word was sent to Zathrian every time the landships passed this way, asking him to come, but he has ignored us. We will no longer be denied.”

I notice that Tamlen is almost shaking with anger. I reach over and place my hand on his arm.

Swiftrunner sighs. “We spread the curse to his people. So he must end the curse to save them.”

“Please Elissa,” the Lady pleads, “You must go to him. Bring him here. If he sees these creatures, hears their plight…surely he will agree to end the curse.”

I look over at the others who nod at me. “All right I will bring Zathrian.”

“Tell him if he refuses, I will ensure Witherfang will never be found. He will never cure his clan;” the Lady says firmly with a scowl marring her perfect features. “Outside of this chamber, the passage leading to the surface has been opened for you. Please return with Zathrian as soon as you can.”


	68. Zathrian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and crew has a bit a "discussion" with Zathrian.

Dear Diary,  
As we leave the room we are in hallway with a staircase leading up. Halfway through the climb I stop.   
“Thoughts?” I ask curiously. I am really stopping for Tamlen’s sake but I did not want to do it in a full chamber of werewolves as I am unsure what the target of his anger is.

“Zathrian misled us. He is reason his clan is suffering!” Tamlen says angrily, “a keeper’s job is to protect the clan. By ignoring this he has put them in danger!”

“Tis not surprising, is it?” Morrigan asks dryly.

“I see where this headed, downhill, quickly too,” Zevran says wryly.

“He must end the curse,” Alistair says firmly, “it would purely stupid not to.”

“Tamlen,” I say gently causing him to look at me, “I’m just as angry as you are Falon, not because of what he did it but because it’s now hurting those who had no part in it. Those creatures down there and his clan are innocent of the crimes Zathrian is trying to punish them for.”

“I…I don’t blame them,” Tamlen says suddenly, “I don’t blame them for attacking the clan. They sent word. They tried to do things peacefully and if they were truly mindless creatures, they wouldn’t have tried diplomacy first. It’s just because of Zathrian his entire clan is in danger. He does not deserve the title of Keeper.”

“Well, let’s find Zathrian shall we and he can explain how continuing the curse can benefit, his people and these creatures.” I say sarcastically as I turn to continue up the steps. “I have a feeling he will be nearby as earlier he couldn’t be found and wasn’t “caring for his people” at the camp.”

I am not surprised when I open the door at the top of the steps to find Zathrian in the room waiting on me. “Zathrian, how kind of you to come to us,” I say sarcastically, “We were just looking for you.”

“Well, aren’t you the intuitive one,” He answers snidely crossing his arms. “There was no way to tell what would happen once you reached this ruin so I came to see for myself.”

Many things run through my head. Couldn’t you have told us it was here? Given us a way through the blasted forest you old codger. Perhaps told us the truth. Yea that would have been nice you lying bastard. Before I can voice anything Tamlen steps forward.

“I think we need to have a talk, Keeper,” He says keeping his voice clipped.

“Yes, yes, there will be plenty of time for that, did you get the heart?” Zathrian asks brushing Tamlen aside and directing his question at me.

“No, and you will listen to Tamlen’s request, after all you haven’t been exactly honest with us,” I reply curtly.

“We found out the truth about where curse originated,” Tamlen says hotly, “it didn’t originate with Witherfang it came from you, centuries ago. And now you intend to continue punishing these people as well as your own clan for retribution you feel is needed for a grave deed that was committed by those who are no longer living!”

I stand beside Tamlen and place my hand on his shoulder giving it a squeeze. “It is your fault your people are now cursed, Zathrian,” I state calmly, “These “savages” as you call them reached out to you several times and you ignored their pleas. So they brought to you a threat you can no longer ignore, they cursed your clan. I’m tempted to let you and your clan stew but your clan don’t deserve that even if you do.”

“You realize the Lady and Witherfang are one and the same? I summoned the spirit and bound it to a great wolf.” Zathrian says cunningly it seems he has recovered himself.

“I am well aware of it,” I reply dryly.

“You say you want to help my people? Come, I will accompany you back to the ruin. Let us go and I will speak to the spirit and force her into Witherfang’s form. He then may be slain and the heart taken.” He says firmly.

“I think I made my stance on this clear. If that is your plan I will leave you here to deal with it on your own.” I say sweetly with a smile. “Won’t you please at least consider talking to them?”

“You claim they have regained their minds, but they are still savage beasts. Their nature is unchanged,” He says resolutely. “All they want is revenge or a release I will not give them. No, let us take the heart and end it. You will then have the Dalish for your fight with the darkspawn.”

“You still have so much hatred after all this time?” I say astounded.

“You were not there. You did not see what they did to my son…my daughter…and so many others. You are not Dalish. How could you know how we had to struggle to be safe?” Zathrian shouts losing his composure. “How could I have let their crimes go unanswered? You, Shemlen don’t understand my pain. All I see when I go to bed at night are the dead faces of my children! They deserve to be wiped out and not defended.”

Before I can say another word, Tamlen steps forward. “You know nothing about her, Keeper. She has lost her family and her home. She had to leave her entire life as she knew it behind. And in spite of it all she is fighting the darkspawn and she is here, willing to help your clan and these people you changed. How dare you assume?”

“Enough!” I shout before anyone can start talking again. “So who is suffering now Zathrian? Your answer is to make them pay forever? Those creatures weren’t even alive when your children were.”

Zathrian is bristling with anger at this point. I notice that everyone has moved closer to me. “I have a proposal, Zathrian. You can come and meet with this creature you created. Talk to these people you cursed. The werewolves have regained their humanity. I just ask that you meet with them. Besides if you do not come, The Lady assured me that Witherfang will never be found. And quite frankly I would have no problem leaving you here with your clan. I would be more inclined to help the werewolves find a way to end the curse.”

“And what if it is revenge they want and not talk? Will you safeguard me from harm?” Zathrian asks.

“I don’t think it will come to that,” I state calmly, “and I will unless you attack first.”

“I fall to see the purpose of this, Zathrian says miserably, “but very well. It has been many centuries, now. Let us see what the spirit has to say.”

We walk back down the steps with Zathrian leading the way striding as if he owns the place. Once he is in the room he faces the spirit and says, “So here you are, spirit.”

Swiftrunner bounds forward. “She is Lady of the Forest! You will address her properly!” Just as quickly he moves away from Zathrian.

“You’ve taken a name, spirit?” Zathrian sneers, “and you’ve given names to your pets? These…beasts that follow you?”

The Lady seems unperturbed by Zathrian’s demeanor. “It was they who gave me a name, Zathrian. And the names they take are their own. They follow me because I help them find who are they are.”

“Who they are hasn’t changed from whom their ancestors were,” Zathrian snarls, “wild savages! Worthless dogs! Their twisted shape only mirrors their monstrous hearts.”

“He will not help us, Lady! It is as I warned you! He is not here to talk!” Swiftrunner warns.

“No, I am here to talk though I see little point in it,” Zathrian replies with facetiously calm tone, “We all know where this will lead, your nature compels it, as does mine.” 

The Lady comes forward to stand in front of Zathrian. “It does not need to be that way. There is room in your heart for compassion, Zathrian. Surely, your retribution is spent.”

“My retribution is eternal, spirit, as is my pain. This is justice, no more.” Zathrian says calmly.

The lady moves back to a safer distance at his words and to be quite honest I don’t blame her. Giving him a sidelong glance, the lady asks, “Are you certain your pain is the only reason you will not end the curse? Have you told Elissa how it was created?”

“He said he summoned you and bound you to a great wolf,” I offer.

“And so he did,” the spirit says sadly, “Witherfang and I bound one being. But such power magic could not be accomplished without Zathrian’s own blood. Your people believe you have rediscovered the immortality of their ancestors, Zathrian, but that is not true. So long as the curse exists so do you.”

“No, that is not how it is!” Zathrian shouts raising his hands.

“I think you have taken this curse long past the justice stage, Zathrian.” I say shaking my head. “Just how far will your revenge go?”

“I did it for my people, my son, and my daughter! For them! For justice!” He rants, “I would do anything!”

I notice from the corner of my eye Zevran has moved to an area to the right and behind Zathrian. He gives me a quick wink and smirk. I know he is ready to strike if needed. “The curse would not end with Zathrian’s death,” The Lady explains, “His life however depends on its existence. And I believe his death plays a part in its ending.”

Swiftrunner growls but doesn’t move. “Then we kill him. We kill him now!”

“For all your speech, you are beasts still!” Zathrian claims. “What would you gain from killing me? I know how the ritual ends and I will never do it!”

I can see this is going to shite quickly as Swiftrunner growls at Zathrian. “You see, we must kill them all!”

“Wait!” I yell over the growling. “Zathrian, it’s clear you only came to incite a fight! You have insulted these people over and over again in an attempt to get them to attack because I told you I would not fight them unless they attacked first. If anyone has been acting beastly it’s you.”

Swiftrunner hearing my words stops growling. 

“You see,” Zathrian says, “they turn on you just a quickly. Either do what you said you would do Warden or get out of my way.”

“They have not attacked Zathrian,” I say with a calm I don’t feel, “I will not help you with this but if you start a fight with them I will protect them and the Lady from you.”

“We are standing for what’s right here, no matter what,” Alistair says firmly.

“Then you die with them,” Zathrian sneers, “all of you will suffer as you deserve!” He starts to cast and just as quickly Zevran is there with a well-placed dagger. It isn’t a killing blow but an incapacitating one. Zevran holds Zathrian upright.

“No, no more,” Zathrian says “I cannot…”

“Finish it!” Swiftrunner growls “Kill him now!”

I flash the Lady a pleading look. “No Swiftrunner,” the Lady says quickly, “We will not kill him. If there is no room in our hearts for mercy, how may we expect there to be room in his?”

Her words seem to affect all the werewolves and they stop and turn to look at the Lady, their gaze respectful.

“I cannot do as you ask, spirit,” Zathrian says, “I am too old to know mercy. All I see are the faces of my children…my people. I…I cannot do it.”   
Zathrian leans heavily on Zevran. 

“You are willing then to let your clan die, for revenge,” Tamlen says angrily, “Keepers are supposed to protect the clan. You will be killing them. I may be len to you but I know the difference between justice and revenge. Killing darkspawn is justice because they threaten everyone. What you’re doing this for, continuing the curse for so long, is revenge these people had nothing to do with the deaths you speak of as if they were yesterday and now your clan will pay the price.”

“Perhaps, I have…lived too long,” Zathrian admits as he gestures for Zevran help him walk forward. “This hatred in me is like an ancient gnarled root…it has consumed my soul.”

As he comes to stand in front of the Lady he asks, “What of you spirit? You are bound to the curse as I am. Do you not fear your end?”

The Lady has a happy calm look on her face as she answers, “You are my maker, Zathrian. You gave me form and consciousness where none existed. I have known pain and love, hope and fear, all the joy that is life.” 

Her face changes to sadness as she makes her plea. “Yet of all things, I desire nothing more than an end. I beg you; Maker…put an end to me. We beg you…show mercy.”

“You shame me, Spirit,” Zathrian says with both awe and sadness, “I am an old… man alive long past his time.”

“Then you’ll do it?” she asks, “You will end the curse?”

“Yes, I think it is time,” Zathrian says with some relief in his voice. “Let us…let us put an end to it all.”

The werewolves surround the Lady to say goodbye. She reaches out to each one of them speaking to them reaching over to grasp an arm or touch a jaw, offering each one comfort until she gets to Swiftrunner. Swiftrunner reaches over to touch the Lady’s shoulder and tilts his head down to touch hers. Swiftrunner steps back with a paw still on her shoulder as she turns to Zathrian. 

Zathrian nods and steps forward looking at the Lady as if to ask if she is ready. She gives him a nod and the lifts his staff bringing it hard onto the ground. Zathrian drops immediately but the spirit remains slowly becoming more ethereal the werewolves reach out to touch her one last time as she dissipates turning into column of light. They step back as the light shoots upward, I also notice light shooting from Zathrian’s body as well. 

All of the werewolves start to glow and I can see glowing human shapes as they return to their normal form. Once the glow clears I can see a group of regular humans looking at their new forms, hugging and greeting each other happily. I notice their eyes still have the wolf like color but it’s not a deterrent, in fact it adds something to their faces.

One man steps forward to speak with us, Swiftrunner. “It’s …over.” He says trying out new vocal cords, “She’s gone, and…we’re human. I can scarcely believe it!”

“So what are you going to do now?” I ask curiously.

“We’ll leave the forest I suppose. Find other humans; see what’s out there for us. It should be quite interesting don’t you think?” He says smiling.

“If you find yourself in need of a place, you can head to Highever, Tell Bann Gilmore that Elissa Cousland sent you.” I offer.

“Thank you, for believing in us. For everything. We won’t forget you.” Swiftrunner says gratefully.


	69. Return to the Dalish Camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we return to the dalish camp to explain about Zathrian. Elly and Zevran enjoy the secret hot springs. smut ensues.

Dear Diary,  
We walk into the Dalish camp and Lanaya waiting for us. Tamlen wisely suggests that they call all the Hahren together to meet with me as I send the others off. I specifically ask Wynne to speak with Athras while I meet with them. I let the others go back to our camp taking just Tamlen with me as I meet to tell the elders and new keeper about Zathrian.

Once I explain everything, the elders and Lanaya agree that. Although the crimes against Zathrian’s family were grave he put into effect a series of events that hurt the clan. But in the end he was a hero because he did what was right. Sarel asks me what I thought of Zathrian. 

I explain that in the end he did the right thing and that is what matters. He saved his clan which does make him a hero. Sarel nods and makes it clear that he will be using Zathrian’s story to teach lessons about what hatred and the need for revenge can do to the soul.

Although, the clan is saddened by Zathrian’s loss they are in good spirits about the upcoming bonding ceremony for Cammen and Gheyna. Lanaya pledges to uphold the treaties the Dalish signed with the wardens.

After the elder’s leave Lanaya pulls me to the side. “I would like and your friends to stay with us for a few days, until the bonding ceremony is over. Cammen and Gheyna ask if you would attend,” She says smiling.

“I would be honored,” I say surprised. 

“You have made an impression and that’s saying something,” Lanaya grins. “So you and the antivan elf?” 

I stiffen at the question. Lanaya doesn’t miss it. “I mean no disrespect. I know Zathrian wasn’t kind. I don’t have such prejudices. When it comes to love it shouldn’t matter,” she says emphatically as her eyes dart toward Tamlen. 

I realize what she is asking. “I have no designs on Tamlen. He is lethallin and falon to me.” I explain with wicked grin. “However, you may need to tread carefully as his heart is a bit tender now.”

“Yes, he told the keeper about Neria. I had met her at the last Arlathvhen,” Lanaya sighs.“I also wish to offer the best in Dalish hospitality because you and your friends have helped us so much,” She says with a grin, like she has a secret. “If you head pass the halla pens there are hot springs, they are special treat when we get to this part of Ferelden. “

“Thanks sound lovely, ma serannas, Keeper,” I say graciously.

She wrinkles her nose at me. “I know I was to become Keeper one day,” she sighs “it just sounds strange yet.”

“I know how you feel,” I admit, “one day I’m just Elly Cousland, the next I’m the Warden. One of only 2 left in Ferelden, until we found more that is. I never asked to lead. It’s nice the Alistair has been doing more and more, he’s nothing like the whining len I first met.” 

“Really,” she answers with grin, “I would have never thought…” She giggles.

“I need to get back to tending those who were injured by the werewolf attack,” she says standing up, “Thank you for everything; maybe we can talk more before you leave.”

“I would like that,” say smiling as I get to my feet.

I get back to our camp and notice that everyone is happy and smiling. Leliana rushes over. “Elly did you get to check out the hot springs? They are just heavenly,” she gushes.

I grin at her, “Not yet, I just left the Keeper.”

“Oh you must go,” she says with a crafty smile. 

I don’t know what she’s planning but I decide to change the focus of her attention. I know that look. “It seems the Keeper would like us to stay a few extra days for the bonding ceremony of Cammen and Gheyna,” I say conversationally knowing full well she take that and run with it. 

“Oh a wedding,” she sings gleefully, “That will be fun. It will be interesting to see how the Dalish celebrate such a happy event.” Leliana heads over to the sparring ring to tell the others.

I breathe a sigh of relief and head to my tent to grab some bathing items. I don’t see Zevran anywhere. It seems everyone is busy or has already bathed. I really do need to get over having to bring someone with me. So I head back through the Dalish camp and to the area that Lanaya indicated.   
I set out my bathing items and strip down to my smalls. Stepping into the water I find it’s deliciously warm. I hear rustling behind me and turn to see Zevran stepping around a tree with his bathing items as well. 

“I know you don’t like to bathe alone, Elly,” He says with a grin as he places his bathing items beside mine.

I nod at him with a small smile as I find that the Dalish must have created seating areas in this hot spring. “I figured I needed to get over it at some point so why not try today. Everyone seemed to be busy.”

“I can understand that, do you wish for me to leave?” He asks.

I shake my head. “Why? You’re here and the water is wonderful.”

“And so is the view,” he quips with a smirk. 

I chuckle remembering our previous conversation before the 1st day party. “I remember a certain elf giving me quite the view as well,” I tease.

Zevran snickers as he strips down to his smalls. “I think I caught a certain human stealing glances at me then.”

I can’t help the girlish giggle that erupts from me as I blush. “I thought I was being discreet dammit.”

“Ah querida, you were, I only noticed due to my skills of observation,” he teases as he steps into the water. “Ahh wonderful! You think we could come back here after we defeat the archdemon?”

“I think we should make it a priority,” I jest lightly as I rinse my hair in the warm water.

“Agreed,” he says making his way over to me and sitting beside me. “Zathrian made a mess. How did the elders and Lanaya take the news?”

“Better than I thought they would,” I admit, “they don’t blame us in fact they have insisted we stay as guests for Cammen and Gheyna’s bonding ceremony.”

“I wouldn’t mind a few extra days here,” Zevran says smiling, “so long as we don’t go traipsing through that filthy forest again.”

“Yea, you didn’t seem to like forest too much it was quite beautiful though,” I reply amused.

“You are more beautiful than any place I can remember, Bella,” Zevran says smiling at me as he drops his head to gently place a kiss on my shoulder.

I turn to face him as he lightly captures my lips in a gentle caressing kiss. I deepen the kiss. Zevran follows my cue and the pulls back tracing my bottom lip with his tongue. I lean in and gently bite his sensuous curved bottom lip, before he can recapture my lips again causing him to chuckle lightly. He ensnares my lips again with a more demanding manner. I immediately melt into him acquiescing to his request. I am thankful we are sitting as I feel my knees go weak and warmth spread through my body. How does he always do this me?

He ends the kiss by pulling away. He brushes a wet lock of hair away from my face, as he smiles at me affectionately. “I suppose we should wash up as the others may wish to enjoy the hot spring,” I say reluctantly.

“The others have already bathed, Bella,” Zevran says smiling, “we have the place to ourselves. Leliana worked it out. However, I did bring food and wine…I figured you probably hadn’t time to eat.”

My stomach hears him and growls. We both chuckle. “I’m getting all pruned anyway,” I say raising my fingers that look wrinkled from being submerged in the water.

Zevran snickers at my little display as he stands and starts wading to where he dropped his pack of bathing items.   
He turns away digging into his pack for the food, wine, a blanket to sit on, and his trousers. I divest myself of my wet smallclothes and grab my dry clothes quickly dressing. I do the same allowing him to change into some loose fitting cotton trousers. I set the food on plates as he opens wine. 

“Antivan?” I ask curiously. He nods with a smirk.

“What did you have to trade Bodhan for that? I tease lightly knowing that antivan wine is hard to find.

“I can’t divulge my secrets,” He jests lightly, “Perhaps one day I will show you.”

I chuckle shaking my head at him as he offers me a glass. We sup in relative companionable silence punctuated with the occasional joke. My mood is rather quiet and thoughtful and he seems to pick up on that. 

“Something on your mind, bella?” Zevran asks lightly.

“I…um yes,” I stutter being pulled from my musings. “Zev are you sure this is what you want? I’m a warden and…”

“Elly,” Zevran interrupts wrapping an arm around me. “I know we will never have a normal life. We may not even survive the next few days or the archdemon. I would rather have this time with you then never having anything at all,” he says firmly. “We don’t know what the future will bring but this right now…I’m happy.”

“Okay,” I say gratefully leaning into him to kiss his neck. 

Zevran brings his hand to my face and brushes my cheek with his thumb causing me to look up at him. “You don’t need to worry about that,” He states leveling me with look that makes my mouth go dry. 

He tilts his head down and kisses me gently. The kiss is unconcealed acceptance. Zev knows the issues with me being a warden why was I so worried? I feel his need to deepen the kiss and I surrender letting my thoughts flee, returning his kiss with hungered fervor. I feel him smile against my lips briefly before moving to kiss my neck. My hands are reaching into his still damp hair to trace the lines of his ears. My actions cause him stop momentarily to shudder before he continues his gentle kisses over my collarbone. I feel his hand cup my breast through the fabric of the tunic. He runs a thumb over it and the roughness of the fabric combined with the pressure of his thumb causes me to gasp. 

He lowers his head placing his mouth over pebbled flesh still covered by the tunic. Feeling the warmth of his mouth on me sends a flash of warmth through me that pools in my stomach and I shiver against him. Not wanting him to have all the fun I run my hands from his ears ghosting over his shoulders and down the planes of his chest to trace the line where his trousers meet his skin teasingly.

“Bella,” he moans softly as he gives me a hungered look. I look up at him for long moment before moving slightly. I see his face fall briefly at the loss of contact. I take the edges of my tunic and in one motion pull it up over my head.

“Querida, are you sure?” He asks in a very low voice. 

I reach my hand over to softly trace the tattoo running down the side of his face. “Yes,” I answer softly.

He looks at me as if drinking in the sight in front of him. “Mother of mercy, you are beautiful,” He says huskily. 

“Is that so?” I murmur moving back toward him, taking his face in my hands and drawing him in for another kiss.

“Yes,” he answers simply when we pull apart again. He leans back pulling me down with him. I sigh happily laying my head on his shoulder as his arm encircles me traveling lazily over my back and hip. I am not idle however as my hand caresses and maps out his chest, and stomach, before returning to the previous position of teasing the skin just above his breaches.

“Bella, you will be the death of me,” He sighs happily as he rolls to his side shifting me onto my back. Leaning down he takes possession of my lips as his hands travel to my breasts gently brushing over the tips again as if he’s afraid to touch me now without the tunic. I arch into him wanting to feel more of him against my skin. My hand migrates up his thigh lightly running over the length of him through the cotton of his trousers. He closes his eyes for a moment as if memorizing the sensation. This action makes me smirk. I reach and grasp him gently. His eyes pop open. 

“Querida,” he says with surprise. 

“Zev,” I say looking up at him through my lashes. “You don’t have to be afraid to touch me. It’s not like I have no experience.”

“Point taken,” He says huskily with a smirk of his own as he kisses me again.

He reaches over to pull me closer to him running his hand down my side to cup my behind and traces his finger over my stomach, as my hand fumbles with the strings of his trousers. Leaning over me he swirls his tongue over my nipple, this surprises me as I hadn’t realized I closed my eyes. He looks at me questioningly and I chuckle inwardly giving him a small smile. Seeing me amused he turns his attention back to my breasts, laving one and teasing the other with his hand.   
I finally am able to work the strings on his trousers and reach my hand to touch him skin to skin. I am rewarded with a guttural groan. His hand leaves my breast down my stomach tracing an outline over my hip to my outer thigh. He then changes direction outlining my inner thigh. He expertly traces his finger over my center. 

“Zev,” I plead in almost a whisper. 

“Bella,” He says softly as he slides a finger over my most sensitive spot through my small clothes. I shudder with desire. Pulling his hand away he shifts away from me. I’m disappointed at the loss of contact but then realize he only shifted to divest himself of his trousers.

I sigh with relief as he lays beside me on his side with his head propped up on his arm to look at me. His skin is touching mine, his desire apparent as he presses into my side.

“Now where were we?” he says in a low tone that makes me shiver as he leans in to kiss me again. He once again travels down my body with hand as I kiss him. I use the kiss to keep me somewhat grounded as his fingers find their way to my most tender parts. He removes my small clothes with practiced ease. I blush with the realization I am completely bared to him. Zev smiles gently, taking my face in his hands. “Bella you blush so beautifully. I just have to kiss you again,” He whispers as he captures my lips once again. 

He moves his hand from my face to once again trace the outline of my hip and inner thigh. Instead of just touching me as he did previously. He slides a finger into me causing me gasp into his mouth. My muscles spasm as they adjust. Taking his thumb he gently circles the bundle of nerves, making my hips move of their own accord putting pressure where I like it best.

“Maker, Elly,” he says pulling back to get a breath as he slides another finger inside me. I miss his lips immediately and pull him back to me. I kiss him putting every feeling I have for him into it, as his clever fingers keep working. I can’t help but to grind into his hand. He groans as he pulls away and moves over me.   
He looks down at me questioningly. “Elly if you wish to stop…”

I quiet him with finger over his lips. “Zev, I want this, I want you,” I admit softly ignoring the blush that blooms into my face.

“Bella,” He says as he leans in to kiss me again. He reaches down to position himself rubbing against me for a moment. He deepens the kiss ferociously as he thrusts forward and stills. I feel a stretch and then fullness. 

He looks down at me. “Querida?”

I open my eyes not realizing they were closed and give him a sheepish smile before reaching up to touch his face and caress his ears. He moves ever so slightly brushing over the sensitive nerves at my center. My muscles spasm around him as head falls back and my hips lift in response.   
He takes this response as the invitation it truly is and my hands find purchase on his shoulders as we move. I feel a bit awkward at first but soon find a rhythm that works for both of us. I find my hands traveling down to his taut backside. Feeling his movements under my hands is even more thrilling and ignites a blaze of desire that has me wrapping my legs around him. 

Zevran seems to understand and increases pace and pressure. I close my eyes and feel Zevran kiss me our tongues tangle until I feel the pressure/pleasure become too much.

“Zev,” I gasp as I lock my legs and arms around him. Lights flash behind my eyes and my body quivers. Despite my ironclad hold he continues to move riding out my pleasure that seems to be adding to his own. 

“Elly,” he groans as he thrusts a few more times before giving a shudder. Looking up at him I notice his arms are little shaky so pull him down onto me. He sighs against my cheek as the weight is taken off his arms.

We lie quietly for a few moments catching our breath. Then he pulls back to look at me. “I like you all disheveled like this,” he says smiling.

“You are looking a bit disheveled yourself,” I jest lightly, noting that we are still very intimately connected.

He chuckles lightly and makes to move.“Where do you think you are going Zevran Arainai?” I tease pulling him back down for a kiss.

“Nowhere, but I thought you might be more comfortable without my extra weight,” He says smiling against my mouth before granting my request for a kiss.

“I can deal with some discomfort to have you this close,” I say returning his smile.

“Duly noted,” He says with amusement staying a moment longer to kiss me again before rolling to his back.

I sit up and lazily look over at Zevran drinking in his lithe muscular frame. At least I don’t have to sneak glances now. “Enjoying the view,” he quips.

I smile and blush slightly. “Perhaps I am,” I say brazenly as I find the bottle of wine and take a drink. Zevran sits up as well taking the bottle from me as I offer it.

“I think we should probably bathe now as we have become soo dirty,” he drawls teasingly.

“Yes, and then we can get dirty again,” I banter back, once again ignoring the blush at my own brazenness.

Zevran chuckles. “Again? What will the others think?”

“Grey warden stamina, remember,” I tease.

“Anything you want, Bella, I am yours,” he says gently brushing my hair away from my face.


	70. Sparring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly gets to spar with some of the Dalish Warriors.

Dear Diary,  
I wake up in my tent with Zevran beside me. I can’t help but to grin as he always looks so childlike in repose. Slipping out of the bedroll, I throw on my clothing and leathers before heading out to meet Tamlen for our morning practice. Tamlen seems surprised to see me as I step into the movements with him. Once we finish our first series. He stops. “Zevran won’t be joining us this morning?” He asks lightly. 

“I thought I’d let him sleep in today,” I admit with a slight blush. I see the corners of Tamlen’s mouth twitch as he tries to conceal his grin.

“I was going to join the clan in their exercises this morning,” He explains, “However since you are here, I don’t see why you can’t come as well.”

“I wouldn’t be breaking any kind of rules by doing that?” I ask curiously.

“Mythal! No!” He says with a slight chuckle. “To put it bluntly, you are probably as good as or better than many who practice the Vir Tanadhal. I would be proud to bring you with me.”

We head into the Dalish camp. We receive greetings and acknowledging nods from the clan as we enter the camp. We come upon a group of warriors already starting their series we wait until they are done. 

“Tamlen, you brought this shemlen to practice?” One of the warriors says curiously, his tone isn’t derogatory just surprised.

“A shem knows Vir Tanadhal!” another taunts another warrior.

“Hush Tarol,” the first warrior admonishes, “the warden has done more than we could do to help the clan. We might all be werewolves if it weren’t for her.”

Tamlen gives me a knowing smirk. “You might be surprised at this Shemlen,” He says quietly.

I feel as if I’m being put on display as Tamlen takes the first stance. I quickly join him as we go through the three series of movements. A complete quiet comes over the group of warriors as they watch us. 

“You must have Andruil’s blessing!” The first warrior breathes as we finish. “I am Neros, as we haven’t been introduced. We would be honored to practice with you.” The others nod in agreement and take positions around us as we begin again. Neros walks around giving the other warriors instruction and encouragement. Once he gets to me, he gives me smile. “I have nothing to tell you on how to make your form better. It’s perfect. However once we are finished with this morning’s practice I should like to hear how you learned our ways.”

I nod at him and flash him a quick smile as he steps beside me to finish the last series with us. Once practice is over Tamlen and I find ourselves talking with Neros and Lanaya as I explain the situation with the spirit and Wynne. 

“So basically an elven spirit of faith gave a part of itself to you?” Lanaya clarifies curiously.

“That’s how I understand it,” I say shifting uneasily.

“Such things are mentioned in our stories but it is rare and usually the recipient is a mage like your friend is,” Lanaya says thoughtfully. “The gifts bestowed by such spirits are usually magical in nature. Have you noticed anything different?”

“Other than my innate knowledge of Vir Tanadhal, of your language and songs, I haven’t noticed much else,” I admit.

“Elly, you are faster and stronger than before,” Tamlen says quietly.

“Well, I do feel like I have more energy and I can now hold against our stronger warriors,” I admit. “But I didn’t know if that was from practice or the spirit.”

“Maybe both,” Neros says thoughtfully.

“We will be having sparring matches today it is tradition before a bonding ceremony,” Lanaya states. “We would be honored to have you and your friends participate. It would be educational for our warriors to spar against others.”

“Lanaya, there’s no need to be so formal,” Neros teases lightly, “Warden would you join us in our sparring before the celebration?”

“Sounds like fun,” I say grinning wickedly, “I agree but only if you call me Elly. Warden always sounds too formal.”

“Elly it is then,” Neros grins back at me.

“So when do we start?” I ask curiously. I am excited by thought of this as it will be the first sparring I have done since leaving Redcliffe. I love a good sparring match.

Tamlen chuckles at my enthusiasm. “As soon as we get the others.”

“I will be back speedily then,” I tease rising to head to the camp leaving Tamlen. 

“Elly!” Tamlen calls. 

“I can get them you wait here,” I call back over my shoulder giving Lanaya a quick wink.

I race back to our camp and ask the others who would like to participate. It seems the mages aren’t much interested in participating but Wynne and Ox are interested in watching (probably wanting to be on standby if anyone is injured). 

Alistair, Adela, Jowan, and Leske have headed back into the forest to find some darkspawn for blood to prepare for the joining. We had agreed that now would be a good time, as straggler darkspawn are easy to find here. Thankfully they seem to be leaving the Dalish camp alone. Somehow Adela enlisted in Morrigan’s help to make the joining potion. She states she will be too busy to participate Shale states she would prefer to watch as she wouldn’t want to get us all killed by squishing a clan member.

The rest of us make our way to the Dalish camp. We are offered practice weapons and Neros is surprised we have our own, after inspecting them he declares them appropriate. For the first match we are to work in group of 4 against 4 of the Dalish warriors. I chose Zevran, Sten, and Soris for my group. Tamlen takes Leliana over to the area for the archery competition.  
As we get walk into the arena I notice the Dalish warriors are clustered together pointing and nodding at Sten. “Sten, can you get me behind them,” I ask quietly. He nods his assent. “I think they will try to come for you first because you are the largest target.” I note.Zevran and Soris both nod in agreement. “If you can get me behind them we can separate them,” I continue. 

A horn is blown signaling the start of the sparring match. The warriors immediately come toward us. Sten throws me. I tumble through the air over them landing just behind them. This distracts them and two turn direction heading toward me. I manage to keep them off of me until Zevran gets to me. He quickly covers my back to keep me from being flanked.

“About time you got here,” I tease breathlessly.

“I couldn’t let you have all the fun, Bella,” He banters back. We manage to take our opponents out with relative ease after that and looking over at Soris and Sten it seems they managed to do the same.

Neros seems to be impressed by our unusual tactics and asks if we would be willing to show them how to do the throws.

The next match is another group of 4. Cullen, Rory, Tamlen and Oghren are matched against four equally good warriors. As we are watching the match Lanaya comes over to watch with me.

“Ma Serannas,” she says with smile.

“For what?” I ask curiously.

“Giving me moment to speak with Tamlen of course, you silly len,” she says chuckling.

“Oh that,” I reply grinning at her.

“I take it, you and the antivan elf are bonded now, ” she says slyly looking at me sideways. 

I can’t help but to blush slightly at her demeanor. “I guess you could say that,” I admit.

“I happened to see you both leaving the springs,” she explains noting my red face.

Thankfully no one within our group has said anything about it yet. I realize it will be just a matter of time before the ribbing starts. Leliana and Alistair have already been going through it. At least Leliana doesn’t blush every time someone teases her about it. I have a feeling my reaction will be more like Alistair’s …blushing furiously any time a joke is made.

“I have liked Tamlen since the last Arlathvhen,” Lanaya admits. “But I knew he liked Neria, so I never said anything. Now he’s a warden and I’m a Keeper…I just don’t know.”

“Is there an issue with a keeper having bond mate and family?” I ask curiously, “I know the Zathrian had a family he said so himself.”

“Yes and no,” Lanaya says carefully, “The clan must come first above all others but it is allowed. It is not always looked upon as a boon. This is because we have to be careful of the amount of mages per clan. If there are more than 3 they are sent to other clans during Arlathvhen.”

“Arlathvhen is every 10 years though,” I note curiously. “From what I understand many mage children show their gift by around age 5.”

She smiles. “You have learned much of our ways. In our clan if we cannot find another clan to take in a mage child, we will keep them and raise them the best we can. It was Zathrian’s way and I will continue in the same tradition.” She explains. “However other Dalish mage children aren’t so lucky. If they aren’t transferred to another clan in a timely manner, they are given a pack and sent to fend for themselves.”

I am horrified at the thought of this but I school my face. “I see…” I say softly.

“Anyway, Tamlen explained that now that he is warden, this may be the last time he would be able to be among the people.” Lanaya says sadly.

“Perhaps if Tamlen is willing you should take what happiness you can,” I offer, “I know this is not traditional for your people. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Or if any of us will be alive after the archdemon. ”

“Is that how you do it?” She asks turning to look at me and then back over at Zevran.

“For now,” I admit, “That’s the only way we can.”

“You have given me much to think about, Elly,” Lanaya says thoughtfully. “Ma Serannas.”

The match is over and I am being called for the next match. It seems Zevran and I will be matched with Neros and Tarol. Tarol leers at me as we enter ring. 

“I’ve got the one glaring at you,” Zevran says with a smirk.

“Jealous Zev,” I tease lightly.

“After last night, cariño, not one bit,” he banters cheekily. I can’t help but to blush slightly at the reminder.

The horn is blown and Tarol comes right at me trying to bash me with his shield. I feint left giving him a sharp jab to the kidney with my elbow. He grunts as he falls forward. I leave him to Zevran and focus on Neros. I take a running jump going into a round-off jumping backwards to do a flip over Neros effectively flanking him. He seems to be a bit surprised but covers well as our daggers clash. 

“Well played, Elly,” He says with a wicked grin.

“Well I couldn’t let Tarol get the better of me, when I knew my real competitor was you,” I smirk as I parry.

“Tarol is young and lets his feelings hinder him,” Neros says simply as we circle each other looking for an opening. 

Our blades come together again in clash of wood against wood. It seems to be battle of strength at this point and I know I need to be smart about it. I let him push me till I am leaning back bluffing him into thinking his strength is overwhelming me. As he leans to push further I drop to the left and roll. His momentum takes him to the ground. I come to standing out of the roll as he getting to his hands and knees and place my daggers at his kidney and neck.

A wry grin spreads across his face. “Well fought Elly, I submit.”

Zevran comes over to me. “I’m not sure whether to be impressed by your ability to bluff or be frightened of you, Bella,” He states in a husky tone that makes warm all over.

I look at him with small smile. “How about you just be impressed?”

“Bella, I am impressed with you and much more,” He says smiling down at me. He moves to pull me closer to him in a tight embrace before taking possession of my lips in front of everyone. I am a bit shocked to say the least. But I return the unexpected display of affection. As he releases me he whispers “You have no idea how sexy that was to watch.”

I hear the exclamations from the onlookers at this point and immediately blush. I look over and seen Tarol walking off the sparring area holding his side with Neros who flashes me a nod and wicked grin.


	71. The Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a fluffy dalish wedding

Dear Diary,  
Today is the day of Cammen and Gheyna’s wedding/bonding. I admit I’m curious to see what a Dalish wedding consists of. I shift to roll out of the bedroll and Zevran snakes an arm around me. “Leaving so soon, querida?” He asks lazily. 

“Soon, it’s almost mid-morning,” I tease.

“Stay longer,” he says firmly holding me in place.

“Be careful what you ask of me, Zev,” I say snuggling into him. “There may come a day when I can’t say no.”

“Then I will be sure to only ask things that I know you can say yes to,” He says smiling as he pulls me closer.

By the time we get to the celebration there is feasting and dancing going on already. Quite frankly it’s nice to see everyone happy. Lanaya steps into the center of the dancers and calls for everyone’s attention.

“The elders and I have been discussing the events of the past week and we have decided to make the warden and her friends’ honorary clan members. From this day forth you will always be welcome within Clan Dinhilnnen.” 

Most of the clan let out shouts of happiness at this news. Tamlen looks proud as he stands beside me. I feel a tug on my arm and a young Dalish girl says, “Gheyna wishes to see you.”

I smile down at the child. “Take me to her then,” I offer holding out my hand. She smiles grabbing my hand and Zev flashes me a grin as she pulls me to run with her giggling. I stop short upon sighting Gheyna she has been painted with intricate designs on her hands and feet. “Oh Gheyna you are a beautiful bride, Cammen will be stumbling over himself at the sight of you,” I can’t help but to gush. 

Gheyna blushes and giggles. “You think so?” 

“Maker, yes!” I say firmly. “But I’m curious as to why you asked for me.”

“Well, because you helped us, I wanted to you be in the bonding ceremony,” she answers. “It’s not traditional but since I’ve lost much of my family who would normally participate…” she drops her eyes avoiding my gaze.

My heart goes out to this Dalish woman as I know exactly what she means. Before I even think I reach over and grasp her arm and give her a hug carefully as not to muss her intricate braids. “I would be honored to participate. Just tell me what you need me to do.”

“Ma Serannas!” she says her countenance changing to joyful. She has me change into the ceremonial attire and give me instructions.

It seems we have some time before the ceremony starts so she gestures to some cushions for some face paint. It seems the Dalish use clays and crushed flowers to accent the face similar to the powders we use. As the older women of the clan make up our faces, Gheyna turns to me. 

“Tamlen mentioned you lost your family as well,” She says softly as if she afraid to ask.

I pat her arm. “It’s ok and yes that is correct, our castle was attacked by another noble. My parent’s and many others were killed but my brother is hopefully still alive.”

“You have a brother?” Gheyna queries.

“Yes, his name is Fergus, He’s my older brother and was sent ahead with our men to Ostagar. So he wasn’t at the castle when…we were attacked.” I explain slowly.

“I hope you find him,” she offers optimistically.

“I hope so too,” I say offering a small smile. I hate to be one to tell him what happened to his wife and child though and my face darkens at thought.

“Elly, what’s wrong?” Gheyna asks as she studies my face.

“I…I just don’t know how to tell him.” I admit sadly.

“Oh, you mean…” she says with sudden understanding. “He had a wife there?”  
I nod at her and add, “And his son…”

“Creators,” she sighs sadly, “I now understand the look on your face. Fen harel’s ass…”

“I don’t envy you, Elly but you will do it like you do everything else,” she says evenly with grace and understanding. “It won’t be pleasant…but I would think he would be happy you are still alive.”

“Yes,” I agree, feeling a bit better, “and I do look forward to finding him. I just dread telling him.”

The ladies finish with our faces and step back inspect their handy work nodding. I look over at Gheyna as she looks at me and we both giggle at each other.   
“Creators, they could be sisters,” the one older elven woman says astonished. “Perhaps if they were both elven,” the other woman nods.   
I try to reach into my belt pack before remembering that I had a change of clothes. I have to see. Rummaging through my clothes I find the tiny ornate mirror my mother gave me when I became a teen and she insisted I could not be seen with dirt on my face. Old habits die hard I guess. I look into the mirror as Gheyna steps over watching me curiously. 

“Andraste’s ass,” I say astonished before handing Gheyna the mirror. 

“We look like sisters,” she chuckles gleefully. “I always wanted a sister.”

I grin at her. “I don’t see why we can’t be, family isn’t always blood, it’s who you choose to care about.”

She grins at me in return. “It’s decided then.”

“So you and the antivan elf?” she teases lightly. 

I blush several shades of red as she giggles at me. 

“He’s good looking. I’ll give you that one,” she says smiling. 

“I care about him,” I admit. “The fact he is easy on the eyes doesn’t hurt either.”

Gheyna snickers wickedly. “You are lucky to have claimed him, I’ve heard some of the others talking,” she says conspiratorially. 

“Oh?” I ask curiously. 

“Yea, but perhaps it works both ways because I have heard a few the hunters were pretty impressed by you as well even though you are human,” she jests thoughtfully. “It’s probably good you have each other and he made it apparent that you were his yesterday.”

I can’t help but to giggle as I blush again. “I guess he did, didn’t he.” 

“And good thing too as Tarol seemed to take a liking to you,” she says grinning.

“You’ve got to joking!!!” I say incredulously, “he doesn’t even like me for being human.”

Gheyna snorts, “With Tarol that means he likes you.”

“Maker!” I chuckle wryly, now I understand the public display of affection. Zevran must have noticed and decided to stake his claim in front of everyone.

“It’s time,” I hear a voice say, looking up I see one of the older elven woman addressing us. 

I look over at Gheyna and she grins at me. The ceremony is simple with a few words spoken about being open and supportive of each other the wording is beautiful and feel blessed to understand it all as suppose my friends are just hearing elven gibberish. The couple exchange necklaces and the ceremony is over and the party begins.

 

Notes:  
Yep, completely made up the clan name because I couldn’t find a name for Zathrian’s clan…the wiki just said unknown.


	72. Wedding Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leliana once again pulls a bit of prank on Elly and Zev...

Dear Diary,

As the food and Dalish wine flows, we enjoy the company of our guests. Even Oghren is starting to fit in but when he gets boisterous Sten and Shale offer to take him back to camp. Wynne excuses herself not long after along with Ox. The dancing starts and Tamlen grabs my hand. “Come on, Elly lets show them what you learned,” he says with a grin.

Looking up at his smiling face I can’t say no, so allow him to lead me to dancing area. I notice that Cammen and Gheyna are missing …probably “gainfully employed” as Zevran would so elegantly put it. Good for them, from what I understand it is common place with this type of celebration.

After the first song, I notice Zevran has asked Lanaya to dance but he gives me a wink as they make their way over to Tamlen and I. As they dance their way over to us, I step back see Lanaya stand beside me. Taking the hand that has Tamlen’s hand I place it in hers and step back again seeing a bit of an astonished look on Tamlen’s face but he grins at me. I feel a hand gently grasping my elbow. Knowing its Zev, I allow him to spin me toward him. 

“Bella,” He says huskily, “I guess I didn’t get the chance to tell you earlier but you are beautiful.”

“Well it would be in bad form to outdo the bride,” I banter cheekily as I dance with him.

“Ah,” he grins roguishly, “she was pretty but she wasn’t you.” He says stepping back.

“Flatterer,” I accuse lightly as he dances around me.

“It’s not flattery, it’s true,” He retorts teasingly as he grasps me by the waist.

The song ends and I look up to see Leliana with her lute. She gives me a saucy wink as she begins to play.

“Maker’s balls,” I mutter under my breath watching her, “what is she up to?”

I hear the first notes of the song that Zevran and I had previously danced to and he chuckles. “I guess our roguish friend wishes for us to dance,” Zev answers simply. 

I look around me and the dance area is cleared and everyone is looking at us expectantly. Lanaya is smiling as if she is patiently waiting for us to start. “All right then,” I say with nod, blushing at the sudden scrutiny.

Zevran takes my hand and in his and we take a few steps. “I don’t think we should scandalize the dalish,” I whisper into his ear. Zev replies with wicked grin before pulling me spinning me outward and back pulling me tightly to his body. “Well I guess we will,” I stifle a nervous snort, as we take a few close steps to Leliana’s lute. Zev pushes my front holding my waist and I lean back gracefully wrapping a leg around his hip for support as I bend into a deep dip. He pulls me upright and he grins at me cheekily.

As he spins me again, he lets go of my hand the skirts of the traditional dalish outfit fly high showing an ample amount of leg. I blush furiously with the realization of this as Zev grins at me devilishly. Oh so that’s how he wants to play it huh? I beckon Zev with finger, challenging him and he dances over to me with a smirk. He grabs my hands pulling me into him and I trace the outlines of his face bending my knees slightly as my hands ghost over the rest of his body perhaps lingering a moment longer on his well-muscled behind. As I return to stand, he snakes an arm around my back turning me around to lean my back on his chest as we sway.

“Challenge accepted I see…” He murmurs into my ear as he crouches slightly for my head to lie on his shoulder. He gently takes my ankle a raises it high above both our heads and forget about the challenge for the moment as my embarrassment returns knowing that the dalish outfit wasn’t covering much. He gives a slight chuckle as if he realizes my state of mind, much to my chagrin and stands as I lean forward to the right and he turns holding me. Once he stops I come to stand upright on one foot glaring at him as I he holds my knee. Zevran just grins as he holds me by the waist and knee and spins us on the last spin he pushes my knee out and I gracefully kick out both legs. 

As he sets me down I turn to face him red-faced, “you will pay for that …” I say with a smile noting the crowd. I bend my knees and shimmy moving downward, ghosting my hand down his inner thigh. I feel him take a quick breath of surprise.

“Minx,” I hear him mutter quietly as he grins. He pulls me back up to standing and we take few steps moving toward and away from each other. I step gracefully away from Zevran dropping his hand. After a few steps I turn and pose sinuously running my hands down my neck and across my breasts. I note his eyes widen in surprise before he quickly recovers and steps forward. I offer my hand grinning devilishly at him. I can also hear the gasps of the crowd probably scandalized by our dance. 

He takes my hand spinning me so my back is to his chest. I take a quick moment to purposely press my behind into hips before arching my back and laying my head on his shoulder as I can tell the song is coming to an end. I lift my right leg wrapping it around his hip as he flexes his knee and he supports me. As the song ends he slowly stands me upright. Turning me toward him he whispers “Touché, I think you won this one Bella.”


	73. Return to Denerim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loghain confronts the warden. Angry smut.

Dear Diary,  
We finally make it to Denerim and no sooner did we arrive at the Arl’s estate when Loghain appeared. I would have expected him to wait to make an appearance for a day to so as would usually be appropriate. “Loghain,” Arl Eamon says politely, “this is an unexpected honor, that the regent would find time to greet me personally.”

“How could I not welcome a man so important as to call every lord in Ferelden away from his estates while a blight claws at Ferelden’s land?” Loghain retorts facetiously.

“Oh so now he realizes it’s a blight,” Adela mutters dryly.

“The blight is why I am here;” Eamon responds wryly, “With Cailan dead. Ferelden must have a King to lead it against the darkspawn.”

“Ferelden has a strong leader, its queen. And I lead her armies,” Loghain argues.

“Considering Ostagar, perhaps we need a better general,” Alistair says his light tone belying the challenge behind it.

Loghain looks at Alistair as if he is sizing him up. Then his gaze turns me, “and who is this Eamon? Some new stray you picked up on the road?”

I smile sweetly. “Loghain you know exactly who I am, Anora tried to shove me down a well for the last sweet cake when we were little, although I’d suggest she don’t try it again.”

“Ah Lady Cousland you always did have a blunt way of speaking,” he answers with smirk.

“Only in like company,” I say lightly turning my gaze onto Howe who is standing behind him. “Although I don’t remember you allying yourself with two-faced rotten maggot spawn. I thought better of you than that.”

“I’m told that you are now a warden,” Howe says with malicious glare, “You have my sympathies on what happened to your order. It is unfortunate that they chose to turn against Ferelden.”

“I don’t need the sympathies of traitors and regicides,” I retort with a wicked smile.

“If these are best and finest Ferelden has to offer then Orlais should take over,” Adela smirks trying to bait Loghain.

“Don’t interrupt churl,” Sir Catherine sneers, “Your betters are talking.”

“Enough,” Loghain says giving a chiding look at Catherine, “this is not the time or place. I had hoped to talk you down from this rash course, Eamon. Our people are frightened. Our king is dead. Our land under siege.”

“And whose fault is that?” Adela mutters.

“We must be united now,” Loghain continues ignoring Adela, “if we are to endure this crisis. Your own sister Queen Rowan fought tirelessly to see Ferelden restored. Would you see her work destroyed? You divide our nation and weaken our efforts against the Blight with your selfish ambitions to the throne.”

“And Ferelden will surely fall without the wardens,” I offer giving Loghain a mysterious glance.

“Cailan depended on the wardens against the darkspawn and look how well that ended. Let of speak of reality rather than tales. Stories will not save us.” Loghain retorts.

I shake my head as he doesn’t understand why the archdemon cannot be killed by a non-warden.

“I cannot forgive what you’ve done, Loghain,” Eamon states quietly, “perhaps the Maker can but I cannot. The people deserve a King of the Theirin bloodline. Alistair will be the one to lead us to victory in this blight.”

“Oh is that all I have to do?” Alistair says a bit facetiously, “No pressure at all.”

“The emperor of Orlais also thought I could not bring him down,” Loghain says stepping forward. I immediate step forward between the Arl and Teryn making but make no moves toward my weapon. Loghain and I stand face to face. He looks at me surprise crossing his features for split second before he schools his face.  
“Expect no more mercy then I showed him,” He continues looking at me appraisingly, “There is nothing I would not do for my homeland.”

After his statement Loghain turns to walk away. “Well that was…bracing,” Eamon says wryly after the Teryn and his entourage left. “I didn’t expect Loghain to show himself quite so soon.”

“What should we do?” Alistair asks quietly.

I don’t hear the answer as during this whole exchange one of the only things I had been concentrating on was to not immediately disembowel Howe. To be honest it took every ounce of self-control I could muster to contain my composure. I start to shake in anger.

“If you will excuse me,” I say quickly and exit the area heading for courtyard, where I can let off some steam against some practice dummies.

After about a half hour I hear a voice, “Would you prefer a partner?” I look over to see Zevran regarding me curiously. I quickly wonder if that is good idea considering my state of mind. I don’t want to take my anger out him. “Do not worry Bella, I will fine,” He says as if he reading my mind as he pulls on his leathers. I nod and gesture toward the middle of the courtyard night has fallen and it is only the two of us.

We spar and I don’t hold anything back but Zev seems to expect this and I’m getting tired as I have been sparring straight for well over an hour but my anger is not spent.

“Elly!” he chides as my movements become sluggish and angry instead of precise, “Enough already you are exhausted.”

“My anger is not yet done,” I growl bitterly as our daggers meet and are locked and we both pressed forward. Before I can say another word, he quickly drops down which causes my momentum to carry me forward falling towards the ground. Leaving his daggers behind, he pins me to the ground on my stomach. I throw back my head in an attempt to possibly hit him with it but he is prepared and easily dodges me. More easily than I would like to admit he flips me onto my back holding my wrists above my head, straddling my body, as I struggle.

“There are other ways of working out your anger that will not end with you hurting yourself, Bella,” he states looking me at sternly. He leans down and traces my neck with his tongue. For some strange reason this incites a passionate but still furious response within me. I am momentarily bewildered by this. I raise my head and bite the skin his shoulder viciously. He removes one hand from my wrists holding them with other and gives my breast a pinch which sends a flood of warmth to through me.

He kisses me roughly biting my lips and I return in kind. We are brutal in our caresses of each other. He finally lets my wrists go and reaches under my scale skirt pulling my smalls to the side. I can’t help but give an appreciative moan as his clever fingers work my most sensitive areas. With cat-like agility he changes position, has unlaced his breeches, and suddenly hilts himself inside of me. I gasp in surprise but for some reason I am not deterred by these actions. After a few moments I find myself not wanting to be submitting so easily to him and decide to take action. Grasping his shoulders, I lithely flip us. As he was not expecting this I see his eyes widen in surprise momentarily before a wicked smirk graces his face.

He roughly pulls my face toward his and kisses me once again before grasping my hips with one hand hard enough to leave bruises and working the other between us to run his thumb insistently over me in a way that is almost painful. I feel the pressure in me building and quicken my pace. Zevran increases the pace and pressure with his hand and as I tumble over my threshold. I fall forward and he covers my cry with his lips. Grabbing my hips with both hands he grinds into me for his own release. We lie panting for some time before I move off of him and curl into a ball my fists clenched trying to keep my composure.

“Bella, look at me,” he chides lightly straightening my clothing and gathering me into his arms. This small gesture is enough to break the tenuous bit of control I had left. I sob bitterly into his chest. His arms tighten around me and he runs his hand over my head pulling me tightly into him.

Zevran says nothing just holding me as the torrent passes. When I finally look up at him he has a soft smile on his face. “Feeling better?” He asks.

I nod sheepishly at him before finding my voice. “I have to admit that was interesting therapy,” I joke weakly.

His chuckle rings out in the stillness of the night.


	74. Saving the Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly sets out to save Anora.

Dear Diary,   
I am finding myself in the difficult position of having to walk into Howe’s nest of vipers to rescue Queen Anora. I admit that if I see Howe here I may not be able to keep from going after him even if it messes up the rescue mission and that worries me. Zevran assures me that he will be there to pull me back from the brink if need be. I don’t want to Alistair in danger or any of the other wardens as there is still a bounty on our heads still and thankfully not many people outside of our little group know that there are more wardens than just Alistair and me. I take Leliana, Zevran, and Rory with me and we sneak in Howe’s estate dressed as soldiers.  
Upon finding Anora magically locked in a room we head to dungeons to find Howe and his mage. Two birds one stone perhaps? As we descend the steps through Howe’s room heading down the dungeon. I am disgusted that Howe would have his bedroom this close to a torture area but I’m not surprised as Howe as how has shown what a depraved person he is.

Entering the first room a confused soldier has barely time to ask us who we are when his neck is snapped and the body pulled into the cell. We watch curiously as I can feel the presence of warden in room, when finally rather good looking man steps out of the cell.

“I thank you for creating such distraction stranger. I have been waiting days for the opportunity.” He offers appreciatively.

“Well I thought it rather interesting when I felt another warden’s presence,” I say with a small smile. “You wouldn’t happen to be Riordan would you?” 

The man looks at me curiously. “You are a warden,” He says decisively, “but I don’t know you. How do you know who I am?”

“Oh, my apologies, I am Elly Cousland, Duncan’s last recruit.” I reach forward to shake his hand. “There is very worried Orlesian Warden looking for you.” 

“Ah, so you met Adela, is she still with you?” He questions.

“Yes, go to Arl Eamon’s estate you can heal and join up with the rest of the wardens,” I explain.

“The rest of the wardens you mean there are more of you?” He says the surprise showing on his face.

“Yes, I would explain but we are in a bit of a hurry. Howe has the queen detained.” I offer quickly, “I’m sure Adela will explain everything and very happy to see you.”

“yes, then you must hurry, I will meet with you at Arl Eamon’s estate.” He says briskly taking his leave.

“We can’t leave anyone down here to suffer Howe’s tender mercies,” I mutter as we leave the room.

It seems Howe has his dungeons filled right up my childhood friend Oswyn is in the torture chamber and I free him immediately.

“Elly is an idea of a joke did my father send you?” he asks angrily.

I shake my head. “No, Oswyn, I am so sorry I had no clue you were here. Howe has imprisoned the Queen.” I dig through my pack hand him the soldier’s armor I was previously wearing as it was too big for me anyway. “Here take this and sneak out, the way behind you should be clear. I need to find Howe and his mage.”

He dresses quickly and limps toward me. “Thank you Elly, My father and I will do anything to help you. I’m sorry about what happened at Highever.”

I nod as he gives me a quick hug. “Be safe Elly.”

My anger at Howe is near a boiling point now it seems killing my family isn’t enough, he is imprisoning and torturing people I’ve known my whole life. I remember Rory’s wounds briefly and scowl twists my face.

“A friend of yours?” Zevran asks quietly.

“Yes, Bann Sighard’s son. We used to play together as children.” I explain.

“Andraste’s ass….who hasn’t Howe tried to destroy.” Rory sighs.

“Let’s move on,” Leliana suggests.

I nod in agreement and head for the door. In the next prison area we find Ser Irminric, I barely remember him but I do know his sister Bann Alfstanna. I promise to take his ring to her as even though I opened his prison door he seems too addled to leave. I hate to just leave him there but he’s offering me little choice. A few cells from Irminric there is someone I never thought I would see, Vaughan Kendalls. 

Upon seeing the situation I am tempted to just leave him I remember what happened to Soris’s wife and knowing what horrible person he is. I turn away.

“Lady Cousland,” he says recognizing me “You can’t just leave me here. I’ll have you flayed, I’m the Arl of Denerim!”

I shake my head and give Zevran a wicked grin. Turning back, I walk over to the prison door. “And I’m the queen of Antiva,” I retort smartly looking at him.

“Smart mouthed bitch as always,” Vaughan sneers. I feel Zevran tense beside me. 

“I see how your knife-eared servant wishes to protect you, perhaps he wishes to bed you as well,” Vaughan taunts. 

I give Zevran a sidelong glance. Before grabbing my dagger and thrusting it into Vaughan. As he falls forward I growl, “He isn’t my servant. I love him.” I twist the dagger and Vaughan grunts and falls to the floor. 

I wipe the blood off on Vaughan’s clothing and stand looking at the corpse coldly, “Denerim will be better off without him and maybe Soris will have some peace now. He was a twisted piece of work.”

As I turn back to leave this part of the prison I see Zev has a look of surprise on his face he quickly schools. Rory nods at me in agreement as he had the unfortunate privilege of dealing with the spoiled noble previously. Leliana seems nonplussed by the situation and we proceed forward. 

We enter another room and find Howe. 

“Well, look here Bryce Cousland’s little spitfire, all grown up and still playing the man.” Howe sneers, “I thought Loghain made I clear that you pathetic family is gone and forgotten.”

“You won’t forget. Their memory drove me to you,” I retort.

“Your parent’s died on their knees, your brother’s corpse rots in Ostagar and his brat was killed and along with his Antivan whore of a wife.” He jeers on, “and what’s left? A fool husk of a daughter likely to end her days under a rock in the deep roads. Even the wardens are gone. You’re the last of nothing. This is pointless. You’ve lost.”

I look at Howe and give him a malicious smile. “You lie, Howe. To yourself most of all. If I am so insignificant to you, you wouldn’t have given me that lovely albeit morbid speech to try to break me down. I am Lady Cousland and most of all a grey warden. You are afraid and quite frankly you should be after what you’ve done. You lie to yourself about that most of all.”

“There it is. Right there! That damned look in the eye that marked every Cousland success that held me back.” He says grimly, “It would appear you have made something of yourself after all. Your father would be proud. I, on the other hand want you dead more than ever.”

A wicked grin crosses my face at his words, “he’s mine!” I mutter. As he grabs his daggers and starts toward me, Zevran steps in front of me dropping down. I look at him and grin stepping into his hand as he throws me into the air. I gracefully sail over the man and land looking at a confused Howe. This movement puts Howe and I behind his mages, who are busy with the rest of my party. This will be duel of just him against me.

I smirk and beckon my fingers at Howe. He takes a quick look around and seeing his comrades are occupied, rolls his shoulders and comes at me. Our daggers clash. His movements would be deadly enough but I am quicker and obviously had more practice as of late. 

“Looks like you are out of practice old man!” I taunt, “the Cousland’s didn’t hold you back you did that to yourself!”

“And you need to die,” He retorts charging me. Just as he is ready to reach me, I roll to the side and thrust my dagger into his kidney. Howe stumbles just out of my reach holding his side. I calmly walk over to him and grab the dagger twisting it as I pull it out. He gives a grunt of pain as he falls to the floor.

I stand there looking at the man bleeding out on the floor, coldly not feeling anything. When Howe lifts his head “Maker spit on you…” he gasps, “I deserved …more…” then he falls releasing his last breath.

I stand in a daze wondering if it’s really over when Leliana, Zevran, and Rory come to stand beside me. “Elly are you okay?” Zevran asks quietly. 

I just can’t believe how dark the human soul can be and stand for a few moments saying nothing. Finally, I nod at him. “Yea let’s go.”  
We head back through the dungeon and into the estate and Anora’s door. “Anora!” I call as I open the door. Anora walks toward me wearing a soldier’s armor. “Aren’t you bit short for a soldier?” I tease lightly.

“Very funny,” she retorts, “but I was surprised when Erlina told me it was you Elly, but I’m not surprised you could do it you always were very strong. I take it the mage is dead.”

“As is Howe,” I nod. 

“I would thank you for that,” she says gratefully, “but after what he did to your family and to many others it would be…inadequate.”

“Let’s just get out of here before someone else shows up,” I offer.

Anora nods. As we leave the room and head back to the main entrance we see someone has already shown up Ser Catherine and her guards.

“Warden in the name of the regent, I am placing you under arrest for the murder of Rendon Howe and his men. Surrender and you may be shown mercy," Catherine announces.

“I would consider killing Howe to be service rather than a crime but you do not know the whole story. I will go with you. A moment with my companions if you please,” I counter.

Ser Catherine gives me a surprised glance but nods her acquiescence.

I hand my weapons and pack to Zevran. “Are you sure about this?” Zevran asks looking at me as he brings his fingers to my face.

“If we kill them it only reinforces the lies about the wardens,” I say sadly holding his hand for a moment. He nods in understanding but I can tell he is uneasy about it. 

I walk over to Catherine. “The others can go they are of little consequence it’s the Warden, Loghain wants,” I can hear Anora’s noise of disgust behind me as we leave the estate.


	75. A Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly makes friend with another prisoner, Zev, Rory, Adela, and Alister rescue her.

Dear Diary,  
I’ve been taken to Fort Drakon. I am not interrogated but I am stripped and beaten unconscious. Afterward I wake up in cell. I sit up and prisoner next to me speaks. “You look like you have been through 10 times of crap, friend. What did you do?” 

“I killed Rendon Howe,” I answer but I can’t help rolling my eyes.

“Who calls that a crime? More like a public service, still they’ll hang you for it.” He replies.

I nod in agreement.“Well, at least the other wardens are safe,” I sigh.

“Wait, you are the warden?” the man asks.

“That’s what they call me but I would prefer being called by my name, Elly” I give him half-hearted smile.

“Maker’s got a funny sense of humor,” the man says with wry chuckle, “From what little news we get in here I thought you were 10 feet tall and made of stone. I never believed your order would kill King Cailan or side with the darkspawn. At least that’s what they are saying anyway.”

“I know my friends will try to rescue me, I just need to hang in there until they get here.” I say hopefully.

The man chuckles, “good luck with that. I’ll expect the Maker to walk in here and sing us a sea chantey first, though.”

I can’t help but smile at his humor. Poor sod has been here for a while. I make up my mind that when help comes (I have to say when because if I don’t have hope I would just give up) I’ll let the poor man free. 

“So who do you think will come rescue you?” He asks conversationally.

“I know Zevran will come and most likely Rory but Alistair will probably be worried as well, and Adela won’t want to be left out as well as others it’s hard to say. They will probably pick the best skill set for the job.” I say thoughtfully.

“How many friends do you have?” The man asks with no small amount of surprise.

I just smile at him and nod as the guard is heading to my door.

“Maker go with you, Elly,” I hear him whisper as the door is unlocked.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next time I awake I can’t move my entire body hurts. I was beaten again and I fainted after hard blow to head. I don’t remember what happened after that. I lay on the cold stone with my eyes closed and listen to sounds around me it’s fairly quiet in here now as the torturer has gone for the day. 

Then I hear the man in next cell. “Elly, I don’t know if you can hear me, but hope you can. You weren’t looking so good when they brought you back.”

I manage to make my lips move. “I can hear you.”

“You don’t know how happy I am that I’m not talking to corpse,” the man says with chuckle, “I haven’t had anyone to talk too in ages.”

I manage to turn my head and smile at him. Suddenly I hear a ruckus coming from the far side of the room. And then Zevran’s voice “Elly! Where are you?”

“She’s over here!” the man calls to him.

I can hear Zevran picking the lock to my door. As he steps into the cell I hear him gasp and I try to sit up. “Don’t move,” he says digging into his pack.

“Maker’s breath,” Rory says as he enters the cell.

“Elly, you look like crap,” Adela says letting out a whistle.

“Bella, I have an elfroot potion here, you need to drink it,” Zevran says bringing the bottle to my mouth. I nod and drink the potion. He pulls a blanket out of his pack and wraps it around me before picking me up. I grimace in pain as he carefully picks me up. He carries me out of the cell. 

“Zev, open the door for him,” I painfully point to the other cell.

“Ah Bella making friends wherever you are,” He says slightly amused.

He nods to Rory who gently takes me from Zev’s arms. Once the man is let out I call him over. “Go to Highever tell them Lady Cousland sent you and they can set you up with place to live and job. You won’t have to steal to eat again.” 

“If you have any trouble ask to speak with Bann Gilmore, he is my father.” He adds as he places me carefully back into Zevran’s arms. Rory gives the man some clothes and a few sovereigns for the trip.

The man is stunned. “I never expected such kindness. You do have friends in high places, Elly.” He smiles “I can’t even thank you enough.”

Alistair chuckles, “you have no idea. The way behind us is clear for the moment if you hurry.”

Zevran carries me back to Eamon’s estate and takes me to my room. Wynne, Morrigan and Ox are already there.

“By the maker!” Wynne gasps as she removes the blanket after Zevran places me gently on the bed. “There isn’t one part of her that isn’t bruised or broken.”

Zevran’s face hardens in anger. 

"Zevran it’s probably best if you leave to let us heal her," Wynne says with angry expression.

“No!” I say suddenly, “I wish him to stay….”

“I will do whatever you want, Bella,” he says softly pulling a chair over to the bed.

Wynne asks several questions about what happened and I do my best to answer them. 

Wynne nods, “I think it would be best to put you to sleep for a while to work on knitting your broken bones there are so many.” 

She gives me a potion and the last thing is see is the furious but sad look on Zevran’s face as I lose consciousness.


	76. The Gratitude of a Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anora checks on Elly.

Dear Diary,  
When I next awake I see Zevran has fallen asleep in the chair beside me. He looks exhausted. I am incredibly thirsty and note the pitcher and metal cup left thoughtfully on the stand beside the bed. I try to be quiet as not to wake Zev as I reach for the cup. But it’s almost like he has sixth sense for these things as opens his eyes seeing my hand reaching for the cup. He silently takes the cup and brings it to my lips. 

Once I have my fill to drink, he asks, “How are you feeling, Bella?”

I give him a weak smirk. “Like sylvan fell on me but I will live.”

He gives me smirk in return. “Well, you seem to have regained your sense of humor.”

“Wynne asked to see you once you woke,” He says moving to the door. I get the feeling he is avoiding a me bit for some reason. Although it makes my chest contract painfully, I say nothing as he leaves to get Wynne. But I can’t help but wonder what he is thinking.

Wynne comes enters the room without Zevran and once again I feel my chest contract as she examines me from head to toe. The bruises are fading and my bones are mending but it seems I will need some more recuperation time. Wynne says she wishes to have me rest for another 2 weeks. She looks at me worriedly and I have to wonder what she isn’t telling me. I feel almost like everyone is walking on eggshells around me and I don’t know why. 

Then one by one my companions come to check on me. Alistair comes first with a plate of food. “I thought you might be hungry,” He says giving me sheepish glance. 

At the moment I realize I am ravenous, “Good call,” I grin at him, “I’m starving!”

As he settles in the chair beside the bed and we eat I finally ask him. “What is going on? Where is Zev?”

Alistair shakes his head. “I don’t know but he told me he had something he needed to take care of. But we found out what is going on at the alienage…” He explains the sickness going through the alienage and how Loghain had elves sold into slavery. My stomach turns at this. 

“Well at least we got the proof,” I say in disgusted voice, as there is a knock on my door. 

Alistair answers the knock and Eamon enters the room. After exchanging pleasantries and checking on my well-being he gets right to business. 

“You know,” he says looking at us, “if Alistair were to marry Anora it would be a solidifying action to put a halt to this political unrest.” 

“I can’t believe I am hearing this,” Alistair says incredulously. “Even if I did agree to this why would Anora? She can run the country as she sees fit as it stands now. 

We take care of her father and she has all the power she needs. But I don’t know if I trust her any more than her father.”

I shake my head. “Unfortunately,” I say gently looking at Alistair, “Eamon is correct as the throne should be still with the Theirin bloodline.”  
Eamon nods in agreement. 

“And what better way to temper Anora’s rule than to have her rule with someone else,” I add thoughtfully, “She will think you know nothing. She has no idea who you are (aside from Maric’s bastard son) and that you have been groomed for this.”

“And what of Leliana?” He asks raising his voice slightly, “Have you thought how she might feel about this?” 

I look at Alistair and reach my hand out to him. He looks down and takes my hand sitting on the edge of the bed. “Leliana knows who you are and that this might be a possibility,” I say softly, “speak with her about it you might be surprised. She was a bard of the courts she understands full well how things work. And Anora might be more amicable than you think.” I give a quick smirk as I know about Anora and her proclivities it was known in higher circles but kept under wraps.

“Maker, when you smirk like that means you know something that I don’t,” Alistair sighs.

“However,” Eamon starts as an idea hits him. “We could depose Anora if you wished to marry Alistair….” he says cautiously. 

Alistair and I both snicker at the suggestion. Eamon looks confused. “There is problem with that Eamon aside from the fact we feel more like family than lovers. It’s hard enough for one warden to produce a child. If two are to marry it wouldn’t be possible because of what we have to do become wardens,” I explain, “If a non-warden were to marry a warden the chances are higher.”

Eamon nods, “I understand. If it’s any consolation, I’m sorry Elly.” He takes a deep breath, “Maker, I would have felt horrible had anything happened to you.” He moves closer to give me quick fatherly hug. “Especially after everything you did for my family. Teagan told me that you turned down his offer and now I understand why. If you ever change your mind about Teagan even if heirs are not in picture, I would support it.”

Eamon’s words bring tears prickling to my eyes. I push them back and take a breath. “Teagan deserves a wife that can be by his side until death, I cannot do that.”  
“Not to mention, she is crazy about someone else,” Alistair teases lightly as if trying to improve the somber mood. 

I blush lightly as Eamon gives me fatherly look. “He better be worth your time.”

There is another knock on the door and Erlina leans into the room. “Anora would like to speak with you Warden, if you are up to it.”

I nod in approval. 

“Of course,” Eamon says looking at the servant, “We were just leaving.”

They leave and few minutes later Anora comes into the room. “I asked Erlina to bring tea,” Anora says a bit nervously.

“That’s fine, Anora it’s been a long time,” I say kindly.

Anora visibly relaxes. “Elly, I’m sorry. Maker, you are a mess.” She sighs looking at the bruises on my face. “Are you okay?”

“I will be…” I say looking at her curiously, “What did you wish to talk about?”

“My father,” She sighs, “I don’t know what he is thinking but I don’t wish him dead. In spite of the fact he might have tried to kill me.”

I nod in understanding. “Anora, I don’t know if that will be possible considering the circumstances,” I say choosing my words carefully, “Perhaps a political alliance would be beneficial.”

Anora gives me calculated look. “What did you have in mind?”

“Marry Alistair,” I say simply, “I know he is very angry about what happened at Ostagar and the following price on the head of the wardens. However I think he would be less likely to kill his wife’s father. But bear in mind that your father will need to be dealt with. It will also keep the kingship within the Theirin bloodline.”

Anora nods, “That does seem like the simplest solution doesn’t it. Ignoring the fact he looks so much like Cailan my recently deceased husband.” She looks a bit shaky for moment before collecting herself. “I was actually quite fond of him in spite of …you know. But is this something Alistair would even agree to. Would you talk to him?”

“Anora,” I tease lightly, “We are not schoolchildren and I am not going to pass notes for you.” I grin at her and she chuckles lightly at my demeanor.

“Go talk to him I think you may be surprised at how he responds,” I say having faith in my friend. “You are childhood friend and although we fought more than got along I still consider you as such, we were kids then. Alistair is my brother-in-arms and more knowledgeable than you would think. Give him a chance.”

“How come I get the feeling you just had the same talk with Alistair??” she says suspiciously with wry smile.

I just smile enigmatically at her.

“I…I was worried,” Anora starts, “You would hate me and…” 

“What happened at the Arl of Denerim’s estate is not your fault the idea was get you out there safely,” I state firmly, “I would not let anyone suffer Howe’s proclivities.”

Anora nods, “thank you for that.”


	77. Where is Zev?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly is worried about Zevran....

Dear Diary,  
It is evening now and Zevran still hasn’t returned. My other companions have come to see me and although I appreciate their company the person I wish to see the most is still gone. When Tamlen finally comes to see me it is late. When there is a lull in conversation I sigh sadly. 

“What is wrong Elly?” Tamlen asks.

“No one will tell me what is going on,” I say looking for answers in his face. Zevran left and hasn’t returned since I awoke and I feel that everyone knows something they aren’t telling me. 

Tamlen sighs, “I don’t know where Zevran is but after bringing you back from Fort Drakon, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him angry and he was livid but quietly so. A man like him, you need to let him deal with it. He will tell you when he is ready.”

“Maker, I hope he doesn’t do anything to get himself hurt,” I say worriedly.

“I’m sure he will be fine,” Tamlen says consolingly. “I should go and let you rest.”

“Umm Tamlen, I don’t want to be alone,” I say a bit shakily, “Can you stay with me until Zev returns?”

“Of course whatever you need, Elly,” he says settling into the chair beside me. 

“Don’t be silly,” I say looking at him, “you need to sleep too.” I scoot over on the large bed ignoring my protesting body. “There is plenty of room.”

Tamlen looks indecisive for moment before relenting with a smile, “it’s the least I can do after the kindness you have shown me.”

Tamlen lies down on the bed and I lay my head on his shoulder. “What do you think Zev’s doing?” I ask curiously. 

Tamlen puts an arm around my shoulders gently before answering. “Well if I was in the frame of mind I think he’s in, he’s probably finding those who hurt you and hurting them. That is how I would react.”

“Maker’s balls!” I exclaim, “He better not be doing something so stupid…or I may have to kick his arse myself.”

“Elly!” Tamlen chides gently, “Don’t be too hard on him, a man has to do what a man has to do… he was upset that you chose to go with Ser Catherine in the first place. He was muttering about how you think of everyone but yourself.”

“Okay,” I sigh slipping my arm around his slim waist, “I won’t be too hard on him.”

“Good,” Tamlen grins, “now go to sleep…you are never going to heal, to gently kick his arse if you don’t rest.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am awakened by rustling in the room and the quiet voices of Tamlen and Zevran talking. “Thank you for staying with her,” I hear Zevran say quietly.

“It’s no problem but I think you need to talk to her, she’s a bit hurt and emotional right now,” I hear him say softly. 

I look over and see Zevran nod at him before closing my eyes again quickly as I don’t want them to know I was eavesdropping. Considering they are having the conversation in my room, I guess I wouldn’t really be eavesdropping though.

I hear the door shut as Tamlen leaves and hear rustling as Zevran does something. I finally decide to quit playing possum and slowly sit up. “Zevran?” 

“Bella, you should be resting.” He admonishes lightly. I find the candle on the bedside stand and light it. So I can see him. He is dressing a slash on his arm. My heart constricts seeing this. 

“And you are hurt,” I say putting my legs to the side of the bed. Before he can say another word, I stand shakily ignoring my screaming body and walk over to him. 

“It’s nothing just a scratch and you shouldn’t be out of bed yet,” He says trying to finish bandaging quickly.

I am worried and want to see so I stand there trembling as I force my body to remain standing. 

“So stubborn,” He mutters with a wry smile, as he un-wraps his arm to let me see. It’s not a scratch but it’s not terrible either I note. “Now, will you go back to bed?” He wraps the bandage again quickly.

“Yes,” I say softly as relief washes through me. I turn to head back to the bed and Zevran reaches down to pick me up to carry me the rest of the way. 

As he gently sets me on the bed he looks at me as if trying to discern my state of health. “I’m fine Zev, I think we need to talk…” I say patting the bed next to me. He sits next to me rather stiffly.

“I woke up and then you left no one knew where you were although Tamlen had a few ideas,” I explain, “and by your state, I think he was right. Are you okay now?”

Zevran gives me a look of surprise and relaxes. “Yes, Bella I am better now…” He looks at the floor. “I had thought you would be much angrier with me.”

“Oh I am, but I can’t kick your arse in this condition,” I tease lightly.

“Aha,” he chuckles, “so biding your time?”

I give him a wry grin and nod.

“Well I better get my thoughts out now before you get better,” he says gently taking my arms and pushing me back into the bed. 

My body protests but I make no sign of it as he pins my arms to the bed. “Don’t ever do something like that again,” he says grittily. His grasp becomes a bit harder and I try not to wince. “Promise me!” Realizing he’s probably hurting me he loosens his grasp and gets up to pace the room. 

“Zev,” I say softly reaching out to him. He walks over to me and I pat the bed indicating for him to sit. He sits down rather stiffly again. I reach over and gently take his chin so he is facing me his eyes are a mix of concern, anger, and hurt.

“I can’t promise you that I will survive the archdemon,” I see his eyes flicker with alarm, “but I promise I will do everything I can to come back to you.” 

He sags tiredly and sighs, “I know …it’s just I’ve never felt this way before…wanting to protect something precious to me.”

I nod pulling him down to the bed. “Let’s get some rest, we have a few hours before Wynne comes back to check on me.”


	78. A Political Alliance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an agreement has been reached between Alistair, Anora, and Leliana.

Dear Diary,  
It seems that an agreement has been struck between Anora and Alistair. I admit I’m a little worried about Leliana as I haven’t seen her, since I talked to Alistair and Anora. It seems she has been busy making contact with all the nobles we helped and making connections for the landsmeet. Wynne is checking on me again when Leliana comes to see me. 

“Wynne could you excuse us for a few minutes,” I ask politely, as Leliana looks as if she ready to burst from whatever information she has. 

“I’ll be close if you need me,” Wynne replies kindly.

“Well Bann Sighard is grateful for the return of his son and will support the wardens at the Landsmeet,” she says happily, “Bann Alfstanna collected her brother and has him back at her home for recovery and offered her support as well. And since Arl of Denerim was…killed by Howe, it will take time to find a replacement for him and that won’t happen till after the Landsmeet. I also managed to talk to a few of the other Banns and get their support.” 

“That’s wonderful news Leliana,” I gush before looking at her quietly, “but I’m more concerned about you.”

“That is another thing I need to have a talk with you about,” she says a bit crossly, “Alistair is marrying Anora and to be honest, I wasn’t very happy about it. But I met with Anora and we talked. …You Knew!!!!!”

At this point I’m finding it hard to keep a straight face and I stifle a snort. 

“And you didn’t tell me?” she continues ignoring my mirth, “Balls, I had to explain it to Alistair!”

No longer able to stifle myself I start chuckling. 

“That was really sneaky, Elly!” She admonishes over my giggles. “How did you know anyway?” she asks quietly looking at me expectantly. 

I quiet at the question. “I’ve known since I was teen, Anora tried to kiss me,” I explain softly, “I thought it would be better for you to find out on your own. I thought the 3 of you could work out an agreeable compromise. And thankfully it worked I knew it was calculated risk. Consider it payback for my embarrassment at Redcliff.” I tease lightly.

Leliana smirks wryly at my teasing. “I guess I did have it coming. But explaining it to Alistair that I was not only going to be the kings consort but the queen’s as well was …interesting.” 

I snicker, “of that I have no doubt.”

“Well at least he wasn’t too upset by the idea and he liked the idea that I could stay at court with him,” Leliana add kindly, “So your gamble did pay off.”

“Anora isn’t a bad person either, she is very task driven and really does what she thinks is best sometimes to point of being brutal. I think her and Alistair can balance each other out,” I note lightly. “I also think you could be the catalyst to cement a good relationship between them.”

Leliana nods in understanding, “you really thought this through, before taking the risk didn’t you.”

“Of course I did,” I answer kindly. “I really just wanted to be sure you were alright with it. I thought you would be but I wasn’t completely sure.”

“I’m alright with it,” she says a bit smugly, " you know me well. I should have known you would worry about me and you weren’t just using me for political reasons. I do agree with your assessment that they are good for each other but they don’t really see it yet. But you know Anora better than I and she seems a reasonable sort. You still could have said something though.”

“But where would the fun have been in that,” I tease with another snicker. 

“Oh you!!!” Leliana gasps as she gives me a hug, “you are both wonderful and terrible.” She takes a seat in the chair by the bed. “How soon will you be allowed to out of bed?” she asks.

“Wynne says I can walk around tomorrow,” I tell her smiling. 

“Good then you will be able to come,” she says slyly.

I raise my eyebrows questioning. 

“Alistair and Anora’s wedding,” she explains grinning, “we all decided it would be better to do it before the landsmeet to cement things before meeting with Loghain. It’s going to be in secret so we can spread the news there. I get to help Anora with the arrangements.”

With that there is a knock on my door, “Elly can I come in?” Alistair asks.

“Of course,” I call from the bed.

Alistair enters the room looking a bit sheepish.

“Oh I guess Leli told you already then,” He gives a small smile seeing Leliana with me and moves to stand behind her wrapping his arms around her. “However, I am here as prince consort to formally invite you the wedding,” he adds. 

“Of course I’ll be there Alistair,” I say warmly.

“You know you could have warned me,” He says giving me a peeved glance.

I look at Leliana with a grin and shake my head. “pfft, there would have been no fun in that,” I tease lightly, “Besides you needed to meet each other honestly and without a go between, believe me Anora tried to get me to play mediator.”

Alistair smiles at that, “well it’s nice to know that even the queen is unsure sometimes.”


	79. The Crows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and crew have a run in with the crows...

Dear Diary,

The wedding was quick affair with few people knowing or in attendance to keep the information as secret as possible. I have recovered from my injuries at Fort Drakon with remarkable speed probably due to the spirit’s influence and thanks to the care Wynne and Ox have given me. Now we are just waiting for the landsmeet and running some errands in Denerim.

Soris has taken me to the alienage to meet his uncle and hahren. We are heading back to Wade’s armor shop when we are stopped in one the alleys by a voice.

“And so here is the mighty grey Warden at long last. The crows send their greetings, once again,” A man says.

“You would think, after what happened last time they would give up,” I say giving with a smirk.

“So they sent you Taliesen. Or did you volunteer for the job?” Zevran asks.

“I volunteered of course. When I heard that great Zevran had gone rogue, I simply had to see it for myself.” Taliesen answers lightly.

“Is that so?” Zevran says dryly, “Well here I am in the flesh…”

“You can return with me, Zevran” Taliesen cajoles, “I know why you did this and I don’t blame you. It’s not too late. Come back and we’ll make up a story. Anyone could make a mistake.”

I look over a Zevran and add wryly, “of course I’d have to be dead, first.”

Zevran walks over to me placing his hand on my cheek, “and I’m not about the let that happen.”

“What?!” Taliesen exclaims with no small amount of surprise, “You’ve gone soft!”

“I’m sorry, my old friend,” Zevran shakes his head sadly, “The answer is no. I’m not coming back…and you should have stayed in Antiva.”

“The crows will make wish for death fool!” Taliesen says angrily.

“They may at that,” Zevran retorts lightly, “But I will take what time I have.”

We are quickly swarmed upon by the crows. By the time I take the few down who have come at me I see Zevran outnumbered and up on the landing of the steps leading out of the alley.

“Sten!” I yell out over the fray running toward him. Sten nods as he pulls asala out of the last crow in front of him and drops down readying himself. I’ve never had him throw me this far but the circumstances are critical. I jump and he catches me and throws. I sail up and over the railing onto the balcony landing just behind the fighters attacking Zevran. He flashes me a wicked smirk as I take out the two crows in front and of him and turns to the others trying to flank him and I stick to his back.

Taliesen runs over seeing that we are making short work of the remaining crows and attacks Zev

“She is better than Rinna was no wonder you are besotted,” Taliesen taunts, “I’ll be sure to kill her too.”

“I knew you were behind the Rinna’s supposed betrayal,” Zevran says maliciously, “you were too quick to try to save me from the Crows.”

I take down the last crow facing me and it’s just Zevran and Taliesen fighting. I have the distinct feeling that I need to step back and let him finish this. Sten makes his way over with Wynne and I wave them both back. Sten nods in acknowledgement. I watch with worried fascination as daggers flash quickly in front of me. Sudden Zevran parries and kicks knocking Taliesen’s dagger out of his hand.

“You always did leave yourself open for that one, my friend,” Zevran grits out as he feints with one dagger and drives his other dagger home.

Taliesen drops to the ground. “I told you that you should have stayed in Antiva,” Zevran says sadly.

Wynne and Sten check to ensure that none of the other crows are a threat a pretense I’m sure to give Zevran and I moment. I walk over to the railing where Zevran is standing and stand beside him.

“And there it is, Taliesen is dead, and I am free of the crows,” he says looking straight forward, “the will assume I am dead along with Taliesen. So long as I do not make my presence known to them, they will not seek me out.”

“That is a good thing isn’t it?” I ask cautiously.

“A very good thing,” he says turning to face me, “It is, in fact what I had hoped for ever since you decided not to kill me. I suppose it would be possible for me to leave, now, if I wished. I could go far away, somewhere, where the crows would never find me.” My heart sinks into my stomach but I really don’t blame him. I continue to stare straight out at nothing as pinpricks threaten tears behind my eyes.

“I think, however, I could also stay here,” he continues, “I made an oath to help you, after all. And saving the world seems a worthy task to see through to the end yes?”

I turn to face him. “I told you before Zev I would hold you to no oath. If you want to go you should go. This is your decision,” I can’t help the shake in my voice as I speak but I know it’s the right thing.

“But that is what I am asking you,” he says slightly exasperated, “Do you want me to go? Do you need me here?”

I take a deep breath before I speak, “You know how I feel about you, of course I don’t want you to go…but I want you to do what’s best for you and if that means you leave…I will have to live with that.”

“I…..am not sure how to respond to that,” He says confused, “Nobody has ever…I mean, normally these things weren’t decided by me.”

We stand side by side for a moment as he pulls his thoughts together. I am anxious as I wait for his decision but try school my features.

“I shall stay then,” He decides, “is that good?”

I turn to him slightly astonished knowing it would be better if left less chance of him being noticed by the crows. The tears I have been holding back make my vision blurry.

“It would be hard to kiss you if you left,” I say shakily.

Zevran chuckles lightly. “You know,” he says dropping his voice in that way that makes weak, “that is so very true. I am with you till the end …provided you don’t tire of me first…or I die or you die but… ”

I cut him off with kiss.


	80. A Pear-Shaped Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zevran offers the earring to Elly

Dear Diary,

Once we return to Arl Eamon’s estate. Leliana comes quickly to me, “Alistair and Anora wish to speak with you Elly”. I nod to Zevran and grin as he waves me off.

It seems Alistair and Anora wish to go over plans for the landsmeet. Once this is done Anora asks me to stay as Alistair takes his leave.

Anora gives me a calculating glance as she pours some wine and hands me a glass. “Clever,” she says smiling at me.

I tilt my head with smirk. “oh?”

“Alistair is smart and understands politics, I admit, considering his upbringing, I am surprised.” Anora says curiously, “and Leliana is quite shrewd as well. And maker help me, I actually like both of them. I was determined to hate Alistair you know.”

“You do realize it’s not Alistair’s fault, who his father and mother are….” I say lightly chiding her, “Remember after all your father wasn’t always a noble either.”

She glares at me for a moment but then she considers what I have said.

“You orchestrated this,” she says thoughtfully, “I know I haven’t been the best friend, but thank you.”

I give her a small smile, “Anora treat them both well and they will protect you as they have done for me.”

After the chat with Anora I head back to my room. Zevran is waiting for me.

“Here it seems an appropriate moment to give you this,” He says extending his hand.

“Is the Antivan version of a marriage proposal?” I ask curiously.

He chuckles, “let’s hope not!”

“I acquired it on my first job for the crows,” he explains, “A Rivaini merchant prince, and he was wearing a single jeweled earring when I killed him. In fact, that’s about all he was wearing. I thought it was beautiful and I took it to mark the occasion. I’ve kept it since….and I’d like you to have it.”

“It’s beautiful Zev,” I can’t help but gush.

“Don’t get any ideas, you helped me take care of the crows and Taliesen, that means I’m free for now,” he says, “Feel free to sell it or wear it…whatever you’d like. It’s really the least I could do in return.”

“So…it’s not a token of affection then?” I ask looking up at him my heart sinking.

“I…look just take it…it’s meant a lot to me,” he says.

“Zev, I can’t take something like that…if it means so much to you,” I place the earring in his hand. And at the moment I hear a knock on the door.

“Yes,” I call out. Tamlen pokes his head in the door. “Riordan wishes to see you,” He says.

“I’ll be back later, Zev,” I say quickly leaving the room.

Tamlen and I silently walk the hallway. He stops turning to look at me. “Something wrong, Elly?”

I don’t want to tell him about Zevran and earring so I paste a smile on my face. “It’s nothing, I’m fine.”

He looks at me doubtfully for a moment. “Okay if you are sure?”

I nod. And we make our way to Riordan’s room. “Ah you are here,” Riordan says kindly as I walk into the room.

After my meeting with Riordan I head back to my room and Zevran is nowhere to be found. It wasn’t really a fight but there was definitely some tension between us. Perhaps he regrets his decision to stay. My chest hurts as at the thought but logically I don’t blame him. He could leave find someone to be proper wife to him and have children. I remember how his face lit up when he saw the dwarven baby. I sigh well I shouldn’t dwell on things I can’t change. I blow out the candle and try to get some sleep.

I awaken a few hours later to a voice in the hall. “Now you go to her and quit being so daft!” I hear Leliana admonish someone.

A few minutes later the door opens and Zevran slips into the room. He pulls off his armor and slips into the other side of the bed quietly.

He snakes an arm around my waist and I can’t help but to grin to myself. Just happy he’s here. “Welcome back,” I mumble sleepily leaning into him.

“I….I am sorry….I’m an idiot…” he says haltingly.

I roll over to face him. The outline of his face is beautiful in the moonlight and I smile as take in his visage.

“How so?” I ask curiously.

He clears his throat before continuing. “I didn’t thank you. It occurs to me now that you had freed me from the crows and yet I did not think to thank you. No matter why you did it still was done and I, the benefactor. So thank you.”

“There is no need, Zev,” I reply softly, “I was glad to do it.”

His grip around my waist tightens and he pulls me closer.

“No, there is a need,” he says firmly, “And I said before that the earring wasn’t a token of affection…That wasn’t true…it’s just…. I am simply not accustomed to the customs that come with our arrangement. In the crows, we do not dare love and yet here you are and …I cannot help to but to think of you in such a way.”

He pauses for a moment thoughtfully. “I heard what you said when you killed that noble in Howe’s prison. I never thought you might feel the same. I was being a child….i apologize. I still have the earring I would like to give it to you as a token of affection. Will you take it?

“Is that a proposal?” I ask with a small smirk.

“Not unless you wish it,” he says searching my face.

I look away for a moment as if considering, “of course I accept.”

“Well, that is good enough for me,” he says breathing a sigh of relief, “you had me worried for moment.”

“Consider it payback for earlier,” I tease lightly.

“You,” he says leaning in to nibble on my collarbone, “Are a cruel, cruel woman…” he says punctuating his words between nibbles and a kisses on my neck.

 


	81. The Landsmeet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The landsmeet begins. Sorry for the late post end of semester schoolwork took priority:)

Dear Diary,

When we enter the outer doors of the building of where the Landsmeet is taking place. Ser Catherine is awaiting us. I can tell she torn between her loyalty/love for Loghain and her worry about what he is really doing. After sharing a few honest words she decides to let us pass with no violence. As I walk past her to enter to room she stops me.

“Warden, if you can,” she says quietly, “please be merciful.”

I reach over and touch her arm. “I can’t promise that he will live, it will be up to him, and his actions,” I say gently looking at her.

She nods and I continue to the door where the landsmeet is taking place. As we walk into the room I hear Arl Eamon speaking.

“Lords and Ladies of the Landsmeet, Teryn Loghain would have us give up our freedoms, our traditions, out for fear! He placed us on his path, yet we should place our destiny in his hand?” Eamon clenches his fist angrily, “Must we sacrifice everything good about our nation to save it?”

As the nobles step forward clapping at Eamon’s heartfelt words, a voice rings over the din, “A fine performance, but no one here is taken in by it,” Loghain sneers clapping his hands facetiously, “You would attempt to put a puppet on the throne and every soul here know it. The better question is who will pull the strings?”

I walk forward and Loghain finally takes notice that we have arrived. “Ah, and here is the puppeteer! Tell us Warden, how will the Orlesians take our nation from us?” He says gesturing to the vacant throne, “Will they deign to send their troops or simply issue their commands through this would be prince? What did they offer you?” Some of his soldiers step forward guarding him. “How much is the price of Ferelden honor now?”

“The blight is the threat here, not Orlais,” I say shaking my head at the man, “and from what I saw you were the one who left the field and left the King to die. We fought on. It was you not I who betrayed Ferelden.”

“There are enough refugees in my bannorn now to make that abundantly, clear, Bann Alfstanna says dryly.

Bann Wulff replies, “the south has fallen Loghain would you let the darkspawn take the whole country for fear of Orlais?”

One of the other nobles speaks up, “Some of us are curious Loghain, about precisely what happened at Ostagar.”

“So one of Cailan’s killers would dare speak of betrayal? You led our king to his death with your grandiose tales of griffins flying into battle. The blight is indeed real, Wulff. But do we need grey wardens to fight it? They claim that they alone can end the blight, yet they failed spectacularly against the darkspawn at Ostagar, and they ask to bring with them 4 legions of chevaliers,” Loghain sneers, “and once we open our borders to the Chevaliers, can we expect to simply return from whence they came?”

I can’t help but snort shaking my head and muttering, “Loghain for a smart man you know nothing…”

Alistair nods in agreement.

“You allowed Rendon Howe to imprison and torture innocents, you also sold ferelden citizens into slavery to fund your war,” I inform the landsmeet.

“What’s this? There is no slavery in Ferelden, “Bann Sighard says angrily, “Explain yourself.”

 

“There is no saving the alienage,” Loghain says curtly, “damage from the riots has yet to be repaired. There are bodies rotting in their homes. It is not a place I would send my worst enemy. There will be no holding it if the blight comes here. Despite what you think Warden I have done my duty, whatever my regrets may be for the elves. I have done what was needed for the good of Ferelden.”

 

Bann Sighard interrupts, “was it for the good of Ferelden then that my son was taken under the cover of night and tortured? The things done to him …some of them are beyond any healer’s skill.”

 

“Howe was responsible for himself,” Loghain says shrugging his shoulders. “He will answer to the maker for any wrongs committed in this life as must we call. But you know that you were the one who murdered him. Whatever Howe may have done, he should have been brought before the seneschal. There is no justice in butchering a man in his home.”

“If everything you do is for the good of Ferelden then you should be supporting Maric’s son,” I say cunningly.

“Indeed,” Bann Alfstanna says agreeing, “do we not owe it Maric to see his son on the throne?”

“If he were a true son of Maric, I would not hesitate to swear fealty to him,” Loghain sneers, “but I see nothing of Maric in this pup.”

“So it was for the good of Ferelden you tried to kill Arl Eamon?” I say shaking my head sadly.

“I assure you Warden,” Loghain says snidely, “if I were going to send someone, it would be my own soldiers. I would not trust to the discretion of an apostate.”

 

“Interesting, as I did not even mention it was an apostate…” I say raising an eyebrow. This was information we kept to ourselves and really all the evidence I needed.

Bann Alfstanna interrupts me, “Indeed? My brother tells a very different story. He says you snatched a blood mage from the chantry’s justice. Coincidence?”

The revered mother speaks up angrily, “Do not think the chantry will overlook this, Teryn Loghain. Interference in a templar’s sacred duties is an offense against the Maker.”

Loghain looks humbled for a moment as he faces the revered mother. “Whatever I have done I will answer for later. At the moment, however, I wish to know what this warden has done with my daughter.”

“Actually she came to us for help, I have protected her as she asked,” I reply simply.

“You took my daughter-our queen- by force. What arts have you employed to keep her? Does she even still live?” Loghain asks angrily.

I snort and shake my head, “Of course…”

“I believe I can speak for myself, Lady Cousland,” Anora says entering the room giving me a warm look. “Lords and Ladies of Ferelden, hear me. My father is no longer the man you know. This man is not the Hero of River Dane.” Anora stops in the middle of the room and faces the Landsmeet, shaking her head sadly as she continues. “This man turned his troops aside and refused to protect your king as he fought bravely against the darkspawn. This man seized Cailan’s throne before his body was cold and locked me away so I could not reveal his treachery. I would have already been killed by his subordinate Howe, if not for this Grey Warden.”

“The queen speaks the truth,” Alistair says grimly.

“So,” Loghain sighs, “the Warden’s influence has poisoned even your mind, Anora? I wanted to protect you from this.”

“So you let Howe imprison me to protect me,” Anora answers hotly with a sneer.

“My lords and ladies,” Loghain calls out, “our land has been threatened before. It’s been invaded, and lost, and won times beyond counting. We Fereldans have proven that will never truly be conquered so long as we are united. We must not let ourselves be divided now. Stand with me and we shall defeat even the blight itself.”

It seems the vote begins, only one of the nobles stands with Loghain when all is said and done.

“Loghain,” I offer quietly, “the Landsmeet has voted against you step down gracefully.”

“Traitors!” Loghain yells angrily, “Which of you stood against the Orlesian emperor when his troops flattened your fields and raped your wives? You fought with us once Eamon. You cared about his land once. Before you got too old and fat and content to even see what you risk. None of you deserve a say in what happens here none of you have spilled blood for this land the way I have! How dare you judge me?”

“Fine,” I say sighing not wanting any more bloodshed than necessary, “call off your men and we will settle this honorably.”

Loghain gives me a look of surprise before schooling his face, “Then let us end this. I suppose we both knew would come to this.” He gives me a wry smile, “When we first met at Ostagar I would have never thought so. But Ostagar seems like it happened in another lifetime, to someone else. A man is made by the quality of his enemies. Maric told me that once. I wonder if it’s more a compliment to you or me.”

I nod at him.

“Enough,” he says raising his hand, “let the landsmeet decide the terms of the duel.”

Bann Alfstanna answers, “It shall be fought according to tradition; a test of arms in single combat until one party yields. And we who are assembled will abide by the outcome.”

“Will you face me yourself, or do you have a champion?” Loghain asks curtly.

I roll my neck giving him a wicked grin. “I have no problem facing you myself. I look forward to a good sparring match.”

He nods a bit taken back at my readiness, “It is you or me the men will follow. So let us fight for it. Prepare yourself.”


	82. Fight for the Right to Lead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly battles Loghain and the landsmeet gets interesting....

Dear Diary,

The nobles move back to give us some space as Loghain and I pace around each other looking for an opening. Everyone assembled lets out a collective gasp as Loghain unsheathes his weapon first. In true warrior from Loghain lets out a bloodcurdling war cry full of aggression and charges me. Just as he his almost upon me I sidestep dodging the man knowing in full armor he cannot move as quickly as I am able to in my leathers.

                            

I give him a hard kick to the midsection adding to his momentum forward and do a 2 quick backflips to put some space between us, as he pivots around. I finally unsheathe my daggers. Grinning wickedly at him, I goad him with nod. A smirk crosses his features along with a glimmer of respect. He moves back in closer and makes to swing his sword at me. Noting the technique, I realize this is a feinting move and what I really need to watch is his shield. I block the sword with one dagger and easily evade the shield bash. Silently thanking all the warriors in the group who taught me how to deal with shields.

 

We trade a few blows none of which are serious. Loghain is definitely stronger but I am quicker. “You are better than I gave you credit for, Warden,” Loghain says as he tries to feint again.

I spin to the side doing a quick cartwheel before answering. “I may be a child to you, Loghain but I was not a coddled noblewoman.” We clash once again and my daggers block both his sword and shield. He pushes forward with a knowing grin. I cannot hold him long like this and he knows it. I drop down feinting as if my arms have given way, curling my body as if to do back somersault. I realize this is a dangerous thing to attempt and it feels as if time has slowed down. Once my arse hits the ground (rather painfully I might add). I immediately push up with my legs catching Loghain’s hips before he crashes on top of me and thrust him over my head. He flips and lands heavily behind me. As the loud clanking of metal meeting stone hits my ears I immediately arch my back jumping to my feet. Spinning around I walk over to Loghain as he attempts to sit up and place my drawn daggers at his neck.

He takes a haggard breath looking up at me. “I underestimated you, Warden. I thought you were like Cailan a child playing at war.” I step back and allow him to stand. “I was wrong,” he continues looking at me with new respect. There’s a strength in you I have not seen anywhere since Maric died. I yield.”

I nod at him, “I accept your surrender.”

“What?” Alistair asks incredulously, “Loghain is traitor we need him like we need to be stabbed in the back. Or have you forgotten how his being a “great general” didn’t help the last time.”

“Alistair,” I admonish quietly, “I was at the meeting in Ostagar with the King, Loghain, and Duncan. You don’t know what happened at the meeting but I think it is time for you know.”

Alistair looks at me curiously and Loghain looks at me with surprise.

“In fact, I think it’s time for everyone to know,” I say with a sad sigh.

I take a deep breath before I continue. “King Cailan was determined to fight beside the grey wardens in the thickest part of the battle.”

 

“Yes,” Anora says shaking her head, “that sounds just like him.”

“Both Duncan and Loghain cautioned him against this,” I continue explaining, “Cailan then brought up waiting for Orlesian forces to join us before going into battle. Loghain protested against this of course.”

Anora lets a snort slip. We all stop to look at her for a moment. She quickly puts on her noble face, “It’s the same argument, they’d been having for 5 years.”

“Loghain was suspicious of the Wardens. Cailan disagreed. I was angry at Loghain for some time for pulling out his troops,” I explain, “I still don’t necessarily agree with his actions but I understand them. No one knew the darkspawn horde was going to be so huge. I got a glimpse of the battle field before I fell. The horde was massive. Maybe Loghain’s men would have been enough but then again maybe not.”

“There is another option,” Riordan says walking up to us.

“I think we might be thinking the same thing,” I offer craftily.

Alistair looks at Riordan and me, as realization hits him. He scowls. “Absolutely not, this man abandoned our brothers and then blamed us for the deed! He hunted us down like animals. He tortured you! How can we simply forget that?”

“I think it is valid point, Alistair,” I say gently.

“Joining the wardens is an honor, not a punishment! Name him a Warden and you cheapen us all! I will not stand next to him as a brother. I won’t,” Alistair exclaims hotly.

“Alistair, get ahold of yourself,” Anora admonishes.

“Duncan was not always the man you knew,” Riordan explains looking at Alistair, “He killed the Warden Commander Genevieve’s husband. Duncan was a thief and a murderer before joining the wardens. In fact Commander Genevieve offered Duncan a place within the Warden’s and he refused it. She was forced to conscript him. We aren't judges. Kinslayers, blood mages, traitors, rebels, carta thugs, common bandits: Anyone with the skill and the mettle to take up the sword against the darkspawn is welcome among us. It is an honor but there is also great sacrifice and the sacrifices come in many forms as you well know.”

At Riordan’s words Alistair has the sense to look a bit ashamed. “Please Alistair, there has been enough bloodshed,” I implore. I see Anora and Leliana nodding in agreement with me.

“If I understand correctly,” Anora says looking at Alistair, “The Joining itself is often fatal, if he dies you have your revenge, if he lives you get the knowledge of a general.”

“Fine,” Alistair agrees grudgingly before putting wry smile on his face, “I suppose it would be in bad form to kill my wife’s father.”

The entire landsmeet gasps quite at this admission. Loghain look at Alistair and back at Anora with unconcealed astonishment.

“Well Anora,” I tease lightly grinning, “The cat is out of the bag now.”

“Yes,” Anora says blushing lightly as she addresses the landsmeet, “We could not let Ferelden be divided. I agreed to marry Alistair and the wedding took place a week ago.”

“Pragmatic,” Loghain says grudgingly.

“I believe this is what King Maric would have wanted, to see his blood tied to my fathers to being a new line of Ferelden kings,” Anora says firmly, “and now Lords and Ladies of Ferelden. There is still a blight to defeat and armies to gather. I appoint this woman to lead in both. Will we not allow this land to be further threatened by the archdemon. Gather your forces and await the Warden’s command. On the morrow, we shall begin our struggle against the greatest threat Ferelden has ever faced. And we shall triumph over it, for we are Ferelden.”


	83. Loghain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loghain has his joining and talks with Elly.

Dear Diary,

Once the landsmeet is dispersed we head back to Arl Eamon’s estate. The grey Wardens were assembled and a time for Loghain’s joining is established. I dole out orders for the remaining wardens. Once I adjourn the meeting Alistair immediately asks to speak to Riordan. Riordan nods understandingly and they head to the library. Everyone disperses with the exception of Loghain and I. I note that Zevran was staying at the doorway waiting as it was finally closed. He probably doesn’t trust that Loghain wouldn’t try to kill me.

“I suppose you think I’m some sort of monster,” Loghain says steadily looking at me, “you keep striking at me and I just refuse to die decently.”

“Strangely enough Loghain,” I say looking up at him firmly, “I believe in everything I previously stated at the landsmeet. Although, I do understand Alistair’s feelings, He was not at the battle meeting and we both were. I do have some feelings and questions about how much you were involved with Howe and the death of my family and friends at Highever. But I try to err on the side of caution that you would not have sanctioned the deaths of my family down to the women and children. ”

Loghain has the decency to look at bit shocked at my words but he pulls himself together quickly. “You’re a poor liar, you know. However it’s kind of you to say so. We must settle things between us somehow or other, or neither of us will get any work done. So, what will it be?” He asks lifting a brow curiously.

“We’re going to have to work together,” I reply with a slight smirk.

Loghain grins wryly, “is that punishment for you or me? I suppose fate has a twisted sense of humor after all. Just like that we’re allies, I can’t suppose it will be that simple. I don’t know what concession you want from me Warden. I expect my word will not satisfy you. ”

“Well learning to trust one another would be a good start,” I explain, “After all some of my best friends tried to assassinate me.”

Loghain doesn’t stifle his snort of mirth at my joke. “Nothing I can say will prove that either I will be worthy of trust or I won’t. I think it’s time we got to the point here. What do you want from me? I can’t imagine you spared my life in the lands meet by accident. You have some plan for me.”

I grin at him cunningly. “What do you want?”

“What I want?” he says incredulously, “What an odd question…I want to sit in the war room and find no empty chairs at the table. I want to lose nothing else. I want a line clearly drawn I can defend. I want an end to this war. All of this can rightly be called my fault. Whether or not you can do better remains to be seen, but if you can make this the end Warden, I will follow you. I swear it.”

Well, Loghain,” I offer, “in that case I’m glad to have you.”

“I suppose, we’ll see how long that lasts,” He mutters.

I snort shaking my head. “You will make a fine warden. I will explain everything after the joining.”

 

The next morning we assemble for the joining. As Loghain falls under the effects of the “joining juice” as Adela calls it. We are there to catch him. I sit with him much in the same way I did with Tamlen leaving the others to go. Loghain’s head is in my lap using me as a pillow. I would have had him taken to one of the rooms but in full regalia armor it would have been difficult. Not to mention, in a way there is the evil part of me that is still angry with him for trying to hunt down and kill all the Wardens. Now since he survived he will come to understand why wardens are needed to slay an archdemon and I will be the one to tell him.

Anora comes to check on her father as he rests. I explain to her that passing out and sleeping for some time is normal but he will be famished and it might be good to have the kitchen prepare some food. I think having something to do, made Anora feel bit better and eased her worry. She really does love her father going against him must have been hard for her. She gives me a small smile as she leaves.

As Loghain wakes he tries to immediately sit up. His eyes widen in surprise at his position. “Loghain,” I chide him lightly, “be still a few minutes yet. The joining is hard on the body.” I remember how I felt like a newborn deer with wobbly legs and how kind Duncan and Alistair were to me to give me time to recover.

He nods and with a sigh resigns himself to be still a few minutes longer. “Was it like that for you?”

I nod. “There are a few things I need to explain to you now, some of which you may suspect and some of which may surprise you.”

“I think I can sit up now,” he says moving to sit up.

His cheeks look a little rosy is he embarrassed? “We can move to the table over there,” I offer, “It will probably be more comfortable than the floor.”

He nods in agreement and I stand offering a hand to help him up. He looks oddly at me and the offered hand for a moment before taking it.

“You continually surprise me, Warden,” Loghain says gruffly, “Offering kindness when I would have given none.”

“Well, we can’t all be crotchety old men,” I say teasing lightly, “Please, just call me Elly, I do have a name after all.”

“You don’t use your title,” He says curiously.

“When you become a warden titles are no longer meaningful, I am just another warden as are Adela, Tamlen, and Riordan.” I explain.

Loghain nods in understanding. However there are other things you need to understand as well. “Wardens don’t usually play in politics it is forbidden, but your actions left us little choice, because there is a reason for wardens being needed.”

“Yes, I am curious why the wardens are needed to slay an archdemon,” Loghain says leaning forward with interest.

“It is because of what the archdemon and darkspawn are,” I explain, “The archdemon is the soul of an old god. Darkspawn are compelled to find the old gods and when they do the old gods become blighted creating an archdemon.”

Loghain nods at me to continue, “Yes, this is what we were all taught in school.”

“I’m sure you had dreams as you were sleeping,” I say softly looking at him, he nods again.

“I didn’t understand much but I saw a fearsome dragon with blanked out white eyes, it seemed to speak,” He says musing.

“Yes, that is the archdemon. The joining gives us a connection to the blight and each other. Soon you will be able to sense darkspawn and other wardens because we all carry the blight. Wardens are blighted but the way in which they are blighted works slower than blight sickness,” I explain.

Loghain looks startled for a moment and then schools his features. “But that doesn’t explain why it takes a warden to kill an archdemon.”

“Like attracts, like,” I offer simply, “Darkspawn are soulless creatures so if a normal person were to exact the killing blow. The soul would be attracted to the blight in another darkspawn and would be reborn in that darkspawn.”

“So the archdemon would never die,” Loghain says slightly amazed.

I nod, “this is why we are blighted, if a warden kills the archdemon the soul is drawn to the blighted warden. However, a warden has a soul so in the process the warden the killed but the soul of the old god is also destroyed. This is why I have recruited as many as I could. After what happened at Ostagar, but seriously Loghain did you have to put a price on our heads.” I look at him giving him a wry smirk.

Loghain nods in understanding. “I regret that I did that,” He says uncomfortably, “I also regret that I thought such a creature could be taken down by anyone.”

I sigh and nod, “there is more, in addition to killing the archdemon there are side effects to being tainted. We do have greater stamina then the regular person. Although the joining slows the tainting process, you are blighted and this means a shortened life span you have 20 years give or take. You will have nightmares or blightmares as I call them.”

“Well it’s not like I have many years left anyway,” Loghain mutters, “Anything else?”

“Yes,” I affirm shaking my head, “The blight causes sterility, but there have been exceptions.” Loghain looks a bit uncomfortable as I say this.

“Also, there is the calling,” I say dryly.

“The calling?” Loghain repeats curiously.

“The calling tells a warden when there time is up,” I explain, “the nightmares get worse and taint gets stronger, Wardens will go the deep roads and die in battle fighting darkspawn. I think this is because the taint unchecked will turn a person into a ghoul. Although, the wardens never mention this, they just basically try to have a heroic end. Also this information does not leave the Warden ranks. In spite of the fact, I have broken that rule before; I understand the need for the secrecy. We tell recruits little before the joining. Save that, the joining could kill them. ”

Loghain just looks at me his face unchanging for a moment. I can’t tell what he’s thinking. I haven’t learned to read him yet and suspect it will take time as it did for me to be able to read stoic Sten.

“How did you become a warden, Elly?” He asks gruffly.

“Well, when Howe and his men attacked Highever castle, Duncan of the wardens was visiting (from what I understand he is from Highever),” I explain, “Father was wounded and mother insisted she stay with him.”

“Your mother was always a good woman, although at times I thought Bryce was too soft,” Loghain mutters.

“Father asked Duncan to help me escape, but Duncan only agreed if I would become a Grey Warden so I was basically conscripted as you were,” I continue.

“What of your brother Fergus?” Loghain asks curiously, “did Howe kill him as well?”

I shake my head. “Fergus went to Ostagar earlier as Father waited for Howe’s soldiers to arrive they were to ride out together. But when I got to Ostagar, Fergus had already been sent out into the Wilds on a mission. So I know not if he lives, however at least he was out of Howe’s reach,” I say hopefully.

“Well, I know you took back the castle, but what I don’t know is who is in charge of Highever now,” Loghain muses curiously.

I can’t help but grin at him. “I put Bann Gilmore in charge until Fergus can be found.”

“Clever,” He says amused.

“I couldn’t let the people suffer,” I say pragmatically, “and regardless of how you perceive Arl Howe, he was a delusional sociopath and would have had no qualm with killing Anora especially after what I saw the man do.”

Loghain has the decency to look a bit shocked at my statement. “I admit he was a bit a snake but I honestly didn’t think he would stoop so low. Although I was worried about Anora when I found out you rescued her. I did some checking myself before the Landsmeet and found out Howe’s treacheries. I am grateful you went to her rescue although you had little reason do such a thing.”

“Anora and I don’t always see eye to eye,” I admit, “but I think of her as friend. I could not let her stay with Howe. Come you must be famished by now, another perk of being a warden your appetite will increase dramatically.”

 

“Yes, I think I could use a bite to eat,” He says with a small smile as he stands.


	84. Anora and Loghain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly has a chat with Anora and Loghain

Dear Diary,

We enter the dining area and Anora flies over (in a very unqueen-like way) to check on Loghain. “Father, you’re alive, thank the maker!”

I smile at the scene thinking of my own father, as Leliana and Zevran join us. Anora looks over at me. “Why don’t we head to study to eat and we can all talk,” she says brightly. Leliana nods and we grab the food and drink.

“Yes, we have much to talk about,” Loghain states evenly looking at Anora. As Loghain walks past me, Anora gives me a pleading look that makes me snicker inwardly.  She can publically denounce her father but can’t face him alone about marrying Alistair.

We all get settled with food and drink in the study. Loghain looks over at Anora who is sitting on one of the settee’s with Leliana. “So you married Cailan’s brother,” He states lightly.

“Yes,” Anora says stiffly, “And I stand by my decision, for the sake of the royal family and the sake of Ferelden.”

Loghain nods. “He seems to be a bit more serious than Cailan was,” He says thoughtfully.

Anora gives him a small smile. “Although, Cailan was loved by the people; he had little interest in ruling. It seems Alistair will be more helpful in this respect. He not only has an interest in ruling; his upbringing brings another point of view. A point of view that I feel will be beneficial to Ferelden.”

 “Could you explain further?” Loghain asks pointedly.

“Well father as Elly reminded me, our family was not always noble,” Anora explains, “You remember what being a farmer was like, what being a commoner was like. Being brought up as a noble there are things that I haven’t experienced. Think Alistair’s input could be invaluable for understanding the life of the common person. As nobles we are so sheltered at times we understand our issues but not the issues of the common person.”

Loghain sits silent for a moment then a wry smile crosses his face. “You respect him.” He says quietly.

“Yes,” we hear a voice answer and then see Alistair entering the room. “I respect her as well,” Alistair finishes walking over to stand beside Anora.

“I still don’t like you or what you did,” Alistair says bluntly as Leliana stands and gestures for Alistair to sit beside Anora. “However, after a more thought and talk with Riordan. I figure you can’t completely monstrous or horrific to have such a pragmatic daughter.” He places an arm gently around Anora’s waist and she leans into him.

“Seems as though you haven’t wasted any time,” Loghain says facetiously.

“Father,” Anora says quickly, “You don’t need to pretend. Everyone in this room knows the truth. That is why I brought everyone to study for a more private atmosphere.”

 

Loghain looks surprised for moment. “Well I wish you would explain it to me.”

Anora seems to be struck silent as she blushes furiously. “Anora would you like me to explain,” I offer gently. It seems she can face the Landsmeet but not her father even if he knows about her preferences. I can’t imagine they ever talked about it.

Anora nods at me silently.

“I’ve known Anora’s preferences for some time Loghain,” I explain, “She told me when we were growing up.”

Loghain dips his head in assent. As Zevran snakes an arm around me, I take a sip of the brandy in my glass before I continue. “Basically to make a long story short, Alistair and Leliana had been together for a while but I also knew that Leliana doesn’t have preferences when it comes to love. So when the subject of Anora and Alistair marrying came up I had the three of them talk. I was not privy to that conversation. They seem to have worked it out between the three of them and they seem to enjoy each other’s company.”

Loghain looks hard a Leliana. “You’re Orlesian,” he says distastefully.

“Father!” Anora says chiding him.

“My mother was Ferelden. I may have been brought up in Orlais but I intend to use my skills to help the Queen and King however I can,” Leliana says looking at Loghain firmly.

“And what place does she hold?” Loghain asks Anora.

“She is consort to the King and Queen,” Anora states.

Loghain takes this in, his face is indecipherable. Then after a few long moments his face softens slightly. “Anora are you happy?”

Anora beams at this. “Yes father, I don’t have to try to hide like I did with Cailan. I was fond of Cailan in my own way but it was as if he could have all mistresses he wanted. He never flaunted them in front of me of course. I also did my duty as wife to him. But now…”she trails off looking at Leliana and back at Alistair, “It’s better to be in the open at least within a small circle.”

 

Loghain looks at the moment like any other father who cares deeply for his child. “I can’t argue with your happiness, Anora.” He says stiffly as if unused to expressing such sentiment. “But I can’t help but concerned Alistair is warden as well.”

“Alistair explained to me the issues that come with being a warden,” Anora says gently, “We are hopeful that since one of us isn’t a warden that will make having an heir easier.”

“You told her?” Loghain asks Alistair.

“Of course, she’s my wife,” Alistair replies bluntly, “We don’t tell new recruits for obvious reasons but I had to let Anora make an informed decision as Ferelden is going to depend on us.”

Silence falls for a few moments as the two men look at each other. They seem to nod at each other in understanding.

“Lord Loghain?” Zevran asks smirking.

Loghain takes an appraising look at Zevran before speaking. “I am no longer a Teyrn, nor even a knight. Address me without a title as you would any other grey warden.”

“So just Loghain then,” Zevran says seriously belying the smirk still plastered to his face.

“Correct,” Loghain answer narrowing his eyes, “What is on your mind?”

“You know who I am yes?” Zevran asks seriously peering at the man’s face. “I was one of the Crows you hired to kill the grey wardens.”

“I thought you looked familiar,” Loghain says thoughtfully.

“Well, I just wanted to report that I failed in my mission, Loghain” Zevran says sincerely. I admit by this point I am nearly shoving my fist down my throat trying not to laugh.

“You don’t say,” Loghain answers quietly.

“I’m terribly broken up over it,” Zevran deadpans pulling me closer at this point I see everyone stifling snickers.

“Well, thank you kindly for informing me,” Loghain says with a slight smile on his face.

Anora’s shoulders are shaking with laughter as she hides her face. Finally she lets a giggle slip and the result is everyone losing their composure. Laughter fills the room.


	85. The Road to Ostagar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and crew were heading to redcliff but plans change....

Dear Diary,

We are back on the road again heading to meet the armies at Redcliff. I admit we are taking our time to get used to the new group dynamic as Alistair and Leliana are traveling with the Queen and Loghain is now with us. Loghain hasn’t complained but I can see it’s been some time since he has traveled like this and had to rough it.  He moves rather stiffly in the mornings and is seen stretching as if his back is bothering him. Things are still very tense with Adela, Riordan and Loghain. His distrust of Orlesians needs to be dealt with, as wardens we don’t pander to nationality.

After breaking camp we are taking the main route to Redcliff when I hear a noise off the side of the road. Motioning to the others I stop and walk toward the sound. I see a man on the ground. Getting closer I realize it is …Elric Maraigne, he was one of Cailan’s honor guard. I quickly race over to him calling for Wynne. Pulling a healing potion from my pack I attempt to help him. Elric manages to drink the potion and raises himself onto an elbow.

“Thank you, I managed to escape Bann Loren’s men but got wounded in the process,” He explains, “I tried to hide here in the woods but the wounds festered and now I’m a dead man.”

I shake my head. “Not if I can help it,” I say firmly as I see Wynne approaching with Loghain and the others behind them.

“You were there at Ostagar,” He says, “You know how things went…for me it was either this, or die in some darkspawn’s belly or be hung as a deserter. You were there with the grey wardens, one of Duncan’s new recruits. I was to guard the king. He was my friend, you see. Maker! All that time in Bann Loren’s prison. I couldn’t stop thinking about all they suffered in the one dark night at Ostagar. ”

“It was a fool’s battle, lost before it had begun.” Loghain says gently but firmly looking at the man, “you are not to blame.”

“I know,” Elric says sadly shaking his head, “the darkspawn were too many. Even Calian for all his bravado, knew there would be no victory at Ostagar.”

I find myself shaking my head as I look over at Loghain. Then why in the void did he insist on the battle?!!!!!

“The king entrusted me with key to royal arms chest,” Elric continues, “if anything were to happen him he said it was vital I deliver it to the wardens.”

“Why didn’t he just give it to the wardens?” I ask raising a brow.

Elric sighs heavily as Wynne moves in to check his condition. “He didn’t get the chance. Duncan was so busy with the new recruits and keeping Loghain at bay, whatever his reasoning it was me Cailan entrusted.” He looks at Loghain distrustfully.

“Do you still have this key?” I ask.

“The maker has a sense of humor doesn’t he,” he grins wryly, “I suppose it’s for the best. If I had kept it Bann Loren would have it now.”

“But,” Wynne looks up distressed, “You said Cailan entrusted it to you.”

“I was afraid,” Elric says worriedly, “I would lose it on the battlefield. So I stashed it in the camp. Please it’s probably still there.”

“You don’t think the darkspawn found it?” I muse.

“Maric’s sword!” Loghain suddenly blurts. “What a prize for the darkspawn that would be,” he adds more quietly.

“I hope not,” Elric says worriedly, “Would they know how to work the lock even if they did?”

“The darkspawn are more cunning than we give them credit for,” Wynne says wisely, “but the King trusted that lock with his secrets. I’d guess that the contents of that chest are still intact.”

“The key is behind a loose stone at the base of a statue, in the area of the mages part of the camp. I’ll draw a map for you so you know where to search,” Elric explains.

“It’s not a place; I’d thought I’d be returning to so soon,” Loghain says dryly, “Least of all with you Warden. If it’s not too much to ask of a commanding officer could you keep your moralizing to a minimum.”

“The events at Ostagar, still haunts my thoughts,” Wynne says softly, “If that is where we are headed I would like to accompany you.”

“It is vital that the King’s documents do not fall into the wrong hands,” Elric says pleadingly, “As for Maric’s sword, it is too powerful to be pawed at by those monsters. Same for the Kings other arms and armor….and, and if you happen to find…the body see it off…he was our king he shouldn’t be left to rot amidst the darkspawn’s filth.”

 Elric losing the last bit of his strength falls unconscious. I quickly move forward to pick him up but Loghain stops me.  He gives me firm but pleading look and I step back. With more gentleness than I thought would be possible for the warrior, he carefully picks the man up and we make camp.

Once camp is set up and the mages have done all they can for Elric. We meet at the central fire and have a meeting. I think we should take a detour and head to Ostagar. But I want Elric to be safe he needs to go to Redcliff. We decide to split the group and once Elric is able to travel they will head to Redcliff and we will go to Ostagar.


	86. Ostagar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I went on hiatus during the last 12 weeks of school but let it be known...:) I have finished my degree and now have more time to enjoy writing again:) A job will take much less time than the expedited classes I was taking:) So here without further is ado is the next chapter in this series. Elly and crew enter Ostagar:)

Dear Diary,

Upon entering Ostagar we quickly dispatch the few darkspawn that seem to still be roaming the area. The bustling camp is now in ruins. Areas that were well defined are blurred and it’s difficult to tell where one area of the camp from another. Once we find the spot the Elric marked on our map, I am thankful to see the key still remains.  However finding the chest in the ruble is another issue completely. By the time we uncover it the sun is low and there is still much ruble to be moved before we can extricate it. So we head over to the area the warden’s had used for the joining.

As we were pitching the tents, I notice something glinting in the ruble. Curiously I walk over and move the ruble around it revealing the joining chalice. Gently holding the chalice I wipe of the dirt and put it my pack.

“Find something interesting, Bella?” Zevran asks curiously as I close the pack. Opening the pack I pull the chalice out so he can see.

“The chalice used at my joining,” I explain handing it to him.

“And you just found it, in the ruble here?” He asks incredulously. He smiles slightly as he looks it over. “So this could be considered a symbol of how your life changed,” he says soberly looking at me.

“My life changed the moment Howe killed my family,” I reply with a wry smirk.

Zevran nods in understanding and we quickly finish setting up our tent. Heading over toward the fire, we see Wynne, Shale, Sten, and Loghain near the fire. As we draw closer I hear a bit of an argument going on. 

“Let me know when you are done glaring at me Madam. My memories of this place are no fonder than your own,” Loghain says tiredly.

“No,” Wynne retorts sarcastically, “I remember good friends dying in the place. And a man I respected as my king.”

“All I remember is a fool’s death and hard choice. I’d make the same again,” Loghain defends.

“Even knowing all that you know now, Loghain Mac Tir,” Wynne says eyeing him suspiciously.

“We work with the knowledge we have at the time, there is no sense in going over it because it cannot be changed,” Loghain says wryly, “Come, madam our bitterness is better spent against the darkspawn and not each other.”

“Yes, Maker forbid, that I might waste a whole life’s bitterness on just you,” Wynne shoots back glaring as she stirs the stew over the fire.

“I've seen you eyeing me, Wynne. Trying to watch for the moment when I turn on you?” Loghain asks with a smirk as if goading her.

“I thought you'd be more likely to attack me in my sleep actually.” Wynne replies quickly as she adds some spice to the pot, “Isn’t that what you do? Strike when your quarry cannot defend themselves?”

“You've made your point,” he says tiredly.

“I do not trust you, Loghain,” Wynne says giving him a firm look.

“I have become a Grey Warden. I have made promises,” Loghain explains, “If I break them, my life is forfeit.”

“That does not give me much reassurance,” Wynne replies, “Once anyone becomes a warden their life is forfeit.”

Loghain nods in agreement, “That’s not something I can change. “

Wynne sighs as she grabs the bowls and motions us to the fire for dinner, “I will remain wary of you, Loghain, for a very, very long time to come.”

 

The arguing stopped then and dinner is a bit of a silent affair. Both Loghain and Wynne left for their respective tents immediately after. Once they are gone Shale speaks, “I considered bashing their squishy heads together as their arguing was becoming annoying.”

“Yea, something will need to be resolved somehow,” I say shaking my head. “I expected some infighting due to this decision. I’m just surprised that it’s Wynne.”

“I didn’t think it was human practice, making comrades of defeated foes?” Sten asks curiously.

I snicker dryly looking at Zevran and then toward Loghain’s tent.  “As a rule no, but I guess, I don’t follow the rules.”

“It is ….encouraging to see,” Sten says with a satisfied look on his face.

“Encouraging? How so?” Zevran asks suspiciously.

“Perhaps some of your people are becoming more like qunari. You could do worse.” Sten explains.

Now my curiously is piqued, “Do qunari often make comrades of a beaten opponents?”

Sten nods, “Qunari do not waste resources. And few are more valuable than lives.”

“And just how exactly do you go about making your enemies work for you?” Zevran asks jokingly, “After all you are not exactly as alluring as our Warden.”

“We’re a persuasive people,” Sten deadpans, “I’m surprised you can’t tell.”


	87. Into the Ruins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and crew clear ostagar of darkspawn...and...

Dear Diary,

I’d made the decision to open Cailan’s chest this morning. I admit I was dreading this as nobles usually put important documents in this type of chest. We found Maric’s sword as expected but the armor is nowhere to be found because he was wearing it. I quickly scan the documents before putting them carefully in my pack. Seems that Cailan and Celine were willing to work together to put down the blight and perhaps that Calian wasn’t as sure about victory as he put on. The second letter was a bit of a surprise Eamon was so worried about an heir was pushing Calian to put Anora aside but obviously Calian refused the idea. Although, he does show genuine worry for his nephew’s welfare and asks him not to risk himself on the front line, this development makes my heart sink. The third letter spoke of alliance between Ferelden and Orlais. However it been crumpled and smoothed out again, it makes me wonder if Arl Eamon had gone behind Cailan’s back and was having talks with Celine about a marriage alliance. It’s hard to tell just from the letters but considering the other two were not crumpled I can assume this could be the case.

As I am pondering all of this and implications, I am interrupted by Loghain. “Cailan’s armor is not here?” He scratches his head, “oh of course he was wearing it. It’s probably long gone. ”

“Well we could at least clear darkspawn from this place,” Wynne says with malice, shooting Loghain an icy glare.

Loghain ignores her glare and nods in agreement.

“Let’s quit bickering like school children and get to it then,” I say tiredly as I head to the bridge. Unfortunately the bridge has an unpleasant surprise. Centered perfectly on the bridge, on a cross is Cailan’s body. I couldn’t help but to flinch on the inside at the sight of this.

“Elly are you Ok?” Wynne asks concerned. I nod. “He shouldn’t be left like this. He at least deserves a pyre.” She says respectfully.

“I suppose so,” Zevran remarks, “but I think we have larger issues now.” He points at the other end of the bridge where darkspawn are standing.

After fighting the darkspawn and picking through them we find a piece of Cailan’s armor which lifts my spirits. “Perhaps they scattered it amongst themselves here.” I say surprised to see it at all.

“It would seem likely,” Loghain adds, “something that powerful even the darkspawn understand.”

“It would seem to be the most logical thing to do,” Sten says pragmatically.

I nod in agreement.

 

* * *

 

 

We finally find all the pieces of Cailan’s armor along with Duncan’s sword and dagger. I have to admit seeing those items made my heart sink. We build the pyre for Calian and I sit in front of it watching till it is embers late into the night as I clean Duncan’s sword and dagger and then Maric’s sword. Zevran sits with me quietly caring for his own weapons. Finally Loghain joins us as we sit soberly watching the flames our hands working automatically on the weapons.

Eventually Loghain breaks his silence, “What do you plan to do with them?” He asks curiously as he gestures to the three weapons on the cloth in front of me.

“Well,” I say softly, “These weapons won’t do much good sitting in some warehouse. They are of fine make and should be used. I was going to give Duncan’s blade to Alistair as Duncan was like a father to him and he already has the matching shield.”

Loghain nods.

“I think you should have Maric’s blade as you were closest to him and I can think of no one better qualified to wield it.” I state looking at him evenly.

Loghain looks surprised at my suggestion. “You would do this, even though….I give you my thanks.”

Zevran reaches over to brush the hair from my face. “Always so benevolent, our warden,” he smiles. “You will keep Duncan’s dagger, no? You didn’t know him as long as Alistair but he was your friend.”

“Actually, I know my favorite assassin could use it much better than I, the hilt is a bit too large for my hand.” I grin up at him.

Zevran gives me a smile, “Well we will need to find something that will fit you then.”

“Ahem” Loghain loudly clears his throat. “Before I retire I do wish to ask you something Elly.”

“Yes?” I ask looking up at him.

“What was in the documents in the chest?” He asks bluntly.

“To be honest I am unsure of what they represent other than Calian and Celine were willing to work together to dispatch this blight.” I explain, “I need to investigate more before I can say anything further. However I promise once I get to the bottom of everything I will tell you it all.”

 Both men look at me curiously as I hand Maric’s sword to Loghain and Duncan’s dagger to Zevran. I wrap up Duncan’s sword in cloth and put it in my pack. It’s been a long day.


	88. An Unlikely Pair

Dear Diary,

Upon returning to the rest of group, I admit I am surprised to see Loghain and Morrigan getting along quite well and a rather taciturn Cullen looking on. According to Riordan’s message received this morning we have some time before we need to return to Redcliff. So I confer with the others and we decide this is a good time to tie up any loose ends. With that in mind, we head back to Denerim. I need to have chat with Arl Eamon.

As we are walking back I notice Leliana having a chat with the still glum looking Cullen. And it warms my heart to see that I wasn’t the only one who noticed his mood. I am not privy to the conversation but notice after they chat for some time Cullen seems a bit brighter. When I find the opportunity, I move toward the back of the group motioning for Leliana to join me.

“Is he okay?” I ask concerned.

“Well he is a bit put out,” Leliana says with sigh, “but I think he will be just fine. There were too many things that came between them. The templar and apostate witch…” Her eyes shine with a bit of excitement, “it seems so romantic but the reality is much harder to deal with.”

I nod in agreement. “Good I was going to talk with him myself but other things needed attention…thanks Leli.”

 “Well, our illustrious leader can’t do everything,” She teases lightly with a smile.  

“Keep that in mind,” I banter back, “I may need a favor from you and Zev later.”

“Ohh… that sounds like it could be fun,” Leli says eyes widening in excitement.

We stop for the night and make camp as we aren’t rushing to get to Denerim. Once everyone has pretty much settled for the night, I motion for Leliana and Zev to join me in private. I’m still working out how to do this with a minimum of suspicion as I need to keep a few things under wraps.

“What is going on?” Leliana whispers quietly.

“I need to look into something and we need roguish skills to do a full investigation,” I explain. “I’ve already turned to group toward Denerim as we have a few things to tie up there and I think it would be good idea to stop by and restock.”

Leliana nods.

“But why are we really going, Bella?” Zevran asks craftily, “you saw something in those documents didn’t you?”

I nod.

“Leli I need to you go to Redcliff castle and poke around the Arl’s study.” I explain quickly, “I’m not interesting in if he is evading taxes or whatever I am only interested in any correspondence between him and Empress Celine. As the Arl is still in Denerim and the debacle with Loghain is over security should be pretty light within the castle. I need to you go there and look for this correspondence unseen.”

“The only way to do that would be by going through the mill again,” she says lightly.

“Then lucky I made a copy of the signet,” I say grinning as I pull it out of my pocket and hand it to her.

By this time Zevran is grinning widely. Leliana takes the copy looking surprised. “I know you are a rogue but I sometimes you surprise me.” She says with a bit of amazement, “You were raised noble but you think like a commoner.”

Zev smiles even wider at her comment, “Bella is a crafty one not to be underestimated.”

I explain, “Zev and I will go to Denerim and see what we can find in his paperwork there. I will keep everyone distracted so Zev can go look for the correspondence.”

Leliana’s frowns in thought, “I sent message to Anora and Alistair telling them I was coming.”

“Well, I will tell them you were delayed without going into too much detail,” I say nodding as I think quickly, “Make a point to visit the chantry once you have investigated and then make yourself known. This will do two things: I know you wanted to check on Mother Hannah since she moved and it will give me truthful excuses for Anora and Alistair. Then make your way Denerim. You will get to see them before we leave.”

Leliana nods in agreement, “yes, that will be perfect.”

“Now that it is settled has anyone noticed how comfy Morrigan and Loghain seem to be?” Zevran asks grinning.

I can’t help but chuckle as I know that Leliana was going to bring up the subject.

“I was thinking the same thing,” She gushes. “They seem a very unlikely pair but I had a feeling about it from their first conversation.”

“I thought for sure Chantry boy had her,” Zevran says sadly.

“I know people better than you Zevran, now pay up.” Leliana teases.

I look at the two of them mildly surprised. “You know I would have gotten in on this bet had I known about it. I’m a little hurt.” I say factiously holding my hand over my heart. I watch as Zevran hands 5 sovereigns to Leliana.

“Thank you very much, sir,” she says jauntily as she puts the winnings in her pouch.

“Ahh well,” Zevran says happily, “you win some, you lose some.” He pulls me to him, “and I think I won the best one.”

“On that note I think I will leave you two lovebirds alone and take to my tent,” Leliana says smiling.


	89. A Chat with Queen and King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly has a chat with Anora and Alistair...

Dear Diary,

Zevran and I find very little at the Arl’s estate in Denerim. As we have been there under the guise of tying of loose ends the days have been very busy. Finally I am able to visit with Alistair and Anora.

“Elly, How are you?” Alistair asks excitedly as he greets me.

I can’t help but grin slightly as Anora frowns slightly at his enthusiasm. She is trying to teach him proper protocol when receiving nobles. “Anora please it’s just me plain old Grey Warden now. So that makes it alright.”

She sighs, “You know when they were talking about you being Cailan’s wife that would have made me giddy. But now it’s a bit painful to think about, knowing what I know.”

“I have something for Alistair but I think we might need some privacy,” I say deciding it is time to get to the point.

Anora immediately understanding what I meant immediately said, “Shall we retire to the private royal rooms then?”

I nod in agreement as she sends the servants ahead of us to bring food and wine to the rooms.

* * *

 

Once we are settled in the royal rooms with drinks I begin to explain. “First and foremost we went back to Ostagar at the bequest of Elric Maraigne.”

“Oh dear Maker, I thought he …..didn’t make it. He lives?” Anora asks hopefully.

“Barely made it,” I say sadly, “He is recovering at our central camp until he well enough to go to Redcliff. He was captured by Bann Loren’s men and held prisoner for some time until he could make an escape attempt.”

 “Blessed Maker!” Anora holds her hand to mouth horrified. “He was one of Cailan’s most trusted friends. His wife and children will be happy to have some answers. I will ensure that anything he needs will be taken care of.”

“Which brings me to the second reason I am here, I have collected Cailan’s armor and ensured he was laid to rest properly.” I explain softly as I pull the pieces out of my pack.

“You collected his armor? Meaning that it wasn’t on him?” Alistair asks curiously.

“Even the darkspawn understood the significance of something this powerful, Alistair,” I say lightly.

“Please Elly, I know I didn’t love him the way I was supposed to but I was still very fond of Cailan….tell me everything don’t hold back.” Anora pleads.

Alistair takes Anora’s hand and gives it a squeeze to show his support. Zev realizing quickly that this was going to bit emotional pours everyone another glass of wine and sits back on the settee with his arm around me.

“Ok after meeting with Elric he gave us the directions to a key he had been holding. The key was to Cailan’s private chest. He was afraid of losing it during the battle so he hid it at Ostagar.” I explain.

Anora nods for me continue as I take a drink. “Once there we found the chest and Cailan’s body. The darkspawn had strung him up like a trophy.”

“Maker!” Alistair exclaims.

 “As we were getting ready to cut him done more Darkspawn showed up so we decided to clear the area before proceeding,” I continue.

“A sound decision,” Anora says nodding.

I continue my story, “Once we took out the group closest to Cailan we realized the Darkspawn had divvied out Cailan’s arms. So we cleared out the place and recovered it along with a few other things.” I reach back into my back and pull out Duncan’s sword.

Alistair starts for a moment as I hand it to him. “You should have it …after all it’s part of his set.”

Alistair is speechless for a moment ….finally he speaks his voice thick with emotion… “I don’t know how to properly thank you for this……just ….thank you.”

Anora takes a moment pull Alistair into a hug before turning back to me. “What happened next?” she asks softly.

“We went back to Cailan cut him down and gave him a proper funeral pyre.” I explain.

Anora lets out a breath as I finish. She speaks in a voice filled with tears, “Thank you for taking the time to do that for him.”

We sit silently for a few minutes before Anora asks, “did you get Cailan’s documents from the chest?”

I nod. “Yes, I am investigating a few things that were a bit ambiguous of the contents.”

* * *

 

We hear a soft knock on the door and Erlina pokes her head in. “Lady Leliana has returned. Shall I show her in?”

Anora and Alistair look at me and I nod with a grin. “Her timing is perfect as always.”

They both look at me curiously.

“While Leli was in Redcliff checking on the chantry, I also had her doing some work for me to shed light on some of the documents I found in Cailan’s chest.” I explain grinning.

“I think I may have some answers for you as well,” Anora says suddenly.

“And I have the other half of your puzzle,” Leliana smirks.

“Let’s lay everything out in chronological order,” I say gesturing to the table.

Once we get everything laid out it seems Arl Eamon had been in contact with Empress Celene about the state of an heir.

“There is still something missing….” I say shaking my head. “We can see here where Eamon sent a letter to Cailan and where Celene sent a letter to both Cailan and Eamon. But the initial contact letter is missing. Who started the correspondence?”

“I can answer that,” Anora says rising from her chair. She walks over to a chest similar to Cailan’s and opens it taking a piece of paper out and brings it to the table.

Looking at the contents, I gasp in surprise. “You orchestrated this???”

“I knew Eamon wanted Cailan to put me aside,” Anora explains, “However Cailan was content with our arrangement. We did our marital duties. He went around about his business and I went about with mine. That was separate. We were still very fond of each other. I also knew that Cailan was against the idea of marrying Celene. We actually did talk to one another about many things. In addition we were both looked at by the healer and told just to give it time.”

I grin at her, “So you gave Eamon an opening for Cailan to shoot it down.”

Anora nods and gives me a smirk.

“Very clever,” I applaud.

Leliana snorts, “What I wouldn’t have done to see the look on Eamon’s face when he received correspondence from Celene.”

“Eamon is worried about an heir…even more so now,” Alistair says concerned. “Now that he has correspondence with Celene…. He may try again…he’s not a bad person just looking out for the noble line.”

“Unfortunately, that is true,” I say wrinkling my brow.

“Well we just won’t let him have his way,” Anora says brightly, Besides I don’t think Alistair would want to marry Celene.”

“Maker no!” Alistair says emphatically.

Leliana and I chuckle….as Zevran  snorts in mirth, “But Alistair what is one more you know three is the minimum number for a harem.”

Leli and Anora glare at Zevran for moment before dissolving into giggles.


	90. A Father and Daughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At Anora's dinner shots are fired when she realizes Morrigan and Loghain are ...entangled.

Dear Diary, 

Everyone has arrived in Denerim for one last get together before we head to Redcliff. Riordan has offered to go on ahead of us to check in with the darkspawn. Anora is throwing a bit of a dinner party for us.

“I could get used to this you know,” Zevran says smirking at me. 

“Oh, how so?”I query.

“Soft beds and succulent food that isn’t Alistair’s cooking,” he teases lightly, “however the dinner clothing choices here have something left to be desired.” He fidgets with his doublet. 

“Why are you complaining? I have to wear this stupid corset,” I banter in return. 

“Ah but you are vision, Bella,” he says planting a light kiss on my forehead. 

“You look handsome was well, Zev” I say eyeing him up, “Although I admit I prefer us in our leathers, I can breathe in them at least.” 

“Shall I plan for a plate to be sent to room later?” Zev asks knowingly.

I nod in agreement. “You, Ser, are ridiculously awesome,” I say wrapping my arms around him to pull him in for a kiss. 

He pulls back after a moment. “You know Bella you keep this up and we won’t be making the dinner,” He teases huskily. 

I lay my head on his shoulder. “That would not be a great tragedy but I promised Anora we would be there,” I say softly into his neck.

Zevran chuckles knowingly, “You just want to be out of that corset.”

I can’t help but giggle because he is correct. “You know me so well.”

We head to the dinner. Almost everyone is there except for Morrigan and Loghain. I see momentary shock on Anora’s face when they walk in together. I cover my snicker with my hand. 

“This may be more interesting than I first thought,” Zevran whispers grinning. 

Anora manages to stay stone-faced as Loghain pulls out Morrigan’s chair for her as we all get seated at the table. 

“I’m probably going to get an earful about this one,” I say quietly under the usual dinner banter.

Then the barbs start flying. “So I heard you were brought up in the Kocari Wilds?” Anora asks with saccharine sweetness.

“Yes, my mother raised me there, what of it?” Morrigan asks calmly. She seems to be expecting this.

“I was just thinking you have wonderful table manners for someone raised in the Wilds,” Anora says smiling facetiously.

“Well just because we lived in the Wilds does not mean we are barbarians.” Morrigan says coldly. 

“Too bad that didn’t extend to your clothing choices, Darling,” Anora continues unhindered, “We simply must find you a change of clothes.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose shaking my head knowing what is coming next. 

“If one more person asks me if I want a change of clothes, I will set the castle on fire,” Morrigan announces looking directly at Anora.

“I apologize,” Anora says with another fake smile, “I was under the impression that if you wanted to snag a noble husband you might want to start dressing as a proper noble woman.”

Before Morrigan can retort, Loghain gives Anora a hard glance, “Anora you forget I am a warden now and noble titles are dropped. I am just Loghain Mac Tir now.” 

Anora is undaunted. “Father regardless of your station, people know who you are when they see you. If you insist on cavorting with her, you should at least dress her appropriately so at least the impression will be that she is not a boor.”

Morrigan gives Anora a steely stare. “And here I thought the Chasind were savages,” she muses icily, “and they consume the flesh of the dead. I was mistaken it seems to be the Ferelden nobility.”

I look over to Zevran who is obviously enjoying the show. “A darkspawn attack would be welcome at this point…just bring in the archdemon.” I joke quietly as the voices rise a bit. No one is yelling yet per say but the volume level has definitely increased. 

Finally Leliana intervenes, she taps on her beer stein with her for. “You know this may be the last time we can all sit have a dinner together. We should be enjoying it instead of fighting.” 

Anora looks momentarily ashamed before plastering a smile on her face. “You are right of course,” she says looking at Leliana with affection.

I give Leliana a wink and she nods in acknowledgement. The rest of the meal was much more pleasant. As Zevran and I were ready to take our leave, Anora says, “Elly I would like to speak to you. Could you come to the royal chambers?”

“Yes, of course,” I reply, “Once I change.”

A real smile spreads across Anora’s face. “That’s right you hate corsets,” she teases lightly, “and you barely ate anything. Shall I have a plate sent to your room?” 

“Zevran already took care of it,” I explain quickly.

“You know for an Antivan assassin hired to kill you, he does hold you quite dear,” Anora muses. 

“You have no idea,” I banter as I walk off. 

* * *

 

After explaining to Zevran I needed to see Anora. I head to the royal chambers. As I knock on the door I hear an argument going on. 

“It’s entirely inappropriate; she’s too young for him! She’s young enough to be his daughter!” Anora exclaims as the door is opened by Leliana. 

“Help please!” she mouths quickly before she turns around.

“Oh I agree it is totally inappropriate,” Alistair chimes in, “I mean who do they think they are cavorting like teenagers.”

“Maker,” I sigh under my breath. 

“This is your fault you know,” Anora says accusingly. 

“How so?” I ask curiously.

“You let Morrigan join us,” Alistair says smugly.

“And how many times has Morrigan saved you or me for that matter,” I counter, “ We would have died if we let you keep cooking.”

“You make a valid point,” Alistair relents, “She has been useful and that bird trick of hers was very helpful in the Frostbacks and she did take care of Elly when she got hurt. Ok I guess she isn’t all that terrible. I still don’t like her much but she did prove herself. And her cooking was marginally better than mine.”

Leliana coughs as she tries not to laugh, “Much better Alistair, sorry but that lamb stew still haunts me.”

I snort in amusement, “No kidding!”

“Either way it is still inappropriate the age difference alone is scandalous,” Anora says firmly.

“Anora, how long has you mother been gone now?” I ask curiously.

“It’s been a good 10 years,” she replies.

“Did it ever occur to you that your father might be lonely?” Leliana asks softly, “I mean he had you but now you are grown and married.”

“Father was always so strong that it never occurred to me,” Anora admits softening her stance a bit.

“Perhaps it is better for him to have a bit of happiness,” I say softly, “There are no guarantees that any one of us is going to live through the arch demon.”

Anora’s face drops as I say this. She is silent for a moment and then says, “You are right…she may not be nobility but I saw the happiness on Father’s face as they walked into the dining room. I should have thought of him. Morrigan and I will never be friends but if she makes Father happy, I will at least be cordial.”

“The whole thing was a bit of a surprise to all of us,” I say kindly.

“Well except for me,” Leliana giggles. 

“I thought there was a thing with Cullen and Morrigan?” Alistair asks confused. 

“The idea is romantic,” Leliana sighs, “but the differences between them were…problematic.”

We are interrupted by a knock on the door. Leliana answers the door. “Anora, Loghain is here to speak with you,” She announces as Loghain and Morrigan enter the room. 

“I would like to speak with Anora alone,” Loghain says firmly.

“It’s fine,” I say smiling at them, “I was just leaving anyway.”

“Umm yea I can go find a dummy to spar with,” Alistair says making a quick exit. 

“I need to check on some books in library,” Leliana chimes in. 

I wink at Morrigan on my way out and whisper to Loghain “Don’t be too hard on her, listen to what she says first.” 

Loghain nods in acknowledgement as I close the door.


	91. Redcliff Castle the Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and crew head back to Redcliff and get a surprise.
> 
> Author's note: I have been working on this fic feverishly for the last two weeks. So updates will be more regular again.

Dear Diary,

We are approaching Redcliff Castle. However something seems off we don’t have to wait long to find out what is going on. As there is towns person who seems a bit lost and can’t decide where to go. It seems the darkspawn have staged an attack on the castle and the town. We group up to decide what to do first.

“I think we should split up and half of us take the town the rest will go to castle,” I say firmly. Everyone agrees and Adela quickly takes a group into the town.

As the rest of us fight our way to castle, I find it odd that this just seems like a skirmish force to cause confusion and not a full-fledged fighting force. But we are really too busy to for me ponder it further as once we get to the courtyard and clear it. The soldiers fighting the darkspawn escort us into the castle. This does help me to feel a bit better as the darkspawn haven’t really breached the castle at this point. However I am bit nervous about them entering though the underground tunnel. Thankfully as we walk into the throne room I see, Eamon, Teagan, and Riordan. I breathe a sigh of relief as Riordan approaches us.

“It’s relief to see you unharmed,” Riordan says bowing slightly in way of greeting, “and you as well Loghain. The darkspawn that attacked were relatively few in number I’m afraid.” I nod agreeing with him as I had thought the same. “It was assumed the horde was marching in this direction but that is not true.”

“Riordan tells us that bulk of the hoard is in fact heading to Denerim. They are perhaps two days away.” Eamon explains.

“Are you sure about that?” Loghain asks curiously.

“I ventured close enough to listen in as it were,” Riordan explains, “I’m quite certain.”

“Then we need to march at once,” I say firmly.

“There is I’m afraid one other piece of new that is of even greater concern,” Riordan says gravely, “it seems the arch demon has shown itself, the dragon is at the head of the horde.”

“Maker preserve us,” Teagan says worriedly.

“There is no way to make it to the capitol in 2 days,” Adela says walking into room.

“We must begin a forced march immediately with the forces we have,” Eamon says firmly, “Denerim must be defended.”

“And what of Redcliff?” I worry.

“Redcliff is fortified enough. A skeleton force can hold the walls. Should darkspawn come.” Teagan announces firmly.

“Then you will remain here, Teagan” Eamon commands, “While we march on Denerim.”

“The horde must defeated,” Riordan adds, “but the arch demon is our true target and only the grey wardens can defeat the arch demon. That is why we must go.”

“Then we march and hope the army that Elly collected here will give us the chance we need,” Loghain says pragmatically, “how long before we can march?”

“By daybreak,” Eamon answers.

“Let’s get them ready then,” Loghain says looking at Eamon who nods in agreement. The two men walk out of the throne room together.

“We could leave now without the army,” I say thinking about the people in Denerim.

“To get to the arch demon,” Riordan explains patiently, “We need to break through the horde. We need the army for that.” I nod in understanding as he continues. “Then if all the wardens could meet with me before you retire.”

“I’ll let them know,” I reply taking my leave.  


 

* * *

 

 

We all get ourselves assembled in Riordan’s room as he requested. I have a funny feeling that I’m not going to like what he says.

“I’m going to assume everyone here understands why the wardens are needed to slay an archdemon,” Riordan says soberly.

We all nod in acknowledgement as he looks about the room.

“In blights past when such time came the eldest of the grey wardens would decide which amongst them would take that final blow,” Riordan continues, “If possible that final blow should be mine to take.” I hear Adela gasp and shake her head. “I am the eldest and the taint will not spare me much longer. But if I fail the deed falls on you. The blight must be stopped now or it will take all of Ferelden before the rest of the grey wardens can assemble. Remember that.”

We all nod soberly as the air in the room has become rather macabre.

“But enough, there will be much to do tomorrow and little time enough time to rest before it. I will let you return to your rooms,” Riordan says quietly.

We all start to file out of his room. “Elly?” Riordan calls suddenly. “Could you stay a moment?”

“Of course,” I answer quizzically looking at him.

Once the others leave, Riordan shuts the door. I watch him curiously as he walks over to the table and pours us each a glass of wine. He gestures to the chairs and I sit as he brings the glasses over to us and sits in the chair across from me.

“My private blend,” He explains, “to be honest I just wanted to share it with someone and I wanted to talk to you about my wishes if I fail to slay the archdemon.”

I take a sip of the wine. It is heady and strong similar in character to the man seated in front of me. “It suits you,” I say eyeing the wineglass.

Riordan smiles briefly at my comment before continuing. “Should I fail to strike the archdemon down, it is important that Alistair does not take the final blow.”

“Agreed,” I reply, “After all in the blight’s aftermath there has to be stability for Ferelden. Should it come to that I will take the blow myself.”

Riordan nods staring at his wineglass. The rises to walk over to the window and stares listlessly at nothing out of it. “To think that Adela will be the last left of our group,” He muses, “Duncan, Adela, Fiona, and I were the only ones to make it through our joining.”

Seeing the melancholy on his face I immediately set my glass down and go to him. Wrapping my arms around him I give him a hug. He stiffens at first and then returns the hug briefly setting his chin on my shoulder. Once we separate he looks at me curiously.

“Thank you,” he says quietly.

“You looked like you needed it,” I reply.

Riordan smiles, “I would like to think if I had a daughter she would be like you.” He reaches over and initiates a hug this time.

“I think you would be wonderful father,” I smile up at him.

“You should get some rest,” He says firmly. I can’t help but giggle a bit at his fatherly demeanor.

“Goodnight Riordan,” I say as I reach for the door.

I head down the hallway to my room and I see Adela sitting in one of the chairs attempting to read a book.

“So how is he?” she asks.

“You should go to him,” I answer quietly, “I think he needs company more than sleep. He bade me to leave because he was worried about my rest. But I think he’s spent too much time alone.”

Adela nods in agreement and heads toward Riordan’s room. 


	92. An Offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morrigan offers a way out for the Wardens.

Dear Diary,

I head to my room expecting to see Zevran but Morrigan is there.

“Do not be alarmed…it is only I,” she says turning from the fire to look at me.

“Morrigan, is everything alright?” I ask curiously.

“I am well,” she answers patiently, “Tis you who are in danger. I have a plan you see. A way out…the loop in your hole…I know what happens when the arch demon dies. I know a grey warden must be sacrificed and that sacrifice could be you. I have come to tell you this does not need to be.”

“How do you know about this?” I pour myself and Morrigan a glass of wine thoughtfully left by our hosts.

She sits in the one of the chairs as I take the other.

“I know a great many things. How I know is not quite as important as what I am offering you however,” she says dodging the question, “I offer a way out, a way out for all the grey wardens that there need be no sacrifice. A ritual performed on the eve of battle in the dark of night.”

I am wary of this wondering what this ritual could be, especially one that cheats death. “Nothing comes without a price.” I say looking at her skeptically.

“Perhaps,” she replies lightly. “But that price need not be so unbearable, especially if there is much to be gained. All I ask is that you listen to what I have to offer. Nothing more.”

“Very well. What is your plan?” I ask taking sip of my wine.

“What I propose is this I lay with one of the wardens. I will conceive a child. The child will bear the taint and when the arch demon is slain its essence will seek the child like a beacon,” she explains, “At this early stage the child can absorb that essence and not perish. The archdemon is destroyed with no grey warden dying in the process.”

I take a sip of my wine regarding her. “You and Loghain are already pretty friendly,” I note curiously, “You could have done the ritual with no one being the wiser. So why ask me?”

Morrigan gives me a curious look as if she doesn’t understand herself. “I respect you,” she finally says, “and I never thought it was possible but I think of you as friend and I wish to have ….your agreement.”

“So what is in this for you?” I ask knowingly.

Morrigan gives a brief smile as she stares at the wine in the glass. Finally looking up at me she says, “In return I conceive a child. One who will be born with the soul of an old god. After this is done, you allow me to walk away and you do not follow…ever.”

I almost get the feeling she is trying to steel herself rather than tell me.

“The child will be mine to raise,” she continues, “as I wish.”

I sit and ponder for a moment drinking the wine. She could have completely bypassed asking me and just done the ritual but she choose to ask me. What would the repercussions be? I’m tired of death. Riordan offered to take the final blow but…I don’t want to lose anyone else.

“Is this why you have been so friendly with me?” I ask curiously.

“At first,” Morrigan admits, “this is the whole reason my mother sent me with you. The reason she saved you. However I never expected to care about you for you to become my friend. I cannot let my feelings get in the way of what I need to do. The fact that it can save you…and others makes me more determined to see it done. Please do not cloud the issue.”

“All right,” I reply softly.

“Of course I can’t hide this from Loghain, the trick will be to get him to comply knowing what I am doing,” she sighs, “Would you come with me to speak with him?”

“Of course,” I agree, “However if wishes not to do this I will not command him to do it.”

Morrigan nods, “I expected you would say that.” She rises from the chair, “shall we see to it then?”

We walk quietly down the hall and I knock on Loghain’s door. Once bade to enter. He does not seem surprised to see us.

“I saw you outside of Elly’s door, I figured you two were up to something” he says knowingly, “is something amiss?”

“Loghain we need to talk,” I reply quietly.

“That is an odd way to begin,” He notes, “Very well, you have my attention.”

“You and I have become friends, right?” I ask.

Loghain regards me curiously for moment. “As strange as it may seem, I would agree with that assessment. I owe you a great deal. Although, I would have never foreseen this coming to pass.”

“What if I told you there was a way to avoid anyone from dying tomorrow?” I ask.

“Hmmm, I assume you are speaking of the archdemon and Riordan’s revelation,” he says thoughtfully, “I have no intention of avoiding the battle or fleeing if that is what you speak of. You need not concern yourself for my welfare.”

“I am concerned with everyone’s welfare Loghain,” I reply crisply, “but no I was not referring to fleeing.”

“I made a mistake and it’s one I will make up for if it comes to that,” Loghain says firmly, “Now unless there is something you wish to ask of me.”

I blush lightly as I find the words. “I am asking you to sleep with Morrigan.”

“Ah I will assume that this is not simply for your amusement,” He looks at me and Morrigan in turn, “This is the way to avoid death you speak of? Yes, a ritual then?”

Morrigan nods.

“What manner of ritual calls for such and act?” Loghain asks curiously regarding us both.

“I will not lie to you,” Morrigan says gently, “It will produce a child.”

“A child! With me as the father and the marsh witch as the mother,” He says with shock, “I cannot think of anything more ludicrous. Or why you or she would be interested in such an outcome.”

“If it can save you and bring to fruition the reason my mother sent me with wardens. I will do it.” Morrigan explains, “It will create a child with the soul of an old god.”

“This is unnecessary; if Riordan fails let me take the final blow,” Loghain says heatedly, “let me make amends for my mistakes.”

I reach out and touch his arm causing him to look at me. “I don’t want you to die either Loghain.”

His face softens as he looks at me. “That is appreciated but it is far too late for me. Please don’t ask me to do this thing.”

Morrigan’s face changes to angry but she says nothing.

“I’ve seen enough death Loghain and I believe this could work but I will leave the decision up to you.” I offer gently.

“You could order me to obey you but yet you do not,” he says amusedly, “hmph, if this is truly what you think is wise, then I will do as you ask.

He looks over a Morrigan who is no longer looking angry …in fact she looks concerned.

“However I have one question to ask about this child that will supposedly be born from this,” Loghain announces looking at Morrigan.

“Interesting, honesty wouldn’t have been my first choice,” Morrigan comments lightly.

“Will this child be used to plague Ferelden? Anora does not need a little brother to appear and lay claim on her throne,” He asks.

“The child will never know of his father and I will never return to Ferelden,” Morrigan says firmly, “That I swear.”

“I…will accept that,” Loghain answers.

“So you will do it?” she asks.

“Yes,” he answers stoically.

However, I note that that his ears redden a little as he answers. I hide my smile. “I will be going then.” I say to break the awkward moment as I head to the door. I get no answer as I shut the door behind me. I make my way back to my room.


	93. The Quiet Before Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night before battle....

 

Dear Diary,

I return to my room and see that Zevran has thoughtfully brought a plate of food.

“I thought you may be hungry,” He says gesturing to the table as I take a seat. “Is your business with the Wardens and Morrigan finished?”

“Yes, I believe so,” I reply grabbing a piece of bread.

“So what’s going on?” He asks curiously.

“Oh, deciding who is going to die to the archdemon, strange fornication rituals done in the dead of night, normal stuff,” I tease lightly trying not to think too hard about it.

Zevran’s eyes open in surprise for moment but he covers immediately. “Oh a regular Tuesday then,” He banters.

I snicker and nod as I grab some cheese and an apple.

He pours some wine for the both of us and settles himself in the seat across from me. “But more seriously Bella, are you ok? You are definitely stressed but holding it together well.”

“Well deciding who would take the final blow and die was not fun,” I admit dropping my eyes. “and convincing Loghain to sleep with Morrigan for the good of the wardens was interesting.” I smirk slightly as Zevran looks at me with curious amusement.

He shakes his head for moment, “Would you care to explain in more detail?”

“I think you well understand how the deed is done,” I tease lightly, “But in all seriousness Morrigan thinks she knows some weird ritual that will help save the wardens.”

“I hope for your sake, she does,” Zev says softly as he comes around behind me and rubs my shoulders, “I’ve just found you; I do not want to lose you.”

“I have one thing. To say regarding that and then I wish to speak of it no more,” I say to him gently. He stops rubbing my shoulders and leans down to my ear.

“Whatever you want Bella,” he replies and comes crouch front of me to listen to what I have to say.

I know I need to say it quickly or I won’t be able to. “Promise me…should anything happen to me that you will find someone and be happy. Please…” I see many emotions cross his face sadness, anger, sorrow, and some I can’t even name.

“If such a terrible thing were to happen I will deal with it then, I will remember your wishes,” He says soberly.

I’m trying so hard to keep my emotions in check as I think the last thing he needs is to see me worried. I drain the wineglass and grabbing my brush from my pack. I sit on the bed and start my nighttime ritual of brushing my hair. After a moment I feel the bed dip as Zevran settles himself behind me. He takes the brush from my hand saying, “I’ll do it.”

I nod in agreement as he brushes my hair and puts it into a loose braid. He hands me the brush when he finishes and I set it on the night table. Before I can lean forward to pull off my boots he pulls me down to the bed. “Zev,” I start to protest about the boots but before I can get another word out his mouth covers mine. His kiss is gentle but urgent and I find I don’t have the will to deny him (even for a moment to take off the previously thought of boots).

His touch is slow and deliberate in contrast to his kiss. As if he is trying to memorize every moment. I watch every motion he makes. I don’t want to close my eyes. I’m afraid I will miss something if I dare to do so. Just as he captures my lips again he mutters “I could spend my life with you like this and it wouldn’t be enough.”

I nod in agreement saying nothing. This is a side to Zev I have yet to see. I am both fascinated and curious to see more. As he deftly removes my clothing, I watch him quietly. I wonder what he is really thinking.

His calculated movements are tantalizing but it’s almost as if he is holding himself back. As I watch him with both bewilderment and desire, I realize he is afraid.

He moves to plant another kiss on my lips but placing my hands on the side of his face stops him momentarily. My eyes search the amber depths of his, “I’m afraid too…” I whisper. He drops onto me drawing me even closer to him as he buries his face in my neck and takes a deep breath.

“I am not a warden tonight Zev,” I say softly, “I am yours.”

I feel him nod into my shoulder. He pulls away only to continue his ministrations. Then he seems to find his voice again. “If that is the case I will take everything you have to offer,” he whispers.


	94. Denerim City Gates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and crew make it to the Denerim.

Dear Diary,

We have marched to Denerim to find the city in shambles. The darkspawn are running amok, the city is burning, and the archdemon is flying above setting fire to everything in sight.  The view is both fascinating and terrifying at the same time. I can barely turn my eyes away. Once Alistair and Anora give their speech we head toward the horde. Once the city gates are clear, everyone is assembled as Riordan speaks, “You’ve managed to fight your way to the gates. We are doing better than I had hoped.”

“That will change quickly,” Sten notes.

 “Bloody nugrunners! We are outnumbered 3 to 1,” Oghren says angrily.

“What are we to do now Riordan,” Wynne asks, “You do have a plan I assume.”

Riordan nods, “The army will not last long. So we need to move quickly to reach the archdemon. I suggest taking Loghain and no more than 2 others with you into the city. Anyone you don’t bring with you can remain here to prevent more darkspawn from entering Denerim on our tails.”

“I’ve fought dragons before but they weren’t so….airborn,” I comment, “any ideas on how to fight a flying dragon?”

“We are going to need to reach a high point in the city,” Riordan explains, “I’m thinking the top of Fort Drakon might work.”

“You want to draw the dragon’s attention, I take it,” Loghain says thoughtfully.

Riordan nods, “We have little choice but I will warn you as soon as we engage the beast it will call all of it’s Generals to help it. I can sense two generals in Denerim. You may wish to see them out before going to Fort Drakon.”

“I am sure that if we did slay those generals, it would stop the darkspawn in the city from doing a lot of harm,” Leliana adds.

“It may also waste resources trying to find them;” Riordan says bluntly, “The decision is up to you.”

“We have plenty of wardens and friends here,” I say planting a smile on my face, “We can split into groups.”

“There are already several groups of our allies in the city,” Riordan continues, “They may be able to come to your assistance if you call them. Just remember their strength will be limited. Now who do you wish to take with you into the city?”

Riordan steps back to let me give orders.

“Adela will go with Riordan for support,” I say. Riordan looks at me questioningly.

“No one goes alone,” I add firmly. Riordan looks a bit taken back but nods.

“Morrigan, Sten, Tamlen, and Shale will go toward the alienage. I feel a strong darkspawn presence in that direction possibly one of the generals.” I direct.

Riordan’s eye widen in surprise, “Strange you can feel that already you’ve been warden for such a short time,” He mutters quietly.

“The other place I feel a stronger presence is the marketplace,” I continue, “Ox, Soris, Cullen, and Leliana should go there and see what is going on. Zevran, Loghain, and Wynne will come with me and Oghren can lead the rest of you to hold the gates.”

I look at the messenger on standby. “Go tell our friends from Orzammar to help Oghren and keep any more darkspawn from entering the city.”

“Right away,” The messenger says running off.

“I thought two parties with grey wardens heading toward Fort Drakon from opposing directions might confuse the archdemon,” I explain.

“Clever,” Zevran says with a slight astonishment.

Riordan nods, “an excellent idea.”

“So this is it,” Oghren says soberly.

“It has been an honor, Oghren,” I say smiling at him.

“Honor?” He grins, “ehhy, nobody has looked at me and seen honor in a long time, Warden. You took in a drunken disgrace of an Orzammar warrior. You gave me a reason to fight and the will to keep going. Then you helped me find the one woman in the sodding world who might put up with me and ya helped me get past Branka so I could have someone new. I owe you a lot, Elly. I consider it a fine honor to die for you and your cause.”

“We’ll make it through this Oghren,” I say brightly.

“We might and we might not,” Oghren says pragmatically, “I’m betting on not. Let the stone turn red from the blood of heroes…Today I will be the warrior you taught me to be.”

Shale saunters over and faces me. “So the archdemon is next is it? Part of it is glad that I am going to the alienage but the other part is apprehensive… I would almost say that I feel concerned for something other than myself. Even maybe for a soft squishy companion. But that would be silly, wouldn’t it?”

I can’t help but to grin at Shale, “Perish the thought,” I tease lightly, “but seriously Shale, thank you for everything.”

“And ugh….do try not to get swallowed whole,” Shale continues, “If the beast were to fly about afterwards and poop it out…irony would dictate that it would land on me. I…couldn’t take it. Well this is it I suppose. Have fun storming the castle.”

Wrex looks at me and whines.

“Don’t worry boy, I’ll be fine. Help Oghren and don’t get tainted,” I say patting his head.

“Are you ready?” Sten asks. I nod. “We have reached the battlefield at last.”

“Thank you for your help, Sten,” I say graciously.

He takes a moment before replying. “The Arishok asked, _what is the blight?_   I stand here looking into its eyes, and I still have no answer for him. But perhaps you do. I did nothing. You have carried us this far…do not doubt that.”

 “So this it then,” Wynne says, “All we have been through has led up to this. Whatever happens now to either of us… know that, I am proud…infinitely proud to have called you friend. Onward then and may the Maker smile fortune upon us.”

Leliana steps toward me. “So this it ….this is the end. We’ve come so far. It’s strange knowing our fates will be decided in a matter of hours. We stand on the precipice, before the greatest battle of our age…I wonder…if the heroes of old ever felt like this.”

I can’t help but smile as I can see an epic tale starting in her mind.

“How do you feel?” I ask curiously.

“I am not afraid,” she answers, “We go to fight for a good cause and there is nowhere else I would rather be. I would prefer to be at your side I respect your decision to leave me behind. You area dear, dear friend and I will stand with you to whatever end. I will be extremely cross with you if you…don’t return. This day we will forge a legend of our own. I will see you soon.” 

“Thanks Leli,” I give her a quick hug.

“After all that I will not be going with you?” Morrigan asks with a bit of chagrin.

“In your delicate condition?” I tease.

She chuckles lightly. “I would still see this to the end, but so be it. Let us part ways now. You go your way to your destiny and I got to mine.”

“Thanks for everything Morrigan,” I say graciously.

Her face wrinkles in bewilderment. “I did not know what it meant to have a friend, once. But you …I would gladly consider such. Go, slay your archdemon. Live gloriously, my friend.”

 

“I just want to thank you for giving me a chance to atone my past mistakes,” Jowan says humbly, “I will never forget what you have done for me.”

“Everyone can learn from mistakes and make the future better, Jowan, I merely gave the chance. You made the decision to do something with it,” I offer.

Jowan smiles, “Thanks Elly.”

“I wasn’t sure about you at first,” Adela says giving me a firm serious glance, “But you have proven yourself to not only be good warden but a great leader as well. I would gladly follow you.”

“Adela,” I reach over hugging the dwarf and whisper, “please take care of Riordan.” She nods in agreement as I pull away.

“Elly, you took a casteless duster and gave me a purpose. I will never forget that,” Leske says firmly.

“And you made sure I got to my tent when I couldn’t get there myself,” I grin at him. He reaches over and awkwardly hugs me before turning to stand with the others.

“Elly, you have done well. I will be glad to see this finished,” Ox says soberly, “I am happy I could know you.”

“And you as well Ox,” I say nodding.

Tamlen comes to stand by me. “Ma serannas for saving me Elly, and for trying to save ma lath, Dareth shiral my friend.”

“Ir abelas, I was unable to save her,” I say casting my gaze down, “however I am grateful and blessed to have you as falon.”

“When you found me I was on the run,” Soris says sadly, “But you changed that and now I hope to give something better to this world.”

I reach over and grasp Soris’ arm. “We helped each other Soris, which is what friends do.” He nods.

“I should be with you, Elly,” Rory says with a slight bit of anger, “but I understand someone will need to speak with Fergus and explain all that has happened.” I nod at him as he understands well my thoughts. Suddenly he pulls me into a hug. “You better come back or I will hunt you done into the beyond.”

“I would expect nothing less,” I tease as we separate.   

“I would have expected you to kill me for what I did to you and you didn’t,” Loghain says thoughtfully stepping closer to me, Instead you have proven to be …a friend. I thought all along that only I could save Ferelden but it was you.”

“No Loghain,” I reproach gently, “It is all of us…no one person can do it all.”

“I realize this now,” Loghain says sadly, “I just hope this old man learned this lesson before it is too late.”

“It is never too late,” I offer brightly as he walks away.

Zevran approaches me. “If this should the last we speak, I want you to know that…assassinating you was the luckiest thing that could have happened to me.”

I can’t help but to smile because he’s actually saying this in front of everyone. “I love you, Zev. I hope you know that.”

He drops his gaze perhaps a bit embarrassed that I said it in front of everyone but he says, “Yes I know that.” He reaches to pull me within his embraces and kisses me thoroughly. I hear Oghren whistle as we pull apart.

Shaking his fist, Oghren yells, “You hear that, you big archedemon? We’re coming for ya!”

I could hug Oghren for inserting a bit of humor into such seriousness. We all get into our respective groups and set out with the hopes and cheers of those left at the gates.


	95. The final battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and crew take on the archdemon.

Dear Diary,

Getting to the archdemon isn’t easy. Strange though that although there are many many darkspawn most seem to be weak grunts, which we can cleave easily. I hope the others have been able to handle the generals and hold the gate. The numbers are definitely daunting.

“I’m sure they are fine,” Zevran says seeming to know my thoughts.

A soldier runs up to us, “Warden,” He says breathlessly, “a group of darkspawn has left the main horde they are coming this way.”

“Head back to the others we got this.” I instruct. The man nods catching his breath for a second before heading back.

We dispatch the group that we were warned about and head to the doors of Fort Drakon. Stepping through the doors we find the darkspawn have set up a base here even using smaller dragons.We take out the lesser fighters avoiding the dragons for the time being. But eventually we will need to deal with them as they are blocking the way forward. We group up quickly and decide to take on one and go thru that door. While we are fighting Riordan and Adela enter the area. As the dragon on our side falls they run through but if we want to surprise the archdemon we will have to enter from the other side( where the other dragon is).

Damnation….I race to the other side and the others follow in suit. Thankfully these are young dragons so they go down much easier than the high dragon did.

We race up the other side and ignore most of the darkspawn that a crowding the doorways as our focus is the archdemon, until we enter a room with 3 ogres.

“I think we will have to take them all out to get through,” Loghain calls running to the one on the left. He has a feral smile on his face as he swings his sword.

He is enjoying this…I realize with wonder. One by one we take out the 2 ogre darkspawn and race up the steps to the top of Fort Drakon.

I see Adela at the top but not Riordan. “Where’s Riordan?” I ask.

She shakes her head. Dammit! I feel tears prickle behind my eyes. I swallow thickly and will the feeling back this is not the time. 

The archdemon lands on a dais not far from us and we race over.We rain blows down on the creature as it bellows at us. I can almost understand what it’s saying.

“Heads up!” I yell over the din we are going to have company. I feel more darkspawn presence approaching.

Just as Zev and I resituate for the oncoming flood of darkspawn I hear. “Looks like you could use some back-up!” Tamlen calls. Turning I see Morrigan, Sten, Tamlen, Shale, Ox, Soris, Cullen, and Leliana come running up to us.

“I knew you couldn’t stay away,” I tease.

“And let you take all the glory?” Soris banters breathlessly flashing me a grin.

With our numbers bolstered we renew our efforts against the archdemon finally bringing it down to the ground. Loghain grabs his sword and starts stalking toward the huge dragon.

“Wynne!” I call out. “Freeze him!” Not checking to see if she heard me I race toward the creature grabbing a discarded two handed sword as I run. I admit I am thinking of Anora being without her father. I don’t wish that on her. She lost her mother years ago. It just ….I bring the sword down through the dragons head and all my thoughts are gone. I am stuck. I cannot move there is a brilliant light I close my eyes and try to let go of the sword but to no avail. I open my eyes and turn my head squinting. I think I see Zevran and Loghain looking worried and then….nothing.

I feel something soft on my forehead as I awaken. Opening my eyes I see Zevran’s face hovering over me looking worried.

“Thank the maker!” He breathes seeing me open my eyes.

“She’s awake?” I hear Wynne ask.

“Yes,” Zevran answers as I start to move.

“Don’t you dare, not until Wynne takes a look at you,” He admonishes, “It seems Morrigan’s magic worked but don’t you move yet.”

He looks a bit angry so I nod in agreement as Wynne comes to check on me. After she looks me over she announces, “You seem to be fine the blast just knocked you out for a bit.”

“Good,” I reply crisply, “can I get up now?” I don’t particularly want to be lying here any longer.

“Yes, although you may be a bit wobbly,” she smiles.

As I stand I see….Riordan….and tears fill my eyes. I immediately head toward him as Adela finishes tightening a dressing on his arm.

“Adela told me that you were…..” I manage to choke. He holds out his good arm and beckons for me to come to him.

He draws me into a hug. “I thought the same when you were blasted away from the archdemon,” He says quietly.

“He jumped on the archdemon,” Adela explains quickly, “Then he fell and I could no longer see him. It really looked like the worst scenario. But after the battle was over I found him hanging onto one of the battlements.”

“Andraste’s ass!” I exclaim, “Why did you do something crazy like that?”

“You are one to talk,” Loghain says dryly giving me a steely gaze. Riordan gives me a small smile as Loghain continues. “Telling Wynne to freeze me.”

“I couldn’t….let Anora be without her father….I know how that feels,” I say sheepishly.

Loghain has the sense to look ashamed, “and here I thought you just didn’t want me to die a hero or something equally stupid…..shows what I know.”

Zevran has been silent. Which I think is odd but I make no comment on it.

Leliana comes to join us. “All of the wounded have been taken care of and moved out of fort Drakon,” She announces.

“Good does this mean we can leave this place?” I ask.

“Yes,” Wynne says tiredly.

“Lady Leliana!” a voice rings out as a messenger runs up to us.

“Anora has requested that all of you retire to the palace. Rooms for you are being made ready,” He announces looking at us happily. 

“Well I guess we should go then,” Loghain says with a hint of a smile.


	96. After the Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zevran has something to say to Elly.

Dear Diary,

By the time we get to the palace the sun is already dipping low on the horizon. Anora has thoughtfully arranged to have us sup in our rooms and get some rest. There will be celebration tomorrow. Zevran still hasn’t spoken much…even when Leliana gave him a perfect opening, his usual banter is non-existant. The bath has already been drawn when we reach our room.I pull off my blood-soaked armor. I realize I should clean it but I would prefer to clean myself first and wash the muck of the day off me.

“I’ll go have someone fetch more water,” Zevran says quietly as he leaves.

I settle into the warm water wondering what is with him. He returns with water himself as I am drying myself off. He quickly drains the tub and refills it. I wonder briefly why he didn’t just have the maid fetch it after all he has to be as tired as I am.

We finally sit to eat but I really don’t feel very hungry. In fact the smell of the roast is making me a bit nauseous. I must have had a harder day than I thought. Perhaps the blow to my head is affecting me a bit as it did before. As I push my food around my plate, I look as Zev. “Zev is something wrong?” I ask curiously.

“No….yes….I don’t know,” He sighs.

I can only raise an eyebrow and look at him perplexed.

He chuckles depreciatingly, “I guess that didn’t explain much. I will try again.”

“Take your time,” I say laying my hand on his.

“I was angry at you for telling Wynne to freeze Loghain and taking on the final blow yourself.” He explains, “She froze me too when I went after you.” I tilt my head looking at him with surprise as no one mentioned this to me. “But once you woke up and told Loghain why you did it. I really couldn’t be angry with you,” he stops for a moment tilting his head in thought, “or rather I shouldn’t be angry with you. But ….I still am…”

He stops to take a sip of the water on the table and I patiently wait for him to continue.

“You can’t ever just do something to protect yourself and it infuriates me because I want….” He stops to collect his thoughts, “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“So you are angry with me because ….I was thinking of Anora without and a father and not about our future?” I query.

“You always think of others and it is one of the things I love most about you….” Zevran says a bit confused, “but just every now and then if something is dangerous and others can do it …would you let them? Any of the other wardens could have done what needed to be done today.”

“I didn’t want to lose anyone else…I wasn’t sure if Morrigan’s spell would work.” I manage to choke out.

“And I don’t want to lose you!” He says frustrated.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. Our first real disagreement, I understand where he is coming from but at the same time my duty dictates that I protect. Neither of us has touched the food so I walk over to him and sit on his knee. He places an arm around me and looks at me expectantly.

“I can’t promise that I won’t do anything risky,” I say honestly, “But I will do everything within my power to ensure that I come back to you.”

Zevran shakes his head. “I guess that will have to be enough,” He says pulling me into a hug.

“Besides I don’t think there will be another blight for a few hundred years,” I tease my voice muffled by his chest.

“A valid point,” He agrees. He looks at the plates on the table. “You should eat, you’re probably ravenous by now.”

“Normally I would agree with you,” I say with a smile, “I think the blow to my head spoiled my appetite.”

“Does your head hurt?” Zevran asks concern lacing his features.

I shake my head. “No, I just feel exhausted. A good night’s sleep will be welcome.”

I wake a few hours later feeling very nauseous. I remember how I felt when I hit my head before and run behind the screen to the chamber pot. When I come from out behind the screen Zevran is holding a wet towel and a glass of water for me. I look up at him gratefully.

“Thanks,” I say with a small smile as I take a sip of water.

“Do you want me to call Wynne?” He asks looking me over.

“No, my head doesn’t hurt. I just feel a bit dizzy,” I explain, “We can say something to her in the morning. I don’t wish to wake her she was exhausted too. Let’s just go back to bed.”

I feel a bit restless now but finally fall into a light sleep.


	97. A celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly spends some time with Fergis and Zevran.

## Chapter 97 A celebration

Dear Diary,

We head to the throne room in the palace at the appointed time. As I enter and am brought forward for the ceremony portion of this celebration. I almost break free and run to Fergus!!!! Fergus is alive and here and no one told me!!!!! It takes every ounce of my self-control to not break down and run to him.

I impatiently wait for the pomp and fanfare to finish going through the motions of “being a noble”. I tell Anora and Alistair that I would like to ask for my boon at another time. Alistair smiles and nods at me knowingly. He knows that I am impatient and why. As soon as I can I make my way to my brother throwing myself at him giving him a huge hug. He picks me up and swings me around.

“Fergus, you’re alive!!” I squeal, “What happened to you?”

“I was wounded and some Chasind found me,” He explains, “The saved me so I helped them in return.”

“I was so worried that ….Howe…” I say as tears begin to well-up in my eyes.

Fergus pulls me into a hug. “We can talk about that later. Once we have some privacy,” He says firmly as he holds me in the hug to allow me to regain my composure.

 I step away from Fergus. “I suppose I should go make nice with everyone,” I say putting on my noble smile. Fergus nods and smiles knowingly. Rory makes his way over to Fergus and they clap each other on the back.

Once the party is over and I can depart. I quickly make my way to our room. I note that Zev hasn’t returned yet and I start to peel myself out of the corset. I hear the door and then a voice. “Would you like some help with that, Bella?”

“Any excuse to get me out of clothes?” I tease lightly.

“Of course,” He says mischievously dropping kiss onto the back of my neck. He loosens the corset so I can work the laces when there is a knock on the door. “Go get comfortable,” Zev says graciously gesturing to the privacy screen, “I think I know who it is.”

“Oh it’s you,” I hear Fergus say from my position behind the screen. I hurriedly change into some leggings and a tunic. As I quickly exit from behind the screen, I see Zev opening a bottle of wine.

“Fergus,” I hug him again smiling and then sit down on the settee beside him. Fergus looks at Zevran curiously then back to me, as Zevran brings the wine over to us. I grin at him widely. “Fergus, this is Zevran Arainai, ex-Antivan crow, hired to kill me by Loghain,” I explain.

Zevran places a hand gently on my shoulder as I explain. Fergus looks at Zevran suspiciously. “Elly was rather persuasive,” Zevran offers amused.

Fergus can’t help but smile at Zevran’s attitude. “That she is,” he nods, “but perhaps you could start at the beginning, Pup?” he asks curiously.

I nod taking a large sip of the wine as Zevran pulls a chair closer to the settee. Settling into the chair he takes my hand as I begin explaining to Fergus what transpired the night Howe attacked Highever.

“So Howe and his troops attacked Highever after I left with our men?” He says shaking his head.

I nod slowly as my eyes well up, “Fergus, I’m sorry I went to Oriana and Oren immediately, but….”

“It’s ok, Pup,” He says using fathers pet name for me. “You couldn’t have known. Mother did what she would do and that is stay by father’s side.” He sighs, “I thought the Warden’s were better than that though taking advantage of the situation.”

“I thought a bit the same at first,” I admit, “But considering what I know now. I feel that Duncan wouldn’t have asked unless he thought I could handle it. He had mentioned recruiting me before Howe’s attack.”

“What do you mean? What do you know now?” Fergus asks curiously.

“Well, for one there weren’t many Warden’s in Ferelden,” I explain, “Duncan had actually come to see about Rory. For some time after Ostagar, Alistair and I were the only 2 wardens in Ferelden. We got lucky meeting up with Adela and later Riordan. The others are new warden recruits.”

“So how did you find Rory?” Fergus asks curiously.

“I went back to Highever,” I expound further, “I thought any loose ends for all of us should be taken care of before we fought the archdemon.” Fergus nods as Zevran refills the glasses. “So I went back to Highever and routed Howe’s men. There were many people in our cells. Rory and Mother Mallol were among them. I also gave the dead a proper pyre.”

Fergus’ face drops but he says quietly, “Thank you for that sis.” He sits quietly for a moment and then grins at me. “That does not explain why you have an _Elven Antivan Assassin_ for a lover,” he teases lightly punctuating the words.

“Perhaps had I met you before her,” Zevran interjects jokingly looking Fergus over.

Fergus laughs, “Oh he’s cheeky too. But seriously Sis, you know I don’t care who you love but some in the “Noble Circles” will have issue as you are the last daughter of the Cousland family.”

“It’s not an issue. Fergus,” I explain, “As a warden I can’t have holdings, which is why I left Highever in Bann Gilmore’s capable hands until I could find you. Besides” I lower my voice, “due to the joining. I… will not be able to conceive. There will be no noble men who would want a barren woman anyway.”

Fergus looks shocked for a moment but quickly recovers. “I…I had no idea the Wardens gave up so much. I’m sorry Elly.”

“It’s ok Fergus,” I say brightly, “I believe I have found something much better.” I look over at Zev smiling.

“Well I want to hear how you met,” Fergus says his eyes glittering with excitement. 

“Well pretty much after Elly thoroughly trounced me,” Zevran says smiling, “I asked to join her because I saw an opportunity at the time to leave the Crows.”

“But didn’t you join the Crows willingly?” Fergus asks curiously.

“Some do,” Zevran admits, “But I was bought by the crows at the age of 7.”

“So you wanted to see what a life without them would be like,” Fergus says nodding.

“Yes, and joining the Wardens seemed to be a way that I could join with someone, that would give the Crows pause,” Zevran explains. “Originally it was for purely selfish reasons but as I got to know the wardens and Bella,” Zev’s voice softens as he stops for moment, “I care for her very much. I would go into the void itself had that been her mission.”

I admit I am surprised for him voice his feelings in such a manner and it makes me feel warm to have two people I care about so much in one place speaking so plainly to each other.


	98. The Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly meets with orlesian wardens.

Dear Diary,

I felt I bit queasy when I woke this morning but I am definitely feeling better than I was before. I get dressed and head out to the sparring ring as Fergus wants to spend some time with me before he heads back to Highever.

As we spar, he asks, “Are you really ok with everything?”

“Yea, I wouldn’t say I’m happy with what happened but I am happy with the outcome,” I say as I parry.

“And this Zevran?” he says countering my thrusts.

“He makes me happy,” I reply simply.

“I could never begrudge you that, Sis,” Fergus says smiling, “I know how you felt about Darrien.”

“I couldn’t give a rat’s ass what the nobles think anyway,” I chuckle.

“I expected that,” he smiles widely “and you have improved immensely but you are holding back.”

 I look at him sheepishly as he holds his stance looking at me curiously.  “Alright,” I say nodding as I take a few steps back. He charges again in typical warrior style. I leap into the air easily flipping over him. As I stick the landing he is just slowing down his momentum and he turns around to find me standing in front of him with my daggers at his throat.  His eyes widen in surprise as a smile spreads across his face.

“Maker’s balls!” He exclaims, “I always knew you would outduel me one day. Impressive, indeed!”

One of Anora’s servants appears, “There is food ready for the midday meal,” she says demurely.

“Shall we?” Fergus asks sheathing his sword. I grin at him and nod.

When we get to the dining room, I see the others have come to enjoy the meal as well. I want to spend time with everyone as we will probably be separated from each other for some time. Sten will need to return to his homeland. Wynne and Shale have been discussing trying to find a way to return Shale to being a dwarf. Leliana has been offered a position with the chantry. Alistair will be remaining at the castle. Rory wants to return home, as he has decided not to become a warden. Ox has expressed a desire to travel with Wynne and Shale. Cullen has orders from the templars to report to Kirkwall.

Adela and Riordan will be returning to Orlais after I am questioned by the Orlesian wardens who are unsurprisingly wondering how I am still alive. They are due to arrive in the afternoon.

I am in the library with Zevran and Loghain when the wardens from Orlais arrive. I ask Erlina to show them to library as I feel it will be comfortable place for the briefing. The three of us quickly move the chairs and tables around for more conversational setting. We just get everything in place as they enter the room.

“Greetings Lady Cousland, I am Constable of the Grey, Nicolas” A slightly grey hair gentleman introduces himself, “Commander Genevieve sends her greetings and congratulations to you as the new Commander of the Grey of Ferelden.”

I look up at the man in surprise as no one had mentioned that I would be new Commander of the Grey in Ferelden. As my mind races I remember the Duncan was the previous Commander of the Grey. Of course they would need a replacement. Curious too is the use of my title.

Placing my noble smile upon my face I respond, “Thank you, Constable. I was not aware that new Commander of the Grey had been chosen.”

“Well, there were other people more suited,” A pretty woman says dourly from behind Nicolas.

“Oh, pardon?” I say graciously as Zevran smirks. “I didn’t get your name. Please let’s sit.”

I see Loghain settle into a chair if am to judge by the crinkle of his eyes belying his stoic expression, he is amused. Once we are all seated the woman introduces herself.

“I am Warden Gema from Antiva,” the woman huffily states.

“Welcome Warden Gema,” I offer politely.

“Ferelden smells like wet dog,” she complains.

“Perhaps,” I smile sweetly as Wrex moves to sit beside me, “But you know us dog lords and our dogs.” I reach over and scratch Wrex’s ears.

The corners of Nicolas’ mouth are twitching slightly at the exchange. “Anyway,” I say changing the subject, “I suppose you are wondering why I am not dead? That is why you are here, no?”

Zevran, who has been pouring glasses of wine for all of us, hands me glass and gives me a mischievous glance.

“Well, there has been talk of that,” Nicolas admits, “the warden who lands the killing blow is usually sacrificed and yet you still live.”

“I bet she didn’t take the killing blow,” Gema adds snidely.

“She definitely did land the killing blow,” Loghain interrupts, “In fact much to my chagrin she had a mage freeze me while she did so.”

Nicolas looks at me with surprise, “why would you do such a thing?”

I think fast because I know my real reason would be considered illogical. “He is a seasoned general and veteran, but new to the wardens. Isn’t it logical to ensure his life? The darkspawn don’t just disappear after the blight is over. I’ve heard stories of roving bands across the countryside. With his experience casualties could be kept to a minimum.”

“A valid point,” Nicolas says as Gema grudging nods in agreement.

“So that doesn’t answer the question how is it you still live?” Gema asks pointedly.

I look at Gema directly, “I have pondered the same thing myself. I don’t know.” I don’t want Morrigan to have issues with the Wardens so I lie. I know if she wishes not to be found she will make it so but sending the Wardens looking for her seems wrong.

“Do you have anything to add to this Loghain?” Nicolas asks politely.

“I know nothing more than she does,” He says shaking his head.

“We also bring directives from the Weisshaupt,” Nicolas says changing the subject. “Loghain, you are to report to the Montsimmard, Warden-Commander you are to go to Vigils Keep and see to its condition and upkeep. You will be both the Arlessa and Warden-Commander. The rest of the wardens you have recruited will be stationed there as well.”

Well that does explain the use of my title earlier and Gema’s obvious displeasure at a new recruit being given both a title and position. There has never been such a thing in the history of the wardens from what I understand. But then a thought hits me, “If I remember correctly I do get to pick my constable?” I ask curiously.

“Yes you do,” Nicolas answers looking at me inquisitively.

“Then I request that Loghain be my constable,” I state simply. I know that Loghain will be miserable around a bunch of Orlesians and honestly I would like to have his counsel.

“And why would you wish to go against Weisshaupt’s orders?” Gema asks cunningly.

“You know as well as I do it’s a ploy,” Loghain states without malice.

“I want Loghain because we still have roving bands of darkspawn. Orlais has not been touched by this blight. I appreciate and trust his counsel based upon his years of experience as a general,” I explain, “However, I do know a couple of new recruits who were hoping to experience Orlais.”

Nicolas leans forward in his chair with interest, “Your reasoning is sound Warden-Commander. What do you suggest?”

“An exchange Leske and Jowan wish to go to Orlais with Adela and Riordan,” I explain.

“I think Weisshaupt will be happy with that,” Nicolas says with a smile, “You were able to recruit so many they wanted at least one from Ferelden in Montsimmard and you offer us two.”

“They want to travel,” I explain, “I’m just glad I could make it happen for them.”

“I think our business is done for today,” Nicolas says with a smile as he rises from his chair. I thank you for your hospitality Warden-commander and please extend my thanks to the Queen.

“Commander, do you have a moment?” Gema asks as Nicolas heads to the door.

Not knowing exactly what to expect, I nod.

“Personally I think you are too green to take over Amaranthine but I will abide with the orders wishes,” she states evenly, “However I do wish to test your skill so perhaps a sparring match?”

“Of course,” I grin at her. She seems a bit taken back by my instant agreement. Zevran joins us as we walk to the sparring ring.

“Commander?” Gema asks curiously, “why the castle servant coming along? Is he your butler?”

Zevran and I laugh uncontrollably at the poor woman’s confusion. We finally gain our composure. I explain, “Zevran is not a servant. He is my inamorato.”

Surprise colors her face, “Oh I thought you and Loghain… well because you wanted to keep him in Ferelden.”

I shake my head and chuckle amusedly, “No my reasons for wanting Loghain to stay in Ferelden are as stated previously.”

I really don’t trust this woman. She wants the post of Commander of the Grey too badly.Thankfully, Zevran is with me. I don’t think she would stoop to assassinating me but she would use what she could to get the position. I walk into the area where the arms are kept and grab my practice daggers. Then head to sparring ring where Zevran and Gema are waiting for me. Zevran has a satisfied look on his face and Gema seems a bit shocked.

“You know don’t think a sparring match is necessary,” she says quickly.

It’s my turn to be surprised. “Another time perhaps?” I ask curiously.

“Yes,” she nods, “I find I am a bit tired from the journey. We should do this tomorrow.”

“Sure,” I say shrugging my shoulders. She quickly heads down the hall away from us.

“What did you say to her Zevran?” I ask curiously.

“I just simply pointed out that she might not be so eager to fight someone who let a giant toss her into cave roof for practice and takes on high dragons at a moment’s notice,” he chuckles.

 I shake my head giggling at him as he grins wickedly.


	99. Surprise Turned Heartache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and Zevran get a surprise that quickly turns to heartache. I admit I put off writing this painful chapter...but here it is.

 

Dear Diary,

I wake up in pain. I quietly go to the privy and crawl back into the bed. Perhaps Orlesian food doesn't agree with me. As I try to fall back to sleep I find myself tossing and turning.

“What’s wrong Bella?” A sleepy Zevran asks.

“I don’t know but my stomach hurts,” I say quietly, “probably that rich Orlesian food from dinner or something. Go back to sleep.”

I lay in the bed for a while longer but sleep is elusive so I decide to go for a walk.  Quickly pulling on some leggings with my tunic and grabbing a cloak, I quietly shut the door behind me.

I make my way to courtyard and step into the gardens enjoying the quiet of the night. Continuing on my walk and the pain suddenly becomes worse. I try to make my way back to the castle but I’m dizzy. So I drop to the ground in an attempt to prevent myself from fainting and possibly hitting my head.

The next thing I know I wake up to being carried and an argument. “What did you do to her?” Zevran asks angrily.

“I didn’t do anything I found her this way,” Gema says hotly, “As soon as I saw her unconscious, I tried to revive her but she was unresponsive so ran to get you.”

“She didn’t do anything, Zev,” I manage to mumble as I open my eyes.

“Thank the maker,” He breathes with relief. “I am taking her back to our room. If you wish to help go find our healer Wynne she is staying in the left wing.”

“I’ll find her right away,” Gema says worriedly.

 “Thank you,” Zev says graciously.

I lay my weary head on Zevran’s shoulder as he carries me. “I don’t know what is wrong with me,” I say weakly as he enters our room. As he gently sets me on the bed I sink back into the pillows as Wynne enters the room. Her outward appearance is calm but I can tell she is worried.

Gema stands by the doorway as if unsure of what to do. Wynne turns to both Zevran and Gema, “please I know you are worried, step out and let me examine her.”

They nod and exit closing the door behind them. I answer Wynne’s questions as she examines me. As she checks my abdomen I flinch and she asks “has this area been bothering you?”

“I’ve had some discomfort but I thought it was due to all the rich food recently,” I say lamely.

“And no cycles since the joining?” she asks.

I nod in agreement as we had this talk before when I was injured. Wynne takes a deep breath. “Well, somehow you are pregnant but something is wrong,” she says sadly.

I look up at her in surprise at the news…then realization hits me … “the taint”….I say shaking my head. She nods in agreement.

“I’m sorry Elly there is nothing I can do the child is already gone, the discomfort and dizziness is your body getting ready to purge…” She trails off.

“How long has it been?” I ask in a thick voice.

“About 2 months,” Wynne answers softly.

I nod in understanding and take a deep breath myself trying to settle my racing mind.

“You have a choice though,” Wynne continues, “I can help the process along with you asleep or you can wait for nature to take its course.”

I immediately make the decision, “Since it is already gone…let’s just do this no point it stretching things out. And please tell no one about this. I’m not ready for that.”

Wynne nods understandingly and reaches into her satchel to grab a potion. She uncorks the bottle and hands it to me. I drink the entire bottle as it is the same stuff she had given me previous to make me sleep I remember the taste.

I finally wake drowsily and Wynne is giving instructions to Zevran with concerned Gema looking on. “Make sure she gets these herbs for the next 5 days, 3 times a day. She is to rest in bed for 3 of those days she can move around do light things after that but no fighting or sparring until I clear her.” 

They both nod. Wynne collects her bag. “I’ll head back to my room now I am quite weary and wish to rest. However do not hesitate to find me if you need me.”

“Wynne you have given instructions,” Zevran says cunningly, “but you haven’t told me what the problem is.”

“I’m sorry Zevran but I that was by her request and I will honor it ….I’m sure she will explain it herself when she is ready,” Wynne says wisely.

Zevran nods and looks over at the bed seeing me awake, he smiles “Welcome back, Bella.  How are you feeling?”

“Better, but tired,” I say quietly, “come to bed Zev you should rest too.”

He nods in agreement removing his boots. He strips off his leathers and climbs into the bed wearing his tunic and trousers.

“You really had me worried,” he says gently pulling me over to lay my head on his chest. I snuggle into his warmth.

“I will be fine now,” I say lamely not wanting to talk about it.

“You can tell me what happened tomorrow,” He says sleepily.

I nod drowsily into his shoulder “I’m sorry”.


	100. Avoidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and Zevran finally talk ....

Dear Diary,

Zevran didn’t ask me again, but in my defense, the herbs Wynne gave him made me sleep for the next 5 days. I moved briefly around the room as I could when I was awake but said little. I finally woke from a nap feeling more alert to find Gema sitting with me.

“Feeling better?” she asks brightly.

I nod curious as to why she is here.

She pours some tea for me sets it on the nightstand. “I told Zevran I would sit with you so he could get some air. He was getting bit fidgety.”

I can’t help but smile at the description of fidgety.

“You need to tell him,” she suddenly blurts out.

I look at her curiously.

“I know what those herbs are for,” she explains in a kinder, calmer tone, “I’ve….had to take them. When I did the joining …I was with child…I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

I take a sip of the tea mulling over what she just said. “I know,” I say softly. “I’m just still a bit stunned, myself.”

“I know this may seem a bit sudden but can you sense the taint in me?” she asks curiously.

“Yes,” I look at her inquisitively, “why do you ask?”

“Well, it seems one of our sisters lost the taint,” she explains, “she became pregnant after the joining. We weren’t sure if the pregnancy caused her to lose it or something else.” She wrinkles her brow thoughtfully. “She left the wardens not long after as she tried the joining again and it didn’t work. Thankfully the child lived.”

_Alistair,_ I think remembering my discussion with Adela.

“But the child may well have saved you from the archdemon,” she says thoughtfully.

“You think that is possible?” I ask curiously.

“Anything seems to be possible when it comes to the taint there is so much we don’t understand. I won’t say a word to them I would not want them to start putting pregnant women up against the archdemon to save one warden. This is what those higher-ups at Weisshaupt would want to do.” She says knowingly, “no one deserves to go through that.”

“Thank you, for keeping this to yourself,” I say gratefully feeling a bit emotional tears spring to my eyes.

Gema grabs a handkerchief and hands it to me. I accept gratefully. “I also need to apologize for my attitude before. I thought you were a noble Ferelden brat who had everything given to her and was just another hungry hand reaching for power. However, after speaking to the other wardens and your friends I found they really truly care about you and you care about them. And that you have had more than your share of trials and tribulations and you were more than willing to take on theirs.”

“To be honest I could care less about the title and Amaranthine but I will adhere to my duty.” I admit. 

Gema laughs whole-heartedly. “They told me you would say that. I did want the position and was a bit vexed they didn’t offer it because I am up for promotion. But now that I know you better I think it was a wise decision they sent you there. However, I think they may be outmatched.”

The door opens and Zevran walks in, a smile lights his face. “You’re finally, really awake, bella. How are you feeling?”

“Much better,” I admit smiling back at him.

 Gema stands up, “I’ll have some food brought up for the two of you.”

“My thanks,” Zevran murmurs looking at me.

I know what he’s thinking, he wants some answers. Am I prepared to give them?

As Gema gets to the door she turns around “it will be alright.” She mouths silently behind Zevran’s back before smiling encouragingly. She turns and leaves shutting the door quietly behind her.

“She was quite concerned for you,” Zevran says curiously.

“She’s actually quite nice,” I offer.

“I really need to know what is going on,” Zevran finally sighs breaking the awkward moment we were having.

Still a bit afraid and not wanting to be interrupted when I do explain, I quickly say, “let’s wait till the food comes,”

He looks at me quizzically for a moment before understanding hits him.

“Ah, so no interruptions then,” he says evenly.

I nod.

I get up and freshen up by splashing some water on my face and changing into a tunic and leggings. As Zevran cleans and sharpens his daggers. By the time I’ve changed there is a soft knock at the door. Zevran answers it takes the tray from the servant thanking them before shutting the door. He sets the tray on the table in front of the sofa and gestures to me to have a seat.

“You are probably famished anyway,” He says with smirk, “you’ve eaten little the last few days.”

 “Yes, I am,” I nod.

We eat in companionable silence once I’m satiated. I sit back and take a good look at Zevran. He hasn’t been sleeping well. The bags under his eyes show the little sleep and mounting worry he’s been dealing with. I feel bad for putting off this talk but I can’t seem to start.

“Elly, what happened?” Zev finally asks.

“I….I don’t know where to begin,” I admit dropping my eyes.

“Well begin with what happened after Gema and I left the room, what did Wynne say?” he asks patiently.

I take a deep breath and point to the untouched wine. “May I have a glass please and get yourself one as well ….you may need it.”

“Very well,” he says quietly disappointed at my delaying tactic.

He turns to get the bottle and I finally get the courage speak up….as it’s easier to not see his face when tell him.

“Wynne said I was pregnant…” I blurt out, “The taint killed the child…”

I’m doing a terrible job of this but to his credit Zevran calmly uncorks the bottle and pours 2 glasses of wine. He brings the bottle and the two glasses over to the table. I notice his hand shaking slightly as I accept the glass from him.

“Go on…” he urges gently.

“She gave me choice as my body was preparing to purge….” I can’t finish the sentence and quickly drain my wineglass before continuing, “She said she could help my body go thru it quickly or I could wait and let nature take its course. I chose to have her help me.”

Zevran looks at me blankly for moment before taking a deep breath and then mimicking my actions downs his glass of wine before pouring 2 more leaving them on the table.

“I just couldn’t talk about it…I’m sorry…but I just couldn’t,” I babble.

Zevran grabs my arms pulling me into a giant hug. “It’s alright,” he soothes brushing back my hair.

I scream internally because it’s not alright. “No it’s not….it’s not fair to you, you deserve better, someone who is whole and not tainted,” I say softly in contrast to my feelings.

He forcefully pushes me away and leans back. “Who are you to decide what I deserve?” he asks sternly, “what gives you the right to decide that?”

I look at him bewildered for the moment. “It’s just….”

“I’m not some nice simpleton noble who wants nothing more than a family to carry on a name,” he says interrupting me angrily. “I have spent my life around whores and assassins. Do I want children? Perhaps, but adoption is always an option if we ever are able to settle down. Right now that is not in the cards. And quite frankly I don’t need you telling me or what I deserve when I have everything I could want in front of me.”

_Zev, you are so wonderful, you deserve more…_ I swallow my words and nod at him.

“Tainted or untainted, I don’t care,” he continues, “it is for me to decide what I deserve and want.”

_Staying with me will only cause you pain._ I think knowing he will have to live with the fact that I have only 20 years or so left before the taint takes me. To be honest this whole thing has me thinking about my mortality and the pain of others when I’m gone.

“Don’t treat me like I’m some fragile sort,” he admonishes.

Not knowing what to say at the moment I reach for the glass of wine. I don’t exactly agree with him but I understand his point. After taking a sip and steeling my resolve… “I’m sorry Zev that was not my intention.”

“More importantly are you alright now and I don’t mean just physically,” he asks concerned.

“I’ve had some time to come to terms with it. Nothing could be done,” I say pragmatically, “Yes, it bothers me but I didn’t know and by the time I knew the situation was out of my hands. I was honestly more worried about you. What about you? Now that you know?”

 

“You don’t think I haven’t seen those herbs before in the whorehouse, Bella?” He says grimly, “I needed you to talk to me…wanted to know why. Did you know before you threw yourself at the archdemon?”

I look at him in surprise unable to control my reaction. “Of course not…” I whisper horrified.

“That’s good enough for me,” he says wryly. “You must be getting tired and it’s now late let’s get some rest.”

I nod in agreement and crossing the room climb into the bed. Zevran takes a moment to divest himself of his clothing and does the same. He pulls to him and wraps an arm protectively around me. I sigh contentedly as sleep takes me.


	101. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does Elly really feel?

Dear Diary,

A few days later, I am awake before Zevran. As I watch him sleep I am thinking about our discussion before. I remember the look on his face when holding Zerinda’s baby. From what I understand somehow Fiona was able to cure the taint she had contact with someone named the Architect according to Adela. If I want any kind of normal life with Zevran I will need to find answers. Yes, we can adopt but what kind of life would that be for a child to lose a mother. I lost my mother and although am an adult it is still painful. Just as what happened to her, I will pass before my natural lifespan. I need to at least attempt to find a cure. Avernus may have some ideas or another opportunity may present itself. I need to open to the opportunities. Even if I can never have a child of my own an adopted one deserves to have a mother for as long as possible.

Or perhaps if no cure can be found Zevran can move on to have a better life than be tied to me. This truth hurts but I know it is the right thing to do. Feeling tears prickle at these thoughts I quickly will them away…just in time too.

Zevran wakes and smiles at me looking at him, “morning Bella,” he says brightly. His smile chases away my macabre thoughts and I grin back at him.

“So we are going to Amaranthine?” he asks curiously.

“Yes, I suppose it will be the same there as it was here before I recruited Loghain…” I quip.

“Oh, nobles wanting to see you die and such?” he banters back.

“Most likely, they were Howe’s vassals,” I explain.

“Well, it’s a good thing I’ll be there watching your back then,” he teases lightly, “I’ll make sure no assassinates you without paying me a good amount of gold first.”

After a short briefing with the wardens and visit from Wynne I am cleared to spar lightly but not travel yet. The part of the spirit I retain seems to improve my healing abilities. However, Wynne wants to err on the side of caution and I am happy to oblige for once. It gives me time to spend with my friends before we all go our separate ways. That being done I head to the practice area to spar with Zevran.

“You have a certain style and finesse,” I hear a voice call out.

We both stop and look to see Gema watching with a grin on her face. “Your healer cleared you for this?” She asks surprise evident on her face.

“She said Elly could spar lightly. It seems Bella heals quickly.” Zevran politely explains.

“Which means no tumbling,” I make a wry face that makes them both grin.

“When are you leaving for Amaranthine?” Gema asks looking at us expectantly.

“In a fortnight,” I explain, “Wynne wants me to recover a bit more before traveling that far.”

“Well hopefully we can get a match in before I leave as well,” Gema says playfully, “and if not another time perhaps.” Gone was any malicious intent from before it seems we reached an understanding.

“I would be delighted,” I grin at her, “it will have to be another time.” Seeing Fergus enter the sparring area with a worried look on his face, I know he has heard I was ill.

“I understand,” Gema replies seeing Fergus as well.

Before Fergus can say anything Zevran speaks, “Let’s all go back to Elly’s room as this is a private family talk.”

Fergus nods in agreement saying nothing. We put up our practice weapons silently and head back to my room. It’s almost as if we are all afraid to speak. Once in my room, Zevran thoughtfully opens a bottle of Antivan wine he had picked up from Ignacio.  Wine in had we all sit and sip for a bit before Fergus finally breaks the silence. “I heard a rumor that you were ill,” he says avoiding the real question he wants to ask.

I sigh swirling the wine in my glass, “I wasn’t ill Fergus, I was pregnant. I am not any longer.”

Fergus quickly stands. Setting his glass on the table, he pushes me to move over on the settee. Wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a hug he whispers, “I’m sorry.” Pulling away he studies my face, “I know, I’m not Mother but if you need me, Pup…” With one arm still around me, he picks his glass back up and gives a small smile to Zevran who thoughtfully refilled it for him.  

I nod briefly at him before reaching for my own wine glass. “I didn’t know, Fergus.”

“How long?” He asks.

“two months,” I reply.

He makes a hissing sound as he quickly takes a breath. “So you were pregnant while fighting the archdemon?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” I admit.

“And you are up, around and sparring so quickly?” He queries curiously.

“Well I was pretty much bedridden for a week,” I say defensively.

Zevran snorts, “five days.”

“And you are sparring?” He presses.

“Lightly, I’m under Wynne’s care.” I explain.

“What is going on here?” Fergus says exasperated, “This makes no sense. I sparred with you. You are faster and have more stamina than any of my men. You have a…miscarriage and are on your feet sparring before a week has gone by.”

A light bulb goes off in my head. I never explained to him about warden stamina and the spirit that offered a part of itself to me. Looking at Zevran I give him a small smile and nod. He goes to the door making sure it is locked and stands there for a moment to ensure no one is eavesdropping. I pour us all another glass of wine as Zevran pulls out another bottle. Then quickly grab my diary from my bag. Fergus sits quietly on the settee taking all of this in. I return to my spot on the settee with Zevran sitting beside me. His hand squeezes my shoulder briefly to show me his support.

“I take it this is a long and secretive story,” Fergus says curiously eyeing the book.

I can’t help but smile at him. “You could say that. Are you ready to hear it?”  



	102. A New Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and friends are going their separate ways. What awaits them in the future?

Dear Diary,

The fortnight has gone so fast. It’s hard to believe I’m heading to Amaranthine to run an arling as both noble and Commander of the Grey in Ferelden. 

Shale has decided to try to become a dwarf again much to my surprise and Wynne has offered to help her on her journey. 

Sten will be returning to Par Vollen with his answers for the Arishok. 

Leliana will stay on as courtesan to Alistair and Anora but has been asked to head up an investigation regarding the darkspawn. I hope to she is able to make out to Amaranthine. 

Oghren has decided to make things right with Felsi and is leaving for Lake Calenhad. I really do wish the best for him after the whole debacle with Branka. At least Felsi seems to be sane.

Riordan, Adela, Leske and Jowan are heading to Orlias. Ox has asked to go to Amaranthine with us before “he retires to his swamp” as he calls it. 

Cullen has been given orders to report to Kirkwall to continue his Templar duties. 

Thankfully Rory has decided against being a warden and head home to spend time with his father. He offered to help Fergus rebuild Highever. 

Loghain, Zevran, Soris, Tamlen, Ox, and I (and Wrex of course) are now leaving for Amaranthine. We are all going our separate ways but I know fate will bring us together again. 


	103. New Beginning Gone Awry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let DAA begin....:)

 

Dear Diary,

It seems that a prospective warden named Mhairi was sent to meet us. But as we get closer to our destination, I hold my hand up and other wardens stop. Mhairi oblivious to the impending danger continues forward. Until Soris grabs her elbow effectively stopping her. “Darkspawn are near,” He quickly explains to her disgruntled look which quickly changes to grateful.

“Watch Elly and you will always know, warden or not,” Zevran offers.

“About 10 outside, I would say. Then many more inside I can’t tell how many they are almost merging,” I reply looking at Tamlen who nods in agreement. “You guys know what to do …Mhairi be careful, you are a capable warrior but you are not a warden yet and you are not immune to the taint,” I quickly order.

It doesn’t take long to quickly dispatch the darkspawn outside of the keep as their numbers seem few (which was of great relief to the few soldiers outside the keep) but it’s strange they seem oddly organized unlike the darkspawn of the regular blight. I stop at the door of the keep. “Why are we stopping the wardens are being attacked in there?” Mhairi asks impatiently.

“We are stopping because something is off about these darkspawn,” I explain patiently, “they aren’t usually this organized in their attack. Darkspawn usually are more chaotic …this is more like a coordinated siege.” Loghain and the others nod in agreement. “Thoughts?” I ask curiously.

“If there is another way in I suggest we take it,” Loghain says dourly.

“Mhairi, you know this place, is there any other way in?” I ask racking my childhood memories of this place where I used to play with Nathaniel.

Mhairi shakes her head. “Sorry, I was only here for a few days before they sent me off to meet you.”

“What are you thinking Elly?” Zevran asks curiously.

“I remember a passage when I used to play here with Nathaniel,” I explain quickly, “but so long ago I don’t remember where it was.”

Then it hits me… “The well…we came out thru the well. Mother was angry because my dress got muddy.”

The others give guffaws of amusement as I remember.

I facetiously glare at them for a moment before grinning. “Let’s go and see if we can get in that way.”

We head back to the courtyard with the well and I immediately climb into it. I remember having handhold and foot holds to climb out so the climb down is easy.

“It seems the passage is not blocked,” I call up to the others.

I hear some clattering as people start making their way down the well.

Zevran drops gracefully to the bottom flashing me a grin. As Ox lights up the small space and then the others start making their way down.

“The passage is narrow but passable,” I offer eyeing up the tight pathway.

Thankfully it isn’t low too, I note, thinking about Ox. We work our way thru the passage and come up in the throne room. It’s empty here but the darkspawn presence is strong. Leaving the room we start heading down corridors and clearing the darkspawn. Once they are cleared in the first corridor I hear fighting in the room ahead and run toward the room.

Entering the room I see a rather dashing figure …frying two darkspawn.

Lowering my weapons I nod at him… “nice job”.

“Yea, no thanks to these idiots,” He says wrinkling his nose as he gestures at two dead Templars. “I‘m Anders a wanted apostate (for running away from the circle),” he announces himself dryly using air quotes.

I look at the Templars the darkspawn and it’s obviously the darkspawn sent them to their deaths not this man.

“An apostate? At Vigil’s Keep?” Mhairi asks curiously.

“You weren’t here when we arrived,” Anders says smoothly, “I’m sure I would have remembered such a lovely woman as yourself.”

He turns to look at the Templars. “We were just stopping her on our way back to the tower. Just a short rest they said, and now they’re dead. Such a shame.”

“I don’t really care what you were,” I note lightly.

“Then you I will get along just fine, I think,” Anders says grinning,

They would have left me tied to die to the darkspawn, the fools,” He says sadly shaking his head. Reaching down he picks up their change purses. I can see the marks on his wrists where they had bound him and the healing pouch on his belt.

 “Well I’m out of here,” Anders exclaims jauntily.

 “Anders, Could you be persuaded to stick around long enough to deal with the darkspawn issue?” I ask.

“Look, I suppose I could help you with the rest of theses darkspawn….or you could just let me go. They’ll send more Templars to find me eventually they always do.” he says politely.

“You aren’t the only apostate here,” I explain patiently. Ox comes to stand beside me and nods. “Wardens don’t care about that and obviously you are a healer. We could use more with the talent. At least until the immediate issue is dealt with.”

“Then I could go if want?” Anders asks curiously.

“Of course, I wouldn’t hold you against your will and they were obviously taken by the darkspawn,” I gesture to the dead Templars.

Anders sighs, “Well I guess I have better chance of getting out of this alive with a group. You have it.”

“Are you sure about this commander?” Mhaira asks.

“I can’t say I’m fond of these darkspawn, even though I’m no grey warden. Let’s deal with them now, and we can discuss what comes later...later.” Anders notes pragmatically.

“Welcome Anders and thank you,” I say graciously as I start walking forward.

“For tiny girl she has presence,” I hear him mutter, “who is she anyway?”

“Some call her the Hero of Ferelden,” I hear Zevran explain lightly.

I smile inwardly at his flippant attitude and keep walking down the corridor.

We keep clearing darkspawn until we find another room with a lot of noise, as I step into the room I see Oghren?

“Hey warden, about time you got here,” Oghren bellows, “mind helping me out?”

We dispatch the darkspawn in the room and I lean against the wall.

“When these darkspawn showed up I thought ,” Oghren begins in his throaty story telling style, “just you wait until the new commander gets here and you’ll all be spitting teeth out of your arses!”” He bellows laughing. “Followed the screaming and sure enough here you are.”

“Oghren what are you doing here shouldn’t you be with Felsi?” I ask curiously.

“Doubting your eyes, huh? I get like that, after the 5th bottle or so.” He grins.

“He was here when I left. I can’t believe the wardens didn’t kick him out.” Mhairi adds disgustedly.

 “Hey, hey, if it isn’t the recruit with a great rack,” Oghren says leering.

“Yes, a prize for the wardens, to be sure,” Mhairi adds sourly.

“I know, I know, too good to be true right?” Oghren banters, “Hey …who’s the mage? Boyfriend? Should I leave you two alone?”

 “Wow. A dwarf that smells like a brewery. You never see that anywhere,” Anders says curtly.

“Huh. A mage comedian. Thought those normally died young,” Oghren banters leaning up against a post.

I shake my head chuckling at him. “It’s good to see you again but why are you here?” I ask more seriously.

“I find that hard to believe,” Anders mutters.

“As do I,” Mhairi mutters back.

“Oghren helped us beat the archdemon, you might want to save your judgements, until you have all the facts,” I explain with saccharine sweetness and a dangerous glance.

“Felsi is pregnant, we argued and she threw me out,” He says shortly, “so I figured I’d become a warden.”

“Oghren!” I can’t help but scold him, “Once the immediate problem is taken care of you are going to go back and apologize to her. I don’t care who is at fault. She is having your child and she needs your support. How long?”

He looks at me sighs, “A couple months, probably when I saw her to apologize for the nug. This last fight was my fault probably anyway.”

“You’d have a better chance at taking on the archdemon solo than taking on Elly,” Tamlen advises grinning.

“Don’t I know it,” Oghren says rubbing his head.

Soris and Zevran can’t hold back their smirks. Even Loghain looks slightly amused.

“Now let’s go introduce some darkspawn arses to my foot. Only polite thing to do,” Oghren says grinning.

We continue clearing out the darkspawn and finding survivors sending them the down the path we cleared. Hitting the lever to open the larger doors into the keep we see a dwarf taunting the darkspawn.

“Oh we’re scared now don’t come over here, ha” the dwarf yells. The darkspawn race down the corridor between us, then an explosion hits them.

“It’ll take more than that to kill us, beasties. Come again if you dare!” He yells as the dust settles. He takes off running to another location with more explosive I assume. I can’t help but to smile at his audacity and courage.

We turn down another corridor and see a wounded man sitting. “Mhairi?  The man asks.

Mhairi races to his side and we follow. “Commander, Rowland was a knight recruited from Denerim like me. We must do something for him.”

“He looks beyond healing magic,” Anders says sadly, “maybe a shot of whiskey for the pain?”

“I like the way you think,” Oghren says wryly.

“Stop joking!” Mhairi shouts “this isn’t funny!”

“The…the commander?” Rowland asks.

I nod and crouch in front of the wounded man. “I’m here Rowland. What happened to the others?”

“We only had a moment’s warning before they were on us, Commander.” Rowland explains, “The seneschal ordered a counter-attack, but they came out of nowhere! There’s one with them, a darkspawn who talks; his magic is powerful.”

“A talking darkspawn? The lad must be delirious,” Oghren says shaking his head.

“There’s something in my blood! It hurts!” Rowland cries out.

“It’s ok Rowland we can help,” I say comfortingly Ox comes forward and begins to chant.

“It was an honor to meet you, Commander. I wish I could have fought at your side just once….” Rowland says.

I grab his hand. “Come on Rowland, hold on, we can help…just hold on a bit longer.”

Rowland goes unconscious and his grip weakens.

Ox continues his spell but finally dissipates the magic and turns to me. “I’m sorry Elly the damage was too much.”

“I know you did the best you could Ox, thank you,” I say gently laying Rowland’s hand on his chest.

I quickly swipe away the tears that have sprung to my eyes and turn to the rest of them.

“I will avenge you, Rowland. I swear it!” Mhairi says with both anger and sadness.

I turn to her, “That is the first way of getting yourself killed just like him. Until you pass the joining stay back and support do not let the blood touch you. If you are tainted before the joining there are few options. I’ve haven’t had to kill any friends who became tainted and I would prefer to keep it that way. So stay your vengeance, until you are ready.”

“You are friends with an ogre,” she says curiously tilting her head at Oghren, “but you shed tears for someone you don’t even know and at the same time you scold me. You confuse me but at the same time it makes sense.”

“Elly tries to look out for everyone,” Tamlen says softly. Soris nods in agreement.

“Even when she should be putting a boot to your ass,” Loghain adds gruffly.

I sigh, “Let’s move on then.”

We continue forward clearing out the darkspawn until we get to the top of the keep. I am stopped in my tracks. Just as Rowland said there is speaking darkspawn. It is talking to a man I would guess is the seneschal slowly pushing him toward the edge of the battlements.

“It has ended just as he foretold,” the darkspawn says as he kicks the man in the chest knocking him off the roof.

“Be taking this one, gently.” The darkspawn says turning to another man, “We are wishing no more death than is necessary.”

I realize quickly the man kicked off the roof was a soldier and the man that he is referring to is the seneschal.

“Necessary? As if your kind has ever done anything else!” The seneschal grates.

“You are thinking you know of our kind, human,” the darkspawn says almost kindly, “it is understandable. But that will soon be changed.”

 “Others will come, creature,” the seneschal says, “They will stop you.”

I walk up to scene curiously.

“It seems your words be true,” the darkspawn says, “more than you are guessing.”

“It is talking!” Anders says incredulously.

“Well, let’s shut it up already,” Oghren growls.

“Commander!” The seneschal gasps.

“Capture the grey warden. These others, they may be killed.” The darkspawn says.

“Wait!” I say holding up a hand. “Let us speak in private.”

I give my weapons to Zevran, who looks at me worriedly. The speaking darkspawn calls off the others and turns to me. “As you like,” We walk away from the others where we cannot be heard.”

“Why do you want the wardens?” I ask curiously.

“My master… the Architect wishes to free all of us from the call of what you call the old gods,” he says plainly.

“The architect… he is a darkspawn but more?” I ask thoughtfully wondering if this is the same Architect, Tamlen spoke of.

“Yes,” the darkspawn says with a bit of surprise.

“My friend has met with your Architect, he attempted to help him. He needed Tamlen’s blood.” I explain tilting my head toward Tamlen, “We found his laboratory.”

“Wait, I remember him…the elf that was tainted,” the darkspawn scrutinizes Tamlen, “So you know of the Architect?” I nod. “They call me The Withered,” He offers.

“I do not wish to fight. I am tired of death,” I explain, “I am looking for something as well. Go to your Architect with this offer. I will come to him in three months. First, I need take care of the humans here. However I will not come empty handed. I have others working behind the scenes that may be helpful to the architect’s research. Of course I will offer my blood as well.” After all I did the same for Avernus so I see no issue with this. Tamlen told me that the Architect was kind to him. If we have a chance of sentient darkspawn who have feel no compulsion to start a blight. If Wardens get the opportunity to live normal lives or the need for them was gone. What kind of world would that be?

The Withered nods in understanding. “Since you have been more understanding than the rest of the humans here I will leave. Be warned that if you do not hold to your deal, we will come get you.” I nod in understanding. “Also I leave you with this; we are not the only faction. There is another one seeking you as well. They want to keep hearing the call of the old gods and will do anything to keep it. They oppose the architect.”

“My thanks for the warning,” I say politely.

“Come we leave this place,” The Withered calls out to the other darkspawn.

The seneschal and the others head toward me. “What did you say to them?” he asks incredulously.

“We came to an agreement,” I explain, “and they warned me about another faction of darkspawn looking to eradicate wardens. As you saw they did not wish to fight us they only came to get what they thought they needed for the Architect. They only wish to be free of the calling of the old gods and hope we can help.”

“How can we possibly help?” Mhairi asks contemptuously.

“I have some friends working on things behind the scenes that may be of help to them,” I say lightly.

“Avernus,” Loghain murmurs.

I nod.

“How can you know that this faction of darkspawn won’t come back and kill us?” the seneschal asks.

“Seneschal with all due respect, if they wanted to kill us they had every opportunity to do so,” I offer, “That wasn’t their goal. One of my friends would not be here right now if it weren’t for their Architect. I will trust their intentions but I will not be unguarded.”


	104. A Royal Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alistair misses the "fun" at the new wardens Arling but Elly and crew keep the new king apprised of the happenings.

Dear Diary,

After a bit of a rough night, the Seneschal informs me that King Alistair will be stopping by for a bit of a visit. We all go to the courtyard to welcome the King. Alistair gives me a big grin during his approach but becomes all business when he speaks. “It looks like I arrived a bit too late. Too bad. I rather miss the whole darkspawn-killing thing. I wanted to come and give the wardens a formal welcome. I certainly wasn’t expecting this. What’s the situation?”

“What darkspawn remained have fled, your Majesty,” the Seneschal explains, “The grey wardens who arrived from Orlais appear to be either dead or ….missing.”

“Missing?” Alistair asks, “As in taken by the darkspawn? Do they even do that?”

“I think King Alistair might prefer his explanations, in a more comfortable place with cheese?” I ask cheerfully.

“Now you are speaking my language, Elly.” Alistair says grinning.

“Seneschal, if you could please have food sent to my quarters I will speak with the King there,” I say warmly.

“Wouldn’t the throne room be more appropriate?” He asks a bit curtly.

Alistair looks at me for a moment giving me knowing nod. “If Elly wishes to speak with me in private, I will indulge her. It’s not like I spent the last year fighting darkspawn with her or anything.”

“As you wish, your Majesty,” the Seneschal says looking slightly ashamed.

The Templar who has arrived with Alistair suddenly cries out, “King Alistair! Your Majesty, beware! This man is a dangerous criminal!”

I know she is probably referring to Anders who has be quiet and trying to not to garner any attention.

“Oh the dwarf is a bit of an arse, but I wouldn’t go that …” Alistair says grinning at Oghren.

“She means me,” Anders replies shaking his head.

“This is an apostate who we were in the process of bringing back to the circle to face justice.” The Templar explains.

“Oh please,” Anders says tiredly, “The things you people know about justice would fit into a thimble. I’ll just escape again anyway.”

“Never, I will see you hanged for what you’ve done here, murderer!”  the Templar rants.

“Murderer?” Anders says incredulously, “But those templars were. Oh, what’s the use? You won’t believe me anyhow.”

“It seems there isn’t much to say. Unless…you have something to add, Commander?” Alistair says slyly.

 I nod, “Now wait a minute! I can offer proof that Anders didn’t kill those Templars. In fact the darkspawn got them. He was barely able to protect himself till I got to him.” I embellish a bit and Anders looks at me gratefully. “Furthermore he stayed on of his own accord to help us get rid of the rest of the darkspawn and heal injuries. He is quite a talented healer. If you plan to execute him I will save you the trouble and conscript him immediately.”

“What ??? Never!” the Templar exclaims.

“I believe the Grey Wards still retain the Right of Conscription, no?” Alistair asks facetiously. “I will allow it.”

“If…if your Majesty feels it is best,” the Templar concedes barely concealing her anger.

“I will have my constable show you to the area where the fight took place with your templars,” I say kindly, “Perhaps then you will see that Anders did not kill the templars. We will have a proper pyre done for them as well.”  


The Templar looks at me with some surprise, “I…I thank you for that.”

“Me! A grey warden?” Anders says grinning, “I guess that will work.”

“Congratulations, ser mage. I look forward to fighting at your side,” Mhairi says formally.

Loghain steps forward, “if you will come with me.” He says directing the Templar to the Keep.


	105. Private Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly and Alistair have a talk.  
> Author's Note: sorry the chapter delay real life kicked in and my whole schedule has changed forth coming chapters will be once a week as before.

One back in my rooms with Alistair and Zevran, I know I can speak more freely.

“Explain to me what happened?” Alistair says with a mouthful of cheese.

“You remember Tamlen telling us about the Architect and how we went and found his laboratory?” I ask to jog his memory.

“Yes didn’t we need to steal some darkspawn blood for the ritual?” He asks.

I nod, “The darkspawn that came here were sentient and speaking. They told me they help Architect. They want help to stop the old gods from calling them. The wardens who are unaccounted for may have been taken for this purpose. However, I made a deal with them.”

“What?! You made a deal with Darkspawn?” Alistair asks incredulously.

“They could have killed the wardens, they were well organized” Zevran admits, “But they didn’t want to fight.”

“Who do we have that has been doing research on darkspawn for 300 years?” I probe.

“Avernus…” Alistair says with a look of disgust, “At the time I thought we should do something about him but at least he will be useful.”

“He is trying to make the joining more powerful and less deadly for wardens. But with what the architect wishes to accomplish there may be no need for wardens. I offered them this information exchange and they are happy to leave us alone,” I explain.

“Ok so you are telling me there are sentient darkspawn who can think and plan like us,” he says thoughtfully.

“Yes,” I reply, “I thought it would be better for the moment to make an ally than an enemy. They want to stop the old gods. Stopping the old gods will end blights. I don’t know if this is the best idea but it’s better than people dying due to blights.”

“I can see why you would want to try and I agree with you,” Alistair says nodding, “but are you sure you can trust them.”

“They gave us information as well,” I explain craftily, “there is another group of sentient darkspawn that want to continue with the calling and the blights. They oppose the Architect.”

“So, the enemy of my enemy is my friend,” Alistair replies with a sigh, “Well, I guess that will work…at least for a while. See what you can do to get any other wardens released if they have been taken.”

“I agree that was my next idea,” I say soberly, “but what if the wardens don’t wish to leave…what if they want to help the architect.”

“Then we have no choice but to let them,” Alistair says practically, “and hope it doesn’t backfire.”


	106. Nathaniel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elly sees her childhood friend.

Dear Diary,

I have been informed we have a prisoner already. According to reports he has been locked up for 3 nights. Also it seems that some of the men are angry that soldiers died while he was locked up. The Seneschal informs me that it took 4 grey wardens to apprehend him. He wouldn’t give his name so I head over to the dungeon to check in on this prisoner. Walking up to the cell I see it’s none other than my childhood friend Nathaniel.

“Open the cell, I will speak with him privately,” I command.

Zevran looks worried as does the guard but I pass by without a thought. They step away to give us some privacy.

“If it isn’t the great hero, conqueror of the Blight and vanquisher of all evil,” Nathaniel says bitterly looking at me with disgust, “Aren’t you supposed to be 10 feet tall? With lightning bolts shooting out of your eyes?”

 Nathanial…I don’t blame him for hating me. If the situation were reversed I might hate him too. On the other hand, Howe killed my family even the children. Nathaniel was sent away he doesn’t understand. This is really hard my Nathaniel was/is my friend. We grew up together. We were once going to be betrothed until his father sent him to the Free Marshes. I take a deep breath before answering, “I see my reputation precedes me,” I jest at his sarcasm.

“Somehow I just thought that my father’s murderer would be more impressive,” He says sourly.

“Fine,” I say gritting my teeth, “You have decided that I murdered your father without hearing anything I have to say. What are your intentions?”

“Do you even remember my father?” He asks suddenly.

“Yes, I remember the man my father called friend, who used to visit and drink ale with father. I also remember the night he and his soldiers attacked, killing my mother, father, our guests (you remember Lady Landra and Dairren don’t you?), as well as my young nephew Oren. This series of events culminating into me becoming a grey warden,” I shoot back, “I remember seeing his bedroom beside the dungeon in the Arl of  Denerim’s estate along with the torture and atrocities done to Oswyn Sighard and others.”

Nathaniel looks shocked whether it is because of what I am saying or the venom in my voice, I am unsure.

“I remember a man who kidnapped our Queen and when I went to rescue her. He ran at the mouth about how pathetic my family was trying to break me down before he attacked. I remember a man whose last words were _Maker spit on you. I deserved more!_ ” I continue almost shouting at this point. “So before you decide what I am or who deserved what. It might behoove you to get all the facts since you were away in the Free Marches for the last few years.”

Nathaniel looks surprised then defeated as he leans against the wall taking in my words for a moment before he speaks. “It is true, I’ve been away for some time. I’ve never known you to lie, Lady Cousland, but what proof do you have that my father did these things?”

“Perhaps you would like to see the rebuilding of Highever the pyre is still there from when I went back and gave my family proper death rights,” I say with no small amount of sarcasm, “You could speak to Bann Sighard or even Loghain for that matter as he is right here. If you had bothered to check around you would know Delilah is happily married and living in Amaranthine. She might be able to shed some insight as well.”

“Delilah is alive?” He asks equal parts astonished and delighted.

“Unlike your father, I don’t kill people who are innocent,” I say softly, “Your father and his greed put a series of events into place that ended in his death. That is not Delilah’s fault or yours. So I will ask you again, what are your intentions?”

“I came here…” He begins, “I thought I was going to kill you. To lay a trap for you. But then I realized I just wanted to claim some of my family’s things. It’s all I have left.”

“I don’t know what may be left, Nathaniel. Before I arrived, I had sent word for Delilah to take whatever she wanted,” I reply.

“I…think I would like to see her,” He says looking at the bars in front of him.

“A reasonable request,” I note gesturing to the guard, “I will let you go. Find out the truth, talk to people. Then if you still want speak to me do so. I will warn you however, if you do come back with idea of killing me you are welcome to try. I’m not the same little girl you grew up with.”

 

Nathaniel is gone by the time the Seneschal arrives.

“You mean you just let him go?” He asks incredulously, “He wanted to kill you.”

“Only because he just arrived back to Ferelden a month ago to find I killed his father,” I explain. “Nathaniel and Delilah are not to blame for what Howe himself did. He needs time to get informed. He is a childhood friend so I will give him the benefit of a doubt.”


	107. Oghren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felsi shows up at Vigil's Keep.

## Chapter 107 Oghren

 Dear Diary,

 I am on my way to speak to Oghren about Felsi when I am interrupted by none other than Felsi herself. “Where is he? I know he’s here. Cough him up Warden.” She demands angrily striding toward.

“Felsi, come with me I will bring him to you,” I reply. She is heavy with child and I can tell it’s wearing on her as she waddles along with me. The poor dear what possessed her to come here? I show her to a sitting room and make sure she sits on one of the more comfortable settees.  

“Would you like anything? Are you comfortable?” I offer politely. Her demeanor changes from angry to exhausted.

“I’m parched,” she admits, “and…thanks for asking, Warden.”

“I’ll send Oghren and get you something to drink,” I say turning toward the door.

I find Oghren in his room drunk. “Oghren get your hairy ass together. Felsi is here looking for you.”

“Why did that fool woman come here in her condition?” He blurts out.

“Probably because her idiot, baby’s father ran off to join the Wardens,” I retort. “Now you get to the sitting room and be nice to her. If you don’t you will have to deal with both of us!”

Oghren bows his head in defeat, “Fine, I’ll go talk to the angry bronto.”

I leave heading to the kitchen shaking my head at him. I quickly make some refreshing cold mint tea and return to the sitting room. I stop outside the room for a moment thinking it might be best not to interrupt.

“So what is this? A conjugal visit?” Oghren snickers, “Looking for Oghren to grease the old wheel?”

“Don’t lay a finger on me!” Felsi retorts angrily, “You’ve done a lot of stupid things on a whim, but joining the Wardens…”

Oghren laughs, “didn’t you say it would be…hot?”

“We were role-playing,” she says skeptically.

La-la-la-la, I didn’t hear that.

“Look, I didn’t sign up on a whim, all right,” Oghren says seriously, “You kicked me out.”

“You were just looking for an excuse,” Felsi shoots back.

“You kept trying to make me into something I’m not,” He says exasperated, “I can’t play house like you want me to. I’m only good at one thing, Fels, and it’s killing.”

I decide to wait before entering the room as seems they are really going to talk this out.

“You had a good thing in the army. They respected you,” Felsi says sadly.

Oghren sighs, “Felsi, I finally got the old conker on straight and I know I don’t belong anywhere but here.”

“Fine, Oghren, if that’s what you want. The baby and I will have to get by without you.” She replies curtly.

I knock on the door, “I have tea.”

Felsi is already rising from the settee. She accepts the glass gratefully and takes a sip before replying. “I’ll just get out of your hair.”

She walks toward the door and I have to stop her, “Felsi wait. At least stay here tonight and get some rest you look exhausted. I’ll have a room prepared for you. Just give me one second.”

Walking to the door I call the Seneschal, “Could you please have one of the vacant rooms set up for Felsi? Have one of the servants attend her. She should not travel in this exhausted state.”

“Of course,” the Seneschal replies entering the room looking at Felsi, “This way, ma’am.”

Once they are gone Oghren falls onto the settee with a sigh. “Aren’t you going to go after her?” I prod him.

“I’d just end up being hit,” He says shaking his head. “She’s a tiny thing but packs a surprising wallop and in this mood she’d go straight for my danglers.”

“You are both sodding fools,” I say exasperatedly. Oghren lifts an eyebrow at me curiously. “She tried to change you and you are willing walk away from a woman, who loves you, and your child. I lost my entire family and it wasn’t by choice. Both of you are being stupid and stubborn.”

“I’m not doing right by them am I?” He half admits half asks.

“No, not at all,” I answer honestly.

“That’s what I like about you, Warden,” Oghren says giving me a wry smile, “You’re honest. Like a sock to the gut. I think Felsi knows that I have issues setting down. I tried that once and….well you know how that turned out.”

“Felsi isn’t Branka, Oghren.” I point out, “I think it’s time you give her a fair chance.” He looks at me as if to object. “However, I also think she should not have tried to change you …well not so drastically.”

“I know Felsi will be fine but it’s the nugget that has me all torn up inside, Commander,” he admits, “Little one won’t understand.”

 “There is no reason you cannot be a part of both of their lives, if that is what you want.” I reply with a small smile.

“Well, I could visit once in a while and support her financially (once I am a warden). Maybe write some letters,” He says rubbing his jaw. “It’s the least I could do as a father.”

I nod at him, “that could work.” However as I leave I am shaking my head that is no way for a child to grow up.  I know I can’t fix the problems between Oghren and Felsi but there has got to be a better way than this


End file.
